March 5th 1987 / Vancouver, Canada

Jon's search for Amelia's hand begun before he even opened his eyes. He expected to find her at his side, instead the sheets were crisp and cold.

"'Melia?" He whimpered. Where are you?

Richie and David had been sat on the bench-like chair on the other side of Jon's room all night. The pair hadn't slept much having taken turns in keeping their eye on Jon. They each glanced over at him upon hearing his mumble.

"Hey man!" David jumped up, his spirit ever-jovial despite the circumstances. "How you feelin'?"

Jon couldn't bear the piercing sound of his friends voice, he had acquired a nasty headache overnight.

"Shit," he responded. Doubly shit considering the apparent absence of Amelia. Curse David, that was the second time in recent months he'd expected to wake up to Amelia only to instead be met with the ugly mug of his keyboardist.

He pushed himself up into a sitting position and rubbed his bleary eyes. He at least felt better than last night, his throat felt best it had in months, apparently the steroids really had helped with the inflammation. Now he'd just have to be careful not to wreck it any more than he already had, it needed time to properly heal.

"You've certainly looked better," David joked, tweaking the singer's ear.

"Ow," he hissed. "Asshole. What are you doin' here?"

"Rich n' I watched over you, guardian angels as we are."

Jon raised a brow at the taller, dark-haired man standing behind David. "Yeah," he confirmed. "I'll go get you some breakfast, kid. Bacon?"

He was about to reply 'yes', after all he did love bacon a little more than the average man, but he knew it wasn't the healthiest food. And Amelia was right, he really did need to start looking after his health and eating better. He'd get more protein from eggs and mushrooms.

"See if they've got any eggs or somethin', not feeling bacon."

Once Richie was out of the room, Jon heaved a heavy sigh and fell back against the headboard. "Where's Amelia? She said she'd stay the night."

"Rich told me she was exhausted, she'd been up all night lookin' after you, y'know? She checked up on you this mornin' to see if you were alright."

"She was an angel," he sighed wearily.

"Mm, she must have a little soft spot for you," David teased, poking at Jon's chin. He shoved his hand away.

"Knock if off, man."

"Ooh... did she kiss you all better? Sing you a lullaby? Spoon-feed you medicine?"

David puckered his lips as he spoke.

Ironically, Amelia had done at least two of those things. Well, if Hound Dog counted as a lullaby, that is. The man couldn't conceal his smirk. "Go away Davey."

"Did you reconcile your differences in a glorious make-out session?"

Jon laughed. Only in his wildest dreams.

"Course not. She was argumentative as usual."

"Even when you were sick?"

Jon nodded.

"Difficult girl."

He wasn't wrong about that one.

"Still," Jon said, "She looked after me real good. We had some good talks too, in between all of our silly arguments."

"Go on, I'm listening. What happened? What arguments?"

David loved gossip more than a teenage girl. He was always asking Jon about his ever-changing relationship status with Amelia, he eagerly wanted updates.

"Well, I don't remember much of it," Jon admitted. His fever had made sure of that. "I remember her tellin' me about some guy she met in England."

Of course he would remember that. The image of Mr Edward.. whatever his name was had haunted his dreams! He pictured a young- or he supposed not so young English Stallion. A hunk of a man, much more attractive than he. Blond hair, blue eyes, heavy set brows and a strong, muscled jaw. Amelia had mentioned his movie-star build, he imagined a Brad-Pitt-looking man with the body of a professional surfer. He pictured glowing tanned pectoral muscles bouncing at the command of their owner, a six pack of rock hard abdominal muscles and prominent obliques.

Jon came to realize he'd perhaps looked too far into it. It wasn't like Amelia could possibly have met some Greek God over there, after all it was only England. Still, Jon couldn't imagine Amelia would ever have described himself as overly muscular; she said herself he was thin and gaunt these days. There was surely no comparison between himself and this Edward.

Well, except for the fact that she told him flatly she didn't love Edward. That was at least one area where he had a one-up.

"What, she had a fling? With who?"

"Dunno. Some older guy called Edward."

He felt a petulant sneer arise. In addition to the number of insuperable faults Jon had already assigned to the man, hypothetically of course, Edward was too pompous of a name for his tastes.

"Oh, an older guy?" David teased. "Oh Edward! Come here my darling! Come give me a kiss, my dearest darlingest!" He began making smooching noises between fits of laughter.

Jon didn't find humor in the situation. "Cut it out, man."

"You jealous, Jonny?"

Jon's silence was an odd sort of thing.

"Well, how many women have you been with in the past couple years?"

His teeth clamped his tongue.

"Go on. Everybody counts."

