GYEOM POV:

It seems like an eternity has passed since I last saw (Y/N) and despite the fact that we were all constantly updated on her by the Bangtan coven, and herself too- through texts and we had been on the phone a few times and she had left me a few voice messages too; it still felt like time had stretched out endlessly between us, making us seem infinitely far and separated, bond making me feel anxious and fretful. We had spent longer apart but my mind wasn't at ease, not when I knew how injured and hurting and vulnerable she was when we'd left her at the nest.

And so I can't help but fidget restlessly, caged between Youngjae hyung and Mark hyung who despite their reassurances and gentle soothing touches aren't able to distil the tension in the air, nor does it bleed out of their own postures either.

JB hyung is pacing, Jinyoung hyung is trying to calm him down whilst shooting constant glances to the door and Bambam has been pulled onto Jackson hyung's lap to make him less anxious and to put an end to the nervous fidgeting.

And then the doorbell rings.

And JB hyung hurries to the door, leaving the living room and opening it wide, voice a low murmur as he greets them and returns with two people in tow.

Yoongi hyung and (Y/N).

Yoongi hyung's eyes lose a bit of the redness, calming down considerably as he enters our nest; identifying it as another of (Y/N)'s homes and when he looks down to see relief and an expression of calm spreading across her face, he knows it's the right call.

Not to mention he'll be back at night to pick her up, that's what he murmurs to her as he holds her close in an embrace and leans down to press a kiss to her forehead, lips lingering and eyes darting back to her as he greets us all and then minutes later leaves, a gentle squeeze of reassurance to her shoulder as he leaves.

And though her eyes follow him as he leaves, tracking the movements with longing as though her soul tugs her back she turns to the rest of us when the door closes, looking at us with a mixture of relief, happiness, sorrow, and anxiousness.

No words are said as she makes a beeline for me, nestling into my arms and burrowing insistently into me, the manner and habit the same, her body relaxing and she lets out a little sigh when the bond settles with our reunion- nerves abated because she's here. The others turn by turn draw her into gentle fond embraces, the same as always, as they hold her close, except this time hands linger to draw her close for just a few moments longer, eyes turn red trying to assess how she's feeling and loose stiffness in them. As though they too needed the reassurance, their instincts unsettled until she stepped in.

"How are you feeling? Injuries bothering you?" Jinyoung hyung asks, voice caring and gentle and fretting as always when it comes to (Y/N), whenever it came to her Jinyoung hyung always had a soft nurturing spot for her- we all did. But it could be the slightest thing like a tiny scratch or graze and his instincts would be flaring up to usher her to sit down, tonics at hand and always ready and willing to soothe away the hurts with his comforting hugs and kisses.

She shakes her head slowly.

"No...I think Hobi and MJ hyung have taken more than enough care over that." She says warmly but when she sees Jinyoung hyung's unconvinced look she reaches out for him, hand immediately taken by him and she tugs him over.

"I'm fine...though if it's not an issue could you give me some sleeping tonics? The others are fine with it too." She rushes to say.

Hyung nods, murmuring about getting them now before anyone forgets, gone in a whirl of soft cotton clothes.

I notice the slight fidget of her fingers trembling, barely noticeable and immediately she starts fiddling with the sleeves of her shirt, hiding them but I've seen them.

She's hiding something, she's nervous about something.

And I decide to corner her about it later, away from the others- in case it's something she doesn't want to share with the others.

But even so the ease with which she slots into her usual seat, allows Jackson hyung to coddle her and pull her onto his lap gently and natter into her ear are all familiar sights. So is the way when we sit down for dinner Jinyoung hyung fusses over putting large portions onto her plate, but what is a slight change is that both JB hyung and Mark hyung have taken it into their stride to constantly keep topping up her plate and brushing hands against hers- assessing her physical state. The amount of times they keep refilling her plate the moment she makes a slight dent in it makes it look constantly full and untouched.

That's not normal- it's heightened protective instincts, wanting to make sure that she's eating well- vampire senses peaking and trying to ensure that she as a new fledged vampire nestling won't be disadvantaged by not being fully fed.

And neither is the way Jinyoung hyung gently captures her wrist and tugs her into the nesting room after she announces she's done with eating, closing the door behind them and when we all clear up dinner- dishes done and leftovers stored, to enter the nesting room and find him gently nosing at her neck, trying to assert if her scent's changed, if she's hiding anything that her scent will reveal.

He leans back frowning.

"You smell injured still, how are your injuries recovering?" he asks.

"They don't bleed as much...anymore." She tails off, head ducking down when his eyes burn crimson, distressed at the knowledge.

And what definitely isn't normal is that she asks for a moment alone with me, whilst the two of us are attached at the hip never has she made a point to seek me out alone at the nest.

The others file out but she pats the space next to her.

And finally she talks.

"I don't want to sleep Gyeomie. I don't want to dream." She confesses, knowing the room is sound proof.

My heart twists in pain and I turn to her. She doesn't raise her head to look at me, eyes fixated on her hands.

