lately we're as good as gone - perfectly wrong, Shawn Mendes
-
two weeks later, shawn was on his last day of the new york press tour, and aria was one week into university. she was already swamped in work, and swamped in her emotions; shawn hadn't phoned her once. she occasionally got the 'hey, i'm about to go to an interview, i love you' but nothing else.

"well, our boy is finally legal here, so i say we go to a bar," geoff says, patting shawn on the back, who chuckles, looking at the crazy group of friends he has.

"as much as i would love to, let's pass. we have a flight at 8pm tonight. and i'm not really wanting to go to a bar," he says, partly because of what's happening with aria, and partly because he doesn't want to drink.

"man, he's so whipped," mike chuckles, making the group laugh. shawn forces out a laugh, knowing it isn't because he's whipped, it's because he's informally fighting with his significant other.

"how is aria, by the way? why didn't she come with us?" zubin asks shawn, walking with him down the street to their hotel.

"she's good, she started uni last week, so she's getting really busy already. it's weird though, i've never seen someone so absorbed in their degree and work this early on," he says. "i mean, she is doing a degree and two sub courses."

"two?"

"yeah, she's doing a french class, and a coding and programming class? she literally wanted to do everything, but i think she capped herself at two to start with," shawn chuckles, trying to make it not look like they're fighting. "she's loving it though," he lies, not knowing if she is or if she isn't.

"three courses all together, she must be crazy!" zubin laughs. "is she coming on tour with us over christmas?"

"maybe, i'm not too sure yet," shawn shrugs, walking to the line of fans waiting outside the hotel. "i'll see you guys later tonight," he tells his band and crew members.

"get into a line!" jake tells the fans, as they respond, getting into a straight line, as shawn makes his way down, taking photos with each of them.

"shawn! how's aria?" a fan asks him, as he poses to take a photo with her.

"she's great, thanks," he responds with a smile, moving onto the next fan.

"where's aria? didn't she come with you?" another fan questions.

"no, she has uni," he chuckles, finishing up with the photos. "thank you everyone, i'll see you soon."
-
it was around midnight, and aria was racing away to finish reading the book, tess of the d'urbervilles, for her english literature lecture the following day. she was half way through chapter twelve, and a quarter way through writing the notes for that page, when the front door of the condo opened up, and in stepped shawn, followed by his suitcases, and guitar.

shawn thinks aria is asleep, so quickly walks into the kitchen, not expecting aria to be sitting there, writing away.

"oh, you're still up?" shawn asks, jumping in slight shock. "i thought you would be asleep."

"yeah, i have loads to do still," she says awkwardly, placing her pen down on the paper. "how was new york?"

"good, the fans are loving the new music," he says, grinning slightly, before taking a seat opposite aria. "how's uni been?"

"stressful," she smiles sadly. "i uh, i got a call from my mum earlier this week," she says, biting her lip softly. "my grandmas ill."

"oh aria," shawn says gently, looking at her practically fragile composure. she's really been holding everything in. "what's happened to her?"

"they found abnormal cells in her lungs," she says, swallowing the lump in her throat. "they're pretty sure it's cancer."

"why didn't you call to tell me?" shawn asks her softly, his face gentle, and sympathetic.

"because you were busy," she mumbles, going back to writing things down. "i didn't want to disturb you."

shawn stays silent, not really knowing what to say without the two of them getting into a fight. he sighs gently, standing up from the table, and walking over to her side, kissing her forehead gently.

"i'm gonna go to bed, okay? get to sleep at a decent time," he says to her, as she nods, stretching her fingers out. "i love you, aria. i know it doesn't seem like it, but i really do." aria feels the tears line her eyes, and she blinks them back quickly, still looking down at the table. "goodnight."

"night," she says softly, letting shawn escape into their bedroom, taking his suitcases and guitar with him, leaving aria and her work alone.

she continues for another hour, before deciding to call it a night and go to sleep. she quickly washes the empty mug of tea, turning off all the lights in the kitchen and main room, clearing up the kitchen island, and filling up a glass of water. she takes the water into the bedroom, sliding off her slippers next to the bed, and placing her water down onto the bedside table, before going into the ensuite, brushing her teeth and washing her face. she takes her silk robe off, revealing the matching pink shirt and shorts set, tying her hair up into a bun, and heading back into the bedroom, sliding under the grey sheets, next to shawn.

she looks at her boyfriend, who she realises is awake, and her heart drops in her chest. "why are you awake?" she whispers, turning her head to face him.

"can't sleep," he mumbles back, moving his legs to hers, and knitting them together. "aria, are you okay?" with this simple question, aria breaks down, and bursts into a round of cries, tears pouring out of her eyes and onto her cheeks. "oh god, aria," shawn says softly, scooping her into his arms, letting her let out every emotion that's locked inside her. she cries and wails against shawns bare chest, as he strokes her hair, taking it out of the bun, which is probably putting strain on her head. "shh, aria, shh," he coos, as her cries turn into sniffles and silent tears.

