NOTE: Check out this hilarious, slightly chilling, and romantic read of Chapter 46 by kaelking12!

https://youtu.be/Buw38MVZ5HE

CHAPTER 46 

Lacey

Maddie's been in shock for the past two and half hours. It doesn't matter how calmly I've tried to explain and re-explain the story behind my short-lived relationship with Elias. Or how many details I tried to downplay about Cassie. Or how loudly Coach Calloway yelled at her to snap out of her daze during practice. Maddie kind of seems like she's—lost it.

She's sitting next to me, half-propped up on her sports bag, blankly staring out at our now empty locker room in total silence. I'm trying to be okay with it. I'm trying to do and say normal things like the conversation between us didn't come to a screeching halt after I basically told her everything that happened.

But that's the funny thing about secrets. They don't like living in the dark for too long. Eventually, whether you're prepared for it or not, they force their way into the sun. They step into the light where someone will see them.

And now Maddie has.

And as difficult as it was to open up to her about Elias at first, once I started, I couldn't stop.

And I don't know what that means.

I don't know if it's my head or my heart trying to work Elias out of my system or if I'm missing him out loud.

But either way, it's strange, wonderful ,and terrifying to have someone here who's listening. Genuinely listening.

Someone who's not a therapist.

Or counselor.

Or doctor.

I just hope her silence isn't a sign that I've said too much.

I finish packing the last of my sports clothes into my duffle and shut my locker with clumsy, trembling hands. I push against the metal door a little too fast and trap my pointer finger partially inside my locker. 

I let out something between a screech and a yelp which immediately draws Maddie's attention. She jumps to her feet, frantically grabs for the door, and pulls it open just wide enough to free me. She reaches for my hand and lifts it up to get a better view of my newly cracked and cosmic purple nail from behind her glasses.

"You know, under normal circumstances, I'd take this opportunity to ask if you're okay, sprint to the first aid room, and get you an ice pack, but now that I know what I know, things are gonna be different between us."

"Different? Why? Did I say something wrong?"

Maddie lets go of my hand, takes a slow breath in, and then lunges at me. She locks me in a rib-crushing hug that I'm sure she picked up from one or both of her parents. Whoever it was, Maddie definitely knows what it is to be loved the right way. She's living proof of what happens when homes stay happy.

"Wrong?! The only thing that's wrong with this situation is the fact that first aid can't fix injustice! You and Elias are two beautiful star-crossed lovers that fate has stepped in to separate. But you know what I say? Screw fate! We are the masters of our own free will, and if I have anything to do with it—"

Maddie releases me only to rise to her feet and stand up on the locker bench, arms akimbo, like she's speaking to an invisible crowd.

"—you and your beloved Elias will be reunited post-haste!"

Maddie's voice comes out about twenty decibels louder than usual and ricochets around the softball team locker room. A wave of anxiety floods my chest similar to the way it did the day that infamous Daily Gawker post went live. 

The last time I wasn't careful about certain conversations, Cassie found my phone. She took blatant advantage of my privacy like it wasn't worth anything. Like my relationship with Elias was something she was entitled to. My therapist at Mountain Ridge told me that Cassie's actions were grounds for my dad to take legal action if he wanted to.

But he can't move forward with everything if he doesn't know anything about what happened. Some secrets are better kept far away from dinner table conversation. If he knew, he'd freak out. Everything would go back to the way it was in May—or worse. And I don't want to go through that again. I don't want anyone invading my privacy again. I just hope Maddie didn't just accidentally create another opportunity for a stranger to do so.

I frantically lift my finger to my lips and shush Maddie as quietly as I can smiling all the while. I love her for her earnestness and genuine support. I love her for her zany manifestos and fiery determination. I'm just—still afraid of too much to be as brazen and wild as she is.

"Maddie, thank you for everything. But can we continue this conversation outside? Someone might be—"

I cup my hand around my ear and gesture to her until she gets the message. But instead of stepping off her invisible podium, she stomps her feet in protest.

