KOOK POV:

For all that I'd said that our baby's energy was gold, was strong, was going to get through this, it didn't stop me from not being on guard, on being on edge whenever I saw the energy around both (Y/N) and our baby dim, when her purple and our baby's gold dulled.

Knew that whenever that happened it was because the day was taking a toll on her, knew that I when I saw the energy around them flicker that it was time to steer (Y/N) into resting, whether that was gently tugging her towards a sofa, whether that was into the arms of another mate or towards me to curl beside her and try to stabilise her energy levels, pulsing my own out to merge with hers, to keep hers level.

Hand rubbing circles onto her stomach and sending the very lightest trails of energy to our baby too, light enough that it wouldn't do any harm, that it would help support them, keep them steady whilst Hobi hyung or one of the others moved to get a tonic or medication.

And a part of me hated it. Hated that this pregnancy was so trying on her, hated that she was ill and dizzy and weak through the pregnancy. Hated that something that was meant to bring so much joy to our lives, to our family was bringing the opposite, it was bringing trials, obstacles, it was bringing more downs then ups, more bumps in the road than anything.

I hated that this pregnancy was slowly wearing away at our baby mate, that the very baby we were longing for, impatient for was hurting too, the two of them struggling because vampire pregnancies weren't easy. 

And I felt guilty for harbouring that hate, that resentment. Felt as if I didn't deserve the right to express it when clearly at the end of this all it would bring us our new member of the family, our little addition to the coven.

Felt as if those feelings had to be pushed down, dampened, hidden away. Felt as showing these feelings was showing that I wasn't grateful for our unborn baby.

And I thought I'd done a good job at hiding those ugly feelings away. Hidden away that helplessness, that fear and anger. Felt as if it had gone undetected, unnoticed.

So when Yoongi hyung steps up behind me as I'm in the kitchen cooking dinner, I don't think about it when his arms cocoon me from behind, wrapping around my waist and pressing lips to my nape.

Leaning into the touch and sighing when he continues to pepper small kisses across my neck, smiling at the deep maroon in his eyes; love and tenderness when I turned my face towards his, leaned into the kiss, mouths slotting together easily, perfectly. My mouth parts for his when his tongue brushes against my lips in silent request, hand squeezing the side of my waist as his tongue snakes in, slowly and lazily meeting mine, thumb rubbing circles over my hip. My lips sliding away with a gasp so I could turn the stove down, smiling when I saw it had already been lowered, that the house had already done it for me.

"You're home early. Meeting go well?" he asks.

I nod, watching as he watches me. Slipping away to lean against the counter, eyes drifting over me before reaching for my tie, tugging me closer, fingers undoing it, moving to open the top few buttons, fingers brushing against skin.

The tie curls in his hand as he draws it off me.

"Proud of you baby. Though how you didn't rush to take the suit off when you got home is beyond me. You certainly kicked up a fuss for it." He muses.

Eyes flashing red as he looks at me, trails his eyes all over me, taking me in.

"I thought I'd make dinner for once. I didn't hear anyone else, figured I was the first one back." I add.

He shakes his head.

"I was upstairs. Felt that someone had come home. Wanted to get some kisses." He says easily.

I raise my brows at him.

"What a way to make your husband feel better hyung. Really special is how I feel at the moment. The kisses could've been for anyone." I say, lips twitching when he blinked, red dwindling out of his eyes.

"Brat. That kiss was just for you. I've missed you." he murmurs, moving closer.

My hand pushes the pan back, moving to get the meat to add to the wok.

"Sure sure hyung." I call over my shoulder, smiling when I heard the padding of footsteps behind me, a hand curling around my waist and tugging out the shirt from where it was tucked in, fingers grazing my stomach, curling around me.

"I have." Voice plaintive and blunt.

It makes me pause.

Makes me turn my head to face him, surprised at the rawness in his eyes.

At the way his feelings pool there, heavy and hurting. There's something knowing too in that look.

