"I feel like being your boyfriend isn't enough for me anymore!"

Did you ever heard something that broke you? Just a few words, powerful enough to make your mind go blank, not being able to think anything. You just stand there, no feeling, no emotions, nothing.

Before suddenly everything comes back to you. Reality returns and tackles you down.

This happened to me before, I won't break down right now, not here, not in front of him. "I-I understand... bye!" I mutter before storming off.

Through the balcony door, the living room, the hall, the staircase and finally out of the house. I heard his steps and calls behind me, but I don't care. I just run and cry.

At first I don't know where to go and wander around headless.
Then like a flash it hit me... Connor!

Connor and I met in high school, some days, when everything became to much I sneaked out in the lunch break to get high, there I met him.
He did the same and we had actually a lot in common, we were outsiders/loser, smoked weed and were helplessly in love with our best friend.

But his best friend had a major crush on his sister, what is even more fucked up than the whole Jeremy/Christine- thing.

So we started talking and even now we still are in contact, he is engaged to his former best friend and crush and he only lives like two or three blocks away.

And the best part is that I never introduced him to Jeremy, I don't know why, there was just never the right moment, but right now I am really happy about that.
He wouldn't find me or call me there, I wouldn't have to hear is excuse.

I don't want to know that he is sorry or even the reasons of his stupid decision, I don't want to hear about any other person he met or who knows what... Right now I just want to cry and therefor I have to go to Connor, I hope he understands...

When I arrive at their apartment my cheeks are flooded with tears. I spot the bell and ring like my life depends on it. A few seconds later I hear Evans voice through the inter phone.
"H-Hello, w-who's there?"

At first I sob instead of talking, but eventually I get out words. "M-Michael... I-I..." But before I can finish, Evan interrupts me: "Hey- deep breaths, just breathe! Connor comes!"
Hearing his kind words make me only break down more and I start sobbing uncontrollably. Just a few seconds later Connor opens the door engulfing me in a hug. He is warm and the affection feels good, but all I can do is cry.

He doesn't say a word, he knows that I don't need words, I just need someone to hold me and he does exactly that.

After a few minutes, which felt only like seconds and were definitely not enough, he lets go, takes my hand instead and pulls me inside. He immediately places me on the couch gesturing something to Evan who leaves the room.

Connor sits down next to me pulling me close again while patting my back. It calms me down, but before I can relax everything comes back. Jeremy, his words, the pain.

Five Years, we have been together for five freaking years.
Years full of laughing, smiling, waking up next to him and love.
At any time I loved him more than anything. His hair, his eyes, his laugh, his smile, the cute noises he makes when he sleeps, the little screams when we watched horror movies, the way his eyes lit up when he talked about something he loved. I loved fucking everything about him and he was always my priority.

And I even wanted to ask him to marry me!

I got a stupid ring with a blue crystals which had the color of his stupid eyes, I planned everything out, I wanted to make dinner with him and then after we ate we would have watched the stars while I asked him, but he left me... I wanted to spend my whole life with him and he left me.

I want to destroy that damn ring, I want to never see it again, but when I want to take it out of my jacket it is gone. I must have lost it, whatever I don't care, at last I won't see it again.

Hopefully like him, I don't want to see him and his happy life and his possibly new lover.

Thinking back... a few weeks ago he started working late, being absent, thought a lot and didn't talked to me anymore. Had he met someone else?
My heart aches badly. I feel like dying, but I think that this would be the better option.... better than feeling this pain anymore...

I sob loud, it came out more like a cry. Connor tightens his grip. "Deep breaths. Breath with me- In- Out-..."
I try to follow his instructions, but I can't. Maybe it would be easier to just stop breathing completely. Everything would stop, the pain and I wouldn't have to see his fucking beautiful face ever again...

Before I cry out again, Evan enters the room holding tissues, ice cream and Mountain Dew Red. I cry even harder, I know I am pathetic, but Jeremy and I used to drink this a lot. Used to...

Connor shots the oblivious Evan a glare who just shrugs, apologizes and leaves the room again to get another drink, but not without giving me the tissues and the ice cream.

