moving on and getting over are not the same it seems to me - John Mayer, moving on and getting over
-
the last few days had been crazy for aria, to say so the least. she had just graduated high school, and had accepted her place at the university of toronto to study literature, and an extra curricular class to learn french, and then another one to learn how to code computers. she was excited, to say so the least, but her breakup with shawn still lingered in her mind.

take last night, for example. ever since the world found out about shawn and her breaking up, she was hounded by girls, and guys, to get shawns number. of course she said no, but what surprised her even more was how boys came up to her more. she turned down a prom date because she was still transfixed on shawn. she wanted him back.

flash forward to tuesday evening, well, now, aria was sitting at her desk, applying her highlight to her cheekbones and all the high places of her face. she was 18, at long last.

"did you invite shawn tonight?" jess asks her gently, as aria stands up from her desk, clearing away her makeup, after applying a setting spray.

"his parents and sister are coming, i don't know about him," she mutters, pinning her earrings in her ears.

"do you want him to come tonight?" jess asks again, as aria sighs, sitting down on her bed, putting her shoes on.

"i want to say no, but i know it's not the truth," she mumbles, standing up, and looking at her appearance in the mirror, flattening out the black silk. "but whatever, it is what it is, i don't care." she lies, turning around, and gazing at her appearance from the back. "do i look okay?"

"aria you look fucking hot," jess smirks, standing up. "come on, go down, and forget all about shawn. go have the time of your life with your friends and family. you're only 18 once."

"okay," she breathes out, nodding. "let's forget about him."

"that's my girl," jess smiles, linking arms with aria. "come on, let's go."

the two of the teens walk downstairs, seeing arias extended family, friends, a few family friends, and shawns family. she quickly greets her guests, before rushing over to karen, and embracing her with a hug.

"hey sweetie," karen coos, hugging back a girl who's like her second daughter. "how are you holding up?"

"i-i'm okay," she mumbles, pushing out a small smile. "is he coming?"

"i don't know hun, i'm so sorry," she frowns. "he's a mess without you, and no one can take him out from it."

"r-really?" she stutters, nervous all of a sudden. "where is he?"

"he's at his place, i think," karen tells the broken girl. "but i think he's busy, hun. he said he was when i called him earlier," aria frowns, looking down at the floor, and nodding, before walking away, heading straight into the kitchen, grabbing herself a glass of champagne, and downing it in a shot, letting the alcohol numb her pain.

what a party this was.
-
shawn sighs softly, looking at his phone calendar, seeing the date marked as her birthday. even her name was painful to say to him; he made the biggest mistake of his life, letting her go, and even suggesting it in the first place. he's been a mess for the last two months, and he doesn't know what to do with himself.

he slowly gets up from the bed, slumping to his computer, where he opens up his emails that he hasn't checked for a few days, seeing the booking confirmation from two months ago being flagged for importance. his heart drops completely. does he still give them to her? does he cancel the booking? does he go himself? can he go himself?

he freezes, not knowing what to do, wanting to press the delete button desperately, but his heart telling him not to. he gets a thought in his head, making him feel slightly optimistic, slightly worried, and slightly stressed. he didn't really know what to think about his thoughts, but he knew it was a way to see her.

so, he decides to print off the confirmation email, and the tickets, before placing them in a pale yellow envelope, taking a piece of paper, and beginning to write a long letter to her.

aria,
i know you probably hate me, and never want to hear from me again, but i just wanted to say this. i love you, aria. i love you so much that it hurts. i'm in love with you, and i regret every single decision i made about ending us.
truthfully, i was being selfish. i didn't exactly want to tell you the real reason why, but i guess i have to right now. i was scared, okay? i was scared of everything, and mostly what everyone was saying. i didn't want you to get any form of hate whatsoever, i didn't even want to see you get upset by it. i was scared, and honestly, i'm still scared. i'm scared that people will continue to try to break us up as long as we are together.
but i want you back. i want to kiss you, and tell you that everything will be okay. i want to slow dance with you at your prom, i want to be there for you when you're packing for uni. i want to cook dinner for you, and sing along to music in a long car journey. i want to eat ice cream in winter with you, and drink tea with you in summer. i want to go to france with you, and fall in love with you all over again. i want to get drunk with you, and laugh until we're floating on clouds. i want to protect you, i want to see you take over the world, i want to see you graduate; aria i want to see everything. i want to feel everything with you, because you are the one. you've always been the one. aria tate, i am so in love with you. i want you to be the one who's there with me throughout life, i want to take you around the world, i want to tour with you, and show you off at all these award shows, i want to go to festivals with you, i want to take you to all the countries you want to go to. i want everything, aria.
i love you. i thought you were the one. i wanted to move in with you, marry you, have kids with you, but i guess we ended before that, and i know all of it was my fault.
happy 18th, darling. i'm sorry i wasn't there to celebrate properly with you. i was going to take you out for an entire day, and we would then go to new york, before staying there for a week. i had it all planned, i love you.
i'm sorry,
shawn
p.s you can have the tickets to france, take someone special with you. you deserve to go.

