Unlikely Alliance

"The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going." - George Carlin

James. James. James. James. James. James. James.

I kept repeating the name over and over in my head. No matter how many times I said it, I could not stop myself from wanting to use Potter instead. It was pure instinct backed with years of experience. Besides, boys who gave you a slimy, hopping frog on Valentine's Day when you were eleven because he thought it matched your eyes should always be known by their surname.

However, typical girlfriends did not follow my ideology. They called their boyfriends by their first name. They did not want to grimace in pain at the thought of spending time with their guy, especially when that included touching. Hell, most girlfriends even liked their boyfriend.

Maybe I just wasn't girlfriend material. I had to admit, I didn't exactly have a vault of experience. I had dated three boys in my life and none for very long. Tyler Shepherd and I were preschool lovers. Then, one day, a boy from the class gave him an action figure, and he no longer wanted to hold my sticky, peanut butter-covered hand. I got over the heartbreak with time as I attempted to heal the wounds of first love. Eventually I managed to move on to David Price in the third grade. He might have been able to run faster than anyone else in my entire class, but he didn't even talk to me after we agreed to be together. It was distressing to my already bruised heart, and I decided that he was too "icky" for me. From then on, I vowed not to date.

Then, of course, I got my letter, learned that all the weird things I could do – like float couches and send pencils zooming towards Petunia's face – were actually magic, lost my relationship with my sister indefinitely, and changed my address. At first, I only concentrated on my studies. I was hell-bent on proving to Tuney that I was a good witch. However, as my hormones kicked in, I decided to give boys and their gross germs another chance. Plus, I would be dating a magic boy. I naively convinced myself into thinking that things would be different that time.

Xavier Finn was a sophisticated Sixth Year Ravenclaw, and I was just a measly little Fourth Year at the time. He was a Prefect with wavy blonde hair and adorable dimples. I pined for him for nearly three months in secret before finally I got the chance to talk to him. He asked me if I could move my bag so that he could sit at my table in the library because everywhere else was full, and I nodded. I thought it was the single, most romantic question in the whole world. Merlin, I was stupid.

A few weeks later, we had a sort of routine down. He would sit next to me, and I would pretend to do assignments I had already completed as I snuck peeks at him. Finally, he asked me to go to Hogsmeade with him. I was so blown away that he asked me out, I blabbered out a "yes" before he could even finish the question. Then, feeling confident with his obvious prowess, his lips met mine, and I experienced my very awkward first kiss. I did not know what to do with my hands, I couldn't remember what I had just eaten for dinner and whether or not my mouth would taste bad, and I pulled away as fast as I could when I felt his tongue at the base of my lips. To make matters worse, I was so petrified that I never even closed my eyes throughout the entire transaction – two seconds of pure agony. I just stared at him while he suctioned my mouth with a constipated look on his face until he pulled away. Needless to say, we did not survive long as a couple. About a week after the trip to Hogsmeade, he was in the Hospital Wing after a supposed mysterious punching potted plant ruined his generic good looks. He always flinched when he saw the Marauders and changed directions if he got in a five foot radius from Potter.

Damn!

James. It shouldn't be so hard to remember. After all, when he kissed me, I didn't have any trouble closing my eyes.

No! I shouldn't think about that. Those were bad, very awful, wrong, gross thoughts. Bad, Lily. Stop thinking about Potter!

James. James. James. James. James. James. James.

And that was the beginning of day two.

I was still repeating my mantra as I slipped into some jean shorts and a t-shirt after my shower. I made sure I was fully presentable before walking down the stairs to the kitchen. I did not want another repeat of yesterday's fiasco.

"Good morning, Lily," my mum greeted me cheerfully.

I looked around the kitchen. No Potter. Crap, no James. Ugh! Who cared about names? At least he wasn't here!

"Hi, Mum!" I greeted her enthusiastically.

"Oh, she's up finally," I heard an all too familiar voice call.

I grimaced slightly as I turned around to see my fake boyfriend in his white t-shirt and cotton drawstring pajama pants that hung too low on his hips for me to not have lusty, wrong thoughts. He brandished a bottle of orange juice like a trophy.

