I clutched my tummy trying to hold in my laughter. Papa is the one getting fucking married.
GETTING A WIFE!.
My brain resonated.
I closed my eyes clenching my teeth to rein in my suddenly raging fury.
How could he?.
He left me.
I was just a kid but he did so, forgetting I was a kid and will grieve too.
He blamed me for murder and deserted me, forgetting I was his, and making Dan better then HIM.
"I cannot take this Aunty," I announced looking everywhere but at her.
"What can you not take?" She asked her brows furrowing.
I ran my tongue over my lower lip squeezing my eyes shut again.
"Ke Salma!" She bellowed, I opened my eyes to her standing from where she sat at the dinning area.
"Just because you have grown tall, developed breasts and got married doesn't suddenly make you older than us." She humphed planting her fisted hand on her waist.
I swallowed hardly wishing I could vanish from there.
Alluding to what Aunty Hauwa just said means they have discussed this already and have come to a conclusion, my greatest fear was returning to my cause of irritation.
Confrontations weren't my best forte, probably the reason why I still haven't met with dad even though he was my major problem at the moment.
"Aunty Kamillah" I called quietly, hoping she'd reason with me.
"M-m-my moo-om" I started clenching my eyes and hating the break in my voice.
Slowly I let out pent up breath, hoping it'd help ease the heaviness I felt in my chest.
"I CAN'T AUNTY!"I humphed, my breath shallow.
"Salma..." she called soothingly.
"I'll be lying if I say I know how you feel, but your family will always be your family especially your dad, Alhaji might have been the one to cater for you but even he did that because of your dad." She uttered retaking her seat and holding her chin in her right palm, her elbow planted on the neatly laid dinning table.
I looked away from her, willing my tear clogged throat to not give in.
He LEFT. And now that he is back he wants to LEAVE again.
Maybe Dad compelled him to come back, he might have surely not done what he did if wasn't related to my father but he was around, and might have do same for anyone else in a heartbeat.
He had three children who were equally in danger, two died, but that didn't make him bitter.
He had a brother, a niece and sister-in-law to worry about in addition.
Papa was selfish in his decisions then, and still is.
He forgot he had a child to look out for.
An innocent baby who had no idea about what was really happening and needed a shoulder to cry on.
Those shoulders should have been that of her father since she was more familiar with than anyone, but, she was denied that, and when she finally had him HE GOT SOMEONE ELSE!
"SALMA!"
She warned huffing, her index finger pointing towards me, "Don't make me do something we might all regret, what kind of disrespect is this?"
I turned around blinking back the tears that had gathered in my eye, to an angry Aunty Hauwa.
As she was refastening the cloth of her shigan yarbawa securing it around her waist and clapping in marvelment.
"Wato Salma you've grown wings to start disowning people, koh?" she stated the latter rhetorically, her lips tightening in a frown.
"Kamillah," she called her sister's name like they were not in the same room.
"She wants to set a rift between us and her fathers?" She asked the younger woman rhetorically in concern, her burning gaze on me.
The clog in my throat felt bigger and thicker.
"We just finished burying our mother," she huffed, squinting at me.
What did she mean?.
I lost a grandmother too.
"It's not even 40 days yet, I will call Amdan to come for you. We can't have you here, when you are much saner you can come back" she added the latter in a much calm tone.
Forgetting I was also mourning.
I lost a grandmother I wasn't really close to, courtesy, my dad and Dan then I'm denied mourning her rightfully courtesy my dad more of the man who calls himself so.

**
Green.

Recent rains made the trees look greener. Nature, dulls and brightens at her own pace. Human activities have mostly messes things for her but she still sticks to what she is best known for.
I closed my eyes, wishing all that had happened was a nightmare.
Granny was no more.
Dan's presence irked me.
Papa was annoying.
I could not wait for anyone from the house to come for me, Mom would be disappointed, I know.
I will be embarrassed in her presence but I was not ready to meet anyone yet.
She was my balm, for sure.
She will be better than Aunty Kamillah and Hauwa, but even she had a breaking point, maybe I've pushed her there already.
I looked to my left, thanking Allah again for gracing me with the one seat lane, the other lane of the V.I.P bus had two-seaters and occupying one of those means someone will have to sit beside me and maybe talk to me.
I frowned wondering if the two people conversing animatedly at my far left knew each other before getting aboard.
I turned around pushing the blinder at my side and reclining my seat, a heavy sigh escaping my lips as I finally let the weight down.
Wetness trickling down my face.
My mom's side of the family have in not so many words disowned me.