The hours go by, both of the guys comfort me and try to cheer me up. It doesn't work, nevertheless I am really thankful, they are so kind to me...
Eventually I told them the whole story. Connor just listened while Evan started crying as well, he was just so sensitive, I can't deny that it is cute! Connor reacted really annoyed and told him to stop, but I saw the love in his eyes.

They allowed me to spent the next nights at their apartment and the couch was in fact pretty comfortable.

The days went by, but I never left the bed. Why would I? I am sad, tired, hurt and they bring me food before I have to ask. I couldn't wish for more.
The suicidal thoughts became less, thanks to my friends, but they never went away completely.

Today I almost felt as bad as I felt on the day it happened. Before I could wrap myself in the blanket and loose me in self pity, Connor enters the door holding a bowl of soup. I don't feel like eating, but I know that Connor won't leave till I finished it.
So we just sit there in silent, while I force down the food.

"Do you wanna get stoned?" I asked when I finally finished. Connor shots me a look of reproach. "I thought we agreed on stopping after high school!"  I just shrug. "Yeah, cause we both had  a reason to stop!" I grumble and glare at Evan who enters the door in exactly that moment. He stops in his tracks with an oblivious and slightly scared expression. Gosh, he's so cute, I already feel guilty.

Connor looks like he wants to hit me, but instead he stands up and hugs Evan telling him that everything is alright. They love each other so much it hurts, especially when you have a broken heart. Connor eventually lets go of Evan again and turns back to me. "No, you won't start again! No arguing!" I pout, but accept it.

"You know we love you, but you have to leave that apartment at some point, we don't want to rush you or want you to move out, but you need at least your stuff, you use our stuff and wear the same outfit for days. And I'm pretty sure you should clear things up with you know who."
Connor scolds me.

"Voldemort?" I ask with a deadly serious expression making Evan giggle, but Connor just sighs.

"Not funny!" He states annoyed, but when he sees that I am on the verge of tears his face softens. "Hey, hey!" He sits down patting my back.

"It's fine. I did not wanted to push you, take your time! Just keep it in mind!" I nod and try to give him a small smile, I most likely failed, but he returns a bright one.

"Maybe you could start with small steps, you could get cake from the bakery across the street and then we eat it all together celebrating your first steps outside as single man!"

Evan suddenly jumps in joy and agreement. "Yes! That sounds perfect! I- I make hot chocolate" He says looking like a little child on Christmas day, before he storms out of the door. Connor giggles, before sighing: "I am the luckiest man alive!"

I nod and even get out a small laugh. Instantly Connor grabs me shoving me to the door. "Now... GO!"

Hesitant I take a few steps outside and Connor directly closes the door behind me. Now I have to do this, I don't have keys with me and they won't open till I went the the freaking bakery, so I go.

I probably look like shit, my hair is messy, I haven't showered in a while and still wear the same clothes I wore the past days, but I don't care. I feel like terrible, why not look like it?

I cross the street and enter the bakery. Looking at the cakes I realized that I had no clue what one to get. So I just stand there a bit lost discussing which one I am going to buy, when I hear the door opens.

I don't turn around, I could care less, but then something shatters. I slightly jump and immediately turn around looking in the most beautiful eyes I know.

Shit!

"Michael!" He says, but it is more like a whisper. My instincts tell me to run, but before I can act on them. He pulls me into a hug.

I can't think straight, I crave his touch and yet I despise him with all I have.
But no matter how often I try and struggle he won't let me go...
Instead he pulls me closer, before whispering in my ear.

"You are alive!"

Since everyone happened so unexpected I was to shocked to think rational at all, so all I got out was a dumb: "huh?"

He slowly let go and I really wanted to run, I really wanted to leave him and all of the stupid perfect memories behind me, but staring in his blue eyes filled with tears it was impossible. Even when he broke my heart I would still do everything for him. It is like he was a drug, a drug way worse than weed...

"I thought you were dead! You were nowhere to be found, no one knew where you were, no friends of ours, not your parents, no one! I thought you... you..."

He sobbed and I patted his shoulder trying to stay neutral, emotions would only make it worse, no matter if it was sadness or anger...

