Equation after equation resonated through the classroom, each resulting in my insurmountable boredom.

I had not realised it. By now, a fair few mundane weeks had passed. Quite surprisingly so, I had not contacted Mrs Cho to switch schools. But then again, there was a new variable to the already-complicated equation...

With each passing day, the air betwixt Ethan and I grew colder, stale even. But, unlike the first day, neither of us attempted to strike up a conversation of any sort; no clichéd notion of the surprisingly warm late-September weather nor a simple complaint about the daunting heaps of homework.

I glanced over to my side.

Ethan sat next to me, his eyes were glued onto the whiteboard, and still, he struggled to keep them wide open. He was fidgeting with the pen between his fingers, the backside tapping onto his hand for the umpteenth time.

I wondered if he considered me an insensitive jerk for sending him off to the cafeteria all by his lonesome. 

I felt remorseful. 

Perhaps I should have stayed by his side? Maybe, just maybe, he would still talk to me, bar the casual 'hey' every morning.

I picked up the pencil beside my notebook and began doodling. I still needed to figure out what to draw. My mind was at a complete blank. However, I knew only that I should draw something, as it was the only way to develop my skills.

Ethan's head turned to face me as my first pencil streak sullied the clean paper.

The sunlight glistened in his emerald-green eyes.

I pretended I hadn't spotted his apparent interest- as if I was captivated by the craft. Ethan watched on, hawk-eyed, as I gave in to my artistic urges.

He did not glance away for even a moment, enchanted by every seamless flurry of pencil strikes. Instead, a charming smile cracked through his reserved demeanour, crawling onto his lips. It stayed there for as long as I kept doodling.

Ethan leaned in closer, dropping his pen onto his notebook, remaining ever-entranced.

I let out an inaudible sigh, frustrated at the state of affairs.

He would look.

Then, Ethan would smile.

And still, Ethan would not speak a word.

The silence bothered me, but before long, a thought arose- a mischievous plan that would force his hand. The mere idea momentarily took me aback. It felt like something I would never do. I had always been too afraid for the result to fall short, but with these insurmountable walls of silence, there was nought I could lose.

I erased the vast majority, starting anew.

Ethan let out a suppressed gasp, clearly baffled by my action.

Commencing my sketch, the pencil's tip slid softly across the page of graph paper. I took a peak in the corner of my eyes, watching Ethan's intrigue-ridden face.

I halted my hand.

Then, firmly shut my eyes to concentrate on my approach.

I opened my eyes and pulled my notebook across the desk, closer to the window. I leaned a bit further over the table, placing my right arm on the edge of the paper, effectively shielding the content away from Ethan's watchful gaze.

He seemed momentarily annoyed, crossing his arms as he looked away from me.

And so, I began frantically illustrating, trying to produce a jaw-dropping realistic image.

As minutes went on, and Ethan occasionally took a peek, I realised the whole thing was falling apart.

I had begun to panic.

My attempt to draw his face looked godawful.

I cussed myself out inwardly, mocking the very premise of the idea. I wasn't sure what had gotten into me - what the killing hell convinced me to proceed with this foolish plea for... his attention.

Then, I caught sight of a total disaster.

Amidst my creative outburst, I had somehow withdrawn the arm covering my work.

And at that moment, Ethan looked over - quiet like a pitch-black night.

The happenings seemed to dawn upon him; he was unable to keep his lips pressed together. I noticed he adored the gesture. His cheeks were as pink as a swirl of sakura petals dancing across the Spring breeze.

All other dormant sounds seemed to dim as Ethan's voice faltered, "A-Are you," he collected himself before finishing his inquiry, "drawing me, Xavier?"

I was far from sure how I should respond. Did my decision come off as weird? Creepy, maybe? I urged myself to speak. Yet, no word came out.

Ethan tilted his head in anticipation of an answer, his gaze lifting from the artwork and onto my face.

The nerves were killing me slowly; I felt sweat coating my forehead as a sudden damp feeling emerged across my entire body.

Thinking back to weeks ago, I invoked the same courageous mindset as when I had forced my mind clear of all doubt. I rid myself of my panic, even if it would only be for a mere moment. I gathered myself, smiling, "Y-Yeah, I hope you don't mind."

He seemed to mull his reply over, a glimpse of consideration shining through his features. Then he shot a chuckle my way, whispering, "Can I," Ethan halted his words, rubbing the back of his head, then tried again; "Can I take a closer look?"

His request left me both spellbound and speechless.

I carefully laid my hand atop the paper's corner, then tenderly moved it closer to Ethan's side of the desk.

Ethan stared at the drawing, examining every last detail, immediately sieving his fingers through his hair seemingly as soon as he noticed the messy perception I held regarding his hairdo. "That is, err, very detailed, Xavier."

I looked away, "Y-Yeah, I'm sorry if it's creepy."

"No, no!" Ethan jumped in, a wee bit too loud - awarding himself a disapproving look from Mr Evans, "I've been eyeing your work for a little while now. Ever since I saw you start doodling a few weeks ago- I, well, didn't want to disturb you." He comforted me, dispelling my worries, "Besides, your drawing skills are off the charts, man."

I faced Ethan, slowly turning my head.

His kind words forced a smile upon me. Still, I dared not believe my ears - for a moment, I mocked my insecurities with a foul language of lies.

"You really think so?" I asked.

"Yep!" Ethan enthusiastically nodded, and a soft yawn came out. He raised his hand, pressing his palm over his lips. "I'm sorry," apologised the boy, appearing concerned as though he had left me with the wrong impression. "I didn't mean to yawn-"

I cut him off quickly, "Oh, no worries!"

"Last night was pretty brutal, so yeah," pausing, Ethan's voice trailed off along the path of silence.

Something seemed off about him.

Naturally, I didn't know anything about him- hell, I hadn't even discovered what Jess was hinting at weeks ago, as I refused to indulge in social media.

Still, a peculiar gleam in his eyes revealed some dark emotion he kept stowed deep within his heart. Perhaps his reserved, gentle smile and collected attitude managed to fool most people, but it would not work on me.

I had seen and experienced the effects of mental anguish. So, in all fairness, it became a close acquaintance of mine.

In the wake of the revelating realisation, I managed only to mumble in response, "M-Mine was too."

"Assignments are killing me," remarked Ethan, then turning away - abruptly ending the conversation as if avoiding whatever memory had arisen. 

The sudden silence left me to my pondering. 

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- 01/11/'22