MY EYES TOOK in the gigantic iron wrought gate and the uniformed guards who stood by it.
"Madam are we going inside?" the taxi driver I picked at the bus terminal asked, before we made it to where the security officers stood.
It was the only building there and the heavy presence of the guards meant Nad's mom or grand mom was present.
"Take me inside," I replied tiredly. The walk into the house was a journey on its own.
I lowered the glass when we arrived at the gate and pulled out my pass card.
I had not been keen on taking it when Nad had given it to Iman and me, I remember stuffing mine in my bag knowing I might never use it.
The thump of the boot and the beckoning "green light" wave had a sigh escaping my lips.
I was no criminal for sure they won't find anything incriminating at my disposal but the driver might be mischievous. You can never tell.
Everything looked like it did when I last visited just more refined.
I wondered if living in such a house like that made Nad feel like a princess.
Maybe it was part of the reason why boys our age couldn't approach her.
Maybe they felt intimidated.
Weeping willows circled the building from right-after the left side of the left gate to the side of the right gate.
I moved my hand bag to my left shoulder pulling at the handle and pushing the car door open. The air that hit me had the sides of my lips lifting. I heaved shoving it close with a thud.
"Thank you." I muttered snugging my dufflebag from the back seat, making my way to the narrow walkway that led to the house while inhaling deeply to make out the heavenly scent that was slowly creeping my senses and where I knew it from.
"See who's here" Aunty Rabi cheered rising from one of the two reclining chairs at the foyer that were situated beside each other at the right side of the partly open slided door.
My lips stretched in a genuine smile at the light skinned petite beauty who you'd swear didn't have a child Nad's size and age, she literally didn't look a day above thirty and had a body that was almost the complete opposite of Nad's.
I exhaled heavily releasing the handle in my hand and enveloping her.
"See how grown and prettier you've become," she praised pulling from the hug, her eyes roving me.
I looked down, biting my lower lip in shyness. Wishing I could throw the clothes in the bag over my face.
Circling the corner of my the bag strapped on my shoulder.
"Come on, in" she beckoned, her right arm covering my shoulder in some sort of a side hug and leading me inside.
"How are your parents and siblings?" she enquired, "Ah and your husband?!" she added, teasingly.
I pursed my lips to avoid bursting into laughter, Justice Rabi'a Adama was in a good mood and I could only hope I was the cause.
Bobbing my head sheepishly, I looked the enormous living room over, nodding in admiration.
"Your house looks lovely as ever, Aunty" I commented looking the room over again.
The walls were white, colourful art pieces adding to its beauty.
She sat on a wooden sunset teak lounge chair with offwhite foams some few inches from the semi-circle sofa chain that stood at the centre of the enormous room.
I gave the hanged pictures a once-over marvelling at how they were all of landscapes, beautiful landscapes.
"Uhm Good afternoon" I greeted, imagining how stupid she might perceive me, we seldom met and here I was making a fool of myself.
Her lips twisted a bit aside her brow slowly marring, "I am sorry I didn't make it to your wedding and to think even Nadia couldn't make it" she huffed, clasping her hands and tucking her legs a bit close to the chair's foot.
"We attended a symposium I couldn't skip but" she paused her face lighting up to match the pick in her voice.
"I'll make it up to you" she added her lips stretching in a smile.
I jumped in shock at the thud of a tray on the wooden side table at my side of the sofa.
"Sorry," Aunty uttered before the lady could speak, motioning at the stairs with her chin. "Go ahead, Musna."
I nodded at her smiling and nodding again when she smiled back.
"You're good?"
I chuckled nodding in reply picking up the glass.
My eyes fluttered my tongue rolling at the feel of the cold liquid, again.
"It tastes great" I commented after my third gulp, nodding in approval.
She nodded, her lips stretching and dipping at the sides.
Aunty Rabi did not look much like Nad, where Nad was an hourglass and had captivating curves, Aunty Rabi had a rectangular figure, was chocolate skinned though at the lighter side and has warm welcoming onyx eyes I assume has lawyers and criminals fooled.
Nad would pass on for fair but was on the lighter shade of the dark skin.
A beauty by all standards: pointed nose, plump lips, and the a body plastic surgery addicts continuously go under the knife and syringe for.
I blinked sighing in relief.
My mouth dropped at her ladyship's chuckle.
"Lost in thought already?" She asked picking a teacup from a side stool beside her.
"Uh-" I pursed my lips trying to remember what we were discussing in the first place.
"You can go on upstairs" she encouraged pointing to the staircase.
"The very last room facing you from the top of the stairs."
I heaved slowly, nodding and picking my bag for the journey.
It was one staircase but long and curvy that automatically made it got to be tagged a journey.
"Leave the bag, Musna will take it up for you,"
"Uh- no problem, I can manage, it's not heavy at all."
She nodded a smile playing at the side of her lips.
"Uhm-" I started, I closed my lips nodding and turning towards the stairs , my legs complying with my mind and moving toward it.

