GYEOM POV:
I dither are the entrance to their nesting room, hovering uncertainly and not entering despite Jin hyung's gentle nudges and carefully voiced words.

Something holds me back. I know that it's (Y/N) inside, know that she's a vampire and changed now but why does it seem like it's so hard to accept, why does my heart squeeze in nervousness, suddenly apprehensive that she won't want to see me, that I don't deserve to see her.

"Yugyeom-ah...your bloodmate needs you. Perhaps now more than ever, now is the moment where she's most vulnerable- you can comfort her in ways we can't." Jin hyung gently says and yet makes no move to urge me to open the door.

Tentatively my hand reaches out to push the door open and I peer in fearfully- as though expecting a grotesque sight to greet me. Never again did I want to rush through a door and see her so pale, so lifeless. When my eyes light on her figure that's lying down I freeze but the sound of the door rouses attention and thankfully her head rises, face tired and eyes red but smiles slightly when she sees me. Silently reaching out for me by drawing her hand out from under the blankets and cuddles of her mates- she reaches her hand out towards me, a plea on her face.

I rush now, feet urging me to get close, bond screaming that she needs me and sink down in front of her, scrabbling across the mattress to scoop her into my arms, wounding my body around hers, cradling her in. My instincts scream and howl with satisfaction that she's finally in my embrace and I can't stop from burrowing into her soft embrace and desperately soothing the part of me that had never calmed down- not until I was holding her again. Reassuring myself that she was fine. Alive my mind amended- because I could tell even without the bond that she wasn't fine. But hopefully one day she would be.

She clutches tightly at me, more frantic and desperately than she ever has, body plastering itself to mine and tucking herself in small into my arms, I feel my heart break when I see her curl up- it's an unconscious tactic when she feels insecure or worried. She's silent, just silent, and quiet as she seeks out comfort.

"Mallow I failed you." I whisper into her tucked frame but she still doesn't uncurl from her position as she shakes her head as she mumbles a soft 'you didn't'. But then Jin hyung steps closer, carefully climbing onto the bed to get closest to his youngest mate, the others shifting back to give him space even as they continue to worriedly look at (Y/N).

"Sweetheart can you look at me?" he softly asks, voice soothing and gentle as he perches near the two of us.

Her head slowly rises to peer at hyung, eyes hurting as she looks at her eldest mate.

"Thank you sweetheart, now can you come out a tiny bit for oppa, I want to see how you're doing. I haven't gotten to hold you for some time." he whispers, voice soft but the pain filters through. And his gentle but heartbroken request has her unfolding slowly, stiffly as if trying not to strain her body and I gently hold her when she whimpers but nevertheless continues to unfurl to get to him. When she scrabbles out of my embrace it's to slowly clamber into a different lap. But I can see the sheer relief the touch gives to the two of them because their bodies curve into each other, lose some stiffness as he folds her carefully into a gentle tender embrace, lips brushing against the top of her head, looking down at her with both sorrow and concern.

And it's as she's loosening up in his arms that he speaks up again.

"Can you try eat something for me?" he asks, everyone looks at her with hopeful looks.

"You don't have to go down, let us feed you." he murmurs when he seems to sense hesitance.

Her eyes slowly rove up, capturing her mate's soft gaze.

"Will it hurt to eat? Because if it hurts I don't want to...won't." she says, slight fear in her tone. And I see how everyone flinches.

How her injuries are paining her to the extent she's willing to reject eating.

She needs to eat though. She needs to eat to get strong and when she becomes strong then she can heal better.

TAE POV:

"I'll feed her." I say when hyung returns with a laden tray, gently arranging the two of us into a comfortable position where (Y/N) can lean against Joonie hyung's arms and I can easily feed her without causing her to strain herself.

The others hover close anyways, sinking down into a loose seated embrace and Kookie reaches out to seek comfort from Yugyeom-ah; the two looking equally as pained and hurting as we watch (Y/N) whimper when she shifts and her shoulder brushes too hard against Joon hyung's torso- even if he immediately soothes her and Hobi hyung is leaning forward too, the sound sends hurt flooding through the bond- everyone aching to see her in so much pain.

I bring a spoonful of soup to her mouth, hand hovering under it as I blow on it gently before bringing it to her lips, watching as she parts them to allow it to slip down her throat. She swallows without discomfort and that way I'm able to feed her the bowl bit by bit without the fear that it's causing pain to her- smiling relieved when she doesn't push my hand away during the time I take to slowly feed her and I notice the ambience getting lighter in the slightest when we all take in the sight of her eating, soothing our frazzled nerves that our mate is eating...not rejecting the gesture.

