Dedicated to luke-ashton because she has made the new covers to all my books and she is amazing

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My body was filled with one thing and one thing only, and that was regret.

I sighed quietly as I looked up at the ceiling in the unfamiliar bedroom. An arm was lazily thrown over me, holding me close to the body next to me.

I turned my head to look at Axel's sleeping face. His eyes were fluttering slightly and his lips were agape, making him breath out small puffs of air.

He was pretty and he was a really nice guy. What we had done was not forced and neither was it done by the help of alcohol because both of us were as sober as it could get.

As we were in the moment, everything felt fine. Even though my thoughts weren't in the moment, I still enjoyed what we did. It was nice, it felt good, but it wasn't as it used to be. It wasn't like it used to be with Ashton.

As I woke up today, way too early than I use to, I felt so much regret. I know I shouldn't because I had every right to do this. I had every right to sleep with a cute boy who was a really caring person. It was just something off and it was obvious it had to do with Ashton.

I was mad at myself for still having feelings for Ashton after what he did to me. I obviously didn't mean even close as much to him as he meant for me and I should move on, but it was so hard. It shouldn't be hard though as our relationship only had gone on for about one and a half months and it was based on sex, but Ashton was too intriguing to not fall in love with.

I was startled back to reality as I felt Axel move beside me. I turned my head and locked eyes with the tired ones in front of me. A lazy smile was plastered on his face as he ran a hand through his messy wavy hair.

"Good morning" he said in a hoarse morning voice, sounding really sexy if I had to be honest. I smiled small at him, nuzzling into the pillow my head was resting on.

"Good morning" I almost whispered. Axel ran his hand up and down my side as he looked at me with those big eyes, almost making me blush because I didn't know what to do.

"I had a really great time last night" he said in a soft voice, nearing a whisper at the end.

"Me too, thank you for getting my mind off things" I whispered, looking down to his neck rather than watching him in the eyes.

"I just wanted to see you smile, you have a nice smile" he spoke, running his thumb in a back and forth motion over the skin on my arm. I lifted my eyes to look into his, giving him a bashful smile. He smiled back, leaning over to place a light kiss on my forehead.

"When does your class start?" he then said, making me furrow my eyebrows just for a second. I started university today and I didn't even remember. I let out a small groan, making Axel chuckle softly.

"I start at eleven" I sighed, turning so I was looking up at the ceiling again.

"I start at eleven thirty, I'll walk you to your class"

"You go to uni?" I asked and he nodded, "I figured you only worked"

"No," he chuckled while shaking his head, "I don't really plan on being a bartender my whole life" he said and I nodded, looking at him with thoughtful eyes.

"How old are you anyways?"

"I'm nineteen, about to be twenty, so I've been in university for a year. Can't believe we never got my age said yesterday" he chuckled fondly before turning around a bit to grab his phone.

"It's only nine o'clock, would you like to go grab something to eat before class or do you have any other plans?" he asked, smiling small at me.

"Actually," I started, feeling really bad for declining his offer, "I really should go back to Calum. I really need to take a shower and change clothes, if that's alright?"

He chuckled fondly and nodded his head. "It's okay, Luke"

I smiled and sat up in the bed, stretching a bit before starting to put on my clothes that were thrown on the bedroom floor. As I was fully clothed, as stood up and looked at Axel who was tugging on a pair of sweatpants.

"Would you still walk me to my class?" I asked, looking at him hopefully. He turned around and set his eyes on me, nodding with a happy look on his face.

I walked over and took the phone out of his hands, typing in my number before giving it back to him. "Send me a text and I'll call you when I'm done so we can meet up"

He nodded and gave me a smile before reaching over to kiss me on my lips. The act took me by surprise, but I soon kissed back, smiling small when we pulled away.

"See you later then, blondie" he said, keeping a close distance between our lips. I breathed out a small laugh before nodding and walking out of his apartment.

Maybe this was good because maybe Axel could help me get these feeling for Ashton to disappear.