"I found some more juice in the garage, Mrs. Evans," he told my mum sweetly. "Wouldn't want Lily to miss out on nutrients," he added as he walked closer to greet me. He wrapped his arms around me before I could protest and then embraced me in a short hug. As he pulled back, his mouth lingered a tad too long on the base of my neck. He smiled at me and kissed me quickly on the lips.

I made a mental note to buy more minty toothpaste for myself.

"Morning, sleepyhead," he greeted me with a smile.

"Hi, Po-James," I corrected myself quickly.

My mum laughed at my mistake. "What is that, Lily, some sort of pet name?"

I grinned toothily. That might actually be interesting. "Yep," I answered her enthusiastically. "James and I have all sorts of nicknames for each other, right, honeycakes?"

"Sure, sugarlips," he replied wickedly.

"Pookie," I countered.

"Pumpkin," he retorted quickly.

"Stud muffin," I answered.

"Sweet cheeks," he challenged me with a wink.

"Jamesiekins," I fired back.

"Love," was his reply as he wrapped his arms around my waist.

Sometimes, when I fought or argued with James Potter, it was really fun. I loved battling wits. It was always interesting, and I never grew tired of it. Plus, Potter, no, James was a decent combatant. He could come up with a retort, and what he lacked in cleverness he made up for in inappropriate physical contact, as the hand creeping towards my lower back could now attest. I forced a smile at him while I pinched his arm. He jumped slightly, and I had to bite back my laughter. Thankfully, Mum was examining the freezer's contents, and she didn't notice anything besides our feigned flirty banter. She sighed loudly and then pulled her head out.

"Looks like I'm going to have to go to the grocery store again," she commented halfheartedly. "I feel like I'm always there. I might as well just rent a room. I wonder if they'd put me in the produce section."

I sighed loudly. "Sorry, Mum. I think you need to work your way up to the fruits and veggies. You probably have to start in the paper products aisle."

"Well, there goes my plan in life. I'll guess I'll just have to keep being married and raising daughters," she huffed dramatically.

"Oh, the horror," I replied back tonelessly.

"James, would you think I was a dreadful mother if I decided to be lazy today and skip cooking? I was thinking about just ordering pizza."

P-p-p-James laughed and smiled fondly at her. "Trust me, Mrs. Evans; eating at your house is like being spoiled. I haven't been this well-fed in awhile. Neither of my parents are very domestic, and I doubt even the house-elves at Hogwarts could make steak like you do. You deserve a night off."

I rolled my eyes. We didn't he just start kissing her feet? Oh, maybe because his lips were still attached to her –

"Lily?"

I blinked. "Umm, yeah, sure, Mum. That's fine," I answered her vaguely.

"Great. That way you and James will have something to do tomorrow when your father and I go visit his sister."

I nodded as I pretended I knew what she was talking about. I had all but perfected the art of looking like I was paying attention while really spacing out. Professor Slughorn never knew the difference. Unfortunately, that subtle art also lead to many invitations to his infamous Slug Club gatherings. In contrast, Pott-James didn't seem to be paying attention to her either. He was too busy looking at me. His smirk told me that he knew I wasn't really listening. Stupid fake boyfriend who knew me too well.

"So I guess we'll all just stay home today," my mum continued.

I looked up at her and finally paid attention. I could stay home? Merlin, you did love me! Ahh, I could already picture it. I would finally be able to sit on my bed all day long without anyone bothering me or telling me I was being lazy or trying to get something from me. I could finish that interesting Charms book I had started last week and maybe even take an inventory on what I needed for school next year. It would just be me, my room, and Callie. Oh, I needed to clean her cage...

"I'll have Petunia bring Vernon over today. I don't want you and James home alone all day without anything to do."

Damn it all. Of course my mum would decide not to let me have my one day of vegetation because she was afraid to leave me alone with my boyfriend in case we had sex. Not going to happen, Mum! I'm not letting anything of Potter's anywhere near anything of mine. Potter's pants are staying zipped. Crap! James's pants. Merlin, Lily, stop looking at his pants!

