"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable." – C.S. Lewis
-
saturday night came with the couple rushing about, trying to get the city condo in order, cleaning up, setting out alcoholic and soft beverages, placing out bowls of snacks, ordering the pizzas, and organising the playlists, before organising themselves, and the way they plan to release their relationship to his peers, since most of aria's closest friends already know.

"it's casual, and it's only a smallish group of people," shawn says to aria, trying to calm her down, as he paces around the main bedroom, looking for a shirt to wear.

"smallish? shawn, we're telling your friends that we are dating, mind the fact that most of your friends hate you for even being friends with me!" aria bursts, standing up, and looking stressed. shawn scrunches his face up in confusion, as he pulls a black button up over his torso.

"hate you? they don't hate you," he says, buttoning up the shirt, much to aria's dismay. "aria, they love you."

"really? because at your birthday do, ian told me to my face that he hates me," aria points out, folding her arms. "shawn, you cant stop me from being scared."

"they aren't going to judge, and if they do, i will tell them about brian and what he does," shawn shrugs, making aria snort out a chuckle, before shaking her head. "look, aria, baby," shawn says, walking towards her, and placing his hands on her hips. "at the end of the day, it shouldn't matter. i love you, and i want to be with you, and i will be with you, no matter what anyone says, okay? if you really do feel uncomfortable, it's fine, we won't say it, but i assure you, they won't go too crazy. i promise."

"pinky?" aria asks in a small voice, as shawn smiles, nodding.

"pinky," he says, pressing his lips to her forehead. "now, why don't we start opening some drinks?"

"mhm," aria nods, trailing her hands up to behind his neck. "but," she moves her fingertips to the top two buttons of his shirt, carefully unbuttoning them, revealing the skin of his upper chest. "there we go."

"you're unbelievable," he chuckles, shaking his head.

"i know, but you love me," she answers, making him smile widely. "come on, let's do a shot before everyone gets here." she tells shawn, patting his shoulder, before beginning to walk away.

"aria," shawn says quietly, grabbing her hand back into his. "you won't be scared, will you? you aren't worried i'm gonna think differently, are you?"

"i mean, it is a doubt," she admits, looking down at the floor, making guilt, and sadness flood through shawn. "but i'm fine."

"hey, aria," shawn coos, tilting her chin up with his fingertips. "i won't ever listen to them when it concerns you. i am so sure about you, please don't think i ever won't be."

"i don't think you will, but it's just a concern i have," she mumbles. "i'm sorry."

"why are you apologising? don't be," shawn asks concerned. "aria, are you okay?"

"i'm fine, shawn," she says, looking at him with reassurance. "i'm fine."

he sighs softly, hugging her body immediately, and swaying her gently in his arms. "i know you're not," he whispers, as aria tucks her head into his chest. "i know you probably don't want to tell me, but i'm here. i'm not going. and i will most definitely not listen to my friends if they say anything about you. i've tried too long to get you, and i'm not letting you go now. not after trying so hard. whatever happens, we'll be okay, i promise. i will try my hardest to keep us okay if anything really does happen. i'll be here forever, darling, when you're ready."

arias heart fluttered with warmth, as shawn held his girlfriend close to his chest, rubbing soothing circles over her back, and tracing little patterns over her shoulders.

"did i ever tell you that you're the smartest man i know?" aria mumbles, linking her arms around his torso.

"yes, you have, countless amounts of times," he chuckles. "but, i'd love to hear it again."

"stop it, i'm not boosting your already big enough ego," she mumbles, a laugh tumbling from her lips. shawn snorts out a chuckle, placing his hands on her arms, rubbing the slowly.

"come on, let's go take that shot you wanted," he grins, pulling her to the kitchen, where he grabs two shot glasses, pouring out equal shots of vodka.

"to us?"

"to us."
-
it was late, maybe around midnight, when the girl stumbled into the kitchen, completely drunk, her mind woozy, making the room around her spin like a merry-go-round, actually, maybe the waltzer ride at a funfair. she heard her heartbeat in her ears, as she eagerly reached for a bottle of vodka, opening it up, and tipping the contents down her throat, as shawns friends looked at her, slightly confused, slightly amused, and slightly disgusted by her childish behaviour.

they thought she was too young to even hang around shawn in the first place; and they were right. she might have been mature, intellectual, and used etiquette when needed, but when she got out, far away from her parents, she was wild.

shawn didn't know that.