"Worried about eavesdroppers are we?! Well, let it be known that ANYONE WHO MAY BE SECRETLY CREEPING ON THIS CONVERSATION WILL BE BEATEN WITHIN AN INCH OF THEIR LIVES WITH A HOT PINK BASEBALL BAT SHOULD I CATCH THEM. YOU HAVE THIRTY SECONDS TO CONFESS AND REVEAL YOURSELF BEFORE I COME LOOKING FOR YOU! GOT THAT?!"

Maddie shouts into the void, and her voice echoes off the cinder block walls and seeps into every single corner of the locker room. She jumps down off the bench, sits next to me, and scans the room from behind her crooked sports glasses. Two minutes pass in tense silence until Maddie breaks it with a hardy laugh.

"See?! I told you we were alone. Nobody in their right mind would dare eavesdrop on us, chicas, after an announcement like that! Besides, Coach had us running an extra twenty minutes of laps after practice ended, only a weirdo would stick around this dingy place for that long, am I right?"

The rattle and clang of metal and wood smashing against the locker room floor echoes across the room and shatters Maddie's blind confidence along with it. She clutches her chest tight enough to catch her heart in her hands and stares over at me horrified. Her eyes double in size as she realizes the possible consequences of openly discussing a relationship that neither of us should've mentioned out loud. Especially not here.

The rumble of someone or something shuffling around in the opposite side of the locker room picks up again and Maddie slaps her hands over her mouth in shock. We sit there, frozen, while the not-so-distant noises come to a slow stop. And then suddenly the whole room's quiet.

The low buzz of the fluorescent lights hums through the silence while my heart drums away in my chest. Maddie slips out of her shoes, starts off in the direction where the disturbance came from, and motions for me to follow her.

I remove my dirt-caked cleats and tip-toe behind Maddie as she makes her way through row after row of crimson lockers. I hold my breath waiting to catch sight of someone trying to slip out unnoticed, but the room seems empty. But nothing at Mission Bay is ever what it seems.

Cassie seemed like a shy, fly on the wall who just liked taking yearbook photos when I first met her. She turned out to be someone completely different. And now she might be here. Again. Listening. Watching. Waiting for me to slip up so she can spill my secrets to the whole school or terrorize me for still feeling something for Elias.

Last night, it took an hour long phone call with Dr. Davis for me to have enough confidence to show up for practice today. I wasn't nearly as scared of the team's reaction compared to how anxious I was about Cassie's. 

I kept imagining how she'd look at me when she saw me. I almost could hear the unwanted conversation she'd inevitably pull me into like she did in the girls bathroom that morning. I haven't forgotten the hollow chill in her voice. I don't think I ever will.

The memory of that sound alone is enough to make me never want to have to interact with her again.

So when I showed up to practice today and found no trace of her, I was relieved.

But I guess I was foolish to be.

I struggle to steady my breathing as Maddie and I reach the end of the lockers and step into the space where the room splits. The bathroom and shower stalls are to the left of Maddie, and the small annex with the supply room is on my right. 

There's too much space left for us to cover and not enough enough time for us to do it together. I take Maddie by the shoulder and pull her backwards until she's close enough to hear me speaking no louder than a whisper.

"I don't wanna have to do this, but I think we should—"

"Split up! Right! Do you want a weapon? I can sneak back to my locker and get my bat if you want! I'm pretty good with my fists so don't worry about me."

I stifle a laugh despite the butterflies kicking up a storm in my chest.

"It's okay. But, if anything happens—or if Cassie's here, promise me that you'll—"

"Beat her to a pulp! You got it! If she even so much as points a camera in your direction, I'll make her wish she'd never been born."

"That's extreme, Maddie. I don't think we'll have to resort to that."

Maddie pops the pressure out of her knuckles and smirks at me.

"We'll see, my pacifist friend. We'll see. Anyway, you take the supply room, and I'll check the stalls. I'll whistle for you when it's all clear, okay?"