I hastily diverted my gaze as my face burned. Potte-James smirked at me and rocked back on his heels self-importantly. Git.

I tried to compose my face. Sure, I was bloody disappointed as hell, but I didn't want my mum to know that. She might think it was because of the lack of alone time with my boyfriend – in a sex way. Vomit.

"Okay," I agreed with a sigh. I might as well just have waved a white flag in the air because, Merlin, this was defeat.

My mum stared at me with a look of bewilderment on her face.

"What?" I asked self-consciously.

"Nothing, really," she replied with a sigh. "It's just the usually you throw a tantrum if I even mentioned you spending time with your sister for more than five minutes."

Of course! In my major freak out about gonad interaction between myself and the buzzkill next to me, I completely forgot that I despised my sister. All of this deceit was really starting to take a toll on my inner psyche. How I wish I could be lounging in my bed with Hestia right now...

"Yeah," I heard myself offer unconvincingly. "Petunia and Vernon are just really great to hang out with. I love it." I fidgeted with my hands after I added the last bit. My tone was so disgusted that no one would ever even need to think about using Veritaserum on me.

Mum, however, was so happy to hear that Petunia and I were ready to sing kum-bay-yah together and braid each other's hair till dawn as we discussed the alleged sex we may or may definitely not be having with our varying level of significance in our others that she didn't seem too suspicious of my lackluster performance. With a few last words and a rushed good bye, she hurried out the door for some sort of errand that I couldn't even remember.

Potter, no, James turned to me when we both were sure she was gone and started snickering. He leaned over a kitchen chair, and I got a pretty good view of the chest I had seen yesterday through the collar of his blue shirt. Mentally, I tried to imagine the skin even further down, and then I gulped. I shook my head and directed my attention back to his always smirking face.

"I'm not sure if I should cry or applaud. That was either the worse attempt at acting ever or the most undisguised sarcasm I've ever seen. Tell me, Lily, how deep does your sacred relationship with Petty and Vermin go?"

I, in a completely conscious effort to put more space between us now that there was no one to fool, sank down into a chair and let my head bang down onto the kitchen table. I groaned and then gazed back up at his amused expression. "How much do I have to pay you to forget that statement?" I asked him despairingly.

He scoffed as he tossed me a crooked smile that might or might not have been very attractive. "You don't have enough galleons."

"Ugh," I complained loudly.

Pot-t-t-James chuckled quietly to himself. "Here, I'll make you a deal. I'll make myself scarce for a couple of hours so you can do whatever, and then I'll be back to act as a buffer between you and the couple from hell."

I smiled widely. It was the first time I had truly appreciated someone's behavior in a few days. What was more surprising, however, was that the person making me smile was the same boy who had once stolen a pair of my knickers and then showed it to all of his friends.

Potte – no, James was surprised by my reaction. Scratch that. That was an understatement. He was completely nonplussed. I swear to Merlin that his hand flew to his mop of hair just to make sure it was still there. "Am I mistaken, or did I actually do something right?" he asked me.

I rolled my eyes. "There has to be a first time for everything, Po-James," I rejoined.

"Go hide in your room and fiddle with your James Potter voodoo doll. I'll see you later, love."

After reminding him that under no circumstances was he ever allowed to call me love unless he enjoyed castration, which, in his case, probably wouldn't be that painful considering there was not much to do, I did exactly what he told me to do. However, I didn't have an actual voodoo doll of him. Maybe I could ask Hestia to make one for me for Christmas.

Anyways, after listening to my newest muggle record while sorting through my closet and realizing I had much too many shoes to fit comfortably in their allotted space, I passed out on my bed. It was glorious.

The waking up part, that was always the part that was less fun. If sleeping were having sex, waking up would mean that you were pregnant with nine months of uncontrollable emotions and having to pee every five minutes to look forward to. Merlin, I disliked being a girl.

"Lily, get up, your sister's here."

"No," I wailed as I contorted my body to avoid the noise.

