TW: Mention of Suicide

Michaels POV

I wake up from the loud arguing downstairs, like every morning.
A few months ago everything was fine.
I had my best friend Jeremy, my intact family and a home.
This house isn't a home anymore, it's a wormhole sucking away every piece of happiness that was left.

After Jeremy took this stupid pill everything went down hill. It wasn't his fault though. He wanted to be happy, who can blame him?

The night I went to the play to save him, my dad caught my mom cheating on him. Originally my dad had to work till late in the night, but the school called him after all those things happened so he bring me back home. And so we entered a house filled with moans of my mom and her boss.

She says it's my fault, if I hadn't 'caused trouble' at school, he would have never found out and we would still be a family. That's what she said and she is right. I keep messing things up.

Slowly I stand up, my head is aching from crying myself to sleep. I don't bother looking at the mirror. My bags probably got worse and my eyes redder. I feel tired and surely look like that. I haven't felt good in what feels like ages.

When I enter the kitchen silence erupts. My parents stopped fighting, some might think they don't want to do it in front of me, but I know better. I'm the enemy.
I am the one that both loathe. No matter how much they hate each other, they would always back up against me.
Cause it's my fault.

I don't bother greeting them nor eating. My eyes to the ground I run through the room to my backpack and leave to the front door. My stomach growls demanding food, but I could care less. I won't go back in there.

I often wonder why they still allow me to live there. They didn't divorced yet, because they can't decide where I should go, they know that no matter who gets me, the youth welfare office would keep their eyes on me. And then they would have to pretend they actually cared, when in real life they would pick the cat over me at any time. 

Even though I haven't had enough sleep my feet walk me to school in no time leading me from one wormhole to another. Just at the locker something cruel happens right in front of my eyes. Well... just cruel to me...
Jeremy, my best friend, stands there kissing his girlfriend lovingly.

To understand what exactly should be cruel about that scene, it should be noted that Jeremy isn't just my best friend since ever, but also my longtime crush. When we were younger we only had each other. We shared interests and secrets, when the one was going through something the other was all time ready to help. But things change...

Jeremy has other friends now and a girlfriend... We hardly see each other anymore. I saved him from this stupid thing in his head and yet all he could thing about as soon as he recovered was her. And he actually managed it... He had her... So there his time now had better use than hanging around with me. He had a Christine to make out with or he met with the cool kids, his new friends...

He needed me when he had nobody, that's over now... I never even had a chance to tell him about what was going on at home. My thoughts get interrupted by a cheerful voice to my left. 

"What'th going on, headphoneth?"

The small boy that just entered the front door walks up to me.

"Hey, Rich" I give him a small smile.

Rich was the only one that changed his behavior after the incident. Ofter than the others he never treated me bad on his own behalf. Jake, Chloe, Brooke, yeah even Jeremy weren't under the control of any Squip, when they treated me like shit, Rich was and since he got rip of that evil thing he was actually a nice guy and I dare to say... a friend.

"Wath jutht looking for Jakey. Have you theen him?"

But he also had other friends... better friends... cool friends.

"No, sorry. Hope you find him!" I answer, at this point I just want to be by myself again.

"Okay. I thhould look at the cafeteria maybe. Oh and you thhould probably head home, man! You look awful!" He laughs and pats my back as he walked by heading in a different direction.

"I guess..." I mumble under my breath so nobody heard me. Feeling even worse than before I head to class. I keep asking myself why I can't just go numb already. After feeling this pain for so long I am surprised that this isn't the case yet.

The day went by slowly. I was alone the whole time, no one bothered to fake interest in me. Instead going back to the hellhole I woke up in. I decide to take walk in the orchard. It was a dark place, not many people visit it since that boy killed himself there months ago. I can't help but think about him. I once saw a picture of him, probably on the news, he had long hair, he was pale and he had big bags and sad eyes. He looked pitiful and yet reminded me of myself. Had no one noticed how hurt he looked, how done with life?
And then I remember that actually no one cares...

