Heavy chapter ahead.
And it is long. I would advice you to take a little time. :)

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She was able to see Shivaay saying something to her, but she didn't hear a thing. Annika looked at him with an empty countenance. She looked around the faces in the living room. They were looking back at her. Were they looking worried? Were they concerned? She did not know. She could not process. Her lungs suddenly felt constricted. It looked like there was blood everywhere; it also looked like there was nothing around her. It was like someone was playing with the remote that controlled her life, and was changing channels. One was her present, and the other was the day she saw her parents and her little brother lying lifeless. She felt the ground under her move with every mistake she had made. Suddenly, Shivaay's face appeared in front of her; a face full of worry lines. Was he fading away too? She felt her chest clench, and she felt like there was no air around her. She was drowning somewhere. She was not able to breathe. She immediately retraced her steps and went where her legs took her.

Shivaay saw Annika turn pale by the second before she ran off. It wasn't like how she usually was when she was in her world of darkness. This was different. And this time, she did not even try to hide what was on her mind. His whole self filled with worry when she sprinted away. He was about to go after her when he heard Virendar speak, rather, roar.

"YOU COULDN'T STAY QUIET, BHABHI? SHE WAS FINALLY BECOMING NORMAL."

The whole living room echoed his voice, and Lalitha turned visibly livid.

"DO NOT USE THAT TONE ON ME, VIRENDAR BHAISAAB," Lalitha yelled back. Annika's Dadi immediately went to Lalitha's side and tried to calm her, while Rajendra did the same to Virendar. "You have always coddled her. She was already spoilt when you took her away. I was only telling her how to behave."

"This is why I had to take her away. Can't you see her suffering? Wherever she went, she would fill that place with laughter. Now, she doesn't even smile. Can't you see that?" Virendar was shaking one minute, but now, he looked like it pained him to even talk.

"EVERYONE WAS SUFFERING, BHAISAAB..."

"You were INSENSITIVE! Do you not remember...?"

"Someone had to tell her! She has to face the truth."

"SHE THINKS SHE IS RESPONSIBLE, BHABHI." Virendar pranced towards Lalitha, and both of them stood glaring at each other.

"Do you think only you love her, Bhaisaab? None of us does? Do you remember how Annika was? She made Amala and Harsh Bhaiya miserable till the very end. Not one day went without them getting hurt with all her words. Bacchi samajh kar sab maaf Kiya, blaming her teenage rebellion. But, this?"

"I can't believe you still think what you said to her that day was right. Bacchi hai." Virendar was exasperated. This was all his fault. Annika's face... He shouldn't have let this happen. "Didn't you tell that you want nothing to do with her?"

"Did I, Bhaisaab?" Lalitha questioned him, with concealed hurt. "I told her I would not put up with her behaviour. Something Amala should have done. They gave in to each of her whim. Had they been even a little strict with her, Annika would have known to hold her tongue. She wouldn't have been this guilty."

"Strict? Bhabhi, she needed to be loved..."

"Has it made her better, Bhaisaab?" Lalitha asked, challengingly.

The rest of the family watched a war unfold in front of them. Shivaay knew by now that Lalitha did not hate Annika as he had thought. He looked again at the direction that Annika had left. The elders were in dire straits, and that was for them to resolve. Shivaay went to where Annika had gone; his wife needed him now, and he felt it. She wasn't in their room. He went to check the poolside. He would have missed her if he hadn't seen the dupatta she was wearing on the cabriole at the other side of the pool. He took steps till he saw her, sitting on the floor with her back against the cabriole. She resembled a crumpled paper. He saw her let out a heavy breath, and he knew she was aware of his presence.

Annika did not look at him. But when she felt him standing, the pain she had been feeling lessened a little.

She was walking through the deepest of forests at midnight, but he was holding a lantern for her to see. She was lost in a labyrinth where all the paths looked the same, but he was holding a compass to give her the direction.

