She could feel his breath against her skin, her heart beating fast inside her ribcage. Her hands were shaking, but she tried not to show it. All of her was a mess, and she didn't understand why. She shouldn't be nervous. They were just friends, and this changed nothing.

His eyes closed, and she followed suit, pressing her gloss coated lips against his. She didn't move, afraid she would scare him, and pulled away after a few seconds. Her eyes opened to stare into his own, but he leaned in once more, kissing her again.

"Alice?" Carolina's voice snapped her out of her thoughts.

She moved her head towards the brunette stirring their hot chocolate by the kitchen. Sinking deeper in the sofa, she opened her hands to grab to steaming mug between her fingers and waited for Carolina to sit by her side.

"Let me see if I get this straight. You kissed Gio?"

Alice's cheeks turned bright pink, and she hid her face behind the mug. Hearing it out loud made her conscious of last night. Not that she regretted it, but she was ashamed of the way she behaved. Now she had to deal with the consequences of her actions.

"I did, but it was just a New Year's kiss! Everybody kisses random people on New Year's Eve."

"Nicole isn't everybody, Alice." She was still stirring her hot chocolate, blowing on it to cool down. "Did you enjoy it?"

She bit her lip. "I did. But it's not like last time! I know we're not in love just because this happened. It probably wouldn't even happen if I hadn't suggested it! God, I'm never drinking again."

Carolina giggled at her friend. As the only friend Alice had with a stable relationship, she was the one she turned to when she needed romantic advice. Which wasn't often.

"It's okay if you like him. I think he likes you, too. Just don't rush it like you did with Andrew."

Alice shook her head. "No. I don't like him and he doesn't like me, therefore I cannot do anything stupid. End of story."

Carolina smiled. "Sure thing. Speaking of which, how's it going between Andrew and Nicole? Have you heard anything from them?"

Alice expected Carolina to know better than she did. She was the housemate. It had been a few weeks since Alice was living with Andrew, but they barely saw each other. They weren't like Nicole and Carolina. The girls had every meal together and spent every night chilling in the living room and chatting about life by default.

She shrugged. "Not sure. I thought she would be bored with him by now. I guess not."

"Nah. She likes him. She doesn't even know how to deal with it."

Alice's grip on the mug tightened ever so slightly. Knowing he had moved on didn't bother her, but Nicole's betrayal was still a hard pill to swallow, even if she pretended it wasn't.

🖤🤍🖤

Andrew had called almost ten times in the past two hours. Every single time he had been greeted by a robotic voice on the other side, but never for his girlfriend. It was upsetting him.

Nicole had told him she would arrive by dinner time and they could meet that night. It was ten p.m. already, and he hadn't heard from her. In his head, she was lying on a sidewalk or an alley. And those were just the nicest scenarios.

He banged at her apartment's door, but it was Carolina who greeted him. She was in her Christmas themed pyjama and had a blanket over her shoulders, looking rather annoyed to see him.

"She's in her bedroom," she answered before he could ask. "She was very agitated when she arrived. I suggest you wait until tomorrow to see her."

"Okay. Where's her room?"

The girl rolled her eyes when he ignored her advice, but let him in. She took him across the living room where she was watching The Notebook, and into a small corridor. Nicole's room was at the very end.

He knocked softly on the door when Carolina left him. It occurred to him he had never been to her house, nor had she ever invited him. It was a sweet, cosy place, but he couldn't help but feel caged in it.

"Leave me alone, Carol." Her voice came harsh, like she'd been crying.

He leaned his forehead against the door. "It's Andrew. Can I come in?"

There was silence, then a few hurried steps, another pause, and more steps. The door opened to reveal a puffy-eyed Nicole looking at everything but him.

"Are you okay?"

Nicole nodded, walking towards her bed. She sat criss-cross, holding a pillow to her chest. Her eyes were on her red dyed nails, focused on the twisting movement of her fingers. She looked small, fragile even. He had never seen her like that; it hurt him, but mostly, it hurt him he didn't know what to do.

"You don't look okay." He had stayed by the door, watching her.

"But I am," she insisted without ever lifting her head up.

Andrew sat beside her, lifting her chin in a gentle movement so she would look at him, but she shook him away. She kept staring at her hands.

"What do you want me to do?" he asked. "Do you want to talk it out? Do you want to be alone? Or do you want a hug? Tell me what I can do."

She sobbed, and that sharp sound was like a knife to his chest. His arms moved before he could think about it, and he pulled her into a hug. She laid her head on his shoulder, crying her eyes out.

"I don't know," she said. "I don't know what I want."

Andrew tightened his grip, feeling like he might cry too. He had never been in this situation before, needing to comfort someone. Everything felt wrong about it, like he was supposed to say something, but he couldn't say it if he didn't know what she was crying about.

When Andrew was feeling sad, no one had ever come to comfort him. He had been taught to conceal, cry only in private, and never show weakness in public. Emmy was the only one who cared, bringing him his favourite snacks against his father's wishes.

"It's okay," he whispered against her hair. "We don't have to talk about it."

"We do. I need to tell you."

He tensed. Those words didn't sound good at all. And not knowing what she wanted to tell him was worse. Now he imagined the worst scenarios.

"Tell me what?"

She let go of him, sitting back so she could look into his eyes. Her cheeks were tear stained, shining in the dim light, but she had stopped crying so much.

"I- What happened to your eye?"

He touched the purplish bruise under his eye and painting his cheekbone. It hurt more now than when he first got it, probably because of the adrenaline. That was his only injury from the fight at the New Year's Eve party.

