chapter thirty-nine
i pretend that i'm not ready - why, Shawn Mendes
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arias hands shake nervously, as she sits on the lid of the toilet seat, staring at the ring in her hands. she really did break shawns heart.
"shawn i-i-"
"aria?" he asks gently, almost as if he doesn't want to hurt her. "what is it hun?" she sighs gently, taking the ring out of the box, leaving shawns face to grow anxious and fall.
"i-i need to think about it," she mumbles, looking at the ring, letting the wind blow her hair back.
"oh," shawn mumbles, looking down, and placing his hands at his sides. "oh."
"i'm sorry," she murmurs, before sliding the ring into her jeans pocket, and walking off, heading straight out of the park.
shawn sits down on the grass, in utter shock.
what just happened?
"is anyone else in the bus?" aria hears andrew say outside. she quickly wipes away her tears, putting the ring back into her pocket, and flushing the toilet.
"yeah, aria," she hears shawn mutter. "i'll go get her."
"don't lose hope shawn, there's a reason behind this," andrew reminds him, but aria has completely blanked out by now.
"i know, i know," he responds, sighing softly and running his hand through his hair. "i just don't get it," he sighs once more. "anyway, let me go get her."
shawn runs up the steps of the bus, heading into the narrow corridors, making his way through the bus. "aria?" he calls. "babe?"
"one minute!" she yells back, wiping her hands on her jeans, before looking at her face in the mirror. she breathes slowly, trying to settle her nerves, before taking the ring out of her pocket, and sliding it on her finger. she admires the diamond encrusted band, with the huge stone of a diamond in the middle, before unlocking the bathroom door, coming face to face with shawn.
"hey," he whispers, looking at her concerned. he knows that she's been crying. "are you okay?"
"y-yeah," she nods. "are you?"
"yeah," he repeats, as aria licks her bottom lip, before quickly pushing herself into his arms. "hey, what's wrong?"
"i'm sorry," she whispers. "i'm so fucking sorry."
"don't blame yourself," shawn reminds her, running his hands over her back. "it's okay, don't worry."
"no, it's not," she mutters. "i fucking led you on, shawn. that's not right. that's not acceptable at all," she sighs, feeling the hot tears pool at her iced eyes.
"aria, listen to me," shawn says softly to her, pulling her body away from his chest, and placing his hands on her hips. "it's okay. you weren't ready, it's okay."
"no i am ready, it's just," she sighs gently, looking down. "i'm scared, shawn."
"so am i hunny, but we can get through it together," he says gently. "i'm scared too baby, don't worry about it."
"i love you, shawn, i'm so sorry," she whispers, letting a tear roll down her rosy cheek. "i feel so bad shawn."
"aria listen to me," he repeats, cupping her cheeks instead, and wiping away her tears with his thumbs. "i'm not gonna force you to marry me, but it doesn't matter if you're scared. i'm scared too, i'm probably more scared than you are, but i know that whenever i think about my future, you're always in it. i always see us married, with kids, and walking along a beach somewhere in the world, and it's something i want. what i'm trying to say is, i understand you, aria, but i'm all in."
aria bites her lip, looking down at her hand that has the ring on it. she brings it up in between them, holding it out to shawn. he looks at her confused, but then realises the ring is on the wrong hand.
"take it off," aria tells him, trailing her eyes up to his. "and put it on the other hand."
"aria?"
"shawn," she urges. "take it off."
shawn stays silent, bringing his hand slowly to hers, easing the ring off gently, not breaking their eye contact.
"aria," he whispers, holding the ring in his fingers, before taking arias other hand; holding it up between them. "will you marry me?"
"it'd be an honour," she whispers back, letting shawn slip the ring on her finger slowly, his eyes lighting up, and a smile appearing on his lips. "shawn, i'm so sorry."
"stop apologising," he chuckles, cupping her cheeks gently, and pressing his lips onto hers. "i love you so much, aria."
