Chapter 49: Swinging between edges
2nd August, 2018
Fun fact: I have updated more chapters in the last two months, than I did the past half year. #Alhamdulilah #PerksOfFinishingCollege 😉
"And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour."
(Quran 17:23)
Chapter 49:
Swinging between edges
Ms. Anabya,
This is a reminder e-mail to inform you of your interview with us tomorrow, Tuesday, at 10:00 a.m. Please respond to this mail to confirm your presence.
Anabya stared at her phone screen, her fingers twitching to reply to the mail in affirmative. Her eyes burned due to the intensity with which she gazed at the message, and with a heavy sigh, she closed her eyes and glanced away, as she focused her attention to Shamaaz while he watched football.
For a minute, she stepped into his shoes, and seeing the world through his eyes, she realized how peaceful his life was at the moment. He had a promising career ahead of him, he had achieved his biggest childhood dream, people over the world admired him, he had a wife that he claimed to be in love with, in his view, their married life was going perfect, here he was chilling in his glamorous apartment while enjoying his current break from work - everything was calm and serene, he absolutely had no baggage of any sort.
And then there was Anabya! Oh, Anabya!
A deep thinker, a pessimist with an optimistic heart, letting herself feel more emotions than she could afford, halting her mind from over thinking into a future that she had no direction to, swinging between wanting to live a life on her terms and accommodating the happiness of everyone attached to her, too many red flags buried in the ground which she stood on, silently hoping they'd stay underground and things would get better on their own. She was the girl with dreams, but now she was ready to give room to reality, but that came with a heavy price tag of one sided compromise.
Anabya wondered if this is what her dearest brother, Furqaan felt when she hadn't allowed him to fight her battle for her and gave in to her mother's request of marrying Shamaaz. Because that's how she felt at the moment, she had been ready to face all challenges in her path, but knowing that her mum wasn't with her, she was absolutely helpless.
And so, with a heavy heart she wrote back to them, and stated that they could cancel the scheduled interview for she had personal commitments and she couldn't make it to work.
And if someone would question her on her commitments, she'd sigh and tell them, she was busy serving society's expectations that could never be met.
She felt disappointed. She felt disappointed in herself but there's nothing she could do about it, not when her mum was against it. Disrespecting her mother was never an option for Anabaya – never – and although she was hurt by her, and she absolutely wished her mum could think about her daughter and her happiness, she'd never go against her. As long as she didn't ask her to go against Islam, she would not go against her, even if that decision hurt her, even if that made her upset with her mother, disobedience was not an option, not even after being married and living a life of her own. That was the culture she was raised in, because while her happiness resided in the job she had been looking forward to, she couldn't go ahead with it if it meant doing so earning her mother's displeasure. Because the way she saw it, Allah would definitely love the fact that she was serving the society, but what mattered more to Allah, The Most High, was obedience to your parents and weighing them both, she was left with no other option.
Ask her in her sleep, and she'd still say she'd wished her mum to be more understanding, she wished she could look past the lens of society, but for now, she decided to leave it to Allah. Only He could help her, and reward her.
"Bya, you okay? What have you been thinking about?"
She was interrupted in her thoughts by Shamaaz's genuine curiosity and Anabya glanced at him, her heart begging her to lessen its load, to uplift this burden and talk to someone but she swallowed back its protests.
The worst part about all of this was, Shamaaz didn't even know the turmoil she was going through and while she wanted to share it with someone, it definitely wasn't him. In these few months of their relationship, she didn't see him as someone she could have a heart to heart with. Could she be blamed, though? As it is, it took her so much patience and coaxing to try to get him to see her perspective, and most of the times she tried, he refused to even try to understand her. And this time too, she was sure if he spoke, it would either be in support of his angelic mother, or he'd just ask her to get over it.
And she was so done with seeing his side of the story, where the emergence of problems meant pretending like they don't exist. Talking about it was out of the option for him.
"Nothing," she finally replied.
"Don't be like this, Bya. You were so chilled out in Dadi Masi's haveli, and suddenly you've become all serious."
"We should have stayed for a few more days," she answered. "After a very long time, I felt at peace there."
"Really? You should have told me then, we would have extended our stay."
"But you had said you had a few meetings after returning, so I thought it wouldn't be possible."