She could feel his unremitting gaze on her. She itched to throw her arms around him and sob, but her tear ducts had hit its famine years ago. She felt him move closer, and it made her want to sprint from there. She was in a dither with her own self. She wanted to feel his warmth, yet she did not wish to be consoled. She slowly looked at his face, and she knew she must have looked ghastly, for she saw him wince. She mustered up the little courage she had left and dusted the bits of guilt that she felt as she uttered his name. "Shivaay."

"I'm here." His response was immediate and euphonious. She didn't know she was craving to hear it until she did.

A new wave of misery knocked her off the shore. He did not deserve to be with someone who felt guilty when looking at him.

She wanted to give her all, but she had nothing to give him.

Her beaten up heart only pumped acid, could she give that to him despite knowing it would burn him down? There were guilt and pain, but now, even they were burnt down to ashes. And, with Annika, even ashes didn't remain after the fire was put out.

She wanted to give her all, but she had nothing to give him.

The realisation marked its presence, she was, at once and altogether, exhausted.

She was exhausted of the facade she was keeping up.

She was exhausted from the face she was wearing.

She was exhausted from breathing.

She was exhausted.

Her shoulders slumped immediately. She felt as if she'd aged a couple of centuries. Her shoulders were caught by a firmness she had only felt with the demon's embrace. But, this wasn't what kept her insomnia alive. This was what gave her air to breath. Shivaay sat on his knees as he held her shoulders. Her hung head found its way to rest on his shoulder. She put words to her inaudible voice and finally spoke, "I told Ma and Papa I never want to see them again..."

He moved a little closer and wrapped his arms around her. He stayed still, and she continued.

"They wouldn't let me go on a school trip. I threw tantrums. I refused to eat. I didn't accompany them on their trip to visit Dadi. I told that I wanted nothing to do with them..." A stone settled on her throat. It refused to let her swallow while her abdomen was replaced with a pit.

"You weren't responsible for what happened, Annika. You know that..." His voice tried to soothe her.

Lies.

He spoke lies. It angered her that he reasoned with it. She was the one at fault. It was hardly acceptable that she hadn't accompanied them to heaven as she should have. But, of course, heaven didn't want her. Else, she would have been in that car. If that wasn't enough, Annika knew she hadn't given them a peaceful death.

"They have always tried and made all my wishes come true. Who knew they'd take this seriously?" She chuckled without humour. Soon, she started laughing hysterically. It was nonsensical, but she lived where only torpefying terror persisted, which often came without a rationale. Soon, her laughter faltered and was replaced with hiccups.

"Annika." Shivaay held her firmly, and she met his eyes. "They died knowing their daughter loved them. That was and is the truth. A truth that they knew."

"My last words..."

"... were empty. You did not mean them. They knew that. You know they knew that." He pulled her closer and very gently placed her head on his chest. He carefully wrapped his arms around her. He slowly rubbed her back. He could never change what was done. He could never put her in a boat as she swam through the guilt. But, he could hold her.

And, he did.

He held her, and he intended to embrace her till eschaton.

He wanted her to let down the walls and cry her heart out. He knew those walls were what that held her up.

But she could fall down as she destroyed them.

It was never an obligation to stay with strength. It was okay to fall apart. It was okay to put ourselves back together. It was okay to have someone to catch you as you fell. It was never okay to chain yourself.

But, what if you felt you didn't deserve anything you had? And, Annika knew she was undeserving of any form of love. For, she had had the most loving humans as her parents, and she was nothing but ungrateful to them. She had created scenes to get them to do things her way. She had spoken in fire and burnt them with her words every time they tried to discipline her. She had taken advantage of the love and liberty they'd given her. Everyone did tell her parents it was a phase. Something every kid went through. Annika did not know if it was true. But she remembered feeling like they were imposing on her.

And then came the day when it was all taken away from her.

Her mother and her brother were already dead by the time she was taken to the hospital. There was nothing like seeing bloodstains over a corpse which held the life that kept you alive.