I didn't really remember where we walked yesterday, so finding the way back to my dorm was quite the struggle. Luckily I had time before my first lesson started so I didn't have to hurry. As I finally saw the dorm house in front of me, I let out a relieved sigh before jogging into the building.

I knocked on the door of my room and waited patiently before the door opened by a tired looking Michael.

"Good morning sunshine" I chuckled and stepped into the room, "Where's Cal?"

"He went to class about twenty minutes ago. I slept in your bed last night, that mattress is fucking awful" he yawned as he went back to lie down in my bed. I scoffed.

"When are you planning on leaving?" I asked as I walked over to my closet to pick out a few clothes to wear later.

"You don't want me here?" he said, feigning a hurt expression.

"Of course I do, don't you start work today though?"

"Nope," he said with a grin of his face, "That's next Thursday"

I scoffed at the pleased look on his face. He just loved to rub his pleasure in my face.

"So," Michael started after a few seconds of silence, "How was last night for you?"

I looked at him as he raised one eyebrow up, having that famous smirk on his face. I bit my lip and looked down at the clothes I was picking out. I shrugged.

"It was good" I said, avoiding his eyes.

"Just good?"

"No, it was really good" I said and I could feel the smirk Michael had on his face all the way from here.

"Told you yesterday would help you get your mind off of things" he sounded proud of his accomplishment though he didn't have anything to do with what happened.

"It didn't take my mind off things though" I sighed and placed my clothed on the drawer before walking over to Michael and laid down beside him.

"What do you mean? I thought you-"

"I did sleep with him, and it was good" I cut off Michael, "He's really nice and sweet and thoughtful and what we did had nothing to do with alcohol but I just can't get Ashton out of my mind and that sucks"

Michael sighed and threw an arm around me, hugging me while lying down.

"I just feel like a fucking idiot for still feeling like this after he did what he did. He hasn't even tried to contact me, so I can't have meant even the slightest thing to him. But, still here I am, crying over him almost every day like a pathetic loser"

"Luke, stop" Michael said and held me closer. "It's Ashton's loss. He's the one who never let himself love a person like you, he's the one who let you go and he's the one who made the worst decision of his life.

"It's okay for you to cry, Luke. Calum and I tell you that every day because it's normal for a person to do that. And the fact that you already found someone interested in you really shows just how an amazing person you are" Michael said, running his hand up and down my arm.

"Just let it take some time, and then you will forget all about Ash. You have this guy now, what's his name?"

"Axel"

"Axel," Michael nodded, "You have Axel now, and by the looks he gave you yesterday, it looked like he thought you were made out of diamonds and gold. I have never seen anyone look at you like that, the way you deserved to me looked at"

I looked up to look at Michael and smiled small. "I love you" I said in a small voice.

"I love you too, you noodle" he said, making me chuckle.

"Sometimes I wish I had fallen in love with you because you are probably the most amazing person on this planet" I said, smiling playfully at Michael.

"Really?" he said, raising his eyebrows while grinning. "Well, you've already had your history with Calum, so why not start one with me?" he wiggled his eyebrows, making me laugh.

I looked at him for a while before leaning up and placing my lips on his. I surprised us both by what I did, but I kept keeping my lips pressed against Michael's soft pink ones. After a few seconds of stiff kissing, I pulled away and looked at Michael with furrowed eyebrows.

"That was.. weird" Michael said as he licked his lips. I nodded.

"It really was, wasn't it?" I said and breathed out a laugh, making Michael crack a smile before he started to laugh. I joined and placed my head down on the pillow.

"Sorry" I said as the laughter had died down.

"No, it's fine. I didn't mind, it was just-" he started but stopped, trying to find a word that suited the situation.

"Weird?" I asked, looking up at him.

"Yeah," he chuckled and shook his head, "Weird. I'm definitely straight though, we got that figured out"

He threw his arms around me again and hugged me close, shaking me and caused me to groan and try to push him away from me. Whatever happened between Michael, Calum and I, nothing would ever come between our friendship and that was probably while I still stood on my feet today.

"I need to take a shower, Axel is picking me up later to walk me to my class" I said and crawled out of bed. Michael wiggled his eyebrows and I scoffed while throwing a pillow at him before walking over to pick up the clothes I had picked out to wear.

