Why do we put each other through hell? Why can't we just get over ourselves? - Shawn Mendes, why
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aria couldn't fall asleep that night. some part of her knew that something bad was going to happen, and she didn't want to fall asleep, with the risk of herself being too selfish to simply feel anxiousness and the nerves building up in her body. it was selfish, she was being selfish. she let out a small sigh, turning over in the bed of the guest room, her mind only on shawn, almost as if she's trying to psychologically connect with him.

shawn sits at the edge of his bed, scrolling through his phone, seeing the worlds reaction to him and aria, seeing the pictures from the night surface onto the internet, and various twitter accounts he stalks. he felt as though he couldn't breathe, although on the outside, he would've looked perfectly alright to anyone clueless. he felt confused, used, manipulated, alone, he felt fear, he held the hand of fear, and dabbled in coping with it. he feared the early future of his relationship, he feared the talk they would have hours from now. he feared everything.

so, with a shaky hand, he picked his phone up to his ear, and let it ring, and ring, and ring, until he heard the sweet sound of her voice.

"shawn? what are you doing up? it's 3am," aria says gently, sitting up in the bed, still trying to be quiet for the sake of hailey, who's sleeping next door. "shawn?"

"a-aria," he stutters out. "i can't breathe."

arias heart fell, as she quickly got up, scrambling to find her clutch, and dress from the previous night, before tiptoeing out of the doorway.

"i'm coming back, can you stay on the phone with me?"

"n-no, it's late, don't come back," shawn mumbles, feeling a dull sadness sink over him.

"i am, just stay on the phone with me," she urges, slipping on her heels again, and walking to write a note to hailey, scribbling down where she is. "drink some water."

"a-aria i'm scared," he murmurs, his eyes filling with tears. "i-i-"

"shh," aria says quickly, worry filling her composure, as she quickly rushes out of hailey's house, walking to the road, where she calls a taxi that, surprisingly, is still driving around. "deep breaths shawn."

"mhm," he hums, his knee shaking up and down, as he moves to his laptop, seeing all the feedback on their relationship.

"okay, i'm on my way," she says, after getting into the taxi, and giving the name of the hotel. "shawn, remember when we were in barcelona? that night when i snuck out and we made love? and when we said to each other that we were gonna tell everyone when i was ready? when we were ready? do you remember that night? do you remember how we felt?"

"y-yeah," he stutters, taking a shaky breath. "a-aria i need you here." her heart swells, as she continues to talk to shawn for the rest of the car journey, before paying the driver, and clambering out, running up to their shared hotel room, and unlocking the door, seeing shawn sitting on the edge of the bed, his composure completely distraught.

"hey, hey, hey," aria says, dropping her bags, and moving to shawn, crouching in between his legs, and cupping his cheeks. "calm down, it's all okay, you're okay."

"a-aria what's happening?" he begs, completely confused, and deeply troubled.

"you're having an anxiety attack, it's okay, just breathe," she says gently, holding onto his hands, squeezing them softly. "just keep focusing on your breathing, think back to all the good times, stay calm."

"a-aria i-i'm so-sorry-" he mumbles, a lone tear sliding down his cheek.

"shh, that doesn't matter now, what matters is you," she says gently to him. "calm down, it's okay, everything's okay," aria sighs softly, getting up and sitting down next to him, placing her hand on his back. "you okay?"

"a little better," he mumbles. "thank you."

"no problem," aria tells him quietly. "come on, get in bed, it's late shawn."

"a-are you staying here?"

"yeah," aria nods, slipping off her shoes, and putting her dress away, before going into her suitcase and finding a pair of yoga pants. "shawn i-"

"i'm sorry for saying you were 19," he blurts out, lying down on the bed, looking up at the ceiling. "aria, why is the room spinning?" it's only then when she notices the little empty alcohol bottles on the bedside table, and she gasps gently.

"shawn, are you drunk?"

"i wish you were 19, that way no one would hate us together, and i wouldn't have to lie about your age," he slurs. "it would be so much easier. but no, you're 17, so everyone hates us together. even my fans think you're younger than 19, and now they're going to start hating on you, which is great," aria frowns softly, sitting down on the other side of the bed. "i wish i fell in love with you at 19, instead of at 17."