"I would have postponed it for you, should have told me."
She started at him, the sincerity in his words tearing her part. It was so easy when you for sure liked someone, or were certain that you disliked them. But here, she was torn between the extremities, and at this point, she didn't know how to feel anymore.
Shamaaz wasn't a bad person.
He was different, and he stressed her out, but he wasn't a bad person. Having said that, you also couldn't deny both of them came from different planets, and almost never reached a common ground, which is where their problems resided.
"Nevermind, we'll plan our honeymoon super soon, maybe after the IPL next month. What do you say?"
"In sha Allah," she smiled, what else could she say?
"Do you have any specific plans or do I get to choose?"
Ask the teenager Anabya, and she'd tell you she wanted to go to a place of snow capped mountains, and run in garden fields, they'd book a villa by the beach where the waves would greet them every morning, they'd have breakfast by the shore and end the day with a cozy candle lit dinner in a romantic set up where it was just the two of them, and their love for each other under the star lit sky.
But now, she just shook her head, and replied, "You can choose, Shamaaz."
"Shall we make it adventurous? We can include some fun activities, how about bungee jumping?"
Nope, they don't come from different planets, they come from different galaxies altogether!
"No can do," she replied immediately.
"But why?"
"My definition of a honeymoon is far far from this."
"I see. You do have a definition of honeymoon, then? I thought you were too decent to have one," he smirked.
"How much do you even know me, Shamaaz?"
"I know you enough to fall for you all over again."
"Pretty words, no wonder you have girls go gaga over you."
"Are you gaga over me yet?" He asked, his eyes twinkling.
"Can we skip that question?" She asked instead.
"You're very smart," he replied.
"You've said that a few times," Anabya beamed and he grinned in return.
"Have I also told you that you are gorgeous, and your curls make me go crazy?" He asked, twirling a lock of her hair around his finger and Anabya looked away, fighting a blush.
"Would you like to have tea?" She asked instead out of nowhere and Shamaaz groaned.
"For the love of God, you're supposed to flirt back."
"HOW?" She asked pensively , as she got up to heat the milk.
"Don't ask how, I've given you plenty of chances, it's not like you try," he grumbled.
"Unlike you, I've never had friends from the opposite sex, so casual flirting is not my thing, perks of being a Muslim girl," she grinned sweetly. "Either that or I'm just awkward like that."
"Definitely awkward," he said, sighing dramatically, as he followed her to the kitchen.
"When are you going to meet your friends?" She questioned a little while later as she strained his tea in a cup, and followed it with the same for her coffee.
"I'll leave in a bit, why?"
"I actually wanted to go the parlor, the last time I cut my hair was during my wedding and it's been what 6 months already!" She replied.
"You're not cutting your hair," he protested instantly.
"Calm down, I'm only going to trim it, my hair is falling like crazy since we've been travelling so much."
"Oh! Do you know where you want to go, though?"
"Yeah, I asked Aysha actually, she suggested the place where she goes, said it's nice."
"You're in touch with Aysha?" He asked, surprised.
"We text each other a few times," Anabya nodded.
"That's nice."
"Anyhow, I was planning to go there..."
"I'll drop you, text me when you're done, I can come and pick you too."
"Sure? I can go by myself if it's too much work for you."
"What work? I have no problem absolutely," he insisted. "And once you're out of the parlor, you'll be too groomed for me to actually let you travel alone," he mused.
"Why, are you scared?" She chortled.
"Can't have someone else fall for the even more beautiful you," he replied solemnly, hand on his chest.
"Sure sure," Anabya rolled her eyes, exaggeratedly. "Can we leave now then? I'll just put on my hijab."
"You need lessons on romance," he huffed, turning around to fetch his shoes while Anabya proceeded towards the bedroom, silently giggling at his expression.
On her way out, she noticed their yet to finish Jenga tower in the corner, and she was suddenly struck with an idea. Her instant reaction was to shake her head at the thought, and while all the way out she was debating in her mind, when they reached their destination, and Anabya hopped out of the car, and she looked at Shamaaz, although she was hesitant, something about him, and the way he bid her goodbye pushed her to the edge.
He was in for a huge surprise tonight, in sha Allah!