I nod even though my lungs are twisting and bending themselves out of shape with every second that passes.

"Okay."

I straighten up, breathe through the tension flooding the air, and separate from Maddie. I take one unsteady step after the other, further away from the main changing area and closer to the dimly lit annex up ahead. Nobody likes going to this area of the locker room for the sole reason of it looking like a scene straight out of a horror film. 

Coach Wilcox is so creeped out by the supply room's hospital green walls, flickering florescent lights, and loud boiler that he offered the position of "supply room organizer" up for grabs on the school bulletin board. Last time I checked, nobody'd signed up for the position, and the closer I get to the door, the more I understand why.

The wooden frame is splintered and worn to the point where it's visibly dangerous. I avoid touching the sides and reach for the door handle which is practically hanging off it's hinges. The metal screeches until the door gives way, and I hesitantly step inside. I feel around for the light switch and flip it on only for a handful of dim lights to flicker on overhead. 

I scan the rows of shelves without moving a single foot past the door's threshold. The room's bigger, darker, and more intimidating than I expected. Cobwebs coat the corners of the ceiling, but for a place that looks like it's mostly forgotten, the equipment in the room is surprisingly organized. Each shelf has what looks like newly laminated labels that clarify what belongs to whom and which team's things go where.

There's not a ball or cone out of place. The whole room looks recently swept and mopped which I can't really see Coach Calloway doing. The image of him sweating and cursing while scrubbing the room from head to toe calms me down a little. 

I step inside, turn my phone's flashlight on, and slowly make my way around the room looking for something or someone somewhere in the almost dark. I pass the second to last row of sports equipment and spot a pile of wooden and metal baseball bats spilled across the floor.

I inch closer only to find out that gravity was apparently what scared me and Maddie out of our minds. I laugh to myself, squat down, and start repacking each bat back into the worn for wear sports bag they fell out of. 

Once the bats are safely squared away, I catch sight of a small brown box lying on the ground a little ways ahead of me. Rubber banded packs of Sunflower seeds, Big League Chew, and a few boxes of Cracker Jacks are scattered on the ground where the mice will definitely eat them.

I pick up the empty box and read Coach Calloway's chaotic handwriting scrawled across the side.

"OPEN IN CASE OF WIN! FOR CHAMPIONSHIP GAME USE ONLY. KEEP OUT, PROPERTY OF C. CALLOWAY!"

I smile at his high hopes for our team and try my best to pack things away so nothing's out of place.

And then I hear it.

The slow scuffling of sneakers across the floor just steps behind me. I shoot up with two bags of sunflower seeds still in my hands, but seconds before I turn around to see who or what is behind me, the whole room disappears into white light. 

The click of a camera shutter sounds out from behind me, and my muscles lock in place. I stand there, rigid, terrified, barely breathing, and wait for the sound of her voice to cut across the quiet.

The footsteps inch closer, louder and more determined this time, but no matter how desperately I will myself to move. I can't.

The shadow of the person behind me closes in until there's practically no space left between us.

"Don't try to run. You're already caught. Just turn around and tell me who you are so I don't have to take your picture again. Coach knows you've been stealing and so do I s-so do us both a favor and fess up."

A hand snakes around my wrist and whips me around at lightning speed with frightening ease. I stare up at the silhouette of someone much stronger, taller, and more muscular than Cassie and suddenly realize just how easy it is for a stranger to make you feel completely helpless. 

I've heard rumors of things like this happening to girls who end up alone on campus after school. My dad said that there are always people watching you which was why he always wanted me to be careful.

But I wasn't careful today.

I shut my eyes to shut out everything and whisper out a broken apology.

"Please—let go. I promise I won't say anything to anyone about this if you just—"

"L-Lacey?"

Sometimes, when you miss someone, you imagine them in impossible places. Desperation demands what the heart secretly wants until those wants will themselves into existence.

Elias is standing inches away from me in the low light, his hair longer and shaggier than it was when we parted ways. He stares at me, eyes wide and lips parted like he's just as confused and awestruck by this situation as I am.

