NOTE: DON'T MISS OUT ON THIS WEEK'S AUDIOBOOK. kaelking12 gives a fantastic performance that'll have you on the edge of your seat. 

https://youtu.be/CkOuQxCmjzg

CHAPTER 18

Elias

Trish is waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs with Josh stuck to her side. He's making out with her neck crease, and I just don't have the heart to tell him how weird it looks. Whatever. Nobody will remember it happened in the morning.

"Yo,J! You coming with us? Trish found Lacey. She's waiting over on Cardinal's side, and I need my wingman!" I say, but Josh is too busy groping his way around Trish's waist to look in my direction. Eventually, he realizes I'm standing directly in front of him and grins at me like he did we when first started hanging out in middle school.

"Eli, I love you, man, but I'm not going anywhere until we shut out those Cardinals before half-time. I'll catch up with ya'll later! Take good care of him, T!" He plants a sloppy kiss somewhere south of Trish's eye which she pretends to enjoy.

"Will do, babe. Follow the leader, Elias."

And, hopefully, this is the last time I do.

***

A gaggle of Trish's friends come running over to greet her at the backside of the Cardinal bleachers. Three preppy girls in uniform dresses and pleated skirts sweep Trish up in a four-way hug and bounce up and down like they're standing in the middle of a trampoline. A cloud of their sticky sweet perfume wafts through the air, and my mind flickers back to the point where everything about these girls would've gotten my attention.

Thirteen-year-old me would've dropped dead if you told him he'd end up standing around shaking hands and smiling at the kind of crowd who'd put the Stacey Brenners of the world to shame. But a lot's changed since then, and, I have too, 'cause instead of wasting my time getting distracted by Trish's friends, I'm scanning the crowd for Lacey.

A light tap on my shoulder pulls my attention away from where I want it to be and over to a green-eyed girl standing next to me. She lifts up on her tiptoes to talk to me like she isn't already close enough.

"So, you're the lover boy Trish told us about, right?" She asks, but before I can answer the question, her friends break out in a flurry of muffled laughs and whispers. I clear the cobwebs out of my throat and try to act like their chattering isn't making my skin crawl.

"Yeah. Is your classmate here? Trish said she'd be around--"

"Oh, she's around alright. I'm sure you'll find her if you look hard enough."

The shortest one of Trish's friends lets out a full on cackle and then points me in the direction of the back gate a little ways off from the bleachers.

"Good luck, Romeo. If it doesn't work out, call me."

I'm gone before another toxic word leaves any of their mouths. I speed walk ahead, trying my best to ignore the thud of sloppy footsteps following right behind mine. Trish calls out my name, but I ignore her and keep moving forward toward the silhouette of an auburn-haired girl standing in a Cardinal sweatshirt near the field's back gate. 

Her back's to me, hoodie up, but I'd know that Softball team logo anywhere. Her style's the same too. She's wearing easy-going jeans with holes around the knees big enough to spot from behind. 

I found her. I feel it. And I'm not missing out on my shot.

I weave through groups of strangers holding my breath hoping that when I reach Lacey that her smile will fix everything wrong with tonight. But Trish stops me short. She sprints in front of me and blocks my path—hands outstretched, eyes wild and desperate.

"Elias, wait—"

I side step her, but she grabs me by the wrist to keep me from moving any further away.

"Let go, Trish! I didn't come here for you!"

"Did you come here for that?"

Trish nods in the direction of where Lacey was standing and waits for me to follow her sight line.

I turn around and immediately wish I hadn't.

Lacey's still leaning against the gate—back of her head tilted against the metal, low pony tail gracing her shoulders— but she isn't alone anymore.

A gaggle of girls who must be her friends are cheering her on, shouting, "Go for it "L", while a tall preppy blonde guy struts toward her with all the confidence in the world.

Lacey's whole body language changes the closer he gets, and once he reaches her, she stands up on her tip-toes and wraps her arms around him.

And, for a split second, I still hold onto hope.

I still believe in not giving up until I know she's taken.

And then he takes her.

He kisses her the way I wish I was kissing her.

The way I would have if she hadn't slipped through my fingers.

