That night, James summoned me to his bedroom, and I found myself even more nervous than I had been the first time we slept together. I tried to focus on what Dr. Winthrop said about the experience becoming easier with time, but that idea didn't lessen my anxiety as I stood outside the mahogany doors of the master bedroom, trying to muster the courage to go inside.

The only difference this time was that James had spent the entire evening drinking. It seemed like such hypocrisy that we were at church this morning, being preached to about the sins of the world, James' face serious as he nodded in agreement. Then, the moment we were back home, he was already pouring himself a glass of bourbon, muttering obscenities under his breath.

"You're lucky, you know," he slurred between gulps of alcohol. "Most women would leap at the chance to be my wife."

Then let them, I thought, clenching my teeth, disgusted by his behavior.

James took a step toward me, stumbling in his drunken state. He groped my chest and pulled on my blouse, popping off several buttons in the process. I wanted to snarl my lip in revulsion and push him away from me, to tell him to go to hell. But then I remembered the deadened faces of the No Name women who had been discarded by their husbands, and my reality was put into perspective. I stood there with my arms to my side, letting him fondle me while biting back bile.

"Get on the bed," he garbled, shoving me.

Instead of telling James how disgusted he made me, I slumped my shoulders in defeat and obliged to his request, unzipping my skirt and sitting on the bed. I didn't argue, didn't try to fight it. It would do no good anyway. It was better to endure a few moments of discomfort and repulsion than a lifetime of misery in the Factories.

My second sexual experience was similar to my first, filled with the same taunt pressure and pain, and the same desperate desire to be anywhere but beneath James' burly body. The vulgar fumes made me want to gag as he leaned over me, doing his bidding. I mentally checked out, allowing my mind to wander out of the bedroom and to the other side of the city to my empty childhood bed, convincing myself this was a bad dream, that I would wake up from this nightmare soon enough.

I leaned my head back and let my mind continue to drift as James took what the law said was his to have, fighting internally to hang on to the small parts that still belonged to me.

***************

James passed out a few minutes after the process ended, giving me the chance to sneak out. I rolled him off of me, hesitating when he plopped aggressively onto his back, but James was so blacked out, the movement didn't disturb him.

I tiptoed back to my quarters, letting out a sigh of relief when the door closed behind me. I opened the doors leading to my private balcony and stepped out into the cool night, drawing my robe tight. My breath came out in puffs of vapor, and goosebumps formed on my bare neck, but I didn't mind. I enjoyed the cool evenings, the silence of nighttime, watching the world transition from gloomy winter to spring.

I still missed my childhood home, but I was learning to love my new bedroom. My private quarters brought me a sense of comfort, a place to go to get away from James and the responsibilities of marriage, to let go of the worries I had about Charlotte and the terrible things going on in her home.

I laid back in the lounge chair as the smell of lilac and lavender from the gardens wafted up to meet me. I stared onto the yard, watching the shadows of the trees sway in the slight breeze. The black sky gave way to millions of stars, each twinkling like diamonds in the night. It soothed my pained heart gradually until I eventually fell asleep, my dreams filled with burn marks and angry men.

***************

The next morning, after a steamy bath to warm my chilled bones, I got dressed and went downstairs for breakfast. The No Name woman hadn't said two words to me since the incident with James. She seemed so traumatized by the consequences of our last conversation that she avoided me. Now, after checking that I didn't need anything, she would leave the room in a rush, afraid I would get her into trouble again.

Without the No Name woman's companionship, I was left alone to my own devices. I wished that I had my books with me, that I hadn't had to leave my collection at my parents' house when I left. At least then I would have something to occupy my time while sitting in this giant home by myself.

Having nothing else to do, I decided to explore the vast yard expanding from the back of my new home. It was a warm morning, the sun shining and the deep blue sky cloudless. The grounds were peaceful, the only sound that of the birds chirping happily in the limbs high overhead, the bubbling of a creek somewhere close by.

As I strolled down the emerald grass to the edge of the property, I found a large, birch-wood barn. In the fenced-in perimeter beyond the building, chickens, cows, and goats promenaded about in the grass without a care in the world.

I walked inside the barn and was thrilled to see the horses James had referenced on my first night in the manor. I'd been obsessed with horses since I was old enough to read about them in books. It seemed like all of the great heroines rode horses, from Sacagawea to Joan of Arc to Elizabeth II. Each birthday, my only wish was that I would get a horse, just so I could be just like them.Of course, now I could see that fantastical childhood dream was foolish, that simply owning a horse wouldn't put me on the same level as these legendary women. But I'd still had a passion for the animal ever since.

Now that I was finally able to see a horse in person, I immediately realized that pictures hadn't done the beasts justice. They were beautiful creatures, so much more stunning than the ones I'd seen in my storybooks. They towered over me, their powerful muscles rippling intimidatingly through their shiny coats as they moved about the barn. There were a dozen of them in every shade imaginable- spotted Appaloosas, snow white Arabians, chestnut Thoroughbreds, and dark onyx Mustangs, each different, but beautiful in their own way.

I stepped up to the large, white Arabian as though drawn to it, reaching out a hand to pet its powerful neck.

"They're amazing, aren't they?" a voice asked, cutting through the silence.

I jumped, startled, and turned to see the groundskeeper, Caleb, standing in the doorway of the barn.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to disturb them," I murmured, backing away from the horse like a child caught in the middle of mischief.

"Don't apologize. They're your horses now, too." He stepped up to the white Arabian. "This one's name is Pearl. Would you like to feed her?" He held out an apple. The horse whinnied and stomped its feet anxiously, causing me to take a step back. Caleb laughed. "Don't worry, she won't hurt you. Pearl is a gentle soul."