"When are you leaving? And I ask in a non I-want-you-to-leave kind on way" I assured him, while Michael laughed slightly.

"When do you have lunch? Calum has it around one I think and I thought about joining him to eat and then go home after. If you're free you should join as well"

"Yeah, I get lunch at one twenty I think, so if you can wait and then we'll meet up?" I asked and Michael nodded, giving me thumbs up. I smiled before stepping into the bathroom, getting ready for the shower.

**

"So, what's your first class?" Axel asked as we walked out of the dorms house and was on our way to the university.

"Business Economics" I sighed and Axel chuckled.

"I think I know where that is. What do you study full?" he asked and fiddled with his bag.

"Economics and Real Estate" I said, still cringing at the thought of me doing this for my mother even though I had no interest in it and now my mother doesn't even talk nor look at me.

"Wow, that's some ambitious studies" he said, looking at me with wide eyes and an impressed expression.

"Yeah, I know. It was my mom who wanted me to take it so I was being a good son and went with her hopes"

"She must be proud of you then" he said, smiling small at me. I faked a smile back.

"I hope so" I sighed before looking down at my feet. It seemed like Axel could sense my sadness as he stopped up and placed a hand on my waist, placing his lips on mine before I could say anything.

"Smile" he whispered before smiling himself and took my hand in his, starting to walk again. I breathed in and out before smiling for real, glancing at the boy beside me, hoping he could be the one to get my mind straight.

After that we kept silent throughout the walk. It wasn't uncomfortable, but it wasn't fully comfortable either. I shrugged it off though and held onto Axel's hand as we entered the university.

The place was big and just as I had remembered it since last time I visited with my mother. The place wasn't filled with people, only some walking here and there in the large building.

In university classes was spread out throughout the day and it was more like a free time as you could go to your classes or not. It would probably be best if you went as this is what your future is based on and you spend a hell of a lot money on it.

I noticed some of the people glancing at me and Axel's intertwined hands and I started to feel uncomfortable. This is the first time I really have shown myself in public as gay. I had only come out to my friends and family, and that worked both good and bad.

Ashton and I had never been out public and as I walked through the building I felt so small as numerous of eyes were on me.

"You okay?" Axel asked quietly as he had stopped walking to look at me. I bit my lips and looked around for a bit before talking.

"I—It's just, I have never really come out in public yet, only to friends and family so the looks from other people is kind of new to me. I just don't want anyone thinking badly about me, you know?" I spoke in a hushed voice. Axel nodded and smiled sweetly.

"I understand, I've been in you place. It gets better though, as fast as you're really out, you're yourself and your own person that is what people should know you as, not some stupid sexuality" he said. I smiled and nodded, looking up at him.

"And if anyone does, then you'll kick their ass's right?" I chuckled. He stepped closer to me while looking me in the eyes.

"I would, but I don't think you'll be needing my help" he chuckled softly as he gently knocked with his knuckles on my blue cast. I pushed him away from me and rolled my eyes, still cracking a smile as we walked to my class.

**

"Fuck" I panted as I was placed on my bed, wet lips working my neck. My hands clenched the sheets below me as I lifted my hips up to meet his, in a desperate attempt to get friction.

"You look so good in my sweater" Axel whispered into my ear before continuing to kiss down my neck gently, letting his teeth scrape the skin.

I only nodded and moved my hands so they were gripping the material of his t-shirt, bringing him closer to me. He breathed through gritted teeth as I tugged hard at his hair.

I was impatient because I hadn't done this in so long. It had been two months since I started university and it was going good. Axel and I had decided to slow down whatever we had and started over. He asked me out on dates and even though it was a foreign thing for me to be 'asked out', it was good and I somewhat was happy.

Axel was good to me, he was absolutely amazing, but starting something new while you were still in love with someone else was hard. I desperately tried to find feelings for Axel, but I mentally couldn't. I felt something for his, of course I did, if I didn't I wouldn't be dating him, but I still didn't feel like I probably should feel after dating for one month.

