This became the pattern of my new life in Moberly Manor- wake up, eat, ride Pearl, relax on the veranda, sit in silence the rest of the evening, and go to bed alone. It was a dull existence at times, all of my domestic training and expectations for married life going to waste because of the No Name woman's presence.

Most days that I didn't even see James until he came home late at night in a drunken stupor. James was a mean drunk, filled with anger and hatred for everything and everyone. I never knew what his temperament would be like each night, whether he would arrive comatose and incoherent, or cross and volatile. More times than not, he would become violent, lashing out without provocation. There was no rhyme or reason to his behavior.

Though initially thrown by this conduct, I quickly acclimated to my new home and learned the dos and don'ts of being James Moberly's wife. I soon learned to make myself scarce, waiting in the shadows each night until he went upstairs just to avoid a confrontation.

More times than not, James would pass out in his bedroom, refusing dinner, sleeping hard all night before getting up and doing it all over again the next day. Though at times it was sometimes embarrassing to have a drunkard for a husband, I much preferred him, or being forced to join him in his bed.

When James left for work each day, I could breathe a little better. The highlight of my morning was visiting Pearl, who I could ride successfully on my own now. Few things in life brought me as much joy as being tucked in the saddle as the mare galloped through the field of wildflowers growing beyond the barn, the breeze blowing my hair and her mane in unison. When I was with Pearl, I felt free- free from the expectations of Grayson, free of my berating husband, free of the life that threatened to consume me day in and day out. On Pearl's back, I let all of that go and simply allowed her to propel me further and faster until she tired, at which point I would sprawl in the meadow, watching as she grazed the blue-green grass and quenched her thirst with the bubbling creek water.

The only day I wasn't able to ride Pearl was Sunday, when we had church. For many weeks, I tried to catch Charlotte's eye during the long hours of worship, but she never looked up from her Bible. I wanted to speak to her after the service was over, but she and her husband rushed out of the building. I wondered if Charlotte was still angry with me for threatening to expose her husband's sadistic behavior, or if he had just broken her spirit so much that she had no interest in talking to me again. Regardless, it was disheartening to know that I'd lost my best friend after all.

As the weeks continued to pass, I grew increasingly anxious, waiting for the first of the month to arrive. On this day each month, I would have an appointment with Dr. Winthrop to see if I had become pregnant with James's child. When the fateful day finally arrived, I walked to the clinic feeling numb. I hardly felt the chill that hung in the air or the misty rain that began midway through my journey; the only thing my mind could focus on was what the test results would show.

As I approached the city square, the sight of my mother and father walking on the opposite side of the street pulled me up short. It was the first time I'd seen them since my Awakening and, for all I knew, it could be the last time I would see them again. I wanted to run to them and leap into their arms, to tell them how much I missed them and how I wished I could come home. But I knew that would only make things harder for all of us if I made my presence known. Instead, I turned my head, allowing my hair to fall forward to form a shield before they could recognize me, my heart breaking as though I was losing them all over again.

***************

I chewed my fingernails as I sat in the clinic's lobby with the other girls, waiting for my name to be called. The lobby was full of Grayson women of every age, some as old as my mother. I shivered as I realized that I could be here every month for the next twenty or thirty years, still expected to bear children even after my skin had begun to wrinkle and my hair had strands of gray.

I watched as patients exited the exam rooms, their faces clear indications of their test results. Those who were negative hung their heads in shame as only a Grayson woman could. She had failed her husband, had failed her community, and felt the emotional wrath of guilt that came with not bearing a child.

Others arrived at the waiting room with brilliant smiles and rosy cheeks, holding a bag full of prenatal vitamins. They rubbed their abdomens lovingly while the rest of us looked on, the envy of those around them. Though we were expected to bear children, that didn't mean the task came easy. Generations of radiation poisoning had made it harder and harder to become pregnant. Those who conceived right away were lucky. The rest would endure immeasurable heartache and remorse as they continued to try and continued to fail.

I wasn't sure which girl I would be in a few hours- the one who had successfully completed her duty as a woman and wife, or the one filled with remorse at her inability to reproduce. Regardless of the results, I was just ready to get it over with. The unknown was more excruciating than the test results ever could ever be.