Little Sahil's mouth was slightly ajar like it was when he slept. Annika knew he was asleep only to never wake up. She had tried to wake him up, but his body fell back on the table he was kept with a thud that made her heart stop.

And her mother... Annika hadn't gotten a chance to even say sorry for the woman who only lived for two of her kids. When Annika had looked at Amala, she knew her mother deserved infinitely more than what Annika was; and the mistake was solely hers. Annika couldn't even ask for another chance, because she had been given hundreds of chances every single day with her mother's ever forgiving heart. If her mom would wake up again, Annika wouldn't push away the plate full of food she didn't like. She would have said thank you for the times her mother deserved it. She would help her mom every time she would ask for. If only she would wake up again.

Then, Annika had been taken to her father finally. He was lying there on life support. Annika had been told that he wouldn't survive even through the night. She had walked to his side slowly. He had looked at her with guilty eyes, and that alone wrenched Annika over. It was palpable he was fighting to stay alive for his daughter. She had held his hand.

The coldness in it sent chills to Annika even today.

Annika had said sorry a thousand times that night. She had begged him to stay with her. She had promised him that she would mend her ways. She had implored. She had called for all the Gods in the world. Her pleas had brought tears to her father's eyes.

Harsh Vardhan Trivedi was crying that moment because he knew he was going to leave his daughter without a word.

He had raised his hand to caress her head.

Annika didn't even get to feel that. Her father's soul had left his body, leaving her to suffer. Galore of crying was heard around Annika when her eyes dried up. She had left from there, unnoticed. At that moment, nothing had been more tempting to Annika than death. What was the purpose of her living without the axis of her world? She had even reached the terrace of that hospital. She was about to jump when it dawned to her, death deserved better.

It was too easy to die. That was only a way to escape the eternal suffering living would bestow. She had chosen to live only to die a little every day.

When Annika finished narrating all this to Shivaay, he had no words to console her. He held her tighter, hiding his teary mess.

"I deserve this..." Her voice was firm even when it cracked. Shivaay loosened his arms and looked at her.

"You don't deserve this, meri bacchi."

Annika and Shivaay turned, to see a puling Padmini. Annika's grandmother walked to Annika and kneeled in front of her. Shivaay moved away, giving her space.

"Chikoo, you don't deserve what happened to you," She said in a voice that would give faith. She secured Annika's hand in hers and softly nodded.

Annika bit her lips. She felt her throat turn sour. Her nostrils blocked away air from entering her lungs, and she was able to feel her heart tear down her chest. Annika's vision slowly started to turn blurry.

*

A little back-story for those who are interested.

BbC wasn't supposed to be like this. Those who've been reading my stories from May 2018 might remember I had started writing a book called, "A girl like you."

Annika had just joined college. Shivaay was her senior in that story. It was written in first person. It dealt with depression more than PTSD. 
Annika was more open, but she was a little physically self-destructive.
I got into a bad headspace while writing about that, so I took it down.

That's when I started crafting out this Annika's character. She is scared of getting attached in both the books, but Annika wouldn't have let Shivaay in at all if it went the way the other book did. And I thought of having a shelled Annika more than an outwardly destructive one.

I realised it's better if they are married. She's already bound to him. She isn't the kind to step away from her responsibility, and she will never mess relationships up because of how her parents passed away.

'Bound by Circumstances' is not just Annika and Shivaay being in a circumstantial relationship.
It also indicates to everything Annika is bound to within herself. I couldn't think of a better title when I wrote it. So, I went with it.

That being said, Annika is the protagonist and the plot. Shivaay is the narrator.

Why am I saying all this now, you ask?

We're at Annika's lowest.

When the arc goes up, the story will be completed.
I can't give you a number yet. Might be seven more chapters or ten.

We'll move to them becoming a proper couple from next chapter onward.

Yes, yes, there will be the much awaited romance.