But when I begin to feed her other food, bringing light choices to her mouth that won't upset her stomach she gently shakes her head, pushing my hand back slightly.

"Please..." I say quietly, beseeching her through that word to eat something more, something that'll fill her and even though she looks far from agreeing, she sighs parting her mouth once again.

And when she's eaten to her fill, she smiles wearily.

"No more Tae." She mumbles.

But the thing is, we're far from finishing. Now that she's gotten some energy restored in her, she needs to feed. Not only because she needs to satisfy that instinctual taste for blood but also because she's lost far too much blood also- it'll directly go straight to her system this way, it's perhaps the quickest way we can think of that could help trigger the healing process.

She sighs as Joon hyung wraps his arms around her now, allows herself to be gently manoeuvred so she can curl her left side up to him, cradled by his larger frame.

Her eyes are brighter.

But I know that the tension remains inside, internally she's still battling with the change, the sudden transformation.

"(Y/N)...please hear me out." Yoongi hyung starts, his soft but serious tone- tinged with a plea has her eyes sharpening and becoming alert and she turns her head to face him, shifting to be able to focus her attention on him.

Silent. But apprehensive too.

"There's a way to speed up your healing process, there's a way that'll be the most efficient." He starts but I can see the hesitance beginning to brew in (Y/N)'s eyes- knows that she's picked up from his tone that she won't like the idea.

"What is it?" she asks, eyes darting to seek out Yugyeom-ah, her bloodmate who immediately hastens forward and gently takes her hand in his.

"You need to feed." He utters and then in that moment I see her retreat into herself.

See the blankness that wipes across her face, trying to mask the sudden fluctuation of fear and nerves that emanate from her end of the bond and her lips thin, shrinking back into Joon hyung, her hand tightening around Yugyeom-ah's.

"I don't want to." She breathes, voice wavering slightly.

There's a pinched look on Yoongi hyung's face and everyone else's, we knew after all that this was a highly likely outcome. But that doesn't mean dealing with it or processing it is any easier.

Because she's rejecting the easiest way to heal.

"But it'll help..." Hobi hyung says but his voice wavers off because the sheer determination on her face makes him pause.

"I don't want to...I'll take the long route to healing." She says, turning to her bloodmate for reassurance but withdrawing when she sees the pleading look in his eyes.

"Gyeom-ah no...I can't." she whispers, a broken tone to her confession.

The break in her voice making Kookie reach out for her, struggle in Jiminie's arms.

"(Y/N)..." Joon hyung breathes quietly.

She twists out of his arms, and I see the pain that flickers off the two of them but he lets her slide out even as his arms remain attentive to stabilise her, and she turns to tug her hand out of Yugyeom's but he remains firm.

"We're saying it because we care about you, we don't want to see you in pain." He insists, eyes turning red as he firmly states it.

"I know that but I can't suddenly accept that I can now consume blood, I can't suddenly be fine with this all. It's not fair on me, so don't push me to." She retorts, voice strong as she frees her hand, the sudden tug imbued with her new strength, the shock of it almost dislodging him from his perch.

Her hand shoots out to stabilise him and then when he's balanced again she stares at her hands with dismay and bewilderment.

And when he makes a move to reach out to her she flinches back.

"Don't come near me, I'll hurt you." she says, voice thick and I can see the tears filling her eyes, can see how suddenly everything is going wrong too quickly, too sudden for any of us to stop it.

She moves off the bed, even as Kookie frees himself and goes to her side but she curves away from him, head turning away and I see tears splash against her cheeks.

"Don't. I...I need some time. Please." She begs tearfully as she slowly staggers to the door, face turning to look at us, tears clear as they course down her cheeks.

"Just some time." she echoes before she leaves, slowly moving with her hand hovering over her stomach, inching out of the nesting room and out of sight.

And I feel a part of my soul leave with her.

The last time I had needed to give one of my mates time...I had barely seen glimpses of him until he'd shattered in our arms with a broken heart and hurting soul.

My eyes drift to Kookie.

I couldn't have history repeating itself with another of my mate's.

We needed to help her before it got that far.

(Y/N) POV:

I feel ashamed of myself. For not handling things better. For succumbing to tears when clearly everyone was trying their best to help me and all I could focus on was that the changes were happening too quickly for me to grasp onto the situation, my life kept slipping and shifting for me to realise what was happening.

