I was in France on your wedding day. Allie's family invited me, and even though my dad was angry and my mom incredulous, I jumped at the opportunity. On May 17, I was eating pastries in Paris and trying to pretend like I didn't know what day it was, but Allie had her eye on me, and that night, she held me while I cried myself to sleep.

At the end of the summer, my parents insisted on throwing me a "birthday/back to Yale" party, and even though I begged them not to, they invited everyone we knew. Including you.

I stood in front of my mirror in a new peach colored bikini that I bought in Paris. I looked different. My skin was darker, my hair lighter, my eyes tired. Being in France and knowing that you were here, with her, was exhausting. I thought about the conversation I overheard that night. I thought about you getting closer to me in the pool. I thought about all the times over the last few years that I had imagined you kissing me, touching me, doing things to me that no one else has done.

Maybe Marie was right. I grabbed the cover-up I bought in Paris. It was mostly sheer, with little white flowers, and I draped it over my bikini so it was a little less revealing. I looked ten years older immediately.

The pool was full mostly with people I went to high school with that I didn't talk to anymore. My dad was standing by the grill but a friend of his from the hospital was the one actually making the food. My mom was lounging on a chair in her bikini, talking to a group of girls my age. I didn't recognize any of them.

I was split in half. Part of me hoped you'd decided not to come for some reason, any reason, but the other part of me craved your presence because you were the only person I felt like I could be myself with. I just wanted to be near you again. I wanted to laugh, I wanted to be on fire, I wanted to feel like I didn't have to hide.

"How was France?"

I spun around, and it took everything in me not to jump on you, to wrap my arms around you. I felt pain in my stomach. Everything had changed, and I knew that if I hugged you, Marie would be somewhere watching, waiting to tell me I was a whore or something.

"Beautiful," I said. "Sorry that I missed the wedding."

Your eyebrows furrowed, and you looked at me like I'd just spoken in Russian.

"Where is she, anyway?" I asked, trying to sound like I actually cared and not that I was hoping she was at home with food poisoning.

"Who?" Your eyes flitted down to my mouth and then back up to my eyes.

I could feel myself blushing. "Marie. Your wife."

"My wife..." The confusion dropped away from your face, but you said it in a strange way that made me feel like I'd woken up in an episode of The Twilight Zone.

"Yeah, you know, big white dress, church in New Haven, vows and all that jazz?"

You stared at me, your lips parted slightly. "Marie isn't..." you started, but you didn't finish because your eyes went to something over my shoulder, and all the blood rushed from your face.

When I turned to look, it was like looking at a ghost. Jason stood at the edge of the pool, all in white, watching me. He was talking to my dad, and when my dad noticed that I was looking his way, he waved me over.

I stood still until I remembered you were beside me. You started to push past me, but I reached out to stop you. "John, no. Not here, okay? My dad still doesn't know."

You spun around quick and pinned me with your serious eyes. "I can't believe he has the fucking nerve to be here."

Without thinking, I laced my fingers with yours and stroked your arm. "John. It's okay. I'll handle it."

Your eyes went to our hands together and they lost their hardness. You looked back up at me. "Okay. But I'm coming with you."

I dropped your hand and moved to the other side of the pool, feeling more confident knowing that you were following me.

"Lena, look who came!" My dad said as soon as I was standing beside him. He put a hand on my shoulder, and I cringed at his word choice. My mind flashed back to that night, to Jason's hand over my mouth. I glanced at you and was momentarily caught by how you were watching me.

"Dad, I'm sure Jason isn't interested in spending the last day of summer with his ex-girlfriend." I wanted him to go away. That was all I wanted. I would do anything.

Jason waved me off. "Nah. When your dad called and said you wanted to see me, I came right over."

I turned a shocked face on my dad who laughed nervously and smiled down at me. "Yes, well, I thought the two of you might need a chance to talk. Things ended so abruptly between you."

"That was three years ago," I said through gritted teeth.

"I smell burning hamburgers," my dad said, and then he was gone, and it was just the three of us. Jason didn't seem to care that you were standing beside me.

"Lena, Lena, Lena," he said, his eyes raking over my body. "You look amazing."

I crossed my arms over my chest. "He lied," I said. "I didn't want to see you."

Jason took a step toward me, and you reached out a hand between us, stopping him. "Hi, remember me?" you asked him. "I'm John. I work with Lena's father."

Jason sent you an evil glare and shook your hand. "Yeah, man, I remember." And then his eyes moved back to me. "Yeah, I also remember you fucking my best friend in his truck."

Your eyes went wide, and for a second, I was embarrassed that you knew this about me. But then I remembered why I did it, to get rid of Jason. I lifted my chin.

