I hastily got back up, standing in front of Victor with a feigned sense of confidence. There was a momentary stare-off. All the while, his mere presence tensed me up. Every muscle fibre in my body was on high alert; my throat felt swollen and dry. It was difficult to keep breathing.

I hadn't anticipated a simple encounter would ensue in such complications.

My train of thought had been entirely derailed.

Instead of greeting me back, Victor simply commented, "Could I have my notebook back?" - his gaze falling from my eyes onto our hands.I hadn't realised I was still holding onto his books, and quite firmly, might I add.

"Uhh," was all that managed to crawl out of my throat.

I eased my trembling grip and handed him back his notebook.

Time seemingly slowed down as we both remained standing idly in place. I blindly reached for the switchback staircase's railing.

I was taken aback by Victor's silence; it came unexpectedly. It felt unnatural coming from him. It was like our previous conversation had left its mark on his mindset. His piercing eyes had lost their edge, dulling a bit and mellowing down. Victor - he didn't come across as himself.

"T-Thanks," mumbled Victor under his breath. He stepped forward, prepared to leave me behind.

I shifted closer to the railing, sceptical.

Victor did not even bother to start a conversation. In a passing moment, he was halfway down the lower section of the stairs, not looking back whatsoever.

The shift in his attitude made me wonder if he had truly taken my words to heart.

I turned my head back to the stairs ahead, but some thought was gnawing on my consciousness. I felt compelled to find out why he had suddenly changed so much. At the same time, however, I had broken off all forms of contact. It had only been a little short of a full month since. What would he think of me if I were to undermine my own words so soon?

"...Victor," I called out, hesitation almost dripping from my tongue.

As soon as he heard my voice, Victor abruptly stopped. The boy impulsively cocked his head toward me but cut his motion short before he could. "Mhm?" He muttered, equally hesitant to prolong this awkward meeting.

A moment of silence wove itself in between us.

I stuttered an inquiry, "Are you okay?"

Victor was on the verge of chuckling. Something must have flashed through his head, a memory of our past conversation. Instead of a light-hearted smile, he offered me a scoff, shooting back a question of his own, "What does it matter to you, Xavier?" Victor paused briefly, letting his words sink in, "I recall, last we met, you made it abundantly clear we were done for."

A stillness nestled inside my throat. Despite the truth of the matter, Victor's voice was ridden with uncertainty, touching the realm of doubt.

With a frown, I elaborated, "I know; you just don't quite seem yourself," but I didn't sound convincing. Perhaps, he believed I faked interest in his well-being. Deciding further engagement would be a waste of time and energy, and I shrugged my remark off, "Forget it. I'm sorry for bothering you."

Victor shook his head, growling, "Don't say that."

"Say what?"

He stepped closer, holding back a glare, "Don't ever say sorry to me."

Victor emitted a strong sense of self-resentment.

"Why?" I asked, brow raised in curious wonder.

All hostility faded, replaced by shame. "You shouldn't apologise to such a jerk like me, Xavier. I've hurt you so fucking much; I don't deserve your kindness."

Victor looked at me with a swirl of hope and frustration; his hands had been balled up into fists. 

The recent revelations had left their distinct mark on his attitude; that much was certain.

"I disagree," As soon as I said that, Victor's frustration seemed to die down a notch as if I had granted him some absolution. I was confident he'd like to know my reasoning, so before he posed a question, I elaborated, "You don't seem like the same person you were a month ago."

Victor's tense posture softened up. He cleared his throat and climbed the stairs to lean on the railing beside the large windows. The boy peered outside, "Well, uh," mumbled Victor, running a hand across his hair and then sighing. "After we went our separate ways - and you made doubly sure I wouldn't try to get in touch with you again, I visited Mrs Cho the week after."

"Mhm, and what happened?"

Tightening his grasp, Victor looked me in the eye, saying, "I told her about us."

I couldn't believe my ears; he would never - not when it was supposedly not a good time. Was he pulling some damned, twisted prank on me? I had to know. I fished for confirmation, "You did?"

He averted his gaze onto the concrete floor, "I did. Quite the turn of events, isn't it?"

I didn't know what to say; a verbal response was far out of reach. All I could manage was a short nod.

"I know it isn't fair to say, and please, don't assume I'm trying to guilt trip you, Xavier. But when we parted ways, I felt like I had made my biggest mistake in life," explained Victor, continuing, "So, when that realisation struck me, Mrs Cho and I scheduled meetings every other day. She's been aiding me along a road of self-discovery, helped me get to certain conclusions that I fear I wouldn't be able to figure out on my own."

Colour me impressed; I hadn't expected Victor to take such drastic actions - especially not over a simple heartbreak. A feeling of joy was bubbling up inside me, one I could not contain. "That's such an admirable effort."

I took a step closer, and Victor, in response, turned his head away, putting distance between us. It was odd; he had always been one to get close to me.

"Please, I would rather not cause you more trouble, so keep some distance, alright?"

"Right," I answered, a hint of... disappointment glinting through.

Victor seemed to notice, jumping in, "Don't worry, I'll set things right soon enough. I promise."

"Set things right?" I repeated, deciding to figure out what he meant precisely.

Victor ducked his head, lips pressed together, and a barely audible 'yeah' came out.

I pretended like I hadn't heard him, tilting my head a bit whilst awaiting his answer.

He forced a smile, fidgeting with his fingers. "I suppose it is only fair to bring you in on the matter at hand." Victor began, tensing up a little. A few glistening droplets of sweat formed on his forehead; he was nervous. "You see, I've been feeling horrible the last few weeks. Barely slept - rarely dared to face my parents and elaborate. All in all, it's been some tough times. I've been, well, overthinking my past decisions and actions, and I realised I'm a complete moron for prioritising reputation over what we had."

I appreciated the notice. I had been nodding affirmatively along his words, mumbling every so often.

Victor had gone silent briefly, having babbled himself breathless.

"So, what is your next step?" I asked.

Victor's nervosity vanished utterly and completely, replaced by a sense of confidence and commitment. "I wanna come clean," exclaimed the boy. "In retrospect, it was such a selfish choice to lie about what occurred that day. I hurt you, and I broke what we had. And I will not ask for your forgiveness, Xavier. I'm not deserving. However, when I take the stage during next month's charity stream, I'll confess everything."

I was taken aback, needing a moment to recollect myself from my silent awe.

Before I could phrase a response, Victor hastily added a request. "I know it's much to ask, but would you mind waiting a little longer?"

That very request signalled the potential end to the struggles I have had to endure.

I wanted it to end once and for all.

But Victor wasn't quite yet ready, and a part of me wanted the ordeal done and dusted immediately - but that wasn't possible. I could not put Victor through the same pain I had gone through, despite our history.

With that conviction in the back of my mind, I accepted his request.

"I think I can hold on a little longer," I gave in.

Victor smiled, "Thank you, Xave." He had dropped a brief silence before he had spoken my nickname. As though he was contemplating if I'd permit him. And, in all fairness, it sounded off coming from him - but I figured it best to let it slide.

After all, he had made an incredible, bold gesture - a start towards burying the bloodied axe.

"I've got to go now. Thank you for your kindness, Xavier." Victor pardoned himself, leaving me on the staircase alone.

I stood there for a moment, pondering whether this development was worthwhile enough. If, perhaps, I should hold off on starting my student transfer process.

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- 27/01/'23