I frown at him, lips curving down.

"But I haven't...been anywhere." I hedge uncertainly.

"You've been a bit lost in thought. You don't come to the nesting room when we're all there." He murmurs, sadness in his eyes.

I wince.

I should've known better.

Should've realised that of course they'd miss the presence of one mate, of an incomplete coven curving around each other to rest.

I should've stayed regardless of how guilty it made me feel. Even if I thought that had I given in to the urges to be sandwiched by mates on either end, I would've been caught out instantly.

It seemed one way or the other it had come out regardless of my attempts to avoid closeness, because closeness would've made it harder to hide my emotions, harder to hide the anger that always seemed to simmer under the surface.

"We've missed you. I've missed you. (Y/N) keeps crying thinking it's something she's done, she's scared you don't want the baby, that you're not happy." He adds, lips twisted in a frown.

My heart lurches, twisting viciously at his words. 

Frantically shaking. Trying to dispel that thought.

"It's not that hyung. It's not any of you and of course I want the baby, of course (Y/N) hasn't done anything." I mumble, fingers curling into fists and tears stinging the corner of my eyes.

"Then what is it baby? Why do you keep leaning away? Why do you keep hurting alone?" he says.

I stare at him, unblinking even as the vision of him blurs.

"I'm not...not hurting." I finish weakly.

He grimaces.

"Baby boy...I can feel you're hurting, I can feel the pain hidden behind each beautiful smile. Won't you tell hyung what's wrong?" he asks, his own eyes shining with unshed tears, a glossy sheen to his perceptive gaze.

I shake my head, ducking it down because I can't stand to be looked at with such tenderness and softness. Not when I harboured such ugly feelings inside.

A pair of feet enter my line of vision, eyes fixed steadfastly on the tiles. Breath hitching when his hand gently pushes my chin up, drawing me up to meet his eyes.

Fluttering shut when I see the openness in them, that need to help.

"I can't. I'm so horrible...so stupid and wrong." I mumble.

Cold tears trickling down my cheeks.

Without even an inkling of warmth.

I hadn't fed from any of them the past few days, tried to satiate that emptiness by buying bottled bags. Didn't feel I could relax into that intimacy when I saw (Y/N) hurting, when I saw the vulnerability as her eyes settled on me, knowing that she was fine now but not knowing when she'd next be hit with a dizzy spell, when next she'd curl up in pain.

His fingers brush them away, fumbling against my cheeks when he feels how cold they are.

"You won't feed from any of us, you won't come to the nesting room, you won't tell us what's wrong. Sweetheart where did we go wrong? What did we do that made you feel that way?" he asks. Voice aching.

My fingers traitorously curl around his wrist, leaning into the light caress, touch-starved and longing. A starved man caving at a banquet.

I needed this.

Needed it so, so much.

And didn't think I could stay away any longer.

"You never did, none of you did. I just feel....I just feel..." I mumble, words getting stuck in my throat.

"You feel...whatever it is you can tell me." he urges.

Instead of speaking, I instead curve into his touch, winding myself small and tucking myself into his arms, breathing in the merged coven scent lightly radiating off him. Breathing it in shakily, crumbling under just how much I'd missed it.

And it's in the refuge of pressing my face, hidden against his neck that I confess.

Let those ugly feelings out.

"I feel so angry. I feel like I could be sick with how much I resent how this pregnancy is making (Y/N) sick. And I keep wondering, keep thinking that it's because she's turned that her pregnancy is harder. Keep thinking that I shouldn't be allowed to be this angry at something none of us control." I confess, breath wavering as I whisper the dark depths of my aching soul to hyung.

Feel his knuckles rub up and down my back, feel the soft press of lips to my temple when he turns his head.

"Oh Kook-ah. Darling you're allowed to. Every emotion you feel, no matter how much you fear them you're allowed to have. It's fine to be angry. I swear to you it's fine." He soothes, promises me.

But a part of me is hesitant to believe him.