His eyes flickered away from the prying gaze of his keyboardist. He folded his arms across his chest and muttered a small, regrettable response. A barely audible number with an unfortunate amount of digits. David tsked at the man.

"Been a naughty boy, haven't we?"

"Hey, some were at the same time," he added quietly. He supposed that didn't really help his case.

He was sure those were rookie numbers for most rockstars. Tommy Lee and Nikki Sixx would likely ruffle his hair and pat his cheek upon hearing them, but that didn't change the fact that Jon undeniably felt like a slut.

Well, he had been a slut. A man-slut. He supposed for a while he'd been proud of it. Now, at twenty six years old having lived out all his wild rockstar fantasies, the only woman he wanted in his bed was Amelia.

"I'm not sure you have a license for jealousy," David said.

No. And she hadn't even slept with the Edward man.

"So long as you've still got these feelings for Amelia I suggest you stay away from all that debauchery."

David was right. If Amelia found out about the number of women he'd slept with he feared she wouldn't go near him with a ten foot pole.

You disgusting animal, you feral beast!

He winced at the mental imagery.

"I haven't had sex in months."

"Oh, you depraved thing," the pianist tutted in sympathy. "Living a life of abstinence in hopes of impressing your fair lady."

A small 'oomph' sounded when Jon whacked his friend's arm.

"What else did you talk about? Aside from the handsome hunk she met in England."

Jon scowled at the man.

"Well, I don't know," he answered eventually. "Lots of things. I tried gettin' her to open up."

David scoffed. "A fools errand."

Jon murmured an agreement.

"No progress I take it?"

"Well, I'm not so sure. I got more out of her than usual. I'm not givin' up on her yet, Dave."

He did remember some of her rather harsh words, and winced. She could be so venomous sometimes.

"She said that she didn't love me. 'No more than a sister loves her brother', I think was it."

"Sister??" He sputtered incredulously. "Ouch."

"Yeah, that was pretty rough."

Even rougher considering that it'd come in between many of her more affectionate gestures. He remembered her soft, warm hands on the bare skin of his chest. Her ever soft and ever plump lips on his knuckles and cheeks. She could be so gentle when she wanted to be.

He also recollected her kinder words.

I dare say you were a cutie. Or something like that. So, she still found him handsome at least. Or perhaps that was inference.

No, he knew she still found him handsome. He caught her prolonged gazes when she least expected it, noticed her gentle flushes when she realized he'd spotted her.

"What brought that up?" David asked. "Why were you talkin' about love?"

"You know me Davey," Jon drawled. "Shootin' my shot."

"You still like her, huh. I thought maybe your feelin's woulda subsided with how she's shown no interest in you for months."

Jon looked at his friend flatly. For all his quick wit David could be unintentionally brutal.

David just didn't get it. He wasn't ready to settle down, not prepared to commit himself to one woman whom he knew he could love with all his heart. David liked the excitement and thrill of casual, no-strings-attached sex.

"I'm sick of all this avoidance, I guess. I'd rather she just turned me down flatly instead of all this.. flip-flopping."

"She's avoiding me."

He was aware his words may have come off as both pitiful and pathetic.

David's smile flattened.

"I dunno man, her saying she doesn't love you and she sees you like a brother seems like a pretty strong message to me."

David loved Jon; adored him in fact, he was his brother from another mother. But as loyal as he was to his singer, he also held great love and respect for Amelia. David was a smart man, he knew Jon could be intense, especially when it came to Amelia. It sounded to him that Amelia had made herself clear the night before, that she didn't love him nor appreciate his subtle advances. He didn't want the situation to turn sour, he feared Jon may bombard her into submission, even if unintentionally.

Then again, the words Amelia Sambora and 'submission' didn't belong in the same sentence. On second thoughts, he wasn't so worried.

"It wasn't like that." Jon gnawed at his lip as he tried to recollect more information from last night. "She was emotional, she didn't mean it."

She was being harsh, Amelia could never entertain sisterly affections for him.

David looked at Jon pitifully; he saw a man grasping desperately at straws, a man incapable of moving on from his passion-filled past.

"She said we can talk about it some other time, that neither of us were in the right frame of mind last night."

"Talk about what?"

"I told her I wanted to find out if we were still compatible. I as good as asked her on a date."

David looked outward toward the window. It was a marvellous spring day, though it hardly felt like it considering the circumstances of Jon's health. He waited a moment before he spoke.

"Well, then talk with her I guess."

Jon nodded. He needed to get her alone somewhere, somewhere with a tinge of romanticism about it. Flowers, trees, he needed to speak with her in the outdoors, not some couped up hotel room.

