The past few weeks hasn’t been necessarily joyous albeit okay, I trudged through the house smiling at every word like a loon.

Today was one of those days I felt like the boulder that had been incessantly hanging over my shoulder and weighing me down, had been pulled away.

The impending outcome of the test weighed heavily on my mind but nearing a result had me both excited and nervous, being a Saturday I couldn’t see Malik and calling him on the phone might make me come off as clingy.

Malik was like my outlet to vent everything because 1. he was an unattached third party  2. It was his job to listen to my rants, mostly of fear and hopelessness 3. There was nothing to lose from telling him what was wrong he couldn't share it with anyone and was  not judgmental, he made me weigh between the pros and cons myself whether it was right or not, decisions made were totally up to me.

To think I had even been annoyed when mom suggested I start seeing a therapist after I suffered another phase/panic if I can call it that three days after I had told her everything still amuses me.

***

I huffed falling on the bed like I didn’t promise my girlfriends I’d see them just a while ago, I closed my eyes when I heard the door creak my mental and emotional health wasn't ready for another  of Mufeedah’s havoc wrecking facts, here I lie still reeling from the last one she'd dropped, another one will leave me totally floored with a  numb body and a heart struggling to take another beat.

I opened an eye when I felt the bed slowly dip   like the person didn’t want to wake me, my gaze clashed with a smiling Fareedah 'my caretaker' I mentally rolled my eyes.

I opened the other eye forcing a smile on my face, her smile widened then she looked down fiddling with her fingers.

We had the kind of friendship I’d like to believe was good enough for them to be comfortable in telling me everything, why was she nervous? my brows creased as I studied her carefully.

“Fareedah?” I probed when I made out she had no intention of speaking up “what’s wrong?” I asked in  concern, she looked up again the smile on her face widening I propped my elbow hoisting to a sitting position, my eyes searched hers and I pulled her on a hug.

My eyes remained fixated on her teary ones when I pulled away “I know how you might be striving to keep up, I didn’t want to interfere in your affairs after all I’m just a kid” she looked down again like she was mulling over what to say next,  slowly she raised her head searching my eyes “You have to get back together, I didn’t want to say this or even poke my nose in this but I accidentally know snippets of what happened between you and D-” she started but didn't continue when I pulled my hands  from hers, my heart ferociously thumped at the new discovery, ‘how dare he, who the hell did he think he was, inna lillahi wa inna ilaihi raji’un' I recited the latter  countlessly  in my heart, the nerve of that psychotic excuse of a man we were now at a point he involved teenagers in our affair.

“Wallah he didn’t tell me anything” she voiced in a worried tone her palm wiping my face.

I rose from the bed and walked out  clueless of where I was going, the air in the house was suffocating, I needed to get away from this place, anywhere but here,  I descended the stairs in a mad rush almost tripping as I aimed for the exit.

I could hear the voices and laughter of the Seebaway clan from the family room but I felt nothing like going there I rushed out of house my eyes roving over the compound and lingering at the parking lot.

I looked down to my hands and realised I didn’t have a car key, there was no way I’d go back to that house, tripping over my first few steps I hurried to the gate nodding at the security guard I pushed the single door  almost toppling over as I careened out : staying in there might make me burst to flames.

***

I looked down at my shoes poking my covered foot  into the unmowed grass, I looked up again, widely opening my eyes I hurriedly looked down blinking back the tears that had gathered,  I wanted so much to cry, wail even but my tear ducts weren't complying,  I felt numb inside everything felt dead I was neither angry,  sad nor happy I felt like a slowly fading blip.

The setting sun  was an open mock to my current emotion or lack of it there of,  it wasn’t as scorching as it had been the past few weeks : a calm weather for my distraught emotion, nature's way of soothing me maybe.

I looked up again my hands tightly fisting the rope as I swung back and forth,  my eyes clenched as recaps of the monstrous childhood memory Dan had help create replayed in my mind.

***

I trudged into the house irked that I made a thing as flimsy as a Dan related issue cause me not only an emotional drain but ruin the whole plan I had made for the day, if only he could remain unimportant.
I shook my head huffing for what seemed like the umpteenth time.

I pushed the door quietly mumbling the salam to a line of my family’s worried faces, I raised a brow in question a smile playing at the sides of my lip, “Our emotion is some source of amusement  to you right?” Mom asked in a slightly irritated tone, I shook my head tightening my lips in a thin line to stifle the laughter  bubbling within me which would definitely land me in more trouble.