***
Hours later, Anabya walked out of the parlor, a small smile on her face as she waited in the lounge. She wasn't one to take spontaneous decisions, she usually put too much thought even into the littlest of things, which is why she almost always had her heart broken by life. But this time, she was just so emotionally drained with the tiff with her mum, conflicted with Shamaaz's behavior, lonely because there was no one here to understand her and with her emotions in different routes, she opted for one silly little thing that thrilled her.
And so far, she loved the decision, and she could only hope she wouldn't wake up next morning regretting it.
Her encounter was funny though, because the hairdresser was miserable the minute she thanked her for her splendid job and covered her masterpiece with the hijab.
"Sweetheart, you look stunning with your new locks, that's so many hours of hard work too, you aren't tempted to flaunt it?" She had asked.
"Not really, I'd rather flaunt it in front of people who deserve it."
"I like the confidence," she had beamed and added, "If I'm not mistaken, you're Shamaaz's wife, right?"
"Yes, but how did you know?"
"My previous client here had seen you at a party, and I heard her whisper to her friend on the phone, "OH MY GOD I THINK I JUST SAW THE BYA WE TRY TO STALK SO MUCH!"
Anabya had felt slightly conscious upon discovering the little information, but had simply laughed with her and thanking her, she walked out.
Now, as she waited for Shamaaz, she looked up, slightly surprised when someone tapped on her shoulder.
"Aysha?"
"Anabya, assalamu alaikum, how have you been?"
She stood up to accept her hug and replied, "Wa alaikum as salaam, Aysha, I'm well. It's so good to see you."
"Same here, Anabya, it's been months since we last met."
"Yeah, I know, I wasn't in town, Aysha. Had gone to my hometown when Shamaaz was busy with his World Cup, and shortly after returning, we went to visit his Dadi Masi, it's been a few days since we returned home."
"Ah, I see, you've been busy. But I'm so glad you took my suggestion and came to this salon, had I known earlier that you had plans of coming here today, I would have offered to come with you. Did you like it here?"
"Alhamdulilah, I'm glad with the result. And yes, we can definitely catch up some other time, don't worry."
"You've come to the boutique only once, drop by some other time and we could plan for lunch after that."
"In sha Allah, I'll definitely let you know about that," she smiled.
"How are you going by the way?"
"Shamaaz is coming to pick me."
"That guy doesn't leave you alone, does he?" Aysha laughed, "Some possessive husband he's become."
"He's a bit concerned since he feels I'm still new in this city."
"I completely understand, I was just kidding. In fact, it's nice to see him like this."
Anabya smiled in reply just as her phone beeped with Shamaaz's incoming call, thus bidding Aysha goodbye and promising that they could catch up soon, she sprinted down the stairs.
She waited for a few vehicles to pass by and quickly crossed the road to Shamaaz as he waited for her in the car.
After greeting him, she asked, "You didn't have to wait for long, did you?"
"Nope."
"I met Aysha in the lounge while I was waiting for you, we were catching up on the general stuff."
"Yeah? What did she say?"
"Asked me to visit her sometime, offered to have lunch together too."
"You should definitely go ahead with the plan then, I'd love it if you make new friends in the city."
"Friends, the plural form is a bit too much."
"Why?"
"I have very few people who I call friends, Shamaaz. Unlike you, I don't open up that easily to everyone."
He slowly nodded, as if taking in that information, and replied, "It's good to have friends, Bya, life's better when you have people who care for you."
"I know," she replied, and although she wanted to elaborate on it, she didn't.
She wasn't very fond of this characteristic of hers, but this is who she was. She had a tough time trusting people, so although she knew many people at the level of acquaintance, she had a selected few she called friends. She didn't make friends easily, but once she did, those people occupied a special place in her heart and this was something Shamaaz would never understand, especially because his life revolved around meeting people and living his best moments with them.
Engulfed in her thoughts, as they waited at a traffic light, Anabya spotted a mother cat with a kitten on the sidewalk and said,
"I wish we could adopt a kitten."
"Anything but keeping a cat at home," Shamaaz shook his head instantly.
"I don't understand how can you not like cats?"
"I didn't say I don't like them, I just have no special feelings for them."
"I really want a pet at home, Shamaaz, you should consider it. I actually miss Snowy."