"so do you regret things between us?" she bursts, but before she knows it, shawns fast asleep, and not answering her question.

she doesn't sleep for the rest of the night, she's too busy thinking about if shawns really happy with her, and she can't help to feel as though he isn't, especially since a drunk mind speaks sober thoughts. she was slowly getting her heart broken, and she didn't want it to happen.
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eventually she does get to sleep, only to be awoken by shawn, who's getting ready to go to the gym in their hotel. she sighs gently to herself, before turning over, seeing shawn slide a shirt over his head, before turning around to press his lips to her forehead, only to see that she is very much awake.

"shit, did i wake you up?" he frowns, sitting down next to her, as she shakes her head.

"i was going to wake up anyway," she mumbles back. "are you going to the gym?"

"yeah," he nods, as aria reaches for his hand, knitting their fingers together.

"are you feeling okay?"

"apart from the hangover, i'm feeling great," he grins, but aria knows that there is pain behind his smile. "i'll be back in about an hour, yeah?"

"mhm," she nods, as shawn leans forward, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "i love you."

"i love you," he responds, smiling sadly at her. "we'll talk when i get back, okay?"

"see you later," she says gently, before he smiles at her, and walks away, straight out of their shared hotel room, a frown painted on his face.

he definitely regrets every single word he uttered to her the previous night, and that early morning. he regrets even calling her over, she needed a night with a friend, one who could potentially understand how she feels.

"morning," shawn says to geoff, seeing him already in the gym, at the weights.

"jesus christ you look hungover," geoff chuckles. "what happened?"

"i got drunk last night," shawn mutters, walking straight to the treadmill.

"where's aria?"

"she came back, she's up in the room," shawn answers, as geoff gets onto the treadmill next to shawn. "geoff i think i fucked up."

"how?"

"i think i implied to her that i completely regret our relationship, which i don't, but come on, the press cannot find out her age," he says. "if that gets out, some of my fans will most definitely use it to their advantage, and i don't want her to get the shit every girl gets when associated with me. i love her, and i don't want that to happen. it was different with the others, hailey was just rumours, camila, again, rumours, and lauren, well she was real, but we're not gonna get into that now. every single girl i'm seen with gets some sort of abuse, and i don't want her age coming into things."

geoff nods understandingly, before the two of them begin to run and warm up, moving onto the weights after twenty minutes, and focusing more on their muscles.

"alright, see you later, then?" shawn says to geoff, as the two of them walk out of the gym, an hour later. "andrew said we're all going out for dinner tonight."

"yeah, and hey dude, don't worry about things. i'm sure they will work out. if you really want to show how much you care to her, say you'll tell the world her age, and you'll make sure that she still feels as though she's loved." he advises.

"maybe," shawn shrugs. "see you," he bids a quick goodbye, before taking the lifts back up to his room, unlocking the door, seeing aria dressed, and typing away on her laptop.

"hey sweaty," aria teases, looking at shawns sweating body.

"shut up," he says playfully, making her chuckle gently. "i don't see you complaining about me working out."

"oh shush," she grins, stretching out her legs on the bed. "how was the gym?"

"like normal," shawn shrugs, sitting down next to her, collapsing on the bed. "can we talk?"

"mhm," she nods, placing her laptop on the side table, and sitting up with crossed legs, as shawn brings his fingers up to her knee, tracing small patterns over it. "so, last night?"

"i'm gonna tell everyone your age," shawn blurts out. "i don't care if people judge us, i just worry that you're gonna get hate."

"hailey said that to me yesterday," she admits, looking down at his hand. "i completely understand it, and that people will react badly, but at the same time, i don't care. i'm 18 in two months, they can say whatever they want."

"are you sure? because some of them can be vicious, and i don't want you to feel upset, or even get any abuse for that matter," shawn says gently, sitting up. "just say the word, and i'll do it, right now. only if you're ready."

"i'm ready," she nods, reassuring him with a small smile. "i don't want us to have problems about this ever again."

"i'll make sure we don't," shawn reassures her, holding onto her hand. "okay, i'll shower, and then film something and put it up on social media."

"good, because you stink."

"okay then," shawn chuckles, shaking his head. "i see how it is."

"dude, i'm just telling you the truth, constructive criticism, you know," shawn rolls his eyes playfully at the girl, chuckling soon after. "seriously, go shower."

"yes mother," he teases, before aria grins, leaning forward, and pressing her lips onto his cheek. "you missed."

"not until you have showered."