To trust those words.

How could he say that when only I felt this way?

And he must sense it.

Must easily read those emotions.

It makes me think I was stupid to ever think even my most tightly suppressed emotions could slip under his radar, under his detection.

"Kookie...I'm angry too. I'm so angry it feels at times my heart could burst. Because it was a shadow of my past that pushed her to become a vampire. Because I was the one to turn her." he says, voice trembling slightly. But still calm, still under control, still painstakingly soft.

He gently tilts my head back, cupping my face as he looks at me, eyes unwavering as they hold mine captive.

"There's days where I wake up and feel everything would be better if I'd never bonded with her. if I'd taken those warnings and threats Chul sent me all that time ago and let her be. Let her be completely untied to me." he adds.

A small sharp sound of protest leaves my lips.

Shaking my head furiously.

"We'd be incomplete. Both of you would have aching souls." I say.

He gives a small sad smile.

"But we didn't. We took that risk. I told her she would be better off without me, told her being bonded to me wouldn't be easy. But she wanted it anyways. Kookie this pregnancy is the same. She didn't go into this blindsided. She had several talks. With Hobi. With MJ. With professional doctors. Even my mother told her there was no rush. But she wants this just as much as we do." He reassures.

My breath shudders out. Trembling and shaky.

I lean in instinctively, feeling the distance between us as too far, too much.

"I'm angry but I care. I don't want her to hurt. But I also want to do everything to keep her from hurting. And I get angry that I can't do everything, can't do more." I say.

He draws me close, pressing lips to both my cheeks, to the tear tracks left behind.

"We're all here though. We can all do as much as we can. And we're almost there. Almost at that final last stretch Kook-ah. She's gotten through the worst of it." He promises.

And this time it's my lips that rush for his, damp and salty with tears and needy. Urgent to feel that reassurance silently too, needing to feel that promise with the way his mouth parts for mine, hands gentle and guiding, tongue coaxing and sweet. Tender as he parts his mouth under mine, groaning when I lick into his mouth, tongue roving slowly, as if learning him once more even if every part is intimately familiar, is burned across my soul.

And when we part our foreheads press together, my breath calming down, falling quiet and fading away once it feels as if my heart won't burst, finally feeling as if I can breathe without needing to exhale, soul lightening.

"Now how about I make dinner and you baby go shower and unwind." He says, nudging me towards the doorway.

I turn back to look at him, see the way he tugs the wok back onto the flame, moves to finish off what I started.

"Go on love. I have a feeling you'll be very much in demand when you come back out. And I don't need Jin hyung's ability for that." He says without turning.

But the corner of his mouth curves up.

And I finally feel as if all those feelings have been emptied.

A balloon that was close to bursting, emotions constantly piling up, building and mounting now expelled, deflating and seeping out of me.

Heart no longer squeezed in a vice.

I leave with lighter steps than I had moved around the home in for quite some time.

(Y/N) POV:

I lean into Jinnie oppa, smiling when his body bands protectively around mine as he helps me into the hallway. Making a small sound when I try to bend to take my shoes off.

"Little one just...hold on." he says, kneeling himself to gently take my calf in his hand, squeezing gently as his other hand slips my shoe off. Repeating the motion with my other food, thumbs rubbing circles into the ball of my feet, easing out tension.

My hand brushes through his hair, heart bursting at the small tender act.

Smiling when he pressed a kiss to my stomach before standing, moving to wind his arms around me once more as we both waddled together towards the kitchen, towards the source of sound.

My lips curving up when I saw the others piled onto the table in various states of dress. Joonie was still wearing his smart shirt and fitted slacks, the top three buttons undone and sleeves rolled up, brown eyes flashing behind his glasses as he looked to the two of us, dimples peeking out.

Stopping to talk to Tae who was perched on his lap to wave, prompting the others to turn. It makes both Minnie and Tae turn, faces creasing with smiles and red eyes.