All the pain he must have been going through and the courage that it took to end everything. I couldn't do it, I am to much of a coward for that.

After a while my phone vibrates. I received a message. Shocked I stop walking. Someone texted ME?

I grab me phone and read:

Jeremy: Michaelllllll
Jeremy: help me
Jeremy: i need you

My heartbeat increases. Jeremy needs help! And he asked for me!
As if the messages filled me with life again I run. And I don't stop till I stand in front of the Heere household. Banging on the door I wait till Mr. Heere opens it. "Oh Michael! Thank god! Jere, is in his room crying and won't tell me what's up. I thought that maybe you two had fought since I didn't saw you for so long!" I smile at him politely, but I am not able to lie any further: "I don't think that I am important enough to hurt him like that!" I say and let the surprised man behind as I jump up the stairs to his room.

I lightly knock at the door first and then enter with caution, I don't want him to be surprised and throw anything at me, like he always did when he was smaller.

"Go away!" His voice is meant to sound harsh, but the sobs make this practically impossible. He sits on the ground in the middle of the room cuddled into a blanket surrounded by used hankies and empty beer bottles. I am surprised. He got drunk? What could have brought him in that state?

"It's me!" He slowly turns to me so I can see his eyes which are red from all the tears. His whole face is wet and he is still sobbing uncontrollably. "M-Micha?"

I rush to him engulfing him in a hug. His thin body pressed against mine he starts to sob harder. "I thought you wouldn't come" I just grab him tighter: "I would always look out for you!"

He looks long into my eyes making me slightly uncomfortable, then fixes his glaze on the ground. "Christine broke up with me!" Some tears roll down his cheeks. I slowly wipe them away.

"I'm sorry." I simply say and continue to hold him tight. "She wants to focus on herself!" He starts sobbing even harder.

So we spend the next minutes just staying in that position till his breath returned back to normal.
"Thank you" He whispers, still in my arms. "You are such a good friend!" I just pet his back in a affectionate way.

He straightens his posture so he sits in front of me and looks into me eyes. "Really..." He slightly leans forward "...really good friend" Suddenly he closes the gap between us and presses his lips violently against mine. In shock I am not able to do anything and just let it happen. He pushes me slightly so I stumble back and he half leans over me. "So good" He whispers after he let go of my lips, but still very close to me head. Getting grip of myself I push him away.

His eyes widen a bit, but a sly smile forms on his lips. He doesn't look like Jeremy anymore. The person looking at me has an evil expression on their face.

"Oh are we nervous?" His voice is full of fake empathy. "Just relax! Remember: This is all you ever wanted!"

My heart stops. "What!?"
I sit up and he does the same exhaling loudly. Then he turns his attention back to me and says in a seducing manner: "Come on, Micha! Did you really thought that I didn't knew about your crush on me?"

My eyes widen in horror making him laugh. "O you are so oblivious! And yet so obvious... The way you looked at me as if I were the sun. The way you pined over me or the jealous glares at Christine. Pitiful and yet kinda cute!"
He leans closer again, but I am faster this time! He knew all the time! He knew and never said anything! I made myself a fool in front of him... My chest hurts as my heart breaks.

I stand up leading to him falling forward.
Now he is also slightly angry.
"Look at yourself! You are a mess! You spent all your looking at me and wishing you were Christine! You are pathetic! You will never have a chance like this again! Don't be stupid! You can have it! You can have ME!"

Sadness floods my vision and yet the bit of anger that formed keeps me on my feet. "You are horrible! I never want to see you again!"
As soon as the words left my mouth the anger disappeared and I am left hurt and angsty. "I will leave for good!" I leave the house tears streaming down my face.

I thought just once I could be someones first choice! Just once.

But I am not! No one would choose me first. Not my parents, not Rich and definitely not Jeremy!
I said it once... I will leave... for good...

And I make my way to the orchard.