Axel knew about my feelings for Ashton. As we were on our first date, I told him everything that had happened between me and Ash. He had sat quietly and listened to every word I had said. He had agreed to the stuff I had said and understood that I still had feelings for Ash after the history we got.

The thing is though; Axel didn't know I still had feelings for Ash. No one knew. Not Axel, not Calum, not Michael, not my brothers. No one.

I was snapped back to the moment when Axel ran a warm hand under my- his -gray sweater, caressing my chest caringly. I breathed out a shaky breath while running my fingers through his soft chocolate-brown curls. I leaned down a bit to place soft kisses on his forehead while he was kissing my jaw.

He stopped and looked up at me, smiling small as he leaned up and placed his lips on mine. This felt good to me, he made me think of other things, but just by knowing I didn't give as much feeling into this relationship as he did made me guilty. He didn't know that, and that made me even guiltier.

"Ew, no!" Calum's voice was heard as he burst in to the room. Axel pulled away from me and chuckled as he rolled off of me, still having a leg over my thighs and an arm across my stomach to hold me close to him.

"If you're about to fuck, you have to put on a sticky-note! I thought I had made myself clear on that" Calum said as he still held a hand over his eyes, trying to shield himself from what he thought was going on. I scoffed at that.

"We're not doing anything, take away your hand" I sighed as I sat up in my bed, making Axel do the same.

"You're the one to talk by the way, Luke and I walked in on you two days ago" Axel laughed, making Calum roll his eyes.

Michael and Calum liked Axel. I didn't know if they liked him as much as they used to like Ashton, but they were really fond of him. He had the same interests as them and the fact that he was a bartender and could easily get them free drinks made him their friend quite fast.

"I'll take the blame on that, fine, but now we have both learned by our mistakes and we will use the sticky-notes" he said before walking over to his bed, throwing himself on it with an exhausted groan.

"Well" Axel said and stood up from my bed, "Good thing you stopped us because I need to go to class" He stretched out his limbs before leaning down to place a soft kiss on my lips.

"I'll go with, I want to pick up something to eat before class" I said and stood up with the help of Axel's hand.

"Oh good," Calum said, turning his head so he was looking at us, "Can you put on a sticky-note while you're walking out, I'm getting company" He wiggled his eyebrows.

I grimaced at him and Axel chuckled while rolling his eyes before picking up a sticky-note and putting it on the door as we were walking out.

Hand in hand we walked to the school in silence. I had nothing to say and neither did he, so the silence didn't bother any of us.

"Bye, babe" Axel said as we reached his class, "See you tonight?"

"Yeah," I said before nodding and stepping closer to give him a simple peck on his lips.

As he had entered his class, I sighed and started walking over to the cafeteria. My mind was clouded with all kind of thoughts, and it was really stressing me out. I still hadn't talked to my mother; neither had I talked to Sarah. It was all breaking me inside but I tried hard not to show it to anyone.

My brothers basically called me whenever they could and that helped a lot, but they both knew how much the conflict with our mother hurt me. They haven't talked to her either, they barely knew how she was doing and I hated the fact that I was the reason to our family breaking into pieces.

I walked into the cafeteria and walked straight to the coffee machine, feeling like the caffeine is the only help for me nowadays. I picked up a few coins from my pocket and put them in the machine, pressing in my order. I sighed as I waited for my cup to finish, but was startled as a familiar voice spoke to me.

"Luke?" the familiar voice said, making me clench my eyes shut and breathe in and out. It took me a while before I turned around to face the boy with honey-colored hair. His hair was softly brushed and he looked professional even though he still had that long hair. He was wearing a black slim suit with a white button-up underneath, skipping a tie. He was holding a folder filled with papers and his big eyes were on me.

"Luke" he repeated, this time like a content sigh as he studies my whole body like it was the first time we were seeing each other. All the emotions inside of me were bursting into flames and I felt like breaking down in tears after meeting his eyes.

His face was soft and it almost looked like he was happy to see me, which made me confused as the last time we saw each other he basically told me he never loved me before throwing me out of his home.

