The light above Taehyung's head begins to flicker, casting the hallway of the sidewalk outside his porch. It illuminates the outlines of Jeongguk's features.

When he gets off the motorbike, he stands there for a long moment. A part of him wants to stay here. A part of him thinks that maybe he shouldn't even be here in the first place, that the life he had before isn't his to take back anymore.

Even on a night like this, when the city is isn't full and there's adrenaline coursing through their body's, Taehyung doesn't want to get inside.

"Thank you for taking me home.."

Taehyung finally says, gaze still fixated at the outlines of Jeongguk's motorcycle. It's a bit ironic the way the weather matches the atmosphere between them. Jeongguk has always been cold.

Again, Jeongguk is quiet. He stares back, gaze impassively hard to read.

Taehyung is so good at appearing to be put together. He's good at pretending to be completely not dazzled, but Taehyung also knows that it's not always like this.

He thinks they're both good at being pretenders, but the difference is that Jeongguk doesn't let it swallow him whole.

Taehyung waits. Holds his breath again that he doesn't realize feels like the blood running through his veins like anxiety. Sometimes he thinks, he can only make things worse. But the blonde looks up in the end, meet's Jeongguk's gaze instantly when he moves closer.

The boxer is straightening out before him, on the seat of his engine and stares Taehyung right in the eyes.

Who's face downcast in embarrassment as the blush spreads to his ears, following the warmness of his soft cheeks.

Because then he suddenly shiftily move forward, and presses a quick kiss on Jeongguk's cheek.

The ballerina instantly becomes full red when he pulls away, before turning quickly on his shoes and heading towards the door.

But there's a strong grip on his wirst pulling him back before Taehyung can even gather out a step.

Taehyung instantly finds the other's gaze lingering on him when he is turned back. Nothing but close pimoxity when Jeongguk had pulled him to close.

He doesn't understand how Jeongguk can look at him like this. Like Taehyung had done something wrong and right at the same time.

It's almost crazy, how between Jeongguk's legs he feels small, when he was the one who moved first this time. But when Jeongguk's hand's and lingered gaze came up to hold his face between his cold fingers, he realizes Jeongguk will always take his breath away.

"If we do this you will hate me in the end" Jeongguk argues stiffly, his breath feels cold against his, but his fingers still became so warm.

Taehyung opens his mouth, indignant retort on the tip of his tongue. But Jeongguk warn cuts him before anything.

"You will regret it"

Jeongguk's doesn't look up when Taehyung says softly, defeatedly "I told you. I already know that"

He blushes when Jeongguk leans closer and his gaze observes him so carefully.

Jeongguk is speaking a truth so dangerous it could crush him. He thinks Taehyung is too good for being crushed.

Taehyung doesn't matter to Jeongguk, and Jeongguk doesn't matter to Taehyung. They're both a part of two separate worlds with an impossible difference between them. They don't clash together, they aren't supposed to clash together. Like black and white, their difference stands out to any remedy.

But in reality, they have never been good at following rules.

They weren't friends.

But they weren't boyfriends either.

Maybe they were something in between, maybe more. And it was enough, Taehyung thinks it's enough when Jeongguk's eyes hold him so close.

Jeongguk breathes deeply. A deep, shuddering sound that goes lowly past his lips when he observes Taehyung's soft eyes. "You're not allowed to back out of this"

"I know" Taehyung whispers out softly, and despite Jeongguk's rough fingers from all the bruises, when he holds his face in his, caressing his cheek, they feel so warm.

Jeongguk will always be a monster. Even if Taehyung doesn't know anything beneath his anger and reckless words.

That sometimes Jeongguk's words are too harsh, Sometimes his harshness towards the world cuts people like a razor.

But Jeongguk's careful touch, never feels like that when Taehyung smiles softly between his bruised fingers.

___

"I'm home!"  Taehyung exclaims as soon as he closes the door behind him. His heart a pitter-patter.

He feels a little beating mess inside, like he can take the gentle touch off of his skin, and pretend that he isn't allowed to feel.

He swiftly takes off his shoes, and Jeongguk's warm leather jacket off him when he moves inside the kitchen.

"I'm sorry i'm late, I-"

"Taehyung dear!"

"how could you not tell us Hyun already came back?"

Taehyung doesn't know how much time passes after his mother's words. All he's aware of is that his aching feet feel like they're sinking on him. He's burning again, and he wants to get away but nothing moves,

There's voices that continue talking but it all becomes background noise because Taehyung can't feel.

He's hollow, but this time there's no other reality to escape to and it hits him. This time, for the first time..he feels completely numb.

When the person who makes his insde skin crawl  is sitting on his dinner table, between his smiling, warming parents.

"It's nice to see you again, Taehyung" Hyun teases.

_

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