"i love you more," she mumbles against his lips, bringing her hands up to swoop around his neck. he smiles against her lips, moving his hands down to her waist, and pulling her close to him. "i love you. i don't know why i didn't say yes last night," she says, pulling away from his lips, and letting go of his grasp. "shawn, i love you."
"i can't believe i'm gonna marry you, holy shit aria," he lets out a laugh, making aria grin widely. "i love you so much, baby."
"come on, let's go tell everyone the news," she grins, holding onto his hand, and pulling him out of the bus, the two of them laughing in happiness. "hi guys!"
"you look happier," mike observes. "everything okay now?"
"yes actually," shawn says, holding up arias hand with the ring on it. "we're engaged!"
"oh my god, he's engaged?"
"no way!"
"just watch when they break up in a week."
"gross!"
"i'm happy for them!"
aria and shawns grins both slowly fall, and they look at each other, gulping down their breaths. shawn puts her hand down, still holding onto it, and looks around at his crew, and behind them, his fans.
"shit," he mutters, squeezing arias hand gently. "uh, go sit in the car, yeah? i'll finish up with the fans."
"mhm," she nods, leaning up and kissing shawns cheek gently. "don't worry about things, it'll all work out in the end, okay? i love you."
"i love you more, angel," he smiles sadly at her, pressing his lips to hers briefly, before walking off to greet his fans.
aria sighs softly, walking over to brian, her arms folded against her chest. she motions her head to the car, and he nods, walking with her.
"congratulations, by the way! i'm so happy for you guys," brian tells her, before they enter the car. "shawn told me about it yesterday, man he's never been happier."
"thanks," she smiles warmly, getting into the car, brian following her. "i'm just worried now. we didn't want it to be released like that."
"people are obviously gonna react badly, but don't take it to heart aria. both of you, don't. you guys were made for each other, don't let anyone tell you differently," he tells her. "i'm glad you guys didn't listen to me."
"well we're all okay now," aria chuckles. "i'm just glad that you and shawn are back to normal."
"yeah, me too," brian agrees. "are you okay with it being out now?"
"i mean, yeah it's scary and all, but what can i do about it? shawn and i didn't realise fans were there. it sucks that we had to release it that way instead of wait a while, but oh well, these things happen," aria shrugs. "i just don't want shawn to feel mad."
"he won't feel mad," brian tells her. "he'll be upset, granted. but not mad."
"i just," aria sighs. "if he sees his fans reacting badly, he's gonna take it out on me, i know he will." she admits, worry filling her composure.
"i can't fucking believe you," shawn mutters, slamming the door shut. aria turns around, seeing shawn sitting in the row behind her, and her heart falls.
"shawn i-"
"what? you didn't mean it?" he lets out a bitter laugh, shaking his head. "give me back that ring."
"shawn-"
"shawn shut the fuck up," brian warns him. "don't do something you'll regret."
"i'm not gonna regret it," he snarls at brian, before turning to aria. "give me back the ring."
"shawn please, i'm sorry-"
"aria," he says sternly. "give me back the fucking ring." he mutters. "now."
aria looks at shawn in shock, tears pricking at her eyes. "shawn, i'm sorry," she whispers. "i didn't mean it. i'm so sorry."
"the ring, aria," he tells her softly, yet still completely angry with her.
brian looks at aria, shaking his head at her. slowly, aria looks down at her hand, the ring glittering in the light. she bites down on her lip, twisting it around her finger, before slipping it off carefully, and looking down at her lap. silently, she hands it to shawn, who snatches it back, making aria jump in her seat.
"heathrow airport please," andrew says to the driver, getting in the car. the driver turns around, looking at the three people in the back, before shrugging, and turning back to the front. "everyone excited to go home?"
aria glared her eyes towards the window next to her, the rain that settles around the scene mirroring how she feels; cold, moody, and alone.
all good things come to an end.
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