"Why are you here?" I spoke quietly, never letting my gaze break from his. He sighed and ran a hand on his jaw, feeling the visible stubble on it.

"I'm-" he started but cut himself off as the machine behind me beeped, showing that my drink was ready. I didn't even blink at the noise, making Ashton understand that he should keep on talking. "I'm here to talk. Or, I'm here to inform students about my business and my journey there. The university has wanted me to come for a while and I decided to finally do it" he told me, speaking softly and carefully.

"Why?"

"Why what?" he asked, slightly confused.

"Why did you decide to do it now?" I asked sternly. He looked up at me and smiled small and I clenched my fists slightly.

"Because I was hoping to run into you"

I looked at him, not knowing what to feel. It wasn't love I was feeling though; it was anger at the most. He acted like everything was fine and nothing had happened two months ago and that made me pissed.

"Well, congratulations, you ran into me" I said sarcastically before turning around to grab my coffee before walking off. I didn't get far as a hand grabbed my previously injured one and I gasped at the pain.

Even though I had gotten the cast off a long time ago, I still had a lot of scars since the stitches and my hand was still not fully healed as I had hurt it like this one time before, and the doctors told me the second time healing would take a lot longer time. Ashton noticed the pain he gave me and he moved his hand up to my wrist instead before looking down at my hand.

"It was you who punched the mirror, wasn't it?" he asked and I just breathed in and out frustrated before ripping my hand away from him.

"Don't touch me" I mumbled quietly, still making sure he heard me.

"I paid for that bill" he said and I turned around to look at him with raised eyebrows.

"Are you expecting me to thank you for that, or? Because that will never fucking happen since you were the one who made me do it, so it was all your fault" I scoffed.

"I'm not asking for a thank you, Luke" he said and walked closer to me but I backed away. "I just want time to talk to you, to explain myself"

"Explain yourself? What makes you think I want to hear you talk about your pathetic mindset? I don't want to hear it Ash, you said what you had to say last time we spoke" I said and once again tried to escape from him but he walked after me.

"No I didn't Luke, that's why you have to listen to me" he pleaded, only making me roll my eyes.

"I'm really not interested, Ashton" I said while trying to pick up my pace so I would get him off of me.

"Why?"

"Because I don't need you in my fucking life" I shot back, turning around to face him. He looked at me, a slightly hurt expression read on his face, but I kept my stern façade.

"If you heard my story you would understand why I did what I did" he now whispered.

"I'm not interested" I told him, even though I was more than interested to hear why he had to break my heart.

"Please" he whispered with pleading eyes, but I just avoided his eyes and turned around, making my way to my class without hearing Ashton's steps behind me.

I was wrecked inside. I felt nothing, but at the same time I felt everything. I thought that I was finally fine, and then Ashton had to show up and now everything is coming back to me. I had no idea how much I actually felt for Ashton until I saw his face again. I never knew how much I had missed him and I hated myself for feeling this way when I knew how Ashton had treated me. I also had a fucking boyfriend who was, every day, expressing his feelings for me.

I took a deep breath before stepping into the half empty classroom. I walked up the few steps I had to take before sitting down at my usual place. We didn't have assigned seats, but it was always comfortable to sit on the same seat every time. It was safe for me.

I picked up the things I needed for the class before leaning back in my seat and sighed out, hiding my face in my hands. I couldn't start crying in class, but I really wanted too. No, I really needed to.

"You okay?" a familiar voice said and I lifted my head from my hands to meet eyes with Hayley's grey-blue ones. Hayley was a sweet girl I had met the first day of this class. We weren't really friends outside class; we only talked while being in class. She was an understanding person though, and an easy girl to talk to.  

"Not really" I sighed and rubbed my hands over my face again.

"Why?" she asked before reaching over and grabbing my coffee cup, taking a sip to then hold it in her hands, warming them up.

I sighed and shrugged. She furrowed her eyebrows but didn't have time to question me as the professor walked into the classroom. I looked down at my lap and fiddled with my fingers as I listened to his boring voice echoing through the classroom.