"That's why I'll take tonics, I'll take them if I can sleep without dreaming." She adds, voice laced with suppressed pain.

My soul yearns and reaches out for her, pained and hurting for her, with her.

Because she's admitting that sleep brings her nightmares, sleep brings her reminders, sleep makes her relive the worst memories of her life, her most recent trauma.

I reach out to tug her close.

"I want to get better. I don't want to get scared, and in the day the fear lessens. I feel normal. But at night I don't." she confesses

I silently listen to her, rocking her gently as she clutches at my shirt, desperately frantically.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm sorry I can't control my senses." She mumbles over and over and I can feel a slight wetness against my shirt.

I raise her head to wipe away the few tears that have fallen, shaking my head gently.

"Don't apologise at all. It's no-one's fault but his." I say.

She stiffens at the mention of him.

The him that she'd mentioned to me what seems like eons ago. When she'd confessed that she knew the danger she was in but she was willing to brave it all, risk it all because it meant that Yoongi hyung and her had taken a step forward together. The blinding crippling fear I'd felt then, clouded with anger flashes through me for a moment.

I told her it had been too dangerous, I had told her that accepting the bond would make her a bigger target in his eyes- but she'd pushed through, not wanting to continue hurting; both herself and Yoongi hyung. And this is how it had ended.

With blood and tears.

I hold her close and reassure her that even though we're no longer at our old normal that we'll find a new one. No...we'll create one for her, for us.

(Y/N) POV:

When Yoongi oppa comes to collect me the tonics are already safely kept in the pockets of my coat, wrapped up and safe and miraculously enough none of the Ims bring it up and we manage to leave without incident. He guides me straight away into the car, even going to the extent of securing my seatbelt in a way that's both loose and comfortable as well as secure, eyes lingering on mine before he leaves to go sit in the driver's seat.

And when we arrive home, the others are quick to greet me, holding me close and gently taking slight breaths in of my scent, whilst I'm in turn soothed by the intrinsic scent of what screams to me as nest, as coven- intertwining scents of the others merging and intricately entangled, soothing the slight edge of nervousness that hadn't truly left, even as I'd been at the Ims nest.

And it's Tae who asks me if he can sleep with me, eyes wide and pleading and posture silently screaming comfort- both giving it and wanting it and I nod- he darts off to change whilst I slip into his room, holding a bundle of clothes that Kookie had pressed into my hands with a small kiss to the cheek before leaving, a bashful expression on his face.

The moment the door closes I slip the small vial out of my pocket, fiddling with the dark liquid filled glass before uncorking it, taking it all in one large gulp. I put the empty small vial back into my pocket before changing, taking off my clothes.

I slip into the large silky pyjama top, buttoning the forest green nightshirt, smiling faintly when I see the way the collar gapes, slippery material sliding and falling to the edge of my shoulders because it's intended for a broader frame, smile at the way the silky cuffs fall past my hands and I have to fumble to try and get them out. And it's fiddling with those sleeves that Tae returns, dressed in an inky blue variation of the same pyjama set. I take a glance at the silky pyjama pants and decide against them, already knowing and foreseeing the issue it'll be in not tripping around in them.

I slide into the bed, patting the space next to me with a green silky sleeve that flops as I do so.

He smiles, approaching me with slightly pinched eyes as he slides into bed, I shuffle back to give him space but he continues to slide forward, until I feel my back almost slide off, his hand darting around to ground me, against the middle of my back as he leans in, eyes glittering.

"Don't run. I'm too tired to be chasing my baby mate." He says pouting, eyes drooping. I lean forward to trace the pout of his lips with a finger, marvelling at the way they mould under my touch, giving way.

"Don't do that either. My baby mate is a tease." He grumbles before he gives my finger a peck.

I find my heart squeeze in fondness, for the way he treats me the same, the way they all have been. Apart from the fussing around with my health and the gentleness they touch my injured areas, they haven't treated me any differently, and yet neither have they crowded my space and pulled me in close to kiss me- and a silent part of me appreciates it, because I wouldn't want them to come close and I freak on them, push them away- feeling sickeningly reminded of the hauntingly close press of a foreign body against my own, of shared space when I'd gasped for breath and he'd uttered malicious words.

"Don't think too hard, just rest." He murmurs, head dropping into the crook of my neck, arms loosely around me and legs lazily dragging mine between his, entangling ours.

"Sleep jagi." He says softly.

And because of his soft, deep soothing words and the potency of the dreamless sleep tonic, I drift off to sleep- seeing his warm brown eyes on me as my own flutter shut.

-----

Dreamless sleep tonics I quickly learn don't do what I had hoped they would. Because even as they banish the possibility of nightmares, of dreams, of recurrently played memories- the darkness becomes a thing I wrench myself from each morning, gasping and feeling hot and clammy and sticky even as my body remains cool. It makes me feel trapped, suffocated- fearfully reminding me of the darkness I had been trapped in before I'd woken up as a vampire. It makes me panicked and scared because I slip into the abyss of dark not knowing if I'll awaken.