It was a shame they weren't scheduled to go back to Paris this tour.

"But Jon?"

"Hm?"

"If it doesn't go the way you want it to, then you gotta promise me you'll move on."

It was a possibility that Jon couldn't bring himself to consider.

"It's not doing you any good holdin' out so much hope, the longer you cling to it the worse it'll get."

He nodded slowly and hesitantly. That seemed to be the first sliver of genuine dating advice David had ever offered him, and he knew in his heart he was right.

"I'm gonna ask her on a date," Jon declared with a balled fist, as though it were some all-important mission.

"A date?" To David, it seemed his friend was setting himself up for catastrophic failure considering the woman's previous remarks. "Are you sure?"

He rolled his eyes. When had his keyboardist ever been so serious? He shoved David's arm and laughed. "She's not a monster David. Yes, a date. I can handle myself just fine."

†††

Amelia had hardly slept a wink. After initially falling into slumber she'd awoken a mere three hours later in a state of distress. Thoughts of Jon, his deteriorating health and the shot of steroids Dr Edwards had given him had prevented her from falling back to sleep.

A part of her felt guilty for leaving him, too. His eyes had been so love-filled when he'd pleaded for her to stay, no doubt he'd be unhappy when he woke up.

But it was done. She couldn't cater to his needs of affection, last night she'd let herself slip far too much. All her little kisses to his hands and cheeks, it was unacceptable. She'd pitied him in the moment, and perhaps she was being self-indulgent, but she couldn't allow herself to slip into a more affectionate frame of mind again.

She'd risen early in the morning to check up on Jon. Upon finding him in a state no better than the previous night, she left to go get breakfast and find Spankie.

The girls hung out on the hotel balcony.

"No fair. My room doesn't have a balcony," Spankie opened the sliding doors and slid them backwards and forwards in a moment of childish curiosity. "Richie playing favorites?"

"Being Richie's sister has its advantages," Amelia curled her lip. "And equal drawbacks."

Spankie shrugged and pulled out a chair.

"You look like shit. Didn't sleep?"

Amelia raised a brow at her friend. Spankie was honest, yes, but rarely ever so brutal.

"No, I didn't. I was with Jon most of the night. Couldn't sleep afterward."

"Oh yeah, he looked inches away from death yesterday. How is he?"

"Not so good," she said wearily. "They've started him on steroids for the inflammation."

Spankie nodded, shovelling a piece of toast into her mouth.

Amelia leaned against the balcony railing. Her hair, now nearly halfway down her back, blew in the gentle spring breeze.

It made her think. Richie's reaction to the steroids had been minimal, Spankie's had been almost none-existent. Did her own worry come from a deeper place of affection? More than a friend or employee, but that of an ex-lover?

Ugh, she was so confused! Being thrust in close quarters with her ex-boyfriend- what a cruel twist of fate. No paycheck was worth the constant memories, the constant reminder than no matter what, the pair could not be.

She should be in New Jersey trying to figure out how to put her literary degree to use. She should've been writing novels, doing journalism, not playing doctor to her ex-boyfriend.

Then again, she knew it'd crush him if she handed in a resignation letter. He needed her now more than ever, even she could see that. Last night he'd made it clear he still had feelings for her. Perhaps they were diminished and small, but they resided nonetheless. How was she supposed to go about her daily life knowing that? If he had it his way, he would defy all social customs regarding boss-employee relationships, bypass the blockade that was Amelia's brother and go about dating her.

And that knowledge had fucked her up. It was another component to her insomnia. She'd spent years carefully burying her feelings for him, and in the past six months of touring with him she thought she'd finally gotten over it all. Now, with the knowledge that in one simple word she could go back on all that, Amelia was bursting at the seams.

But she had to be rational. She was sure it was just the thrill that was getting to her, the thought of going behind her brother's back, entering a relationship with her boss. She hadn't engaged in a tinge of rebellion since her early adulthood, she craved the excitement of it.

"Are you alright?" Spankie interrupted her spiralling. "You look a little..."

Spankie was too gracious to finish her sentence.

Amelia thought hard on the past few months; her actions and choices, her disposition and temperament. Displeased with what she had become, she shook her head.

"What's the matter?" Spankie now shuffled closer; an ever concerned friend.

Amelia turned to her. She felt the urge to cry but no tears came. Amelia had buried months, perhaps years worth of emotions. She had no word for the feeling, perhaps congested could well describe it. Her heart remained heavy at all times, smiles hardly ever graced her face these days, nor did laughter bounce from her lips.

"Oh, Spankie, I feel so emotionless."

The wardrobe manager wore a face of puzzlement, a brow pitching up above her colorful glasses.