I took a tentative step forward, reaching for the apple with a shaky hand. Caleb gave me an encouraging smile, and the tension in my shoulders faded away.

"Just keep your hand flat. Like this," he demonstrated.

I did as he suggested and let out a gasp when Pearl snatched the apple from my palm, eating the fruit in two large bites. I glanced at Caleb who was watching me with humor in his eyes. Feeling courageous, I reached out and patted Pearl's neck. She nuzzled my neck appreciatively, a playful glint in her large chocolate eyes.

"She likes you. Would you like to ride her?"

"Oh, no. Definitely not," I said with a nervous laugh. "I wouldn't even know where to start."

"Well, lucky for you, I've worked horse farms my entire life. And Pearl here is a good gal to start on. I've taught all three of my kids to ride on her, and she hasn't bucked during a single lesson."

"I don't know...."

"Come on, Mrs. Moberly. If my four year old son can ride her, I'm sure you can," he chuckled. "What do you have to lose?"

I paused- I really didn't have anything to lose. I'd already left my family and friends behind when I was thrown unwillingly into this new world. I was a stranger in my own home, living with people who either didn't want to talk to me, or weren't allowed to. If something were to happen to me, I wasn't sure anyone would even care. Why waste any more time worrying and waiting when I didn't know what the next day would bring? I'd always wanted to learn to ride a horse anyway.

I gave a small, tentative nod. Caleb opened Pearl's stall, readied her saddle and reigns, and led Pearl from the barn and into the midmorning sunlight. Her silvery hair shimmered in the bright rays, making her even more beautiful.

"The most important thing about riding is to remember that your emotions are projected onto the horse," Caleb explained. "They are intelligent, observant creatures who can sense any apprehensions you might have. If you're scared, Pearl will be scared. But if you're confident, she will be as well."

I took a deep breath, trying to calm my racing heart. I was nervous, but if what Caleb said was true, I didn't want Pearl to sense my doubts. I did my best to repress my angsts as I took a step toward her.

"You ready?" Caleb asked with an encouraging smile.

I nodded, afraid I might be sick if I opened my mouth to speak. My heart hammered against my ribcage as I shifted my skirt to the side and placed my boot into the stirrup. Caleb squatted down to help me into the saddle and I stiffened at his touch, but he seemed unfazed about his hand being on my waist.

I clenched my teeth as I straddle the massive creature, working to maintain my balance. I glanced at the ground far below and wondered idly how much it would hurt if I were to fall. My stomach churned at the idea. I wanted nothing more than to get off of the horse and back to a solid surface.

As I squirmed in the saddle, I saw Pearl's eyes widen, her dark iris swiveling around anxiously. I knew that Caleb was right- she could sense my fears. I quickly pushed the negative notions from my mind, trying to radiate good vibes as I patted her neck to calm her.

"There, there," I murmured. Within seconds, Pearl had settled. I smiled at her calm demeanor, my own fears subsiding.

Caleb explained the various commands and methods of controlling the horse, then began leading us in small circles, holding the lead securely in his hands. Slowly, the circles widened little by little until we were traveling the full expanse of the barnyard. The more we moved, the more confidence I gained. When Caleb passed the reigns to me, I took them willing, assured in Pearl and my ability to ride her.

We started with a trot, eventually progressively to a full gallop. The wind blew through my hair, pulling tendrils loose from my chignon and sweeping them across my face in soft tufts. It was exhilarating and liberating because, for the first time in my life, I felt a sense of control over my decisions and the outcomes of my life. Pearl provided me with a sense of safety and invincibility like I'd never experienced before. Even if it was only for a short time, she propelled me into another world, one where I felt truly free.

**********

I rode Pearl on and off for the rest of the day until Caleb had to take her back to the barn for a bath and feeding. I unwillingly passed the reigns to him, vowing to come back the following day and every day after that for as long as Caleb would let me.

I retired to the house and lounged on the veranda with a glass of sweet tea, watching the barnyard from a distance until the No Name woman called me for dinner. I was famished after my long day of riding, and hastily shoved the delicious meal of roast duck and baked potatoes into my mouth. The No Name woman remained impassive, though I could swear I saw the hint of a smile as she watched me devour my dinner.

The woman cleaned up the kitchen while I ate. I felt guilty watching her clean while I ate the meal she'd worked on all day and hadn't even enjoyed herself. I wanted to make myself feel useful, to lend a helping hand, but I didn't dare offer after what happened the last time I volunteered.

Instead, I ate my meal in silence, refusing to look at the No Name woman. I had just cleared my plate and put it in the kitchen sink when the front door opened. James stumbled into the foyer, belligerently drunk. He didn't acknowledge me or the No Name woman, or come into the kitchen for his dinner, but staggered up the stairs to his bedroom.

The No Name woman and I followed behind on the off chance he would request his meal be brought up, but by the time we got to the master bedroom, he had collapsed onto the bed, passed out.

"Should I try to wake him?" I asked the No Name woman as she placed a glass of water by his bedside table.

The woman hesitated. "Honestly, Mrs. Moberly, it would be better if you didn't. He's not very happy when he's intoxicated," she admitted, giving an apologetic smile

I stared down at my husband, my lip curling in disgust as I watched him sleep, his mouth wide open and drool trickling down his cheek and onto his pillow. What had happened to his man that turned him into this mean drunkard who worked all day and only spoke to his wife when he wanted sex? How wretched of a life that must be.

As I left the masterbedroom and headed back to my own chambers, I found myself almost feeling sorryfor James. But then my nose began throbbing as though to remind me of theinjury procured by his hand, and any sympathetic sentiments I'd felt for himwere long gone.  

Thank you for reading! What was your favorite part of this chapter? What do you think about Mia's experience with Jasmine? Let me know! And, as always, if you are enjoying Bound so far, don't forget to vote :)