"Where's Hobi hyung?" Minnie asks, eyes darting to the side, trying to see if he was behind us.

"Hallway. Putting away the bags for now." Jinnie oppa answers.

His answer makes them all light up.

It was no small amount of joy to all of us to pick out clothes for our baby, for our little miracle.

And I knew after dinner everyone would be in an impatient rush to see what we'd picked up, to coo and gush over the teeny clothes, eager for them to be used soon enough.

But still my eyes searched for a certain figure, for a particular mate, eyes drifting constantly over the kitchen, as if the next time it'll reveal our missing mate.

"Where's Kookie?" I ask.

And despite the uncertainty that flickers on everyone's face, it's Yoongi oppa who turns from the stove and says with a look of certainty in his eyes.

"Washing up. He came home first, he was the one who started making dinner." He says.

Lips curved up and eyes holding reassurance and promise.

But still I turn, gently extract myself from Jinnie oppa's hold, pressing a kiss to Hobi oppa's cheek as I step around them.

Going to search for him regardless.

I knew there was something bothering him, something that had heightened after my last fainting spell a week ago. Knew that whether or not he said it, it was to do with the way he carefully accepted hugs, the way he seemed so tentative as his hands curved over my stomach or when he curled around me.

Something delicate and fragile flitting across his gaze, silently melting away too.

But I'm just turning towards the stairs when I see Kookie walking downstairs, still towelling his blonde hair, gaze focused downwards.

"Koo..." I say, name slipping out and watch as his gaze turns to me.

Something so careful in them. But a new careful, something that's hopeful and tentative.

Something that's like the Koo without all that hesitation.

"(Y/N)...I've missed you." he says simply, feet hurrying to rush down the stairs, my eyes tracking his feet nervously.

But he doesn't rush to hug me, dithers on the last step as he looks at me.

My lips wobble slightly as I look at him, feeling closer in that instance than I had felt the entire week, even with the careful press of his lips to mine, even with his arms holding me.

"I've missed you too." I reply, hand shaking as it reaches out, wondering whether I could, whether I should.

And he catches my hand, drawing it to rest against his chest, keeping it there.

"I've been letting my thoughts get the best of me. I've been bottling up for too long. But...but I talked it out with Yoongi hyung." He says.

I smile at him.

"As long as you've talked to someone, nothing else needs to be said. Now can I have my fellow baby mate back?" I ask.

He smiles at me, a toothy scrunch, eyes flashing with sadness as he curves his arms around me, squeezing me tight and close to him, a shaky laugh when my stomach stops us from pressing close.

"You'll always have him. I'm just sorry it took me a while." He mumbles.

My hands clutch at him, sliding under a baggy t-shirt I know to be Jin hyung's, cupped against the warmth of his skin.

"No apologies. Never an apology Koo." I murmur, that restlessness I'd been feeling all week finally ebbing away. Now complete. Now whole.

------

That night, it's Kookie who immediately snatches me away from the others.

Settles on the ground and draws me to settle in the gap between his thighs, legs spread with invitation, nosing at my nape as I settle against him, back resting against his chest.

There's a lightness tonight as everyone complains good-naturedly, settling around us as Hobi oppa procures the bags he'd set aside, giddy as he carefully takes out the clothes we'd bought.

Tender looks as everyone marvels over the tiny dungarees, at the matching shorts and shirt sets. At the small socks, amazed at how small they are. At how soon enough they'll be used.

And this time there's no hesitance as Kookie leans over my shoulder to carefully take them from me, fingers gently cradling a little bodysuit.

"We're nearly there." He mumbles.

Receiving fond gazes from everyone else, their faces lighter too. He doesn't notice the stares, head bent over to peer at the clothes.

But then Tae sidles up to one side and Joonie oppa claims the other, sandwiching him in from other side.

He startles when Joonie oppa's lips press to his jaw, trailing down to his neck as he noses at skin. Turning to face him when Tae unrepentantly turns his face towards him instead to kiss him, peppering his face with kisses and beaming when it makes him squirm and giggle.