"Emotionless? How do you mean?"

"I hardly recognize myself."

Amelia passed back through the glass doors and over to a more comfortable spot on the bed.

"I feel that you hardly know me."

"What are you talking about?"

"I used to be so happy." Amelia thought of the past, she was never a particularly flamboyant girl but she was certainly jovial, and once she knew a person well enough she became delightful company. Now she felt like a fun sponge, an energy vampire. "Nowadays I hardly show any emotion to anyone, it's like I'm stone cold."

"Well, I never got that impression," Spankie comforted. "It seems to me you're just having a crisis. We all have them."

"I'm not, Spankie. I know how I used to be."

How she used to behave in Jon's company was another matter entirely.

"Would you believe that I used to dance all day? Sing or hum everywhere I went? I used to have friends, lots of them. Nowadays you're my only company, I'm scared that I'll push you away too."

"Well, I can believe that you danced because I witnessed your dance moves at the club. As for singing, my mind struggles to conjure that image." Spankie took a seat beside her friend and hooked an arm around her in a display of sisterly affection. "And I'm sure you won't push me away."

Years ago Amelia couldn't have dreamed of pushing Jon away. Nor David, who was nothing but a bubble of excitement. Nor her friends Jordan, or Tina, or Anita. Why should Spankie be any different?

"I can be so stoic sometimes, just like my father. He's like a rock, I hate emotionless people, they're so dull and totally.... ugh, totally draining. I realized I've become one."

Amelia placed her head in her hands.

"I hardly give myself time to experience emotions, nevermind show them. I block any positive feelings out, I don't allow myself to experience them out of fear they'll be stripped from me too abruptly."

Spankie listened carefully as she formed her judgements.

"I don't think you're emotionless, Amelia. On the contrary I think that you're very caring."

"What gives you that impression?" Amelia looked to the girl desperately. She was hopeful that somehow her assessment of herself was wrong, that she was selling herself short in some way. She didn't want to be an emotionless rock like her father, heck, he was just another person she'd distanced herself from.

"I dunno really, I just know that you're kind, and I know that you can be sweet and gentle even if you opt for a more fiery temperament most of the time," Spankie chuckled. "Which I love, by the way."

Amelia found little comfort in the words.

"I feel that I don't even know myself anymore. I feel like I'm lying to people each time I interact with them. I feel so stern all the time, so angry, I want to let all of it go but my heart won't let me. I'm too stubborn for it, so everyone keeps saying. As a teenager I was a sweet girl, I was kind, I was caring. I used to giggle and laugh like any other girl my age, now I shun the thought."

"Hm," Spankie pondered. "Why is that?"

"Huh?"

"Why do you think you shut yourself off like you do? Is there something you're afraid of."

It was a question Amelia had asked herself many times, she had no clear answer to it. "Desertion, perhaps."

"Desertion? Well who's gonna desert ya? I sure ain't."

Amelia exhaled a tiny laugh. "Thanks, Spankie."

"But who? Why are you afraid of desertion? And why is it stopping you from being your authentic self?"

A knock on the door forced Amelia out of her curled up position.

"Come in!" She responded, her voice restored to its full self. She didn't know who she expected, but it wasn't Jon. She rose immediately upon instinct.

Why, he should be in bed still. He should be resting.

He looked no less gaunt than the previous night, certainly not a sight for sore eyes. In fact, in proper daylight his eyes looked even more sunken in. He hobbled like an odd sort of cripple in need of a stick.

"What are you doing up?" She demanded. "You're supposed to be resting."

"I wanted to see you," he replied, blue eyes flickering awkwardly to his wardrobe manager behind them. "And thank you," he added quietly.

Amelia was surprised by the improvement in his voice over just one night, the hoarse rasp that had previously resonated in his throat seemed to be mostly gone.

"Well, there's no need to thank me. It's what anyone would've done."

Amelia knew Jon well enough to read even the most minuscule twitches of his features. No, they wouldn't, spoke the small flicker of his eyes. She had looked after him akin to a lover last night, and she well knew it.

"You were up all night," he said. "You should be restin' too."

Amelia uttered a small dismissal. "I'm fine."

The purpling skin around her eyes told another tale.

Spankie had gone back outside to retrieve her unfinished breakfast plate. Jon took that as an opportunity to speak quietly to Amelia.

"Have you eaten? We could go get coffee and breakfast if you want?"

"I just had breakfast."

"Listen.. about last night. Can we talk?" His chin dipped. In the lighting she could see the small cleft of his chin, she'd always thought it was a very attractive addition to his face. "Properly."

Spankie returned, her gaze flickering between the both of them and their close proximity.