"hey man, have you seen aria?" shawn asks ian, looking around the lounge, trying to spot his girlfriend amongst the never ending sea of people. "i wanna tell her something, but i haven't been able to see her for the last two hours." a frown settles on his lips, as he runs his hand through his hair.

"yeah, she's going through all your vodka bottles in the kitchen," ian snorts out a laugh. "she's crazy, shawn. congratulations, you bagged an animal."

shawn scrunches his face up in confusion, before quickly moving into the kitchen, seeing his girlfriend chugging down the vodka bottle, following it up with a lime.

"aria!" shawn yells, anger, and disappointment filling his veins.

"shawny!" she squeals, jumping off of the counter, running up to shawn, and jumping onto him, making him clench his fists in anger. "come drink wi-with me!" she hiccups, giggling in her drunken state.

"aria, what the fuck?" shawn snaps, pure anger glaring over his face, as he puts aria down, making her look at him confused. "are you fucking kidding me?" he curses under his breath, looking at the scene that's gathering around the 'happy' couple. he curses again, before opening his mouth to yell. "party's over! clear out!"

groans and moans are heard, as the crowd of young adults go filing out, wanting nothing more than to stay and film the fight between shawn mendes and his treasured, secret, underage girlfriend. eventually, they all leave, leaving aria and shawn in the mess of the party. shawn turns off the music from his phone, creating pure silence, except from his heavy breathing.

aria looks at shawn, his anger almost sobering her up, but only slightly, to the point she realises she's disappointed him.

"really, aria?" he shouts, making her flinch. "you don't get that drunk if you don't want my friends to hate you! they looked at you with such disgust! how dare you even think that getting this drunk is the way to show yourself as my girlfriend?" he yells, aria still confused in her drunk state, but shawns words hitting her like knives. "i'm supposed to get you home tomorrow! what am i gonna say to your parents huh? that you went crazy? they're never gonna trust me!" he lectures, making aria fold her arms, and look down at the floor.

"s-shawn-"

"i don't want to fucking hear it, aria," he says sternly. "i don't even want to look at you right now."

aria looks up at shawn, her eyes filling with tears, as her stomach ties itself into knots. wait, that's nausea. she gags, bringing her hand up to her mouth, and the other hand to her stomach.

"oh for fucks sake!" shawn curses, making a few tears fall from arias eyes, before she spews her guts all over the floor, making shawn curse loudly again, before rushing over to her, and holding her hair back. "aria, what the fuck is wrong with you?"

"i-" she pauses again, throwing up even more, before shawn sighs, scrunching up his nose from the smell.

"for god sake," he mutters, guiding her to his room, opening the door to the bathroom, and turning on the shower. "look, just shower, or whatever, i'm gonna clean up." she nods, suddenly feeling more sober, and definitely annoyed at herself for drinking so much, and making shawn this angry. he sighs, walking out of the bathroom, shutting the door behind him, leaving aria to look at herself in the mirror.

her bottom lip quivers, and she lets out a sob, immediately placing her hand over her mouth, trying to cry quietly, but instead, strangled noises come out, making her sound like she's whining in pain more than anything. tears roll down her cheeks.

she let him down.

shawn sighs once more, cleaning up the vomit on his kitchen floor, disinfecting the floor with bleach, before wiping it all up with warm water, and mopping the entire floor. he then collects up all the cups, rubbish, and general clutter, placing it all into bin bags to take out in the morning. he puts away all the unopened drinks, pouring the opened ones, which have lost their lids, down the sink, letting the alcohol escape.

he was more than disappointed. he felt let down, betrayed by his own girlfriend.

at around 2am, shawn was finally finished, and decided to call it a night. he strolled into his dark bedroom, hearing nothing but silent dreams, from the girl who's crawled into a ball on the bed, her back facing shawn, as she lies awake, fiddling with the buttons on shawns shirt that she wears.

"i-i'm sorry," aria stutters, wiping the tears from her cheeks, as she feels shawn get into the bed next to her. he doesn't reply, and instead turns his back to her, falling fast asleep.

she knew he was more than mad. she ruined it.