"Good afternoon, class" he said, but I kept my eyes on my fingers, feeling Hayley's eyes watching me intently. "Today I will not hold the lecture. Instead we will have one of the most successful businessmen in the whole Australia-" I didn't have to listen to more as I clenched my eyes shut once more, only wishing to disappear.

"Mr. Irwin, the class is all yours" professor Grant said and I finally lifted my head to see Ashton stand in the front smiling professionally. It was fake though, I could see it from miles away.

Ashton thanked the professor before Mr. Grant walked out of the classroom. Ashton walked over to the speaker's stand and placed down his notes. He cleared his throat before looking up to the class. I sunk down in my seat and tried to hide so he wouldn't see me.

"What the hell are you doing?" Hayley whispered, looking down at me with questioning eyes.

"You know the asshole of an ex I had?" I asked and she nodded like it was yesterday's news, "Well, that is the asshole" I whispered and nodded subtly towards Ashton. Her eyes widened with a shocked look on her face.

"Ashton Irwin is your ex?" she asked, an impressed tone was laced in her voice. I clenched my jaw and nodded. "Damn Lukey, you don't settle for the norm I see" she said and I scoffed at her.

"My name is Ashton Irwin" Ashton's voice boomed through the classroom, shutting everyone up, including me and Hayley. "I'm the CEO for MCMXCIV, also called 1994" he said, not yet seeing me in the crowd of students.

"I'm here to talk to you about business and my company. How I successfully run a company at age 20. I'm here to help you and to advise you through your own life and your own ideas.

"I'm going to do that, but I'm also going to share my life with you. I'm going to share my right and wrongs, and I'll try to teach you the biggest mistakes you can possibly do while being a young businessman- or woman" he said, walking back and forth as he was talking. My eyes were glued on him, but I had a hard time keeping track on what he was saying as all I could think of was just him.

"When I was eight years old, I was given my father's company. I was a mess after my father's death and I was a small child left without a father. I got a big ass company though, but I had no idea what to do with it. I was eight, I could hardly even spell, and here I was, about to take care of a multimillion company.

"At age eight, my business life started. I was homeschooled every day and only studied classes like this one. I was studying senior high school math at age twelve. When I was fifteen years old I knew everything about the stocks around the world and I knew everything about every company that owned them. It was boring as hell, if I'm going to be completely honest" he said and a few people chuckled; only making me roll my eyes.

"I didn't really have a childhood and I didn't have any friends, because all I did was basically preparing me for work that I had to do my whole life.

"When I was eighteen I legally got the whole company to myself. It was all mine; the company, the buildings, the cars, the planes, everything. I wasn't too happy about that, but from a few supportive words written in a letter from my father, I pulled through and I made around 100 million dollars working my first year as a legal adult" he said and a few gasps and murmurs were heard around the classroom.

 "Even if I'm successful and I earn, excuse my language, a shitload of money, I hate, and absolutely hate, talking about money and how much I earn. I would never in my entire life rub my money in someone else's face because the most important thing about running a company is to always stay humble.

"You cannot go around and act like you are the king of the world because you can lose everything in a blink of an eye. You always have to keep up with everything in the world, and that is not possible if you only think about yourself. Everything turns so quickly in the economy and suddenly a company you have been collaborating with for years will suddenly want to break contact with you and then you stand alone. You have to stay humble and you have to see everything from black and white"

His smile was gone and he looked down at his feet, frowning a bit. He then looked around the classroom again, but this time his eyes locked with mine. He didn't look shocked as he kept looking at me while continuing his speech.

"When I was eighteen I met my girlfriend. She was a sweet girl, helping me keep my feet on earth and still be a teenager in the act of a businessman. We've been together for three years and life was normal" he spoke and still had his eyes on me. I felt like cringing and crying as he was talking about her.

"I felt like a married man in my forties when in reality I was only 20. I had a job and a stable relationship and I just felt really old and.. unhappy. I had no time for friends and I was starting to go back to how I felt when I was a kid" He walked over to his notes again and looked through them before, putting them aside. He frowned a bit before walking off again, looking at the class.