"Lily, please, love, you have to get up. Your sister's boyfriend might try to eat me," the voice continued with a light chuckle at the end. I knew that voice. Potter. Damn, I was too tired to remember to be his girlfriend.

"Go away," I told him.

"Come on, love," he coaxed as he brushed his thumb against my cheek softly.

"Why are you even here?" I moaned grumpily.

"I'm pretending to be your boyfriend," he whispered to me obviously.

"No," I groaned as I twisted and turned to avoid him as I smacked his hands away from me. "Why don't you just go home to your own house or to one of your bloody Marauders?"

His hands stopped pestering me, and he was quiet for a moment as if he was thinking about something very important.

"Lily," he said with a bit of forced laughter. "If you don't wake up right now, I'm going to look through your stuff, and you won't be able to stop me from seeing anything personal and private and potentially embarrassing," he threatened.

I opened my eyes and jumped off my bed. I now felt completely energized. P – James was leaning against my bed with amusement splashed on his face. I narrowed my eyes.

"It's a shame you got up so quickly. I was hoping you keep a diary somewhere," said Pot-t-t-James, back to his normal self, as his eyes roamed my room.

Thank Merlin I had been straightening it, up and I had already done my laundry. I didn't know what I'd do if James Potter saw my bra again.

"Dear Diary," he continued in a high-pitched girly voice. "Today I received twenty O's on every assignment, and I was asked out by Potter five more times than that. I said no, of course. But only to prove to everyone that I don't like him when really I'm madly in love with him and his godlike physique."

"Was that supposed to be me?" I asked him in a horrified voice as I sat back down on my bed.

"So it sounds familiar?" he replied with a crooked grin. He sat down next to me, and I scooted over to avoid him.

I crossed my arms firmly and rolled my eyes. "In your sick, perverted dreams, Potter."

"Oh," he assured me as he fiddled with the pillow from my bed. "We usually don't sit around reading in my subconscious," he finished with a wicked smirk. Merlin, he sent me that knee-jerking smirk a lot. Either he had a smiling problem, it was a nervous habit, or he just had a sick, sick mind. Hell, it was probably a mix of all three. Gah, stop smiling at me Potter, er James!

I was too disgusted to even dignify that with a response. "My sister's here?" I asked as I grabbed my pillow from him and placed it back in its spot on my bed.

"Yes, she and Vermin are here. Shall we go face our inevitable doom?" he asked as he offered me his hand.

What would James's girlfriend do? I sighed and grabbed his hand. "Well, I can't exactly stay in bed all day with you," I answered. Immediately, I realized the implication of my words, and my face turned bright red. Way to go, Lily.

"Damn," I heard him say quietly as he looked back at me wistfully.

I resisted the urge to squirm underneath his gaze. It was a very brief moment, but I felt like it was longer. Nevertheless, he composed himself and escorted me out of my room. When we reached the kitchen, Petunia and Vernon were already there.

"Let's have some fun," P-p-p-James hissed in my ear.

Ugh. I knew that look. The last time his eyes bore that much mischief, the entire Great Hall had been covered with green, unvanishable goo. Apparently, it was meant to symbolize something negative about the Slytherins after they beat Gryffindor in a Quidditch match. Thank Merlin we had beat them in the Final. I could hardly imagine what the Marauders would have done then.

Obviously, Potter's expression did not make me want to skip around in circles and attempt to sing. I sighed tiredly and vaguely wondered if karma had anything to do with this. I followed Potter-er-er-James's gaze, which was directed towards Vermin. Well, as long as I was thinking about karma...

"Fine," I hissed into Potter's, crap, James's ear. "We just can't physically hurt him."

His grin widened. "Really, Lily?" he whispered into my ear as he traced my hand with his thumb. "What do you take me for, an amateur? I'm much more creative than that," he said before winking coyly at me. Then he kissed me quickly because there were people around, and he knew I couldn't do anything about it.

Bloody git.

It felt weird that I was agreeing to do something willingly with Potter. Still, we were joining together for one singular purpose: to annoy my sister. Surely, there could not be anything wrong with that?

"So, Vinod," began Po-James loudly.