"Not now, Jon," Amelia cast her gaze to the side.

"Walk with me later," he offered.

"You shouldn't be walking at all. Perhaps another time."

Jon pursed his lips. And there went his foolish hopes that last night had changed something in her. How had he allowed himself to become that hopeful agai? She shot him down every single time. He felt bitterness swamp his emotions.

"You promised we'd talk."

"I didn't promise anything. I said perhaps another time, you should be in bed."

He rolled his eyes. So cold all of a sudden! David had been right to warn him about her, to try and dissuade him from getting his hopes up. "I'm fine."

"You don't look as though you're fine." Amelia turned to Spankie. "Spankie, does he look fine to you?"

The woman blanked, pausing with a piece of toast in her mouth. "Hey, I'm stayin' out of whatever this is."

Although, Spankie had to admit that her boss didn't look half his usual enchanting self.

"Fine," Jon nodded awkwardly. "I'll see you both around."

He gave both girls a tight smile before departing. His eyes lingered a moment on Amelia, absent of their usual tenderness.

He was growing tired of her antics. She was running out of time to decide what she wanted.

"What was that about?" Spankie laughed.

Amelia sat back on the bed. "I don't know."

"Hey, you two got pretty good chemistry ya know. I think he's got a little soft spot for you."

Amelia sucked on her lip, a little soft spot might've been an understatement.

"You think?"

"Oh, sure. I've always thought so, there's a little somethin' in his eye every time he looks at you. Plus he's always after you, always wanting to know if you're alright."

"He is?"

"Oh yeah."

Amelia sunk back in guilt. Oh, she was totally overwhelmed. Why did her head and her heart always have to be moving in two different directions? She had her father's head and her mother's heart, both with equal faults.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Sure there is. You look like you might cry."

Amelia cursed her brother. She knew it was wrong to curse him, after all he was a good man at heart, but she couldn't help it. Why, what sort of cruel twist of fate had ensured that of all the guitarists in the world, her own brother had weaved his way into the employment of her ex-boyfriend. And what if it were any other man? Then Jon would have returned to her after the first tour and all could be well.

If she dared give Jon a chance then she turned her back on her brother and the rest of her kin. And Jon himself was dangerous, she might have trusted him once upon a time but things were different, he had changed. He was a rockstar, he had all the women he could possibly dream of, Amelia was sure she'd soon be left behind.

But the one person she didn't want to be left behind by was Spankie. She could live without men and their fickle minds, but she needed her girl friend. And the most important foundation in a friendship was honesty, something she hadn't been very good at when it came to Spankie.

That needed to be remedied, better sooner than later.

"Spankie... I haven't been completely honest with you. In fact, I've been entirely dishonest."

Borderline deceptive.

Spankie cocked her head to the side. "What are you talkin' about?"

"I've lied to you about my past."

Her breathing was entirely uneven, her tone laced with uncertainty and hesitance.

"Your past? What, about your father? Your religious upbringing?"

"No, not at all. About Mark."

"Mark, your ex-boyfriend? The rockstar?" She gave a little waggle of the brows.

"Yes, him."

"Well, what is it?"

Amelia took a panicked breath.

"You can't tell anybody, alright, promise me."

"Of course, nothin' leaves this room."

"Not to anybody. The only person that knows is David, you can't even tell Richie. Especially not Richie, okay?"

"Amelia I'm not gonna tell anyone, now what is it?"

"Well, Mark wasn't Mark at all. He was Jon, Jon was my boyfriend of four and a half years."

Amelia almost passed out from the immense relief that sentence brought her. She hadn't realized how anxious she'd been feeling bottling everything up, especially with the eventual fear of all being revealed to her brother.

But at the same time, she felt like she'd just dropped a bomb.

"Jon?" Spankie blinked. "You mean Jon Jon?"

"Yes, Jon," Amelia confirmed gravely. "Jon was my boyfriend."

Spankie's silence was worrying to Amelia. Was she being judged? Or perhaps Spankie was fuming that she'd concealed the truth from her for so long- actively lied to her in fact.

"I don't know what to say."

"Say something. I beg you."

Spankie ran a hand through her bushy, layered locks. "What do you want me to say? How is that possible, I don't understand."

"Say anything, say you aren't angry at me."

"Why would I be angry?"

"Because I lied to you."

Spankie remained quiet for a moment.

"So long as you explain to me why you lied to me, then I won't be angry."

Amelia brought her knees to her chest and shuffled back to the headboard. "I lied because I was scared. Not because I didn't trust you, but because I was scared that if I admitted it all aloud then I'd experience the emotions all over again. I'd tried to bury it all, you see. I wanted to forget."