"i-i'm sorry," she mumbles, wiping her cheeks, as shawn looks down at the broken girl in his arms. "i-it's just been really d-draining recently, a-and i've missed you, and i-i hate it when we fight."

"me too gorgeous," shawn whispers, kissing her forehead gently, and cupping her cheek with one hand, wiping away her tears with his thumb. "talk to me, aria. what's been happening?"

"i hate uni so much, i-i thought i would be able to cope, b-but i can't, not at all, and i-i haven't seen my grandma for years, shawn, and w-we have that wedding this weekend, and i just don't even know what to think about us anymore," she whimpers. "take my pain away, please shawn."

"aria," he whispers. "you're hurting way too much for me to do that," he observes.

"w-why is this happening b-between us?" she cries again, breaking shawns heart. he sighs, holding her close, and hugging her tightly, feeling as though she's going to so easily slip away.

"i'm so sorry aria," he mumbles, tears building up in his own eyes. "i'm so fucking sorry baby."

"w-why did you say what you did?" she stutters, shakily. he sighs softly, running his fingers through her hair, twirling the soft lengths through his hands.

"i really don't know aria," shawn mumbles. "but i regret saying it so much."
-
during the day, when arias at her lecture, shawn finds himself scribbling away lyrics onto a piece of paper, whilst he plays various melodies on his guitar. he ends up writing two songs about last night; his feelings end up getting the better of him, and he goes completely blank, wanting nothing more than to fall asleep for years, and never wake up until everything is okay.

because even after last night, nothing was okay between them. they hadn't resolved anything. shawn hurt her, and he knew it. he was one of the reasons why she broke last night, and it killed him to know that.

he sighs, scrunching up the two songs, and standing up from the couch, walking to the fridge to grab a bottle of water. he gulps down the entire thing in seconds, before walking back to the couch, and sitting down again.

how does he earn her trust back, again?

the shrill of the house phone rings in the distance, making shawn groan to himself, before reaching over to answer it.

"is this shawn mendes?" the voice asks.

"it is, why, what's the problem?"

"i'm calling from toronto general hospital," shawns heart freezes, knowing it could either be to do with his family, or aria. he didn't want it to be either. "aria tate passed out in one of her classes today, she's in a room right now, getting nutrients back into her bloodstream," shawn blanks out the rest of the call, before hanging up firmly, and racing around to pull a pair of shoes on, along with a jacket. he snatches his keys, before racing out of his condo in his jeep, heading straight to the hospital.

"what room is aria tate in?" shawn asks the receptionist, completely breathless, and eager to find out what has happened to aria.

"room 18, floor 7," the woman smiles at him warmly.

"thank you so much," shawn says, before rushing off, concern running through his veins. he doesn't bother with the slow elevators, and instead takes the seven flights of steps up to the floor she is on, losing energy quickly, but nevertheless, wanting to see if aria is okay.

he finally reaches the door to her room, slowly opening it, seeing her hooked up to various drips, asleep, and a faint beep running through the room.

"oh aria," he whispers, rushing to her side, sitting down, and holding her hand in his, bringing their joint hands up to his lips. "what did you do to yourself, baby?"

the door opens again, revealing a doctor dressed in scrubs, holding a clipboard.

"oh, hi, my names doctor williams, and i've been looking over aria," he introduces himself to shawn, who greets him with a handshake.

"i'm shawn, her boyfriend," he responds. "is she okay?"

"she will be perfectly fine, but it seems as though she's not been getting enough nutrients, and her vitals have been running significantly low," he explains. "i'd be very surprised if she wakes up today. her body needs to rest, it's been through a lot. have you noticed some weight loss at all?"

"i don't know, i haven't been here for the past week, but when i saw her yesterday, she did look a little bit more sunken in," he says sadly. "she'll be okay though, right?"

"she will definitely be okay. she'll need to rest lots, no going out for at least a week, no doing any harsh activities, or straining her body too much. she should be eating well, getting a balanced diet in, having a fairly high protein and carb intake, and lots of greens," the doctor explains to shawn, who nods, mentally making a note of what she needs. "other than that, she will be back to normal in no time, mr mendes. but for now, let her rest lots."

shawn nods again, feeling the guilt and anxiety consume him slowly. the doctor bids a goodbye, before walking out of the room, leaving a sleeping aria and very much awake shawn alone in the room. he holds onto her hands again, her palms feeling cold against his.

"darling, i know you're out cold, but i want you to know that i do love you, and i am so freaking sorry for what i've been causing you," shawn says softly, taking a shaky breath. "truth is, i'm frightened, aria. i'm scared about the future, and if it takes a turn to a point where you leave me, and i don't want that to happen. you're the first girl i truly have loved, or rather, love, because i am in love with you. aria, i want you to marry me. i know it's early, and i know that we're young, but i'm saying it now for the future. i want to marry you."

shawn continued to spill his feelings out for the rest of the day, whispering small stories to her, and trying to forget about the pain he has caused her.

after all, he did regret it.