BEREFT

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I pulled away wiping my tear streaked face, "Mom, right here "

I muttered poking at my chest "You hold a place no one can lay claim of," she nodded and held my hand tracing the henna design that was drawn on it late last night.

"We can't be sobbing on a day like this cheer up" she urged her face breaking into a smile.

"You and Amdan might have succeeded in cancelling some of the wedding events but this walimah won't be called off" I opened my mouth to protest but she held a hand up shushing me before I could even come up with a word.

"Hush" she shook her head quirking her lips to the side "I really don't understand the youth of this generation, back in the days we didn't have a say in anything related to our weddings,  everything was left to our parents and even the parents shied away most  times, things were left in the hands of the family.  Who were we to object then?." she asked rhetorically.

"With the youth of today God help me." she bemoaned, hysterically holding the back of her hand to her head.

I bit my lips  to hold in my laughter, Mom won't be mom if she wasn't hysterical.

She looked around the room probably trying to find fault with something and complain then abruptly turned around holding my chin between her thumb and index finger,  her eyes squinted I'd have sworn she had some kind of microscopic device for eye lenses as they slowly travelled over my face,  "Did you apply the turmeric mask today?" she finally asked the sides of her lips dropping in a slight frown.

I nodded to avoid speaking, mom had a knack for catching in on our lies.

I wonder the kind of glow she wanted my skin to have, I have been having a back to back spa treatment for the past weeks not masking my face with the turmeric paste just today won't hurt anyone; besides, the one I'm being beautified for doesn't even care of my existence.

She scrambled to the bathroom like she was being raced, I rose from my gigantic bed and trudged to the middle of the room slumping heavily on the two-seater couch situated there.

I buried my face in the pillows that had been stacked on the right arm.

Tonight is the night I've detested  since finding out my betrothed was a monster.
He neither loved nor liked me and blood ties did nothing to minimise the hatred.

"You are not asleep are you?" I slowly turned to where her voice was coming from my eyes slightly closed, her face scrunched a bit, I vehemently shook my head and propped on my elbows "Your water is ready, make sure your skin reeks of the perfume in it before you get out of that tub" she more like warned squinting her eyes and quirking her lips to the side.

Today must definitely be a squint  and quirk lip day.

Mom has a way of making her words get to home. She is all sweet inside but can be tough when she wants to, especially to Amdan. I clenched my eyes when I remembered him I was being pruned and beautified for him, yet he had not even an inkling of love for me.

I heard a snap sound and opened my eyes "Chalo, go ahead and start your bath before Mufeeda and Fareeda get here."

****

I dragged my unwilling body to the bathroom.
The ethereal scent that engulfed the room had me inhaling deeply , I exhaled feeling like a major part of my problems had flushed along with the air I breathed out.

As if in a trance I hypnotically walked to the bubbling water that was calling to my body, all thoughts of Amdan, the wedding and my uncertain future temporarily forgotten when I finally eased into the liquid of  therapeutic healing.

  ♡~♥~♡~♥~♡~♥~♡~♥~♡

I overstayed the time mom allotted, maybe because my subconscious was scared of the inevitable. I was practically forced out of the bathroom by the ever nagging Mufeedah.

"Sally!!!"

"Sally you can't be late for your own wedding,  you might detest hanging out with people but you can't miss out on this!" she'd  nagged on after I had came out of the bathroom clad in a long fluffy bathrobe, a shower cap covering my braided head.

At just seventeen she had outwitted mom on the nag rights,  had more of dad and Amdan's facial features a look she shared with her identical twin, but had hoarded all of mom's nagging and manipulative skills I sometimes wondered who mom inherited it from,  probably it was inherited from her side of the family.

Her facial features were the only thing she shared with her twin,  in height Fareedah was a bit shorter and had a much slimmer build than Mufy. She could be mistaken for Mufy's younger sister.

I really pitied whoever she was going to end up married to, I pitied her kids and grandchildren more especially the grandchildren a much older Mufy.
I shook my head already detesting the picture I was coming up with.

The girl could talk for the whole country and some on a normal day, her hyper days were worse, a child high on sugar is much controllable , even mom who is menopausal couldn't keep up with her sometimes.

I rolled my eyes and watched as she commanded Fareeda around, and to think Fareeda was the older one.
I'd swear she handed her birthright to Mufeeda right after their delivery.

I intentionally ignored them,  looking around for nothing in particular.

An exhale escaped  my lip when the door was knocked twice in succession.

"Come in" I urged the feeling of interim relief washing over me when I saw the make-up artist walk in, my lips stretched  in a wobble smile. I detested makeup but it would be my safe-haven for now.

I nodded to her in greeting, it wasn't like I was looking forward to the the long sitting or looking  pretty for the sake of this occasion but God help me my ears were a second away from bleeding from Mufy's incessant nag.

I watched as she placed the boxy bag on the vanity scrunching my nose when she began removing  brushes and sponges from the bag.

I excused myself to the bathroom.

My eyes travelled over the bathroom lingering on the tub,  it was still morning do I really need to dress up? Being a bride is the most tedious job on earth especially the part where you dress up  and sit with your head bowed surrounded by friends,  family and well wishers as you receive guests listening in and smiling shyly to their every compliment and yodel,  no one cares to know how you feel,  removing the veil and looking up means you weren't shy enough implying immodesty.

I went back to the room after I'd worn my undies and changed into a pink silk robe,  I sat on the stool by the vanity smiling and nodding.