''I went for a walk'' I countered meekly avoiding the gaze of Mufeedah and Fadeelah especially Fadeelah,  I strained my ear to the voices inside Papa and dad were still in there and at the rate this ''questioning session" was going if I didn't find an escape or maybe a shelter which  wouldn't be found in my room, she won't be at ease till she milks everything out of me.

My eyes bulged when she turned around walking further into the house  her ''side interrogators'' in tow,   slowly I let out a sigh a smile creeping up on my face for a while I thought Fadeelah had snitched on me and told her why I left.

I thanked Allah for making mom understand even if its  just for a while,  she is one of those  people who never understand, maybe this was just a delay tactic, with her record I'd say an interrogation was inevitable.

I salaamed as I entered the family room and sat beside dad my head finding its favorite spot on his shoulder .

"Good evening" I greeted again my lips stretching into a wide genuine smile Papa smiled back from the seat opposite ours,  between Dad and Papa I can't really tell who I love more,  dad has been there for me  since I can remember which is pretty much all my life and for Papa he might have been there for me maybe before my trouble immersed-self even graced the world but I forgot him,  I knew of his existence but I never related or remember relating to him as a father. Dad has always been the one.

I huffed forgoing that train of thought,  the bottom line is I love them both.

"You should have gone with your phone you know" he uttered in a low tone I'd have not heard if my head wasn't on his shoulder,  I lightly nodded and closed my eyes "Chai, sometimes I wonder the number of babies in this house" I heard Mufeedah exclaim,  she is not the person I'd like to start a banter with I had mom to deal with already, acknowledging I've heard what she said will boost her annoying sugar level and an hyperactive Mufy I was not prepared to face.

I muffled a yawn "Don't mind her" dad whisper yelled,  I laughed out almost choking from my cut-short yawn,  I opened my teary eyes to a fuming Mufy hands folded across her chest, she was seated beside Papa, her lips pushed in the most funny and cute pout she's ever spotted; like a child ready to throw a tantrum.

Dad chuckled lightly patting my head "Dad" she whined pushing out the insides of her lower lip  "you're supporting her" she added her voice cracking up, I burst in an uncontrollable laughter tightly clutching my tummy. 

"Salma stop bullying the poor girl" Papa warned in a somewhat stern voice although his lips were stretched in a funny way, probably an attempt to conceal his amusement.

"Make her apologise" she added, rapidly blinking her eyes  "drama queen" I mumbled under my breath rolling my eyes at her antics,  dad chuckled lightly shaking his head, Papa's lips were pursed inward to muffle the laughter  that was now evident on his face,  "Salma you might not like what I'll do, better stop" he added the latter humorously.

"Papa you're joining her" she whined I poked my tongue at her then bolted out of the room.  "Dad you always support her" I heard her complain, I shook my head my lips  stretching to a grin as I ascended the stairs.

She is a younger version of mom and it might be fun but it will be super scary to have another of their character, we'll be doomed to laughter  and probably suffer heart attacks from the magnitude of their schemes,  they're always scheming mischief.

My smile dropped when I remembered what those words implied there was a huge chance I was carrying the latest addition to the Seebaway clan and the future of the kid was still undecided.  I huffed when I reached the last stair and rushed to my room I had explanations to give and maybe a decision to make.

***

I dialled Nadia's number touched the add call option before dialling Iman's number, I wanted to call the number I presumed to be Malik's.
The guy rarely called with the same number twice and it was kind of getting annoying he has pulled the anonymity card one too many times and I was able to make out who he was on all those occasions why not just stick to a number,  between me and him I think I'd have made the better psychologist or therapist whatever term he preferred being called I'd have made the better doctor, being a psychologist didn't mean he could play with people's mind like that.

"I'm so sorry girls" I pled before any of them spoke

"This isn't the first time you've ditched us" came Iman's voice  her way of guilt tripping me.

I've not been the best of friend to them since my wedding,  before the ceremony itself I had been a bit off with them, I could blame it all on Dan for his constant emotional jabs but I could have done better,  I had more power over my emotions than he did, and then when things  escalated to this huge bubble ozone of confusion my interaction with them turned to an all time low.

"Cut her some slacks" Nadia defended "she has husbandly duties to attend to we could have done better"

"I'm so sorry" I pled once more wishing I could pull some of Mufy's antics.

