so basically, chapter titles are based on the song that I'm listening to as soon as a start typing

-j
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sicheng and i hurriedly went back to my house, where mum was waiting. the moment she saw us, she ran towards where we were and kissed our foreheads like we were little kids

"I missed both of you! did you have a good time?" she asked

"sort of," I answered. the three of us went back inside the house.

a few hours later, I was lying on my huge bed while sicheng was on the floor, his back against the wall as he focused on playing a game on his phone

my head was in the clouds, thinking about the argument that happened earlier, and all the things sicheng told me. I'm kinda glad that we didn't grow awkward after that talk.

my phone started to ring and as soon as I picked it up, I saw soonyoung 's name pop up.

"hello?"

"minseul,"

"yes, soonyoung?"

"can you do me a favor?" he asked

"after what you did? you think I would do something for you?" I replied "I'm not as stupid as you think, hoshi,"

"it's not that,"

"you were rude. you really were," I frankly told him "what were you thinking? speaking to us like that? acting as if you didn't do anything wrong at all? as if you didn't hurt me before?"

"just listen to me!" he shouted "do me a favor and not talk to me until you realize your mistake!!!"

I fell silent in an instant, anger filling my heart. I jolted right up and sat on the bed, thinking about what he just said

"excuse me!?" I retorted

"this relationship isn't working out at all. we both need a break," his voice gave me chills as he spoke "goodbye,"

"but you didn't even-"

before I was even able to finish, he hung up. I literally threw my phone down the ground, startling sicheng. I messed my hair up in frustration and sighed.

my cousin sat down next to me and gave me a hug. that's when I started to cry, leaving my salted tears create oceans inside the room.

"he'll get back to you soon, minchu," I heard winwin say as he untangled his arms around me

"but I feel like everything I do is wrong because of how he acts! he acts as if he has a huge problem and I'm not even doing anything to help him fix it!"

"it's not your obligation," he replied "he has a brain, he's complete enough to manage his problems. you may be his other half but you're literally not a part of him,"

I cried a lot for hours. soonyoung didn't even explain why he wanted a break. he didn't even try to talk to me about it. he made a decision on our relationship without my consent, my opinions or thoughts.

as tears constantly fell from my eyes, sicheng stayed with me. I could hear him sigh as he kept thinking of what to do to cheer me up

"I'm sorry for causing all this trouble," I cried out

"you know," he started "even if they don't believe that we're cousins, even if they want you to go away from me, I'd still be here if you need someone to listen to you,"

"why would you do that?"

"because I listen more than I speak. and i'm not just your cousin, I'm a friend you can always count on,"

i moved close and gave him a tight hug. "thank you for staying with me. especially now that I need you more than ever,"

at that moment, his dog cheerfully ran inside the room and hopped on Sicheng's lap. the boy had a smile on his face as he played with the fluffy animal

"who's a good boy?? who's a good boy???" he cutely talked as he hugged the dog. I barely noticed that I was already smiling as I watched them.

"hey minseul," he called "you like puppies right?" he placed the fluffy dog on my lap and I played with it until it hopped off to run to the window and bark at the mailman.

so cute.

I found sicheng smiling at me before he moved closer and wiped his shirt sleeves under my eyes

"you look better when you're happy," he smiled "stop crying, minchu, before we both start drowning in the oceans you've made,"

we both chuckled at his statement.

"stop caring about people who don't care," he said "even the universe doesn't even care about us. don't let somebody hurt you so much. your mother waited to shape your little heart for nine months. you can't let that break in just a few seconds,"

before the day ended, I hesitated to message soonyoung. but I did anyway. I was surprised and actually got a little excited when he actually replied

___________
kwon sushi

hey-

-?

wyd?-

-nothing much

okay-

-okay

so-
goodnight?-

-night.

I love you...-

-ok

you probably hate me-
right now. i'm sorry, we
don't have to be like this
you know?

I guess we can talk this-
out. handle it maturely

soonyoung?-

kwon sushi went offline.

___________

my heart literally sunk as soon as he started to ignore me. I have been thinking about nothing but negativity, how we might end, how everything might just fall into pieces.

these days, it seems as if the only place he still loves me dearly is inside a photo album.

I can't help but thinking.

could we just rewind time, go back and pause at the moment where I went wrong?

I can't sleep without thinking.

I thought it was him and I against the world? but now it's him against i.

I am a little bit lost without soonyoung. and I thought I could handle it, but I really can't.

__________

kwon sushi
offline

I died for you this time-

but never again-

________________

sicheng is right, I will never let him hurt me this time.

_______________

kbyeilu

-j