Again.

Half of me wants to cross the thirty or so feet left between me and her to get close enough to see her face clearly. To see past the mess of hair hiding her profile.

To be sure.

But I can't take standing here any longer.

The situation speaks for itself.

Trish went looking for Lacey.

And this is who she found.

I don't need to see the face hidden behind the hoodie to figure out the rest of this equation.

I just need to walk away.

Like I should've in the first place.

I force myself to turn around, dig my heels into the pavement, and disappear into the crowd. Hundreds of people are streaming back toward their cars to amp themselves up for the second half of the game while I'm scrambling to find a way out of this stadium. Out of this situation. Out of my life. My heart's beating like it's bruised--slamming itself against my ribs over and over again until the pain makes a home in my chest.

It wasn't supposed to be like this. I wasn't supposed to end up feeling this stupid and this small. Tanner said things would be different. Caleigh told me I had a chance. They promised me I did, and I listened.

I listened.

And now I'm here.

Alone. Trying to bury the fact that everything that just happened has me feeling way too much when I didn't have to let it get this far.

I shouldn't have hoped for anything because this is where hope leads you at the end of the day.

Right back into bad habits.

I spot Josh's car parked not too far from where I'm wandering and b-line for it hoping that he'll have a solution to my situation sitting in his trunk. I jet past our school's snack stands, slamming shoulders with people I half-recognize but could care less about right now. The exit appears ahead of me, but then Trish pops up and blocks my path again.

"Elias, look, I know you're upset about what happened back there, but I--"

"You what? Set me up, so I could embarrass myself in front of all your friends?! What the hell was that, Trish? Why'd you even offer to help me if you knew Lacey was--"

"I didn't know, Eli!"

"Don't call me that. You don't get to call me that."

"Look, when I asked my friend about Lacey for you--she said she didn't know if she was single or not. But you looked so excited about meeting her, I just hoped everything would work itself out, you know, for you and--"

"Work out? If that were true, you wouldn't have trash talked Lacey everytime her name came up. I just made myself look like an idiot, right? Am I some kind of joke to you? Do you like messing around with me just because it's fun?"

A new kind of hurt flashes across Trish's eyes, and I immediately regret letting my mouth fly off the handle. I sound like my dad. Blaming her for something that isn't her fault. This situation isn't anyone's fault but mine.

"Listen, you don't have to believe me, but I genuinely wanted to help you out tonight. You're my boyfriend's best friend. I just wanted---"

Trish reaches out and takes my hands in hers with a kind of sincerity I've never seen before.

"---I just wanted to try to do something to make up for everything that happened between us. If I'd known Laurie--"

"You mean Lacey."

"--if I'd known Lacey had a boyfriend I never would've taken you back there. You know that, right?"

Trish's voice comes out so small and broken that it takes the edge off some of my anger and turns it into guilt. It'd be so easy to blame her for all of this. For the summer going wrong. For things with Lacey not panning out. For everything. But she didn't do anything wrong. I did. I stupidly hoped for things I didn't have the right to.

I hooked up with girls I shouldn't have touched. And now I have to live with the consequences. But then again, maybe I don't. At least for tonight.

"Trish I—I'm sorry, okay? There's a lot going on in my head right now, and honestly, I just wanna turn my brain off for a couple hours."

Trish lets go of my hands and then throws a party girl smile in my direction. I'm jealous. Jealous of the fact that she's standing here, teetering on her feet, letting alcohol lift her miles above the drama that's spilling out of this stadium.

"Well, then, why didn't you ask sooner? I've got an insta-cure for broken hearts that's never let me down."

She pulls down the front of her shirt and unearths a silver flask from her bra which she hands to me without a second thought. I take it and shove it into my back pocket as fast as humanly possible. If anybody saw either of us with this, we'd be expelled first thing Monday morning. But that's the thing about Trish--when it comes to rules and boundaries--she doesn't have any. She lives the way she wants to. The way I wish I could.

"Dude, how'd you even get in here with a flask?"

"I had it stashed in the best hiding place in the world," she says.