"You know what? I'll tell you guys a story. After I found out I was really fucking unhappy, I found a group of people who became my friends. One of those people started to become extremely important to me, and with help from that person, my life became 100% better.

"Not only was I happier in life, but also my business got better as well. I loved that person very much; I had never felt such love in my entire life. And before you ask; yes, I did still date my girlfriend during that time, which may have been the most stupid thing I could have ever done. But I was so utterly in love so I couldn't keep myself away" he said and his eyes softened as he looked at me.

Some people followed Ashton's eyes and looked at me with furrowed eyebrows, but I ignored them as I kept my gaze locked on Ashton. My breathing was heavy and slow and my hands were clammy.

"But a few months ago I found out that my girlfriend was pregnant and by doing the right choice and by also being extremely scared, I went back to my girlfriend and ended it with the love of my life" My heart was beating hard and fast, almost making me worried people would hear it.

"A week ago I found out by DNA test that the baby my girlfriend had been carrying for three months wasn't even mine, it was the guy from the spa I had so kindly sent her too" he said and I stiffened while looking at him with wide eyes. People around me let out small gasps and 'ooh's at what Ashton had said.

""I'm not mad at her because I did the same thing as her. I didn't get pregnant, but I cheated. We ended it right away after telling each other the full truth. How horrible it may sound, I am so relieved that baby isn't mine. I am in love with someone else and it wouldn't have been fair for my ex-girlfriend or the baby" he sighed and stopped talking for a while, just breathing while looking down at his feet again.

"Are you back with the girl you love?" a girl asked, breaking the silence in the classroom. I looked at Ashton with glossy hopeful eyes, almost pleading even though I didn't want to look so desperate.

 "No, I am not. When I ended things between us, I ended it like an asshole. I was so shocked and scared about everything that had happened and when my ex-girlfriend told me she was pregnant, guilt was filling me for going behind her back and I just felt like I had to go back to her. Even though I didn't want to, I did, and the easiest way to end it with the one I truly love was to end it badly.

"I was stupid for thinking that would help me, but the only thing I have felt for months now is regret and guilt for what I did, what I said and how I acted"

Fuckfuckfuck. I was fiddling in my seat and playing with my fingers, not knowing what to do. Should I smile or should I cry, I didn't know.

"I'm happy to know that the love of my life is sitting in this room right now, that I have finally gotten to explain myself a bit and that he has listened to me" Ashton said and looked me straight in the eyes. People reacted to the fact that he said 'he' and were all mumbling until all eyes followed Ashton's and they landed on me. I kept my gaze locked with Ashton and bit the inside of my cheek hard.

"I've tried to tell you for a week now Luke, but didn't know how to. I'm glad you know the truth but I still have so much more to tell you. All I want you to know though is that I love you, and has always done since I told you I did. I never faked my love for you, neither did I fake anything in our relationship. I love you so much and without you, my life would have been a grey and boring mess" he sighed while walking closer to the first row of people to somewhat get closer to me.

It was quiet as we both just stared at one another, people looking back and forth between us, waiting for someone to say something.

"Please talk to me Luke" Ashton pleaded and I gritted my teeth together. He had no right to do this to me. He had no right putting me on the spot in front of my classmates.

"No, Ash" I said and shook my head before standing up and struggled my way through the narrow aisles between seats and students legs. People were watching my every move and I felt so judged. People would talk about this for so long and I would be in the center of it all.

I walked down the stairs and over to the exit of the classroom but Ashton called me once again. "Luke, please"

"No, Ash!" I barked as I turned around, ignoring all the eyes staring at us like we were some kind of movie playing. "How am I supposed to trust you Ash? It doesn't make it true because you tell me in front of my whole class. I went against my own fucking mother to be with you and all you did was to throw me out of your house. I lost a lot of people in my life, thanks to you"

"I'm sorry Luke. You know I always loved you, it was all real. I just got scared by the pregnancy and I just don't know what happened to me" he said, looking so small as he was asking for forgiveness.