"Nad she didn't ask for a lawyer so you can keep your defence skills to yourself and your clients to be"
I chuckled remembering the good old days and how their banters had made life a whole lot better.

"Guys please let's avoid another Iman , Nadia episode I'm still reeling from the last one" I intervened as I racked my brain for the particular last encounter I was referring to there were way too many episodes.

They would argue then the arguments would propel to fights then they'll make up the next minute like nothing  happened, they were much closer to each other than I was to them.

Nadia had once dated Iman's first cousin and when Iman had tried to separate them because she thought he was not fit for her, Nadia had thrown a fit and stopped talking to Iman for days it took her seeing the guy flirt with almost every girl at each of their outings for her to realise the truth,  and they'd been stronger ever since.

"So we'll meet tomorrow?" I suggested questioningly

I heard one of them huff "I'm at my aunty's right now, I wanted to come to your house right after arriving but you didn't pick any of my calls" Iman accused the latter,  I could picture her rolling her eyes, she was too fond of it not to.

"You're really bent on taunting me with this right?" I asked in resignation rolling my eyes and tsking "I'm currently lodged at Golden Tulip" Nadia announced in a low tone,  I stared down at the phone to see if I had mistakenly ended the call,  "Do you mean you're in Kumasi right now and staying at a hotel?" I asked chuckling to hide my irritation.

"Yes" she replied hesitantly. WTH she really went that far I wasn't at home but she could have still come home no one would have asked her to go back.

"Nad I'm highly disappointed, seriously, I might not have been home but you could have still come" "You mean you would have snapped out of honeymoon phase and come to my rescue" I closed my eyes my lips stretching in a sad smile "it's true Salma,  there's no way you could have pulled from the magnet binding you and him together" Iman chipped in.

I huffed slowly to minimise the pressure I felt in my chest,  it felt like a huge weight had been placed there.

"I'll come for you tomorrow and same goes to you Man,  I'll be there by 10 am and I won't tolerate tardiness from any of you" I meekly rebutted ignoring Iman's growl as I ended the call.
She hated it when she was called Man and since Nad was on my side today she was the one to face my wrath.

I rolled over when I heard the call for adhan,  an escape from a thought that was bound to unmake my happiness again. Once in a day was enough but twice I'd stall it as much as I can.

🔺

I was feeling giddy, I couldn't stand still and won't do so yesterday's dinner was a blast,  gradually my relationship with Papa was at the running stage, he was open to all of us especially Mufeedah his beloved daughter,  he left for his house after our normal family hangout after dinner in the family room conversing about virtually everything under the sun and arguing.

Arguing with them was the most intriguing part considering the age gap and all,  and then there's Mufeedah with the "I know it all" attitude that made her seem like she'd lived through four generations.

I tsked as I fumbled with the hijab this was the third time I was trying out the style I had spent the better part of 3 hours watching attentively more than ten times but I could still not pull off the exact look she had at the end.

I vehemently shook my head to forgo the memory of my once make-up artist and stylist,  I looked down at the African print I was wearing and the mess I had made of its wrapper on my head.  I huffed in resignation and tore it from my head.  I had two options but the ultimate goal was to look good and I had a pressing need to look good today it was point down a necessity to look good even if was just for a while.

It'd be my reward for all the times my head had been hanging low,  all the times I had been mopping. Today is going to be all about me,  me having fun with my friends I snugged my phone from the heap of pillows and tapped on Mufeedah's number I touched the loudspeaker pad then the placed it on the vanity "I need you here it's an emergency" I announced immediately she answered "God, woman are you trying to turn me dea-" I ended the call before she could end for all I know it could be the beginning of an argument.

"Come in" I consented contemplating if to change clothing or not,  an abaya wasn't an option the weather was too hot.

I rose from the stool right before the door creaked and walked to the wardrobe,  my eyes skimmed  the neatly folded and arranged clothes,  I pulled a colorful ankle length African print skirt from their section then pulled a white blouse from my hanger of blouses.
I turned around to an astonished Fadeelah and Mufy, "Good morning" they greeted in unison I nodded with a smile in reply  then made a dash to the bathroom before either of them could say anything in addition.

The skirt looked good enough or I'd shed the shyness and say I was rocking it, the seamstress should be really proud of herself the uneven pleats gave it a whole different look.