It felt like my mind was bursting at the seams because of the sudden changes I was trying to process. Even as Joonie had held me, Tae had fed me I had felt the same; had felt like the me I knew. But when I'd thrown Gyeomie's hand off mine so easily, almost dislodged him with the sudden force- I knew I wasn't the same me. And the thought was so daunting and fearing that it suddenly felt like the room was too confined, too restricting despite how it soothed some innate, instinctual part of me. I wanted to get out because I couldn't continue to sit there and see them hurting because of me, hurting for me.

I slowly stagger past all the bedrooms, slowly climbing each step to get upstairs. I pause outside the room they'd set aside for me, the safe space they had said was mine to use however I wanted. And it's that safe space that I step into, closing the door behind me. I decide against locking it, somehow feeling as if the house would keep them out if I didn't want them in and wander to the paint splattered wall that Tae and I had unknowingly decorated, our handprints stark against the white. I smile with remembrance of that date and wonder whether as a vampire our courting would shift somehow, change.

And walk to the other end where I had spent the majority of the day decorating, see the soft pastel shades that had painted an endless sky with the promise of something brighter and beautiful waiting for me in the beyond. They were the bright beautiful things I had walked towards, were what had been awaiting me in the horizon but now I look at the painting and wonder if somehow the horizon has become even further away from me, as if now to get to them it'll take even more effort, even more struggles.

I smile wetly at Tae's painting- at the bold vibrant colours he had seamlessly intertwined, the overall effect being both soothing and inviting, as if his painting represented all of us coming together into something that bright, something that beautiful.

I sink down to my knees in front of his painting and continue to stare at it, even as tears make the colours blur and merge together, even as the pain of my heart shredding overwhelms the beauty of his craft and continue to look at it even as I feel every piece of control and feigned calm that I had been holding up, shatter. Into a million pieces into the room.

And when the tears dry against my cheeks, I turn away from the painting, numbly staring at the white empty unmarked side of the room. Feel the void it represents as something that echoes in me; resonates with the way I feel hollow inside. My fingers clutch at the shirt, hand splaying against where usually my heartbeat could be felt. The lack of sound, lack of the steady beat sends another shuddering jolt through me- that I could never feel it again, never feel the way it would accelerate with exertion or thud with hopeful anticipation when one of my mates came near. It makes me hurt, because some part of me, some deeply rooted part of me was happy and so satisfied and content when I could feel the way my human body reacted to them, felt flush and warm when they came in close enough to make my heart skip a beat, or the way I felt my pulse accelerate simply because of the way they affected me.

I yearned for that feeling again even if I knew it was impossible. And the feeling that it was all cruelly and untimely snatched away from me made me angry and hurt and furious. That my life was drastically changed because of what the man had done.

Piercing through the numbness came sparks of anger and rage- because my life wasn't the one I knew. Because I had to change against my will.

And it's the mixture of the anger and hurt that propels me to move, to reach out for the paintbrushes and paint still gathered in the centre of the room and cover up the white. Cover up that numbness. Because even if my heart doesn't beat, it still weeps with the injustice done to me and screams with agony because of the unfairness of it.

And so I paint. Paint to banish the numbness that threatens to grow and let my hand express my feelings that come bubbling out onto the white wall.

(THERE YOU GO! SHE'S REJECTED FEEDING AND I TOTALLY GET HER FOR IT BUT YES IT WILL EVENTUALLY HAPPEN...AND DON'T WORRY YOUR PRETTY HEADS- I'VE GOT A PLAN, JUST WARNING THAT YOU MIGHT NEED TISSUES EVENTUALLY FOR IT. SO PEOPLE WHO AVOID MY WARNINGS...KEEP YOUR SEATBELTS ON! THE SIGN INDICATING YOU CAN REMOVE THEM HAS NOT GONE OFF. WE'VE STILL GOT ANGST AND HURT COMING AND YOU CAN BET THE HOUSE WILL MAKE SURE SHE GETS THE TIME AND SPACE SHE NEEDS WHENEVER SHE COMES INTO THE ROOM! AND WE'LL BE GETTING KOOKIE TRYING TO GET THROUGH TO HER BECAUSE HE REMEMBERS THE MOST VIVIDLY- HE WAS THE LAST TURNED VAMPIRE AND YOU CAN BET HE'LL HELP HIS BABY MATE ANY WAY HE CAN! TISSUES READY, BELTS ON. LET'S GO! STAY SAFE AND TAKE CARE!)

Feeling hurt and anger and sorrow is better than feeling nothing. It's better to be a soul bursting with feelings than to be an empty husk of one instead. Every emotion matters, every emotion is significant- so don't bottle them away and shut them out.

Borahae! 💜💜💜

PurpleQueenie <3