"I'm Mayada" I nodded wondering if it was her real name or an alias.

My eyes involuntarily closed when I felt the wet tissue she'd pulled from a container on my face,  I reopened them to her  squirting a white lotion like thing on her palm then dabbing it in dots on my face, she gently started rubbing it all over my face with one of the foamy sponges officially marking the beginning of my torture.

The room remained quiet, my face torture spanning to every part of my face, I momentarily closed my eyes when whatever she was going to apply was close to my eye.

"I can't believe you won't have an eye wax,  it'd be only  for once that wouldn't be haram" I chose to ignore her garnering as much patience within me to not rant her ear off,  I'll pretend there wasn't an hādith cursing women who waxed their eyebrow, Mufy acts like one of those petulant kids who are mischievous just because they can. Fareedah's mouth opened but I shook my head at her ,  there was no help with Mufy, she just wants trouble and giving in to her whim wasn't the answer,  she'd nag your ear off to eternity and still not be satisfied.

Fareeda rolled her eyes when Mufeeda, started rambling again because I  objected to the suggestion of her helping the make-up artiste tie my head-gear ,  and for that she deemed I had no right to a peace of mind. I tuned out her blab concentrating on the movement of Mayada's fingers.

                            ***

Yodelling and flashing lights snapped me out of my reverie, "My Allah never have I seen a more beautiful bride, Salame you are the exact replica of Hanne may Allah have mercy on her soul, she would have been so happy to witness this day" I heard my grandma utter, she was the only grandparent I had left from either side and funny enough I rarely indulge her in a "grandma-grandchild play". I stole a glance at her shyly looking away before our gaze met.

"Sis it's true you look breathtakingly beautiful" Fareeda  appraised Mufeedah had all her teeth on display like a cheshire cat, I turned to the mirror to see what was  compliment worthy that had them all talking, my breath hitched I could have sworn I had been swapped, I looked like one of those brides on social media.

There was no way the person looking in the mirror was me, she looked too beautiful to be me or was I dreaming. My trance state was short lived when a finger snapped in front of me, I slowly fluttered  "Don't forget you've still not dressed" my brows creased in confusion, then she pointed to the silk robe tied around my body.

I fetched the clothes off the bed and made way to the bathroom,  leaving Fareedah and and Mayada at the mercy Mufeedah  as she lectured Mayada on the kind of makeup she wanted.

"Masha Allah" granny praised  when I stepped out of the bathroom, donned in a skirt and blouse maroon lace with dots of gold  embroidery "I thought I couldn't be more proud and happy but I am, I thank Allah I got to witness this day" she ended her voice cracking, Fareeda had a wide smile on her face, Mufeedah's eyes were closed so she couldn't see me and in a way I missed her compliment, but  Mayada gave me a thumbs up, I nodded in appreciation when granny moved to me circling her arm around my waist as she ushered me to the bed.

She pulled a case from a black leather prada bag placing it beside me,  I stole a glance at Fareedah wishing I could ask her what it was but she also had her eyes on the case.

She lifted her head holding my gaze,  her lips widened in a wide genuine smile and her eyes held so much emotion I wanted to look away but couldn't.

She rose a bit, I stilled at the coldness I felt around my neck and cleavage,  I avoided raising my head because I didn't want our heads to clash,  my eyes closed my lips stretching in a smile when she held my earlobes, I've always been in either
studs or no earrings at all and funny enough I had ditched my ear studs weeks ago not so I would look good on my wedding day but because I wasn't accustomed to them.

Fareedah's lips were widely stretched her hands clutching her phone tightly as the flash light of her phone camera blinked synching with the stutter sound it made.

I shoved on the gold heel shoes that had been kept at the side of the bed and walked to the vanity again,  Mayada snapped me pictures and requested to put them up on her social media handles to which I consented.

Mufy surprisingly didn't say a word,  granny draped a sheer off-white veil designed with gold embroidery over my head muttering a prayer under her breath as we left the room leaving  behind the ever talkative now turned mute Mufeedah who was persistent on having her face painted.

With the huge veil over my head my gaze was cast down as we made our way to mom's room, more yodels were made by the women at the hallway, some complimenting me as they sang traditional wedding songs, they could make out my face from the sheer veil but I couldn't look up. I still had my shame and modesty at stake.

I prayed for the earth to swallow me up, if there was a thing I despised then it was being the center of attention.

A slow sigh escaped my lips when we entered mom's room but being the  contemporary woman she was,  she rose from her seat singing praises of my supposed beauty then engulfed me in a hug after she'd pulled the veil off my face raising my head with her curved fingers.

"You look radiant dear words can't ever describe the beauty you are", melanin is one thing one I'll ever be grateful to my Creator for I know I'd be tomato red if I was light skinned, the  warmth in my cheeks would have definitely not gone unnoticed.

****

I was seated on mom's bed, guests trooping in to see me most of them yodeling and raining compliments.

I sat sandwiched between my aunties.

They'd hugged me tightly Auntie Kamila being the first to burst into tears followed by Auntie Hauwa's silent sob.

"I sometimes wonder who's more prettier between you and Hanna, you look so much alike you'd have been mistaken for twins, May Allah have mercy on her soul" Auntie Kamila said wiping the tears trickling down her face, Auntie Hauwa nodded pursing her lip, tears welled in my eyes, for the family I couldn't remember.

I wish I could remember a single memory of them even if it was a conjured one, I'd have cherished it for eternity.

Unfortunately not a single photo of them was left.