Spankie seemed at least somewhat satisfied with the response. She wasn't angry, at least.

"I still don't understand."

"No, there's a lot."

Spankie sat up straight and cross-legged. "Okay," she said. "Well, tell me. It looks to me you're desperate to get it off your chest."

"I think I am," Amelia laughed a little. She could hardly breathe, she had no idea how she'd allowed herself to become so stressed.

Spankie shuffled closed to Amelia and hooked an arm around her, pulling the smaller girl closer. "C'mere." She held the girl with the love of a sister, something which Amelia had always wished she'd possessed. "It's alright to cry, you know? It's only me. Everyone needs a good cry every once in a while."

Amelia already felt tears pricking at her eyes as she nodded. Usually she was able to control her emotions, or at least bury them for a later date. Now it seemed as though everything was spilling out at the seams; the tears that trickled down her cheeks were uncontrollable.

Amelia was soon reminded of the reasons she hated crying. It was so embarrassing, not to mention unflattering! Who desired to be red as a tomato? Nevermind the trickling tears and oozing snot.

But Spankie didn't judge her, not for a moment. She held her tight and close as she sniffled and hiccuped.

"I really loved him, you know?" She wept. Of the five stages of grief, Amelia found herself as deep in the depression as she possibly could be. For years she'd forced herself into acceptance, blocked out any natural grief and heartbreak. Now she was realizing how badly she'd fucked up.

Spankie comforted her softly. It was slightly infantalising to have somebody wipe her tears and brush her hair from her wet cheeks, but Amelia needed it.

"Calm down," she cooed. "Why don't you tell me what happened, hm? From the beginning."

Amelia sniffled and sat up straight again. "We really did meet at school," she explained, wiping her sweater beneath her nose. "He really was this rockstar, as I'm sure you can imagine."

"Oh yeah. Long hair and sunglasses, right?" Spankie smiled.

"Right," Amelia laughed. "He was everything I could've dreamed of in a man. I thought boys were all slimeballs at the time, I'd been told that there was a decline in good Christian men, and that all boys wanted was sex. But Jon wasn't like that, he was so kind, and so interested in me! I mean, you can imagine that he was never at all enthused by reading classical literature or studying French and other European languages, but he always wanted to learn more about them through me. He really cared about what I liked, and we must've dated for months before we had sex. We went on countless dates where I watched him play in the clubs, or to restaurants, or one time he even took me to a bookstore for my birthday and ended up carrying a stack of books home for me."

Spankie beamed a fully-fledged smile. So, he certainly had more than a little soft spot for her.

"And he took me on this crazy romantic date the night we first had sex together."

"Ooh, spill, spill," Spankie demanded. Amelia slapped her arm playfully.

"He took me to a restaurant on his motorcycle."

"Oh, how romantic."

"Shut up. It was! He bought us this expensive bottle of wine even though he'd hardly a dime to his name, and he insisted he pay the full fee of the motel even though I think it bankrupted him."

By now Amelia's tears had simmered. It was refreshing to speak on such matters, she'd forgotten just how fond the memories were.

"And? Tell me what your first time was like."

"It was perfect, I wouldn't have changed a thing. I mean, it was weird and a little awkward. I was terrified, but so was he apparently. I had no idea he was a virgin-"

"What?" Spankie just about launched through the ceiling. "What? Virgin? What do you mean?"

"We were both virgins," Amelia frowned.

"What? Amelia, do you know what that means? You took Jon Bon Jovi's virginity."

"Keep your voice down, will you?" She laughed. "Yes, I'm well aware of that."

"My god, I don't believe it. You're basically a celebrity now."

"Oh stop," she laughed. "It isn't a trophy."

"Sure it is. Do you even know who you're talkin' about? He mighta been your humble boyfriend once but he's the biggest rockstar in the world now, people would die to be in your position."

Amelia sighed. The fact that it was true was mind boggling to her.

"Anyway, what was it like? You've gotta tell me."

"I'm not in the mood to divulge such private matters," Amelia closed her eyes and turned her head playfully.

"Out with it, Amelia. You don't get to keep that kinda information secret."

Amelia kept her lips tight shut for a moment. She debated it - not only was it private, but it was embarrassing to say out loud.

"It was wonderful," she admitted. "I still remember every moment. We got over the awkwardness fairly promptly, and after a brief but horrific moment of pain upon first-insertion, it was perfect."

"How many months did it take him to first make you cum?" Spankie giggled. "I'll tell ya, men are awful at it! They couldn't find a clitoiris if their life depended on it, not if it was staring them directly in the face! I mean by God, it's right there, sometimes I think the males of our species were put there purely to look pretty because lemme tell ya, their brains aren't programmed for much else."