"Vernon," Vernon corrected him with a grunt. He looked positively ordinary today. His dark hair was parted perfectly, and his face was ruddy with ancient disapproval.

"Ahh, my mistake," apologized Pott-James with a careless tone. His suaveness reminded me of when he would purposefully hex someone and then try to flirt with Professor McGonagall to weasel his way out of detention. "It must have slipped my mind. That's weird, isn't it, love? Because you're always speaking so highly of Vernon. You even have a nickname for him, don't you, Lily?"

I silently cursed whatever god created seventeen-year-old boys. I jabbed Potter in the gut and nonverbally tried to get him to shut up. Looking at Petunia, who seemed like she was about to swallow her tongue, I noticed she was trying to do the same thing. I know, Tuney, Potter ruined my life too. It just so happened that my devastation happened daily. Ahh, hell. Why couldn't I remember to call him James? What would James's girlfriend do? What would James's girlfriend do?

I chuckled lightly. "Yes, sometimes I call you, uh.." I trailed off. Come on, Lily, think! "Driller," I invented miraculously. "Because you work with drills."

Po-po-James stared at me in incredulity. Then, it hit me. Oh, Merlin. That was so wrong. Tell me I did not just call him that. That was disturbing on so many levels. Why hadn't I just called him Humper or Sir-Screws-A-Lot?

P—James cleared his throat, and I could hear the laughter he was barely able to restrain. "So, V-Man, how long have you had a mustache for?"

Vernon's face turned the oddest color of puce, and Petunia looked like she was contemplating a double murder. If she wasn't Petunia, I might have felt bad for her.

Vernon, whose actual first name I could apparently remember to use, grunted back some sort of response in a very dignified, self-important sort of way. Merlin, it was just a bit of facial hair. You'd think he had found a panacea above his upper lip.

"I thought about growing one," replied Po-James back. I looked at him and rolled my eyes. I doubted he even had enough testosterone to grow one. "But wizards are more inclined to beards. I guess mustaches are more of a muggle thing."

"Muggle?" echoed Vernon, offended.

"Oh, right. I guess you're not up on the terminology. Muggle means that you're not magical," Potte-James informed him.

"No, I'm ruddy not," Vernon assured him defiantly.

"Ahh, that's okay, mate. I'm sure drills are fun too," Potte-James replied. His tone seemed politely indifferent, but I could tell he was getting way too much amusement out of this by the way his eyes sparkled behind his glasses.

"Vernon does very well for himself," Petunia announced haughtily. "Just recently he was promoted to Assistant Manager. In just a few years he'll probably have his own corner office."

Merlin, everything's a competition with my sister. She needed to have the prettiest clothes and the nicest hair and the most popular friends. Hell, now she was even trying to have the better boyfriend. I mean, Pott-James might be as annoying, but at least he was better than Vermin.

"That's great, Tuney," I commented dully. Then, I smiled warmly at Po-James, and he wrapped his arms around me and kissed my temple. I fought the urge to grimace. What would James's girlfriend do? Oooh! "Did you know that James once transfigured a bloke into a tea cozy? It was very impressive. I bet he'd even give both of you a demonstration. What's the incantation?" I asked as I turned to Po-James. "Oh, that's right," I continued, not waiting for him to respond. "Bibidi-bopidi-boo."

Potter looked at me like I was insane. I smiled at him to make him go along with it. Petunia didn't know anything about magic at all, so it was better to play off the fairytales of when we were little. That way, she would more frightened than if I had actually said a legitimate incantation.

"Lily," Petunia threatened slowly.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Tuney. I forgot. You don't really like magic, do you?"

Okay, I was being petty and sinking to her level. It was wrong. It was juvenile. But, damn, did it feel good.

Petunia smiled in that creepy way of hers. It was a stomach-churning grimace in which she looked like she was trying to kill you with many tiny, pointy, hot daggers as she flashed her bleached white teeth at me. She grabbed my arm and dug her nails into my skin.

"Ouch!" I yelped as she broke skin.

"Excuse us for a second," Petunia said in a quasi-calm voice that reminded me of every horror film I'd ever seen.

