"So students! I hope everyone enjoyed their holiday. All those who were on exchange, I hope you've adjusted back into the time zones!" The teacher said, subtly giving Felix a questioning glance.

Felix however didn't notice as he had his head on this desk, his head was pounding and coming back to school after a long holiday wasn't what he needed.

Saying that his life was hell ever since he left Korea would be an understatement. It had been 4 months and Felix just wanted to cry.

Just cry and scream into a room, breaking and ripping things apart.

Sleep was no longer an option and McDonald's had become his new best friend. He hadn't danced in weeks and just the mere thought of having track tomorrow made him that much more tired. Even his friends here had began to worry at his drastic change in behaviour.

He was broken.

He had never felt like a such a bad guy and so guilty before.

"Felix you need to pay attention man, Miss is gonna have your ass in detention on our first day back." Felix looked up at his friend and sighed, missing how Jisung had said a similar thing to him only months before.

He gently traced his eye, a small smile etched onto his face, the memories still vivid.

But of course, that memory led to another and all Felix could see was Changbin, sitting in a messy room crying his heart out.

The last time he had ever seen Changbin.

And never again would he.

Felix sat up abruptly, startling his teacher and nearby students. He rubbed his eyes forcefully and slapped his cheeks for good measure, "for fuck sake! Just kill me now!"

"Felix! I will not allow this sort of language. I'll see you at lunch. Bring your report." The teacher said fuming, they were going through the weekly slideshow everyone in the school had to go through on Mondays when Felix had shouted his profanity.

If Felix was phased by his teachers punishment, he didn't show it. He instead was staring confused at the current slide she was on.

'2019 exchange programme! 50 applicants!'

Felix continued to glare at the slide, as if the text would magically wipe away from the screen due to intimidation.

However before he could continue to question, the slide changed and the 'rules and respect' slide was shown.

It mentioned things such as, 'be nice', 'break the language barrier', 'be respectful of different cultures'.

A small, sad chuckle left Felix's lips, as he recalled his months in Korea. His cousin. The food. The music. The friends he had made.

Changbin.

Felix's head felt empty but full of memories.

"Right so I thought," the teacher said suddenly, apparently cheerful again as well, "for our new student who should be arriving today let's make them posters! Put whatever you want on them! Music artists, famous foods, places they should visit- anything! Papers at the front and- Rosè this is not a hairdresser put that brush away- Felix! Felix! Pay attention!"

However Felix was not paying attention, instead he was on the verge of tears because everything just hurt.

He had told some of his friends about what happened in Korea, and most of them told him he was just going through the infamous break up phase. That's everything will hurt and they'll  just miss every single thing about that person.

Very reassuring.

The next few minutes consisted of his friends circling around his table, or sitting on his table as they chat amongst themselves about everything but the actual work they had been set.

A sense of deja vu hit him, and he saw the ground beneath him sway.

"Mate if you're going to puke please do it in the direction of anywhere but me-"

"Shut up man, Felix just lay your head down, you look like you're going to pass out."

He didn't need to be told twice and his head hit the table so loud that his teacher dropped the box of pens.

"Felix! Come see me at break!"

He groaned, he hated everything right now.

But maybe not everyone.

Because how could he ever hate him.

He breathed in deeply, appreciating that his friends had become quieter, noticing his obvious distress.

"Good god Felix you're too cute for me." Changbin had said, his face way to close to mine, his cheeks lightly flushed and god his laugh.

"WE COULD WATCH THE MOVE OUR SELVES!" Our first accidental date, I can still feel the warmth of our shoulders pressed against one another and we cried our hearts out.

His laugh the day they finally confessed, his smile, just them being in eachothers arms, "was that your way of asking me to be your boyfriend?"

It hurt.

It hurt so much.

And he just hoped that Changbin wasn't in the same in the same pain.

"Felix! For god sake get up! The new students here!" He heard his friend whisper harshly near his ear.

Felix let out a breath he didn't realise he had kept in, but didn't raise his head.

Because he was crying.

He didn't want his teacher, his friends, his classmates or anyone wanting to know why- because he himself didn't even know why.

He said to himself he'd move on. He said to himself he would forget Korea. He constantly said he would forget him!

So why, why was he crying.

"Mate he looks really cool! He's wearing a hoodie under the uniform, shit man."

"-and he's got an undercut. I think his ears are pierced?"

He heard his heartbeat echo in his ears.

"Did...did he just bow?"

He felt his soul jump out and spin around his body but his head remained still on the table, his uneven breath hot against his arm.

"Um Felix he's like smiling at you- it's kinda creepy...wait fuck is he crying?"

"He's crying!"

Felix looked up, tears streaming down his face. His cheeks felt wet and damp and all in all be felt gross.

But there, at the front of the classroom. There he stood. His smile, his eyes, him.

With the brightest smile and wet eyes, looking straight into Felix's own he, said in what Felix thought was the most rehearsed and cutest English;

"Hi! I'm Seo Changbin. I'm from Korea and I'll be here for 6 months. I hope we'll all be happy together."

THE...END?

it's nearly midnight NIGHT YALL SORRY I MADE YOU SUFFER I REALLY LOVE YOU I PROMISE

+stray kids at nyc pride and Felix's rainbow headband bYE

26/06/18