I blink and wait for him to disappear.

For the gentle warmth of his fingers wrapped around my wrist to fade.

For the soft brush of his breath to stop sparking fires across my skin.

For the illusion of what I've been silently hoping for to dissolve into reality.

But nothing changes.

Nothing aside from the unsteady smile that barely finds its way to his lips as he gazes down at me.

I watch him, waiting for the light in his smile to reach his eyes, but they stay dull. Tired. Confused. The confidence he used to carry on his shoulders is nowhere in sight. His face is thinner and more angular than it used to be. So much so that the space under his eyes is more hollow than I ever thought they'd be.

I try not to stare. I try to hide the way I feel his sadness like it's a part of myself. I try to lie through a smile like I used to, but today, I can't.

Today, I'm trying to be honest.

I open my mouth to apologize for hurting him, for not telling him why I left, for being small and afraid when I should've been strong. But my words get lost somewhere in the silence.

Everything I should be saying dissolves like sugar on my tongue.

All of my overdue apologies.

All of my explanations.

All of my excuses.

Vaporize in an instant.

And all it takes is an instant of frustration, confusion, and sadness to overwhelm me completely. Tears burn their way down my cheeks before I can excuse or stop them.

So Elias stops them for me.

He lets go of my wrist, and reaches out until the heat of his fingertips melt against my skin. He brushes my silent apologies away from my cheeks and lets his hand linger there. Seconds stretch into what feels like minutes, and I lose myself in a single moment with him. A million questions flicker to life in his eyes as he studies my face in silence.

I almost reach up, hold his hand, and lean into the warmth of his sincerity.

But then his touch disappears from me.

Elias's eyes dart away from mine and down toward the floor like he's lost himself completely.

"Sorry—I just—wanted to see if you were—"

"Here."

"Y-eah. You are, right? I'm not, umm, seeing things?"

"No, I-I came back. Sorry, I should've said something—"

"I thought you left. I thought that maybe I—uh, made you wanna transfer somewhere else, and I w-wanted to tell you how sorry I was, but I didn't know how. I didn't think you'd wanna hear from me again so I've kinda been praying about it a lot. I mean, I've been praying about a lot of things lately. It works when life sucks, you know?"

Elias's eyes glisten in the low light, but he's quick to blink himself back from the edge of caving in.

"I do. And I'm sorry if I made things hard for you—when I left. I didn't say anything about leaving, and I should've. Things were complicated back then, and—there's a lot I wanna talk about with you if that's okay—"

"It's more than okay, but—can you give me a second, actually? I gotta do something first. It won't take long, I promise."

Elias reaches for my shoulder, but then stops inches away from making contact.

"Is it okay if I touch you? Y-your shoulder, I mean? Sorry, that sounded weird. I didn't mean for it to. I just wanted to ask 'cause I touched your face earlier, and I probably shouldn't have 'cause we're not together anymore, and I don't want you to think I don't respect you—'cause I do. I-I just figured I'd ask so I don't cross the line."

Even in a dimly lit room the flush in Elias's cheeks burns through the dark.

"It's okay."

Elias reaches out and gently places his hand on the curve of my shoulder. He steadies himself, bows his head, and whispers into the quiet. I wait for him to finish, holding my breath until he finally lifts his eyes away from the ground and focuses his gaze on mine.

"What were you doing?" I ask, maybe a little too abruptly.

Elias nods toward the ceiling and slips into a grateful smile.

"Thanking the Big Guy, I guess."

"For what?"

"For saving a miracle for me."

***

Thank you guys so much for reading/listening this week! I'm super excited to share next week's update with you guys so you can see what becomes of Elias's and Lacey's reunion. Update should be out next weekend unless stated otherwise!

#RealTalkQuestionoftheWeek

1. Have you ever wanted to get back together with an ex? If so, did things work out between you or not? 

2. Do you think Elias and Lacey should explore the idea of getting back together at this stage? Why or why not?