I attempted to fight her off, but her ridiculous upper body strength escorted me roughly to the bathroom until she shut the door behind us.

"What do you think you're doing?" she demanded.

"Umm, I'm not sure," I said honestly and with a bit of glibness, too. "Do you have to pee, or something? Because if that's the case, I'd like to be elsewhere."

"You know what this is about, so don't even play dumb with me, Lily," Petunia said as she waved her perfectly manicured finger in my face. "You know that I hate it when you talk about unnatural stuff. Why do you have to parade it in front of my boyfriend, too? You'll scare him away. He's going to make something of himself. He'll take care of me, unlike your little freak show. Why can't you just be happy for me instead of trying to drive him away? Can't you see that I'd rather be with him than associate myself with freaks like you?"

I willed away the moisture in my eyes. "Are you even listening to yourself, Tuney? How can you say stuff like that to me? I'm your sister!"

She sniffed in my direction. "Yeah, well, you can't choose your family."

I slammed my hands against the sink of the bathroom. "Apparently," I rejoined.

"Don't make me seem like the bad guy, Lily. You've always been jealous of me. That's why you brought your boyfriend over in the first place. You just want to use James to show up Vernon. Well, it's not going to work."

"Yeah, because Vermin's a real upstanding gentleman! At least James actually cares enough about me to tolerate my family."

"I knew you called him that behind my back!" Petunia accused.

"Well, at least that's better than calling someone a freak to their face," I told her angrily.

"Well, it's the truth," she said firmly.

"You know what, Petunia?" I replied back loudly. "If my existence bothers you so much maybe you should just go marry Vernon Dursley. That way you can forget you were even related to me at all!"

I opened the door, walked out of the bathroom, and then slammed it shut. Then, I stormed back into the kitchen, yanked open the freezer, grabbed the first fattening thing I could find, grabbed Potter by the collar of his shirt, and headed outside, leaving Vernon and Petunia staring after me.

"Merlin, I can't stand her!" I fumed as I paced back and forth on the porch. "She makes me so angry. Why is she so obsessed with what everyone else thinks? You know, if a fashion magazine said that magic was trendy, she'd come crawling back to me in a heartbeat. Not that I need her anyway. I don't like her. She doesn't want me, well, then I don't want her either. I don't need her. She was never a good big sister. I always had to be the responsible one. She never wanted anything to do with me. Merlin, she's impossible!"

"Breathe, Lily," Potter, ahh, crap, James urged me.

"And, I'll tell you one more thing. I am not apologizing to her. I didn't do anything wrong."

"Sure you didn't," he assured me soothingly as he grabbed my shoulders and forced me down onto a bench next to him.

"I can't believe I'm even related to her. I'm much more even-tempered and tolerant than she is."

Potter—James chuckled quietly to himself.

"What?" I asked.

"Nothing," he assured me lightly. He smiled at me as he moved my hair, which had fallen all over my face as I threw my tantrum, behind my ear. "You know, girls are so bloody complicated, especially Evans women. When blokes want to one-up each other, they just compare the size of their wands."

I laughed loudly as I began to calm down against my will. His hand rubbing circles on my bare shoulder didn't help me stay angry.

"I'm serious," Pot-James continued. "Whenever one of my mates and I get into an argument, I just whip out my eleven inches of mahogany." He winked at me as he brandished his wand and sent out a bunch of red sparks while smirking roguishly at me.

"You're ridiculous," I told him as I began to laugh hysterically against my better judgment.

"Do you want to hear something even more absurd?" he whispered in my ear as he put his wand back into the pocket of his jeans.

"What?" I volunteered.

"Vermin doesn't even have a wand," he replied back with delight.

I started giggling like mad with him as we broke out into hysterics. Hugging his side, Potter, um, James handed me a fudgesicle from the box I had blindly picked out. Graciously, I accepted the dessert and opened the wrapper. I reveled in the delicious chocolate goodness.

"Mmm," I voiced. "I haven't eaten these since Petunia and I were kids."