"Missed that sound." Joonie oppa murmurs against his neck, continuing to pepper kisses there even as Tae keeps hold of Kookie's face to stop him wriggling away.

"Missed you all too." He mumbles as Tae moves back.

And he leans to rest his shoulder against Tae, handing back the clothes.

It's unspoken because it doesn't need to be said aloud, doesn't need to be discussed, because there are things that are felt, are sensed without words.

Because everyone knew something was the matter and just wanted him to confine with someone, any one of us.

And his lighter smile, looser posture speaks for itself.

That he wasn't burdened by it any longer.

"Kook-ah's been worried a lot about the pregnancy hurting (Y/N)." Yoongi oppa quietly interjects.

I turn to face him, see his slightly sheepish, slightly stiff smile as he freezes behind me.

"The baby? The pregnancy...." I realise with a shaky exhale.

Fingers going to lightly squeeze his leg, curling around the side.

"Koo we're all in this as a family. We're all scared."  I murmur.

He nods.

"But I felt angry. Felt hatred towards the fact it was so hard on you. That for all that I try and help, it's not enough." He confesses.

There's sounds of protest from all around.

But it's me who pinches the side of his leg, unsmiling when he yelps and tries to tug his leg free.

"A family Kookie. And you seven help more than enough. And I'll keep saying that. I really wouldn't have gotten anywhere without any one of you." I say.

He nods. Doesn't argue.

"I know that now. I know that I'm not the only one scared and angry." He mumbles.

My fingers ease away the pinch, rubbing at his leg.

Leaning my head back to press a kiss to the under of his jaw.

"Good. And if you hide things from me again....I'll...." I threaten.

"You'll?" he prompts, part nervous, mostly teasing.

"I'll spend the first time in bed with Minnie and Tae and not you like I wanted." I say.

His hands tighten around me even as Tae and Minnie very verbally voice their enthusiastic agreement.

I laugh when Kookie scowls at them, nosing at my nape.

"No. No. Not happening. It's always been us two against them. They're not stealing you away." he says firmly.

And with that voiced, the night comes to a close with the tension in the coven finally eased, with the coven finally whole.

And for the first time in a week we end up sleeping together in the nesting room. All curled together. And Kookie the one holding me through the night as we sleep. His body warm after finally having fed.

(THERE WE GO!! A SNIPPET OF THE PREGNANCY BEING EMOTIONALLY TRYING TOO! AND SOME YOONGI AND KOOKIE TIME!! OF COURSE YOONGI IS GONNA SENSE AN EMOTIONAL DISTURBANCE IN HIS OTHER BABY MATE!! HE'S ALWAYS BEEN PARTICULARY ATTENTIVE TO KOOKIE SINCE HE WAS TURNED TOO! TO MAKE SURE HE COPED AND ADAPTED WELL TO THE TRANSITION, SO HE SENSED THAT SOMETHING WAS BOTHERING HIM!! SO LESS INTERACTIONS WITH THE OTHERS BUT AT LEAST POOR KOOKIE GOT HIS HEART UNBURDENED WHICH IS ALL THAT MATTERS!! LET ME KNOW HOW YOU FOUND THIS SNIPPET OF PREGNANCY IN A VAMPIRE CONTEXT TOO! HOPE YOU ALL ENJOYED AND WE'RE NEARLY AT THE END OF THE JOURNEY OF THE PREGNANCY SO HOLD ON!! TAKE CARE, STAY SAFE AND ENJOY!!)

It's okay to feel burdened by emotions, okay to feel differently to others for the same situation, it's okay to be different than others without ever feeling as if you're wrong or you need to change. No two people are the same and so we shouldn't compare ourselves to others, shouldn't match ourselves because everyone lives with their own set of standards for themselves. We need to be the best versions of us for us. no-one else.

Borahae! 💜💜💜

PurpleQueenie <3