"Why do you miss her? She thinks she's royalty and treats you like her slave, do you like that feeling?"
"Hey don't say that about my baby. Had I known then that you wouldn't entertain this idea, I'd ask for a cat in Mahr."
"Thank God you didn't, I would literally have given everything you asked at that time," he confessed.
"Should have made use of that opportunity," she mumbled. "Snowy was actually Raiyyan Bhai's gift to Tam, you know? He even convinced mum to get over her pet phobia and accept Snowy as the new member of our family."
"Really? Your sister should have taken her then, why did she leave the spoilt brat in your place?"
"Anyone who talks ill about Snowy automatically enters my bad books, just informing," Anabya said, glaring at Shamaaz while he rolled his eyes at how offended she felt. "Sulaiman, and all of us for that matter, got attached to Snowy and Raiyyan Bhai already had two similar cats at his place, so she left her with us after she got married."
"Oh!" Shamaaz nodded before continuing, "Anyway, how short is your hair now, I want to see."
When all she did was smile wickedly, he looked at her suspiciously.
"Don't tell me you did something stupid, Bya."
She smiled again, and he went bonkers.
"You didn't get a pixie cut, did you?"
"You were the one who said you liked adventures," she grinned.
"So that does mean you've cut those precious curls?"
"I didn't say yes."
"So it means you only trimmed your hair?"
"I didn't say no either," she laughed.
"I'm going to disown you if you've done something silly, I'm telling you, Bya."
"My life, my hair, my rules," she shrugged.
"I see. Just wait till we get home," he warned, horrified.
She only shrugged, bemused and once they reached the apartment, Shamaaz folded his arms across his chest, raising an eyebrow as he waited for her to unpin her hijab.
Her lips curving upwards, she removed her hijab, biting her lip in amusement when Shamaaz did a double take.
"No way," he gasped, his lips forming an 'o' as he took in this new makeover. She had only trimmed her hair, alright, but she had gone one step further and streaked them red.
And that's when he remembered, the other day when they were playing the tower game, he had told her that although she wouldn't, he felt she would look amazing if she streaked her hair red. Never in a million years did he think she'd actually do something like this.
"I didn't want to think too much into it. I've always wanted to color my hair, but I never actually went ahead with the idea. But today, I didn't stop to ponder twice, and red seemed like a color worth risking."
"You look amazing," he said, falling short of words. "Wait, hold on," he continued, coming forward as he wrapped his arm around her and gently ran his fingers through her blow driedhair
"Red is my favourite color on you," he murmured, in love with the sight before him.
He was deeply in love with her, and there was no turning around!
***
A few weeks later, while Shamaaz was busy with the upcoming IPL, Anabya felt strange. That afternoon, she walked to the kitchen with her stomach feeling uneasy and her heart feeling queasy.
She skimmed through the calendar that hung on one of the walls right in the corner, and followed the pattern of her period which was on time from the past several months. She shifted her attention to this month, and it was three days late.
Her lips suddenly went dry, and her heart started beating so loudly that she could hear it pound in her ears. She used her palm to wipe away the beads of sweat that graced her forehead and swallowing painfully, she told her mind it was probably not what she was thinking.
No, she was over thinking as usual, it couldn't be that.
She hurriedly walked to the bedroom, everything around her a blur as she wore her hijab, rushed to the departmental store, and came back with the test that would dictate the result of her assumptions.
She was trembling as she read the instructions and carried out the test, feeling dizzy waiting for the result.
Her marriage with Shamaaz was a roller coaster, they were still so shaky, their foundation was wobbly, and they had so many unresolved issues. Between all of this, never had Anabya stopped to ponder over the possibility of a baby just yet. For God's sake, there were days when she questioned this whole marriage; any other thought hadn't even crossed her mind no matter how obvious it was considering their relationship! With Shamaaz, she was taking one step at a time, her mind hadn't gotten the time to even remotely go near the idea of parenthood.
Was Shamaaz ready to be a father, he was such a baby himself!
And even still, at this point in life, was she ready to become a mother? It had once been her dream but now, it felt too unreal, too daunting.
And as these thoughts whirled around in her mind, she lost balance when her questions were answered with a single sign.
She was pregnant.
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