"Would you two spend the summers together?" he asked me as he reached for his own fudgesicle.

"She was my best friend," I told him sadly. "We used to spend all of the summer together putting on plays. She always got to be the pretty princess, and I had to be the frog or the witch or the evil stepsister. Obviously, we fought all the time, of course. It wasn't like it is now, though. It was just us being normal." I laughed humorlessly when I said the word. "I don't think there are any sisters in the world who don't fight."

"Especially when they are Evans women," Potter, no, James added.

I laughed. "Yes, especially then," I agreed.

"And now you two fight about much more complex issues," he said intuitively. It wasn't a question.

"Yes," I answered him. "The walls in my house are thin, aren't they?"

"Yes," he admitted sheepishly. "Thanks for defending my honor," Potter—James thanked me with a teasing tone.

I shrugged. "What would James's girlfriend do?"

"Aha!" he exclaimed. "I knew it'd work."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," I grumbled. "You came up with something smart for once."

"Once?" he questioned in mock outrage. "I don't know if you were visiting China before, but I thought I got a couple of pretty good jabs at Vermin before."

"Oh, Merlin," I choked out through fits of laughter. "I didn't know what was going to happen first: Petunia's head exploding or Vernon ripping off his mustache."

"My money's on the V-man," Po-James told me with an obvious effort to seem serious.

I laughed as I worked on my fudgesicle. Ahh, they really were amazing. I licked the side of it to stop the chocolate from running down onto my fingers.

"Ahh," groaned Potte-James as he shut his eyes. He sounded like he was in pain.

"What's the matter?"

"Could you stop with the fudgesicle for a bit, Lily? You're making things hard for me."

"Oh," I said simply. Then I realized what you meant. "Oh!" I exclaimed with wide eyes. "Gross!" I shrieked as I smacked him in the arm.

"You're the one slurping away over there."

"It's a fudgesicle," I told him stubbornly.

"Looks like mahogany to me," he replied with an impious grin.

I slapped my forehead in disgust. "You have just ruined one of my childhood memories," I told him. I wanted to sound furious, but sadly, I sounded rather amused.

"Sorry, love," he apologized as he leaned over to kiss my cheek. "You've just ruined all forms of popsicles for me forever. Probably even bananas and sausages, too."

"Well, you deserve it," I told him.

He laughed and pulled me closer to him. I rolled my eyes. Bloody, hormonal git.

"Pizza!" I heard my mum's voice call.

Pott-James jumped up to his feet with an eagerness that made me want to laugh. He grabbed my hand to pull me up to my feet and then we walked inside together.

"Quick," I hissed in his ear as we made our way to the kitchen. "Is there any way you can ruin pizza with your sick mind?"

Potter, the boy also known as James, fluffed my hair with his fingers. "Give me ten minutes," he replied.

After dinner had been cleared, I was still safe to eat pizza again. However, pepperoni and all thoughts of it and its counterpart, sausage, were forevermore off the menu.

Dinner had been quite an affair tonight. It's odd how a family can ignore so much obvious tension with small talk. My parents chatted about the new shopping center opening across town, Vernon and Pot-James seemed to have had a "who could eat more pizza contest," which, surprisingly, James won, and Petunia tried her very, very best to ignore my presence from across the table. However, when she didn't complain about the trans fat or remember to wipe down her pizza meticulously with a napkin before cutting it into exactly five centimeter squares, I knew she was inwardly fuming. And because I would never lie, that fact made me all sorts of happy.

My dad came over to hug me before I went to bad.

"Night, Lils," he said warmly as he leaned down to kiss the top of my head.

"Night, daddy," I replied back with a smile.

He fidgeted before he released me from his embrace.

"Lils, there's nothing wrong with you and Petunia, is there? You two seemed angry at dinner."

Perceptive old Dad.

"Just the usual," I told him with a shrug.

"Ahh, sisters," he said as he shook his head. "I only see mine a few times a year, and it's about enough to drive me insane."

I laughed. "How was Aunt Charlotte today?"

Dad rolled his eyes. "At least we weren't competing over who had the better boyfriend," he told me with a laugh.