Amelia giggled at what seemed to be a moment of extreme frustration for Spankie.

"He made me orgasm on our first time."

The word orgasm was still somewhat shameful for Amelia. She was trying to get rid of all that old catholic shame, she didn't think people should be ashamed of their sexualities, nevermind normal bodily functions and body parts.

She was never beating those 'prude' allegations.

Spankie's mouth had fallen agape. "No he did not. Don't lie to me, Sambora."

"I'm not, I'm promise," she giggled.

"But how? With his dick? It can't have been that big."

"No, it wasn't. I mean yes- no, no- it is big, but.."

Amelia trailed off in embarrassment.

"His dick size is none of your concern," she said politely with a smirk. "That being said, it is perfectly adequate, shall we say."

"Whatever that means," Spankie mumbled. "Adequate could be anywhere from three inches to eight! Anything's adequate if you know how to use it, trouble is hardly any of 'em do."

"Well, he did."

"Yeah," she scoffed. "He musta if he made you cum on your first time. Are you sure you came?"

"Perfectly sure. But as I was trying to say, he didn't make me climax with his dick. He went down on me."

Spankie's jaw once again unhinged. "On your first time??" She almost fainted. "What the heck typa men have I been gettin' with?"

"Yes. It was certainly surprising. I think I came within seconds."

"God, I gotta get myself a man like him!" She exclaimed. "Trouble is, where? Hey- he's got brothers, right? You think they'd be anythin' like him?"

"Oh, don't make me think about that," Amelia shivered. "Anthony and Matthew were like my little brothers. I saw them all the time, and Matty was just a kid when I knew him."

"Oh shit, of course you knew 'em, you were with him for four years. You knew his whole family?"

"Yes, I did. I loved them very much. His parents always treated me like a daughter."

"Well, you'd be glad to have a woman around after raising three boys, right?"

"I'm sure."

"I don't understand," Spankie frowned. "If you two were together for so long, so serious, then how did Richie not know? Or your parents?"

"We were careful," Amelia sighed. "Richie wasn't quite so ignorant, he had an idea I was dating someone, I told him he was called 'Mark'. I used to be fairly social so I'd pretend to go study at friend's houses when really I was seeing Jon."

"And getting railed by him?"

"Sometimes," she blushed. "But often I spent time with his family. We all got along wonderfully, especially his mother and I. She was very encouraging of me and my studies, Carol was always fond of classical literature."

"Didn't your parents suspect?"

"I don't know, I wasn't close with them at that point. I even ran away once or twice. The first time was a whole ordeal, but after that they came to expect that sometimes I'd be staying at a 'friends house' for days without warning."

"Surely they knew."

"I'm sure they did," Amelia conceded. "But the point is that they never knew it was Jon, only some mysterious man named Mark."

"But you lived like that for four years?"

"Yes. It was torturous. Sneaking around like that was exhausting. I felt so torn between what was right, I loved Jon but I felt I owed more to my family than lies."

"You don't owe them anything, Amelia. Parents should love their kids no matter what, no matter who they love."

"Well, that's how I always saw it," Amelia muttered. "Jon and I often spoke of kids, I think he was even keener than I. I was always a little afraid, I love my parents but I never want to become them. I want my children to have freedom in religion and those they choose to love, even nowadays I'm still working through all of this catholic guilt, I'd never want to pass it onto a child."

"You'd be a great Mom, Amelia. And Jon as a Dad? Well.. it's an interesting image, but I know that he'd love the kid."

"He'd be a great father," Amelia laughed. "You should've seen him with his little brother when he was younger. He's great with kids, it was adorable."

Amelia trailed off a little. She realized how quickly she'd begun to fall back into an old mindset.

"I still don't believe it," Spankie laughed. "All this time we've spoke about Jon, and you had all this history? I mean, you wanted kids together!"

"I know. It's been strange."

"What happened with the tour?"

"Well, he left," she put bluntly. "I was so hurt and angry at first, even if I understood it. I never wanted to hold him back but I couldn't come to terms with the fact he was leaving, I entered a deep depression."

"I can imagine," Spankie said softly.

"He made me promise I'd wait for him."

"And did you?"

"I promised him, yes. And I waited, only I never heard a call from him. I would've worried for his life weren't it for Richie and seeing him on television. He didn't call me, not once."

"What?" Spankie gasped.

"I know. I couldn't understand it, we 'parted' on such great terms, and it was so unexpected. When I first received a call from Japan I expected it to be from Jon, not my brother."

"And how the heck did Richie end up with him? God, there's so much!"