Some of the girls sitting nearest me had been in my Awakening Ceremony, and it amazed me the difference a month could make to their demeanor. Many of the women who were so eager for their binding just a few short weeks ago now sat in meek silence. Perhaps they were just nervous to see if their marital affairs had proved fruitful, but it was also possible that they had vicious husbands like Charlotte and I did who had beaten the joy out of them.

The door to the lobby opened once more, and Charlotte walked out of the exam room. We made eye contact and I gave a small smile, but she didn't return the gesture. Instead, she turned away and went to the receptionist to complete some medical forms. For a moment I wondered if she hadn't seen me, but I was so close to her that she would've had to be blind not to notice. More likely she was ignoring me, just as she'd been doing in church.

I was suddenly filled with irritation. I'd been so relieved when I found out that Charlotte could still a part of my life after our Awakening. Now, it hurt that much worse to learn she was choosing not to be. Angry tears pricked at my eyes.

As Charlotte walked by to leave the clinic, I nearly grabbed her arm to stop her, to find out what her problem was, and ask why she wouldn't talk to me. But before I could ask the questions that burned so fiercely inside of me, Charlotte discretely tossed a wad of paper at my feet.

Thinking she'd accidentally dropped it, I bent down and picked it up, but she was gone before I could give it back to her. My eyebrows furrowed in confusion as I grasped the paper and opened it to see untidy and rushed writing inside.

Meet me at our spot. Tell no one.

Love- C

I was still contemplating the meaning behind the note when my name was called for my appointment. I stuffed the paper into my coat pocket, my tension returning as I focused on the task at hand.

When I walked through the door leading to the exam rooms, I was surprised to see Sister Margaret inside, waiting for me. My heart rate quickened.

"Hello, Mrs. Moberly," she said with a sickly sweet voice, producing a small smile looked unnatural on her lips. "How has married life treated you?"

"Very well, Sister Margaret," I lied. "Thank you for asking. May I ask what you are doing here?"

"I never let my girls go through their screenings alone. Dr. Winthrop is more than competent at his job, but allowing a man who is not your husband examine you without a chaperone present... imagine." She scoffed at the audacity and led me down the vast hallway. "Let's hope your marriage has been fruitful and produced a child this month, if it's His will."

"If it's His will," I repeated.

As if I didn't feel enough pressure at learning the outcome of my pregnancy test, the gravity of the situation was intensified with Sister Margaret by my side. I suppose she thought her presence was supposed to be reassuring, but it had the opposite effect on me.

When we reached the examination room, Dr. Winthrop greeted us with a friendly smile and ushered us inside. "Nice to see you again, Mrs. Moberly," he said. I mumbled a greeting and he gestured for me to take a seat on the examination table. "Let's start by seeing how your surgical incisions are holding up."

Dr. Winthrop stepped forward and moved my chin from side to side, examining my nose. His eyebrows furrowed and his teeth clenched together with a loud pop. The bruises and sutures were long gone, but my nose still leaned further to the left from when James broke it on my second day in the manor.

Dr. Winthrop didn't address the injury, nor did he didn't bother fixing the broken bone. I suspected it had been too long at this point to do much about it. I could see the disappointment in Dr. Winthrop's eyes. All of his efforts to create a new version of me, all of the time and resources spent to make me look the way James wanted, had all been in vain, destroyed in a few seconds of drunken rage. What a waste.

Instead, Dr. Winthrop moved on to my other incisions. He lifted my blouse and began kneading my ribs and breasts, checking that my stitches had dissolved. A blush crept into my cheek and my eyes fell to the ground. Sister Margaret let out a small tsk of disapproval, but otherwise kept quiet, averting her gaze from my nearly naked body.

"Everything looks to be healing well," Dr. Winthrop said, making notes on his clipboard. "Go ahead and lean back, Mrs. Moberly, and let's have a look."

With a thumping heart and heated cheeks, I sat back on the exam table, the white crepe paper crackling beneath me. I rested my neck on the cushioned headrest and put my feet in the stirrups, taking a deep breath and bracing myself for the coming examination.

Dr. Winthrop began his inspection immediately. The cool metal of the speculum was unpleasant as it propped me open, exposing me to the world. But other than the slight discomfort, I hardly noticed it. As I stared up at the ceiling, my mind was elsewhere, lost in a world of what-ifs. What if I was pregnant? How would James react if I wasn't? What if I had a daughter who would be subjected to the same humiliation I was feeling right now in 18 years? I continued down the rabbit hole of possibilities, my stomach doing nervous flips.