"Well, you were a dick and still are one. Just leave me alone Ash, you're a fucking asshole" I said before walking out of the room with glossy eyes and a lump in my throat. I walked down the hallway with hurried steps, ignoring the looks I got by people walking by.

In just a blink of an eye, I was pushed up against the wall. My eyes were wide as I looked at a panting Ashton who was holding me trapped between the wall and him.

"Let me go" I whispered because that was the only thing my voice could muster. Ashton shook his head repeatedly as he stepped closer to me, almost having his body pressed against mine.

"No, I need you to listen" he whispered back, his voice shaking. I had my eyes shut as I focused on my breathing as well as his.

"No, I don't want to listen. You don't deserve it after what you did to me" I said small and opened my eyes to meet his big tear-filled ones. "You fucking broke me Ash, I loved you so much and you just broke me. How am I supposed to believe you won't do that again?"

Ashton shook his head frantically while placing his hands on my cheeks. I tried to shrug him away from me but far inside of me I really wanted him to touch me, so as he didn't let his hands slip from my cheeks, I let them be there.

"I'm an idiot. When I saw your face after talking to Kelly, I panicked. I didn't want to be someone like you had to grow up with. I didn't want to be a father walking out on his own child. You deserved so much more than that and I knew my kid did that too.

"I was just too much of a fucking pussy to tell Kelly the truth and I just flipped out. I wanted to be with you but you were mad at me and I understand why, of course I do, but then you started yelling at me and I just couldn't stop doing the same. I wasn't mad at you though, I was mad at myself for doing what I did to you" Ashton said and leaned closer to me so his breath was fanning my face.

"I fucking love you princess, and each day without you was a fucking hellhole. I was fucking depressed without you and that shows just how much I love you. You know Kelly isn't in my life anymore, she's with that spa dude, but I couldn't care less because right now, I'm with you"

I lifted my eyes that were previously looking at Ashton's chest, and looked up to meet his eyes. I bit my lip as a desperate tear fell from my eye. Ashton let his thumb caress my cheek as he wiped the tear away.

"I should hate you, but I don't and that makes me hate myself" I whispered as I looked deeply into his hazel-green pools.

"Don't hate yourself princess, you have done nothing wrong" he said and leaned even closer so our bodies were pressed together and I could almost feel his nose brush against mine. My skin was showing off goosebumps and my breath was shaking so much, I could barely even breathe anymore.

"My mom hates me" I said, my voice cracking as even more tears were escaping my eyes. Ashton placed his forehead on mine while wiping away all my tears. I melted under his touch and found myself placing my hands on his waist, pulling his even closer to me.

"She doesn't hate you Luke, no one could ever hate you" he spoke quietly and leaned up to brush his lips against mine. "I love you"

I sobbed before he fully placed his lips on mine, letting that familiar safe feeling come back to me. His lips were my comfort, just like his arms were as they were wrapped around me. He was my comfort in life and as he was back, so was my safety and comfort.

"Don't cry, princess" Ashton said as he pulled away from me, still close enough for our lips to brush against each other. I hadn't even realized I was still sobbing and crying.

"I'm not" I cried and Ashton kept caressing my cheeks as he gave me a confused look. "I'm not crying, it's happy tears" I sobbed and I caught the amazing smile on Ashton's face before he leaned in and kissed me again, more passionate and loving this time.

"I love you, I love you, I love you" he mumbled against my lips and I let out a small chuckle mixed with giggle before burying my face in his neck, holding him close. I sobbed and cried, and I probably looked like a mess, but I didn't care, because was finally happy.

"I love you too"

-       -       -

God damn it this was a hell of a chapter to write, but ayy lashton is back on track aw

BUT GUYS; MIKEY AND CALUM AND THE BURNS :(((

I just feel so bad for them but mikey is so goofy and strong and he is such an amazing person, it just amazes me how he does it. I hope they both stay happy and strong throughout this shitty experience and I love them all.

Oh and I  also love all of you guys, thank you for reading and it really amazes me how people actually reads and votes and comment so amazing stuff, you are all amazing.

One more chapter and then an epilogue!!! It's sad

VOTE AND COMMENT

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