I re-entered the room my hands hovering and pushing my blouse's buttons in their holes,  "you look lovely" Fareedah complimented her lips stretching in a smile I nodded smiling back in gratitude,  I shifted my gaze to Mufy who was busily acquainting herself with my make-up materials  "Hey back off" I warned sternly, squinting my eyes at her "Fareedah can you do that pleated head gear?" I asked turning away from Mufy.
"But you called me not her" she complained before Fareedah could even answer,  I might be wasting my breath with Fareedah but Mufy is sometimes really annoying,  I was surprised when Fareedah nodded my lips turned in a small 'o' as I retook my seat then handed the wrapper to her.

"Surprise me" I urged my eyes followed the movement of her fingers as she folded the material into two halves,  one minute she had the material in her hands the next it was in Mufy's "You'll have to promise me you'll make me re-do your makeup before I give it back" she threatened,  "and what if I don't?" I indulged "Please let me do it" she pleaded in a teary voice handing back the print to Fareedah,  I let out a sigh dreading my face's fate after I had nodded to her request. 

I rolled my eyes at her outburst she was literally jumping to the ceiling,  my eyes remained fixated on the mirror as I watched Fareedah work her wonders with  the scarf in her hand,  she was done in no time,  I was amazed at her fluidity.
Why was I the only one who hasn't caught on with all this beauty stuff,  I'll watch tutorials for hours and end up doing much worse than I began.

I looked over at Mufy,  "Fareedah can you do my make-up?" I asked to spook Mufy she growled and turned making her way to the door,  "Should I re-do my make-up? " I asked in a whisper,  she nodded and winked at me "No lie you look good but the arch of your brow isn't well defined and your eyeliner isn't winged well" my lower lip dropped,  when did Fareedah become Mufy :that was so mean, I nodded snatching wet wipes from its container.
I wiped all the mess I had made on my face and surrendered my freshly wiped face to to her eyes closed.
I felt the soft brushes and sponges on my face as she transformed me t0o a creature that might li.

🔻

I occasionally tapped the steering wheel slightly bobbing my head as I drove to Iman's house I called her to meet me at the gate, I was not going to hear the end of it from her aunt when I go in, I'd rather I hear it later.

I sighed in relief when I saw she was the only one outside in a mid thigh length tank with denim trouser and a purse hanged on her shoulder,  I motioned for her to come forth and sped off immediately she was seated, "Don't kill me woman I  dream of marrying and having kids you know, don't squash that" she bemoaned squeezing her eyes shut,  I slowed down and took a left turn sighing when I saw a billboard with the hotel's direction,  living at the other side of town had made me a bit disoriented with the place and road. I parked at the forecourt of the hotel after going through security checks and dialled Nad's number.

"We're waiting outside please don't waste our time" I muttered hanging up before she could speak.

I shrugged at Iman's quirked brow looking down to the vibrating device in my hand, my eyes searched the forecourt for her.
I pressed on the horn when I spotted her waving my left hand outside the window, she looked around in perplexity her eyes roving over the area I was honking before retracing back to me,  she turned around and talked to someone I couldn't make out who it was but if there was anything I knew about Nad it was the natural pull she had on men,  old and young alike.

"Have you spotted her or did she give you a wrong address, you know we can never trust that girl" Iman enquired adding the latter in a bored tone.

"You can see for yourself" I retorted leaning backwards,  she tsked and continued with the task of punching her phone screen. 

***

I pressed the unlock button when she was approaching the car, there was no sign of the person she had been standing with when I turned to where they had been,  a wide grin donned her face as she  pulled the door open.

She was dressed in a long armless ankle length flower gown with a denim jacket over it,  she'd tied a sparsely pearled head tie in a turban style with a huge handbag I couldn't tell the brand slung on her forearm

" I feel like squealing and hugging you now,  you look so pretty what's the secret behind the glow Amarya? " she asked excitedly in one breath. I turned the rearview mirror setting it on her face,  she looked more prettier than the last time I saw her.

"Is she the only one you saw?" Iman irritatedly asked

Nadia tsked rolling her eyes at her,  "Hajia Sally please drive us out of here" "And where's your luggage" I asked before she made  us detour after  leaving she rolled her eyes in a duh gesture  "I have my clothes in my bag it's not like I'll be staying here forever"

I pursed my lips to stop myself from snapping at her,  I revved the car to life and drove out of the hotel my eyes fixated at Rattary park opposite right. I'd have loved for us to go there but we needed to have all the fun we could today, "I think we should visit the park tomorrow"  I quietly suggested.