Trish puffs out her chest, and I physically have to force myself not to let my eyes drift south.

"What's in it? Whiskey?"

"Does it matter? You said you wanted to tap out of life for a little while, and this is your answer."

I run my fingers along the flask in my pocket but don't have the balls to take it back out into the open.

"I hear what you're saying, but there's teachers all over the place, T. What if we get caught?"

Fire light dances across Trish's eyes as she takes a couple steps away from me and motions for me to follow her.

"Being on the run is half the fun, Elias. So grab your flask, tip it back, and enjoy the ride."

###

I don't know how we got here.

Hidden under the bleachers away from stadium lights. Away from eyes and ears and consequences.

Trish was right. A couple swigs from her little flask of fun is all I needed to float. To flicker out of myself and all things life-related for a little while.

And as wrong as all this is, it feels good.

Too good.

I'm laying in the dirt, hands behind my head, staring up at rows upon rows of metal stairs and seats stretching into the space where the sky should be.

It's almost peaceful down here.

My body's pressed against the gravel, but I'm totally numb to the pain.

I shut my eyes to see if I'll free fall further away from myself and away from the sadness, but then Trish pulls me back down to earth.

Her hand collides with my chest, and I look up to find her filling in the space above me where the bleachers used to be.

"You better not pass out on me, Eli. I have no plans to drag you back to the stands before the game ends."

Trish lets out a laugh, and suddenly, she's so close I can almost taste the whiskey on her lips.

"Just call Josh. He'll come get me. He's my boy."

"So what does that make me?"

I stare up at her confused. Not knowing how or when she ended up next to me, over me. And close. So close.

"Trish, what are you—"

"You didn't answer my question, Eli? What am I to you?"

I try to lift my hands up to stop gravity from pushing her further down into trouble, but my muscles move like molasses. She pins me to the dirt and laughs at the sound I make when she lowers her body on top of mine.

"You're Josh's girlfriend. Please, Trish—"

"Please, what?"

She takes my hands and guides them underneath her tank top and up the length of her waist. She's soft. So soft.

And so dangerous.

Because I'm so damn lonely that I'm starting to see and feel things that I shouldn't.

I stare up at her, dazed. It's dark enough down here to get lost in illusions.

So I do.

Trish's hair's everywhere, spilling down over her shoulders, filling the air with the scent of coconuts and Hawaiian flowers that remind me of the beach.

I blink, and I'm back there again, standing in the food truck parking lot by the water watching Lacey laugh and smile just inches away from me. I wait for her to turn around and disappear into the crowd like she did that day, but we're alone this time. There's no mob of Mission Bay gawkers or gossips watching anything we do. So I do the one thing I wish I could've.

I kiss her—I take her face in my hands and lose myself in her lips.

And she lets me.

She lets me run my hands through her hair and hold her tight enough to feel the heat rising off her sun-kissed skin.

But suddenly she's too close.

Too real.

Lacey fades out of focus, and Trish takes her place.

And she's taken things too far.

My body forces me back to reality as I slowly realize I've lost complete and total control over it. Trish is barely dressed. I'm shirtless barely breathing underneath her.

And I don't know how this happened.

Or how I let things go this far.

But I have to stop.

I have to—

"Trish, no—we can't—"

Everybody says that when you find the right girl, the whole world slows down.

That when you kiss her, a minute stretches out for miles.

But Trish's lips hit me fast. About as fast as she slips her tongue into my mouth and pushes up against me until we're connected in all the wrong ways.

I wanna get out of this fast. Faster than she kissed me. Fast enough for her to know how much I don't want any more of this or any more of her.

But no matter how fast I think I react.

It's not fast enough.

'Cause the look on Josh's face when I finally pull away from her--only tells me exactly how fast a friendship can fall apart.

In less than seconds.

### 

#Realtalkquestion of the Week

What do you think Josh will do next? 

Does him and Elias's friendship stand a chance after something like this?

Thank you guys so much for reading/listening and voting you guys! Kristen and I worked our hands off to write something that we hope was an emotionally rollercoaster for you & we can't wait to share the next update! Next chapter should be up FRIDAY, Jan. 24th!