with shaky hands, he sealed the envelope carefully, before quickly changing into smarter clothes, and tidying himself up a little bit.

he was going to see her. he needed to.
-
"aria, what are you doing here all on your own?" one of her cousins, tyler, asks her, as she remains in the kitchen, sitting down at the table, staring into space.

"it's called a broken heart," she mumbles, resting her chin on the palm of her hand. "tyler, seriously, i'm not in the mood."

"he really meant a lot to you, huh?" tyler pulls up a chair next to aria, as she sighs, nodding. "aria, you have to try to move on from him."

"how can i? he's a fucking idiot!" she bursts, the anger she has built up, finally bursting. "i don't even know what to do! he fucking backed out when i was supposed to move in with him!"

"aria, aria, aria," tyler says, placing his hands over her shoulders, trying to calm her down. "aria, don't get yourself worked up over him. he's not worth it if he left you like this."

"but he is! he's worth everything in the world!" she groans, taking another sip of her third glass of champagne. "i just-" the doorbell rings, making her shrivel up her face in confusion. "i thought everyone was here?"

"might be a delivery?"

"a delivery arriving at 10pm?" she asks confused, rising from her seat, as music echoes around the house; most likely the people in the lounge didn't hear the door. something pulls aria to answer the door, it's almost as if there's a force pulling her closer, almost as if she has to answer it. she rushes to the door, throwing it open, revealing a pretty much broken shawn mendes, holding a bunch of white roses, and the yellow envelope in his hands, along with a little wrapped box.

"aria," he breathes out, puffing out a breath of fresh air, his hands falling to his sides. "why aren't you celebrating?"

"i'm only 18," she whispers back, as if her voice has been completely lost. "what are you doing here?"

"uh, i-i came to give you these," he steps into the light, and this is the only time when aria can see how truly broken he is. his eyes look like he hasn't slept for weeks, well, not properly that is. his face is completely sunken in, and he looks like he's completely starved of happiness itself. "happy birthday."

"thank you," she responds quietly, stepping outside, and shutting the door lightly behind her, joining shawn outside. "shawn, can we talk?"

he doesn't respond, and instead hands aria the envelope and box, along with the roses. he lets out a small sigh, looking back at his car, and dropping his shoulders.

"i'll be in there," he mumbles, before sadly walking back to the car, glum in his step, and not wanting to even speak. he knows he'll break down if he does. he doesn't want to utter a word to her.

"son of a bitch," she mutters, opening up the envelope carefully, taking out the letter. she furrows her eyebrows in confusion, looking down at the smudged writing, which seems as though tears are inked over it. she leaned against the wall, and read through the letter a few times, trying to process the words.

she doesn't even notice her own tears, that join shawns dried ones.

she unfolds the tickets from the envelope, choking out a sob, and covering her mouth quickly. that little bastard, she thought, looking at the first class tickets to france in her hands, which now have her name on them, not his.

while her hands were shaking, she gracefully opened up the little box, revealing a small pendent, one with a tiny, tiny diamond on it, a delicate piece, but one that was unbelievably stunning.

she looked back up, and he was long gone.

arias heart sunk down completely, she wanted nothing more than to run out and make up with shawn, tell him that she loves him, and kiss him. she wanted to hold him tight, and never let him go, but he was gone, and she had no idea where he would be.

she looks back at her house, and bites her lower lip anxiously, before looking back down at the letter, debating on what to do. attempt to find shawn, or move on. she was confused. she didn't want to make another mistake, and she did have a doubt that going after shawn would be a mistake; a dreadful mistake.

so, she settled, walking back into her house, and shutting the door firmly, leaning against it.

why did he leave her so confused? why did he put her through hell?