"Daddy!" I exclaimed.

He laughed fully. "Sorry, Lils. I'm sure that's not what's going on." He paused to gauge my reaction. "Still, would you take it easy on your old man and just go back to playing with dolls like when you were younger? I don't think my fatherly nerves can take much more."

I smiled sadly. "You know you're still my best guy," I told him sincerely.

He smiled back and kissed my forehead. "That's good to hear, baby girl. Sweet dreams, Lils," he said.

"Night, daddy," I replied before retiring to my room.

I lay in my bed for a while until it was time to go meet Po-t-t-James outside for our usual midnight meeting.

"Okay," I asked slowly. "Let me clarify this one more time. You, James Potter, collect spoons?"

His face turned bright red that was oddly distorted by the moonlight. "Well, you collect unicorn figurines!" he rejoined defensively.

"How'd you know that?" I asked suspiciously.

"They're all over your room," he stated obviously. "And I don't collect spoons. I buy them for my mum. She keeps a decorative case of spoons from all the places she's visited."

"Your mum?" I asked. "What—"

"You never told me what your parents do, Lily," he cut me off hastily. "I've spent nearly three full days here, and I still don't know much about them."

"Well," I said. "Dad works as an engineer. Basically, he designs and invents things for a living."

"That sounds interesting," Potter said.

"Yeah," I agreed. "Most of the time he's just fiddling in his office and sneaking phone calls to my mum. They're hopelessly in love," I said, rolling my eyes.

"And does your Mum appreciate all the phone calls?"

"In the summer, I think she does enjoy them. She teaches second grade at the local grammar school, so she gets pretty bored without her little kids running around."

"Ahh, I wish I could have hung out with more little kids."

"You would have the same maturity level," I reminded him.

He stuck his tongue out at me and then ruffled his hair. "No, I just missed out on a lot. I never really talked to kids my age until I went to Hogwarts. I don't have any siblings."

"I assure you, they're not all they're cracked up to be."

He laughed. "It seems like a dodged a hex."

"Especially in Petunia's case," I murmured.

"You complain, Lily, but I know you love her," he told me.

"Yeah, yeah," I replied back unenthusiastically. "Now, you haven't really told me anything about your family. Don't your parents miss you? I can barely even imagine what my parents would do if I just picked up and left for three days. I think my dad would have called the Navy by this point. Don't they care that you're here? What about your friends?"

Potte-James stopped swinging and turned to face me. He took a deep breath and distracted himself by messing up his hair. "My parents are aurors, Lily. My mum and dad met in Hogwarts, and they've been together since their Sixth Year. Ever since I was little, they've had to leave for months at a time to go on secret missions. Times are getting darker, and they were commissioned to leave again a few days ago," he paused as he looked down at the ground underneath his swing. He cleared his throat before continuing. "I don't like it when they leave. It's pretty unbearable actually. I'm always wondering if they'll return in the same condition as before or even at all. It's horrible. I hate it."

"Why don't you go live with your grandparents for a while?"

He smiled poignantly. "My parents are older. Their parents died when I was only a toddler."

"Then your friends' houses?" I suggested.

"Sirius has been really busy with his own familial issues," he said in a guarded voice as he shifted his weight uncomfortably. "Peter is touring France, and Remus isn't usually in a position to have guests over the summer. I needed to distract myself and to have fun. So I came to visit the only other person who I wanted to see."

"You came to see me," I realized.

"Yeah, that's why I'm here, Lily," he validated. "I came to see you."

His hazel eyes peered into mine with an intense smoldering. There were so many unspoken questions that I wanted answers to, but I knew he wouldn't answer them tonight.

"Of course," he continued as he hopped up from his seat. "This trip had the unexpected bonus of being upgraded from prick to boyfriend."

I jumped off of my swing too and chortled quietly as I followed him towards the house. "Always the optimist, James."

He stopped mid-step, and his face shattered into the most glorious smile.

"You remembered to call me James!" he congratulated as he hugged me tightly and lifted me off the ground.

I smiled back. "I guess I did."

Story credits to Molly Raesly