"You can put your legs down now," Dr. Winthrop said a few minutes later. There was a moment of silence as he jotted something in my file. It felt like an eternity as I anxiously waited for the results of my test. "I'm sorry, Mrs. Moberly, but you are not with child this month," he said, genuine despondency on his face.

"Oh," was all I managed to say.

"That's alright, dear. Perhaps next month," Sister Margaret said, giving a reassuring pat on my back.

I gave a sad smile, feigning despondency. But as I left the clinic, my heart leapt with joy. I wasn't ready to be a mother, especially not with by a man that I didn't love and who treated me as expendable. I knew the Grayson officials could punish me for such thinking, saying that I was a blasphemy before God to rebuke my womanly duties; that I was full of sin- why else would I loathe the idea of motherhood?

But, to me, the test result felt like an act of God in and of itself, like He was on my side. Why would He want me to bring a child into a home where they would be subjected to the unpredictable whims of their drunken father like I was? A child who would might endure their own Awakening Ceremony in a couple of decades. No matter what anyone said, I couldn't believe a God like ours would want such a miserable life for His children.

My heart went out to all the girls who might not be as fortunate as I was, who might be with child at this very moment. Or even the women who were experiencing the heartbreak of their first rejection, or perhaps their fiftieth, not understanding what they were doing wrong. How miserable that would be. Some women actually wanted to have children, to fulfill their maternal duty. Not everyone was as cynical as me and Charlotte.

Charlotte! In my elation, I had forgotten her note asking to meet her after my appointment.

I took a sharp right and headed toward the park where Charlotte and I spent almost every afternoon of our youth. As I walked, I ducked my head and allowed my hair to fall form curtains on either side of my face, shielding me from the curious eyes of Grayson. I'm not sure why I felt the need to hide- I had never been strictly forbidden to leave the house. But I had a feeling that James would not be pleased to learn about a furtive rendezvous with Charlotte. Better safe than sorry.

Charlotte was waiting for me at the swing set when I arrived at the park. Her eyes met mine and averted to the ground, pretending I wasn't there. I took my que from her and sat in a swing a few down from her without a word, rocking my legs back and forth until the swing started moving.

A few minutes passed in silence before we spoke.

"Hey, Mia," Charlotte greeted me in a hushed voice, still not looking at me. "Thanks for coming."

"Of course," I murmured, keeping my eyes on my swinging legs. "Is everything alright?"

She hesitated for a moment. "Sorry about ignoring you these past few weeks," she finally said. "My husband saw us speaking at church and has been strict ever since."

"I'm sorry," I murmured. "I had no idea."

She sighed. "It's okay. I should probably hurry, though. He wouldn't like it very much if he knew I was here. He thinks I'm in the bath right now," she said with a playful smile. "I just couldn't leave things the way we did the last time we talked."

I nodded, thinking back to our disagreement. "I don't want to get you in trouble," I said. "I just needed to know that you're okay."

She gave a sad smile. "I'll be fine. Being a wife, well... it's just harder than I expected it to be," she admitted. "There's no point in lying to you- you saw the marks for yourself," she said. "It's nothing I can't handle. It would just be easier if I had a break every now and then. My husband is retired, so he's always around. All day, every day. Each time I turn around, he's always there, ready to force some new form of pain on me."

I shivered at the notion.

"I hate him," she said, conviction in her voice. A fire raged in her eyes. "I know that's a sin, I know that I would be hanged if anyone heard me, but I don't care. I hate him more than anything in this world and I wish he would die so I would be free of him."

I shushed. "Careful. You don't want a Guardian to overhear you."

She let out a deep sigh. "I know. I'm sorry. I just don't know what else to do, Mia," she said, tears pouring down her face. "I'm trapped, have no other way out. And now..."

She hesitated. "What is it, Charlotte?" I said, chancing a quick glance at her. "What's wrong?"

She paused for a long moment, wiping the tears from her cheeks. "Now, it's more important for me to find a way out of this marriage than ever before. It's not just me that he will be hurting now. Mia," she sniffled. "I'm... I'm pregnant."  

Thank you for reading! What do you think about Mia's doctor's appointment and test results? And what about Charlotte's bombshell at the end? Let me know what you think! And, as always, if you are enjoying Bound so far, don't forget to vote! :)