"Oh. That's nothing. Just a slight argument with Jenny's boyfriend."

"Small? You know what? I don't care. Did you at least win?"

He nodded. "Totally. But we're talking about you."

She sighed and looked at her lap again. He was afraid they'd go back to the same awkward silence instead of talking about it.

"I was at the party last night with my sisters. It was a total mess, and I was drunk. I didn't realise what was happening." She sobbed. "There was this girl... She came out of nowhere! I was just dancing and drinking and..." Nicole fell silent again, and he waited for her to continue. After a moment, her voice came out trembling. "She kissed me out of nowhere. But I didn't want to! I-"

He brushed her curls out of her face, tucking them behind her ear. She glanced at him, overwhelmed by the way he looked at her. She leaned into his touch, letting him brush the tears away with his thumb.

"She kissed you," he repeated in a soft voice.

"She kissed me."

"But you didn't want to."

"No! I wasn't expecting it. I would never betray you like that."

He nodded. "I know. It's okay."

She stared at him, and he knew she wasn't expecting him to say that. He wasn't sure what she had anticipated, but it wasn't hard to guess that she was used to arguing a lot. There were some things about Nicole that she never talked about, but every time she overreacted, he codn't help but wonder what had happened in her past relationship. He didn't like to think about her with someone else, but he knew there was a reason she didn't want to be in a relationship.

"Aren't you mad?"

He shook his head. "It's not your fault."

"Are you sure?"

"Nicole," he started, and she flinched at the way he said her name. "What did he do to you? You know that whatever happened, I'll never do the same to you, right?"

He didn't need to specify who he was talking about for her to know. She pulled her knees to her chest and hugged her legs, staring straight at the wall.

"Don't you already know?" she whispered.

"I know he hit you. I know he had no respect for you. But I want you to tell me what are you afraid I'll do. I want to know every moment that haunts you."

She was silent for a moment. "Why?"

"So I do nothing that triggers you. So I can reassure you I won't hurt you the way he did."

Nicole sighed, never looking away from the wall. She looked older than she was. For a moment, he could see all the sleepless nights, the rude comments of customers, the hours staring at Law books. And under all of that, the trauma of her ex-boyfriend and of losing her mother. At that moment, he didn't see the girl he liked so much; he only felt pity and a desperate need to shield her from the world.

"He yelled a lot, you know?" she finally spoke. "When it was just the yelling, I cared little. Couples fight, I thought. He was always controlling me, what I did and who I did it with. And when he got mad, he'd throw me against the wall or punch me. I wanted to leave him a thousand times, but he was always so sweet afterwards. He would apologise for the bruises, for the yelling, for f-forcing me to sleep with him when I didn't want to. I really thought it was love."

She was shivering now, but he wouldn't touch her, not until she was done. With every word, he grew angrier. He already knew most of it, but that didn't help.

"He was my first love. Not my first boyfriend, but my first love. And I just accepted all his issues because I didn't want to lose him. And then he cheated on me with my roommate. It was like someone shattered the stupid fantasy I was living in. I could take the shouting, I could take the beating, all because he loved me. But then I realised he didn't, and I just felt stupid that I endured all of that for nothing."

"You could have pressed charges," he said.

"He never hurt me bad enough to go to the hospital, and when I left him I didn't have a single bruise. It would be my word against his."

"Nicole-"

"Stop it!" She jumped off the bed, looking down at him from the other side of the room. "Stop saying my name like that. I don't want your pity."

"I'm sorry."

"Can you stop acting like a sad puppy? I'm the one who got hurt, and I'm okay. You're just pissed you have to date a victim of abuse."

Andrew was speechless. He knew he wasn't handling it the best way, but to be accused of that was a stretch. He handn't done everything to make her think it upset him.

"I chose to be with you!" He got up, walking towards her. "You're the one who doesn't want to label us. You're the one who can't commit to a relationship. I'm here because I want to, because I like you even with all the baggage. So don't say I don't say I'm pissed about the situation when I am here willingly. "

Her lip trembled. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

She hid her face against his chest, sobbing once more. He hugged her close, stroking her hair. Her heart was beating fast near his. It was weird to see someone who was always so contained looking so messy.

"It's okay."

"Are we okay?"

He nodded. "We are. We're good."

She sighed. "Will you stay here tonight?"

"Do you think we fit in your bed? The both of us?"

"We just have to be very close to each other and not move a muscle."

He chuckled and kissed the top of her head. "Okay. I have nothing against being very close to you."

"And I'm sorry I didn't want to be in a relationship. I was afraid I would get hurt."

"Didn't? As in the past?"

"We can be official if you want. After all, we're pretty much in a relationship already."

"Depends. Which way am I getting laid sooner?"

She laughed. "Same timings."

"That's a shame. In that case, I think I prefer saying you're my girlfriend and not get laid rather than just not getting laid."

She nodded and sat on the bed, patting the space next to her for him to join. He did, and she kissed his cheek. He smiled at her, hoping more kissing followed that one.

"I think you'll have to settle for the old high school make-out session for a while."

"Is that what we're doing? Because I do not take any responsibility for my reactions to you."

"No, we're sleeping. It's late. I'm saying you'll stay in that league for a while."

He sat up straight almost immediately. "Why? What did I do?"

"Nothing."

"I think we should negotiate this."

LET'S GOOOO! ANOTHER UNEDITED CHAPTER!

Thank you for waiting for the update. Uni is killing me but I'll try to be consistent now that I'm so close to my Christmas break.

Tell me your thoughts, tell me what you like and what you don't like so I can improve :)

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