Feeling my touch he leaned in again hugging me again. I felt really uncomfortable, I want him so bad, but I can't give in, he is not mine anymore...

"You looked so broken..." He continues, but it came more out like a whimper. Something inside of me clicks. It makes it hard to hold back any emotion anymore, first the anger shows...

"O really!? Maybe because me freaking boyfriend of five long years dumped me on what was supposed to be OUR anniversary? Can you blame me? You are an asshole!" I let my emotions out, so much has been locked inside of me, I push him away from me. His sad eyes pull me back to the ground.

After my anger was freed there was nothing left than sadness...

"An asshole I LOVED! With all my heart, an asshole I would have given the world to, an asshole I wanted to spent MY LIFE with..."
I can't even look at him while saying that and just want to go back to the couch laying in the arms of an understanding Connor or Evan...

"But I should have noticed it sooner, you lost interest, you were always out, not home, and when you where you were absent and I was the fool who thought that he could be enough for you..." I pause taking a deep breath trying not to cry.

"But who cares, right..." I turn around and leave the store. But before I can cross the street a hand grabs mine.

I slowly turn around, looking at Jeremy for the first time really. He has big bags, messy hair and his clothes look dirty, but the worst part are eyes they are red from crying searching desperately for mine.

"I CARE! Because you are the most amazing thing that happened to me! And I love you with everything I have! Would give the world to you!

Damn it, I am a stupid asshole! I wanted this evening to be perfect, I thought about it so long, searching for the perfect way to ask you, with the perfect ring and the permission from your dad, like in those old movies... And then I fucked up so badly, it wasn't what I tried to say... I wasn't tired of you, I was tired of being just your boyfriend, I wanted to be so much more, but anxiety me was never good with words, I am so sorry...

You looked so broken, I wanted to rip my heart out and then you loosed the ring you got me and I felt terrible, you must have thought that I wanted to break up while you wanted to be with me forever, like I do too, and I know what I would have been able to when this would have happened to me and then... you didn't answered your phone and where nowhere to be found, and if you were dead... I-I couldn't live without you..."

Everything he said was rushed, messy and hard to understand cause he talked way to fast, but it was the truth. And I wasn't able to respond being flashed from his outburst...

A few seconds later he picked up on it and continued, now finally I bit more slowly: "So... I know I fucked up and I know I don't deserve you, but I just got a glimpse of a life without you and it was worse than anything I could have imagined... So I will not throw away my shot, not again...

Michael Mell, if you can forgive me,..."

He gets down on bending knees right where he stood on the sidewalk, looking up to me while taking out a small box making my heart pound amazingly fast...

"I know that is not the most romantic way and you deserve SO much better, you deserve everything... but I am physically not able to wait any longer...

Michael Mell... Will you marry me?"

His words were too much... I couldn't hold back anymore, the tears rushed down my face leaving me unable to speak, all I get out are sobs.

"No, no, don't cry..." Jeremy stands up and pulls me close to comfort me. "My love, please don't cry..."

"I w-will" I get out, it was more like whisper, but he heard me.

Instantly his mouth is pressed to mine giving me what I craved the last days... He felt so soft and tastes so sweet, my emotions are overloading...

After what felt line an eternity, but was still not long enough, he parted resting our heads on each others.
"I love you!" He breaths out. The he takes out the ring. It was simply silver with a small red crystal. It was beautiful and it slipped on my finger like it was made for me, because... well... it was.

I giggle softly, but exhausted. "I love you too..."

The next minutes we spent kissing each other and admitting our love.

Eventually we parted completely and I introduced him to Connor and Evan. When Connor saw Jere, he almost punched him, but Evan hold him back. Evan also allowed Jeremy to enter the apartment and explain the whole situation, but even when in contrast to Connor he looked like he had his emotions under control his eyes told otherwise and his words came out sharp without any stutter, he was definitely pissed.
Seeing my two friends caring so much about warmed my heart and after a long talk and a lot of explaining they also "forgave" him for what he did to me.

We ended up eating cake, which Evan had to get, cause I forgot it, and celebrating my engagement with the most amazing person I ever met... My love, my fiancé, my best friend, my world, my Jeremy!