"Salamu alaikum" I salamed for the third time knocking this time around and jiggling the knob.
I heard shuffling in the room then the turning of the knob.
The sparkly black and gold PINK writing on her waistband was the first thing my eyes settled on then her pink and white vertical stripe shorts. I chuckled turning my head to look up at her.
A sequin black and gold camisole wrapped her upper body with her hair held in a loose bun.
"Babe..." She called stretching out her arms for a hug.
"See who is babying someone," I mumbled hugging her and smiling.
"Welcome"
I rolled my eyes at her antics, she had both stretched out and was twirling like a little girl.
"Make yourself "
"Mhmmm " I moaned closing my eyes at the fluffiness of her bed, situated right in the middle of the room.
"Aw, you're going to sleep?" She asked annoyingly even though it was evident that was what I was doing.
"Nad" I moaned puckering my lips.
"I'm super tired" I announced hoping she'd let me be, for now.

***
For what seemed like the umpteenth time she tapped her phone's screen blinking her eyes like an alien object had entered it.
"I think he's avoiding me," she blurted looking away, both of her hands still held the rope holding the tyre-swing she was seated on.
I left my position from behind her where I was pushing her hurriedly settling on the swing next to her.
"What happened?" I enquired blinking back tears that had gathered in my eyes.
"It's mom" she mourned covering her mouth with both hands.
My eyes involuntarily started fluttering.
Her mom?
Was that why she was indifferent when I told her we had to tell her we were going out.
She didn't act like we were even talking to her mom.
I blinked looking down at her hoping everything was happening in my head.
"Mom told Youssouf and his family off when they came to seek for my hand." She cried breaking into tears.
"They came over when I was away and, " she broke off again clasping the rope her eyes looking skyward.
Why were we in constant trial?
I soliliquised bemused at how life kept throwing thorns at us.
We needed to live too, having a perfect front isn't everything.

"I am breaking inside Salma, he is still yet to even talk at length with me,"
I held her hand in mine clasping it and clenching my eyes.
In a way we were all broken, one probably worse than the other.
"I think mom is only looking out for you."
She abruptly turned her bloodshot eyes boring them into mine.
She laughed hysterically shaking her head and bursting into fresh tears.
I craned my neck turning again to the other side hoping no one's attention was on us.
"Nad...." I called soothingly, "We cannot always have what we want," her head shook her mouth tightly pressed together.
"Maybe it's for the best..."
"Best?" She asked, laughing hysterically and pulling her hand from my clasp.
"After being with your childhood sweetheart you want to convince me finally finding the one is not it?".
She burst into laughter clutching her tummy.
"Time, prayer, I mean dedicated prayer has gone into this why don't you all see it?" Her eyes bore so much pain, unidentifiable emotion clogged my throat and senses.
"Rebuke from a loved one especially for something you're sure about hurts," "I know that first hand" I added the latter soberly. Wondering between Dan, mom and me who was really at fault.
The woman has done nothing but shown me love, I even referred to her as a hypocrite once.
I bowed my head in shame feeling like the whole world was hooting at me.
"I'm so sorry," I muttered apologising to not just her but my family who I know would be in turmoil if Dan told them he couldn't find me.

"We'll convince mom, you will marry Yusuf. Bi'iznillah" I added the latter my heart thumping hard.

Though a tiny part of my heart was hesitant, the thumping I'm is not for the possibility of a failure.

Maybe it was for the not so sweet things love came with that I feared. What if Yusuf is not all that he claims he is?

*****

P.S I'm sorry guys, forgive me😪

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