As cowardly as it may seem, even as a vampire, I've grown to fear death. Something I'd once seen as inevitable, part of the cyclical nature of life's give and take is something I now shrink away from. Because though I'd been human, mortal, and aware that one day my life would come to an end...never did I expect or ever think that I would get a sudden taste of it so soon, so early in life. it was the fact that I'd barely escaped the jaws of death that made me nervous, because it made me so painfully aware that life was something that could be snatched away at any time.

And so I stop taking the tonics, push them away because they only bring those moments of sheer panic and fear in the early hours of the morning where my instincts push through the barrier of sleep and I have to hurriedly muffle cries or screams, to dampen my emotions so they don't flare across the bond and wake up anyone.

And its shaken and shivering that I slide out of bed, silently leaving the room to find myself in that safe space where day after day, week onto week I hide the fact that I'm evading sleep, that I can't sleep no matter how exhausted I am. And I pass the nights away painting, pouring out my soul onto canvas after canvas- tears mingling with paints as I paint out my nightmares, paint out my fears and vulnerabilities that lessen slightly with each complete work. Each work is dried and packaged and sent off to Ryan oppa and Deok-mi unnie straight away, some I send away through the Ims- passing over packaged canvases with a feeling of slight feeling of catharsis.

And though I feel my brain become sluggish, my mind process things a beat too slowly I continue existing, seeking reassurance and comfort during the day from my mates and hiding away within myself at night.

And it's several times that they stop me, hold me close and beseech, beg softly for me to tell them what's wrong, why is it that I don't look rested despite the fact I seem to sleep deeply. I see it tear away from them and on top of those feelings come the burdened weight of guilt.

It continues in a mindless cycle until I become scared of becoming numb to it, of not feeling anything except the weary soul-deep exhaustion. I feel like I'm pushed close to my limits and that I need help, I need my mates to stop me from drowning in this feeling of hopelessness.

And I can't help but fear that they're affected too, that despite the time we're together I can feel this sense of weariness seeping through the bond like sludge. That the others are silently hurting too. The droopy wiltedness I'd seen in Tae had vanished then but still occasionally I notice he seeks out tactile comfort, curling close into any one of us and mouthing at the necks of our mates. There's something bothering him too and if I could just force myself out of this dreary mindset, I'd rush to him and hold him and ask him to unburden myself.

I know it'll take one question; one final push and I'll shatter.

And incidentally it happens when I find myself in the exhibition gallery they've set up for Amparo's works, find myself slowly roving the empty gallery as I look at my past works, look at pieces of myself which despite being broken fragments were still part of a whole me.

And now I feel like a mess in comparison.

I notice the light tread of footsteps as someone enters and I turn to see Kookie shoot me a soft look even as his eyes are in pain. He joins me in the centre, silently lending me comfort and support.

"(Y/N)...I don't know how to say this except how it is. Can you please, please stop hurting alone? Stop pretending to be fine during the day and hide away at night. You're hurting so stop pushing that away, let yourself hurt fully so you can let yourself heal fully. Stop trying so hard to pretend you're normal and fine. The old normal just doesn't exist anymore. And I know just how much you're hurting; how much you're suffering. But I beg you. Don't do what I did, don't hurt silently. Let us help. Let me help." He says in a beseeching tone.

I turn to him, feeling so vulnerable, so raw as he lays my truth open bare for me. Finally speaking the truth untold.

"How'd you know?" I ask.

"Your eyes tell. They always tell exactly how you're feeling. And I knew just where to look." He says.

I see tears slip down his cheeks, slow clear trails as he meets my eyes unflinchingly, unwaveringly.

"Come with me. There's something I want to show you." he says, sliding his hand in my own.

And despite suffering for so long, despite hiding away in myself, I find myself tugged out of the abyss that permeates my mind, heart, and soul- find a ray of light. Find it in Kookie, find it in his words, find it in the essence of him.

And I nod. I'd go anywhere with him.

(THERE YOU GO. GOT YOUR TISSUES? I HOPE THE TIMESKIP MENTIONED WASN'T CONFUSING. IT'S JUST SAYING THAT IT'S BEEN A FEW WEEKS SINCE SHE'S BEEN HEALING OR TRYING TO! AND I SWEAR THE ANGSTY HEALING PROCESS IS ALMOST OVER...ALMOST! SO HOLD ON AND KEEP WELL AND WITH YOUR HEARTS INTACT, LET ME KNOW YOUR THOUGHTS! I HOPE THE ANGST REALLY CAME THROUGH STRONGLY AND EVERYONE FELT IT- WITHOUT BEING REALLY MEAN ABOUT IT! I JUST MEAN THE EMOTIONS...SO DON'T KILL ME, STOCK UP ON TISSUES IF YOU'VE RUN OUT AND GRAB A COMFORT FOOD. THE WORST HAS PASSED. STAY SAFE AND TAKE CARE!)

The calm before the storm is one of the most feared silences, the storm itself ravages the environment but after the storm comes a calm that is different, that is peace and refuge and respite from it all. Remember when bad things happen, like storms...they too will pass. Have courage.

Borahae! 💜💜💜

PurpleQueenie <3