"I fucked Brad because fucking you was a disappointment."

Jason's hand shot out quick, latching onto my arm. "I've learned how to do things you've never even dreamed about. I'll take you upstairs right now and pin you to that bed and fuck your brains out, just like I did when you were sixteen."

You moved so fast I didn't even see it. One minute Jason was squeezing my arm tight, and the next, he was on the ground. You shook out your fist, and when people started to look over at us, you shrugged for everyone to see.

"Must have slipped," you said loudly, and then you bent low, offering Jason your hand and saying something in his ear as you helped him to his feet.

I lost track of everything then as a cake was produced. You and Jason both seemed to disappear as everyone sang to me, and I blew out the candles. When everyone had a slice of cake and had gone back to what they were doing before, you were nowhere to be found.

I searched the pool house, the front yard, and finally went inside the main house and heard the water running in the guest bathroom upstairs.

"John?"

The door flew open, and you stood in the doorway, the knuckles of your right hand red and swollen, a wet towel pressed halfway to them.

"I'm sorry," you said before I had a chance to say anything. "I shouldn't have done that. I just couldn't--"

"Let me see."

I went into the bathroom with you and shut the door behind us. I took the towel from you and looked at the broken skin on your knuckles. I ran water over the towel and pressed it to your hand. I reached for the medicine cabinet and took out a tube of antibiotic ointment, rubbing it on as carefully as I could before wiping my hands on the towel.

"I didn't marry her."

I froze, both of my hands still wrapped around yours. I glanced down at your left hand, which I realized was stretched toward me.

No ring.

"Why not?" I couldn't look at you. My heart was beating so loud it rivaled the bass playing from the speakers outside.

Your hand finally reached me, your fingertips grazing my elbow. "I think you know why."

I tiled to my head up to see you just as your mouth came down on mine. I gasped against your mouth, and your tongue found mine immediately. I knew I had to be dreaming. Maybe I drowned in the pool and this was heaven.

I didn't care.

I plunged both hands into your hair and yanked your mouth as hard against mine as I could. You groaned and then pushed me back against the bathroom wall. God, you tasted good, like sweet white wine, and I couldn't believe I was really tasting you.

I wanted it all. If this was the only moment I was going to get, I was going to take it. My hands moved to the hem of your shirt, and I shoved my hands beneath it, until I found warm bare skin.

You groaned loud and then your fingers were pulling at my cover up, trying to get it over my head, but failing. But every time you grabbed for another piece of fabric, your hands grazed my body, my stomach, my breast, my leg, and I moaned loud, grabbing the hem of my cover up and yanking it over my head so hard I heard it rip.

As soon as it was gone, your hands came around the backs of my thighs and you hoisted me up, pressing me between you and the wall, and I could feel your cock hard against me. I pulled my mouth away from yours to breathe, certain this was going to kill me and not caring one bit.

Your mouth attached to my neck, and you had one hand around the lace that held my bikini bottom together when someone knocked on the door.

We froze.

"Ellie?" It was my mom. "Are you in there?"

"Yes," I squeaked. My eyes met yours. Yours were dark with arousal. "I just, um, I started my period."

Why was that the first thing that popped into my head?

"Oh. Do you need a tampon?"

I blushed even though I definitely hadn't started my period. "No, I'm okay."

"Okay. Well, sweetie, it's time for presents. I'll stall for as long as I can." I heard her footsteps on the stairs, and my mind flew back to your hardness between my legs, to your finger wrapped around the lace of my bikini, to the ache between my legs.

All you had to do was yank that lace, undo your shorts, and you'd be inside me.

Instead, you set me back down on my feet.

"We should get downstairs," you said. "Before anyone gets suspicious."

I nodded but I couldn't keep my eyes from going to the bulge in your shorts. You couldn't hide anything in those shorts, and I could see the shape of your cock. My hand immediately went to the heat between my legs, rubbing just for a second while your dick twitched.

"Fuck," you said. "Stop it. It'll never go down with you doing that."

"We could be quick."

You smiled sadly at me and put your hands on my cheeks. "I want to, so bad. But we shouldn't. We should...go slow, okay? We have time."

I shook my head. "I go back to Yale tomorrow."

"I know." You closed your eyes for a beat. "We'll be okay. Plus, your parents need you downstairs."

I nodded. He was right. About all of it. "Okay."

"You go first. I need a minute."

I grinned because I couldn't help it. "I can't believe you kissed me."

You grinned back. "I can't believe it took me this long." You kissed me again, and I wanted to scream for you to bend me over the sink and have your way with me, but I would be good. I stepped out of the reach of your arms, and left you alone in the bathroom.