"It's your city,  your city your rules"  Iman blurted "Nad? " I muttered questioningly "What you say goes" she relented shrugging. 

"This isn't about me you know I want us to make the most out of the time we have now I don't know when we might meet again".

I drove us around town strictly avoiding areas I wasn't familiar with,  they didn't let me hear the end of it when we drove pass the Kumasi City Mall,  Iman started it laughing at how the internet had been abuzz with Kumasiano's exhibiting their move from "the stone age" since they've never had a mall before KCM. 

I indulged her by driving to all the huge marts we had before  KCM was built and of course we'll make a detour back there since she's never been there.

We made a stop at a mosque prayed Zuhr then drove  to the Mall,  with quivering hand I picked my chiming phone  from the dashboard  momentarily looking at the number displayed on the screen,  the number wasn't saved but I remember Malik once calling me with it,  it was the same one he called with yesterday.  I touched the answer pad holding the device between my shoulder and  ear.

I salamed  tsking at his annoying prank "Really Malik we've passed this stage already, say what you have to I'm with my girlfriends" I huffed in exasperation when nothing came from  his end "I won't hesitate ending the call you know" a sigh came from the other side,  he cleared his throat "Where do we meet up tomorrow?" My brows brows creased at his distant voice followed by a loud hawk
"Ew seriously man" I shrieked in disgust, I hate it when people hawked it could make me retch for minutes or lose my appetite.

I slightly shifted my shoulder to steady the device,  "I'm keeping it" I announced in a lower tone "Go for the results tomorrow, I don't want to alert anyone about it and I have a fe"

I felt the phone slip from my shoulder sliding onto my body, it finally fell on the ground as I took a sharp turn that would lead me to the open parking space of the mall.

I stepped on the brake pedal, the car screeched to a halt almost ramming into the car in front of me, for a while none of us made to open the door,  my hand was searching the floor,  my head slightly bent.

I heard the sound of two doors creaking open one preceding the other, followed by a gentle and loud thud. 

I picked the device from the floor and luckily it wasn't broken, a smile broke on my lips as I opened the door, lucky him I wouldn't have hesitated making  him buy me a new one.

I avoided their angry glances like I didn't almost involve us in a minor accident and walked ahead of them, they were hot on my heels as I passed aisle after aisle heading directly to the eatery.

I turned to Iman for comments her eyes were wandering around eating up all the details of the place, I presume.

"You know what they say ahwenepa nkasa* I didn't argue with you cause I knew stone aged Kumasianos* had every right to act the way they did though there were lots of fake pictures at the time" I teased.

She rolled her eyes and looked away.

The mall had that effect on people it was semi-enclosed so we could still see what was happening outside.

Nadia's eyes were fixated on her phone her lips stretched in a smile,  I wondered if it had anything to do with the person she was standing with at the hotel,  was he young or old?  Men loved her especially the older ones, was she seeing the person?
Was he treating her well?.

We sat at the far end of the eatery each of us studying the menu for what to eat,  "What would you order?" I heard Iman ask I shrugged at the question and stole a glance at Nad her eyes were still on her phone her fingers swiftly tapping on the screen.

I ordered fries with chicken and ketchup when the waitress came back,  Iman ordered banku with grilled tilapia and pepper.

Nad ordered water,  like seriously the girl ordered a bottle of water and was still busy on her phone,  our time together was really going to be fun with her always on her phone.

"I see marriage life is treating you well,  see how you're glowing are you pregnant already?" I slowly dropped the chicken wing in my hand and swallowed the content in my mouth without chewing.

I made up an excuse and left them.
I roamed the aisles of the shoprite shop window shopping,  I stopped studying the profile of the person at the end of the aisle he was in deep conversation with the person at the he was facing,  I couldn't make out who the person was,  he turned around almost abruptly,  I stilled blinking rapidly a smile already playing at the sides of my lip.

***

😂😂😂😂 Watcha think watcha think who did we meet ?

Kumasianos or Kumasiano - a term people used to call Kumasi inhabitants the term isn't popular across Ghana though

Ahwenepa nkasa literally means A good weave doesn't speak meaning a person with something worthy doesn't have to boast   mostly referring to wealth or beauty or any worthy thing at all.