"I don't know why Jon hired Richie, I never asked him. I can only assume it's because of how good of a guitarist he is, as you can imagine Jon hated Richie even if he'd never met him."

"I don't blame him."

"Richie told me he practically demanded a spot in Jon's band. I still don't understand how he got it, but here we are."

"He's a fuckin' asshole for not callin' you outta nowhere. The gall!"

"I just wish I understood," Amelia sighed. "I was so heartbroken when he left but I never expected radio silence from him. I think that's why I packed my bags and moved for England, I needed to be away from Jersey for a while."

"You've got a good deal more restraint than I could ever have," Spankie huffed. "The minute I got back I woulda cut his balls off! What sorta man makes you promise you'll wait for him then cuts contact?"

"Well, I had certainly considered castration," Amelia muttered wearily. "But I don't want you to get the wrong picture. He's a good man, a great man even. He treated me like a Princess every day, he never grew angry nor cold with me. Even during our worst arguments, usually pertaining to my parents or the secrecy of our whole ordeal, he was kind and rational. He never yelled, never insulted, and even in my most stubborn moments he never lost his temper."

Spankie's relationship with Jon had been very similar. He wasn't one to yell, nevermind resort to any sort of violence.

"I just don't understand what went through his head on that first tour. Why didn't he want to call me? Didn't he love me anymore?"

Amelia had bared that insecurity for the first time aloud. It'd eaten her up for years, she'd wondered if maybe he enjoyed the touring life a little too much, if he no longer wished to return to her. She imagined he'd become a hit with many of the groupies in Japan, what with his boyish charm and handsome features.

"I'm sure it's nothing of the sort," Spankie soothed. "From what you tell me, it sounds like he loved you a heck of a lot. I'm sure the pair of you could do with a good talk. You need to confront him about it, the longer you leave it the worse it'll get."

"I can't talk to him," she whispered meekly, cowering away beneath the covers. "Believe me I've tried. I just can't bring myself to acknowledge it all, I'm scared that..."

"Scared that what?"

"I don't know."

"That you'll fall in love with him again?"

Amelia's silence spoke a thousand words.

"Would that be so terrible?" Spankie asked with a teasing undertone.

"You don't understand, Spankie. It's too nuanced, there's so much you don't know, too much to explain."

"But you can't escape talking to him."

"You might be right."

"But what's the worst scenario, Amelia? That you start to fall for him again? So what? He's a nice man, he's handsome, he'd look after you. I'm sure your brother would come round to the idea eventually, you're all older now."

Amelia didn't bother to voice her concerns on the matter. It was evident Spankie didn't know Richie like she did.

"The worst case scenario is that I fall for him again only to find that the wealth and fame have gone to his head. If he were to leave me again I'd be crushed, if he were to betray me with another woman, a groupie, then I could never love again. Him leaving me the first time was enough to force me from the country, I can't go through it again."

"And that's why you need to talk to him. You'll never know what's going on in his head of you don't try to. For what it's worth, I've worked with him only a few months before you came back, I've always found him to be humble and genuine."

"I'm too scared, Spankie. It's all too much pressure, my family would never approve of such a match even if they've become fond of Jon. I can't put myself at risk again, if it doesn't work out then I'll have lost Richie and my parents for nothing."

"You're looking too far into it, Mills. You haven't lost anyone, and nor will you. Richie loves you more than anything in the world, he couldn't turn his back on you."

"You'd be surprised."

"Well, you won't lose me." Spankie drew Amelia in for another embrace. "I think you should talk to him, be upfront and honest with him. It's clear that he likes you, and it's clear that you at least like him too."

"Do I?"

"Sure you do," Spankie teased. "You speak so fondly of him, and you always blush when you're near him. I thought you were just shy in general but now I know why."

"I don't blush near him."

"Oh, you do. You go red as a fire truck."

That was mortifying imagery, she thought she'd gotten her blushing in check as of recent.

"I do?"

"Uhuh. And stutter."

"Oh goodness," she sighed. She could only have imagined how much she blushed last night.

"Everything makes so much more sense now. Jon used to have groupies with him all the time, I mean he was never like the other guys but he sure indulged in them. Ever since you came back he hasn't been with them at all, I thought maybe it was because he felt bad about that Patty girl."

"Did he have a lot of groupies."

Spankie giggled and flicked at her friend's nose.

"Sure he did, honey, he's a hunk!"

Amelia worried at her lower lip. She'd never been a jealous soul, persay, but she'd remembered how seeing Patty perched in his lap had ignited bitter feelings within. Imagining that on a larger scale was unbearable.

"But for what it's worth, it's obvious he likes you."

Amelia quirked a brow. "If it's so obvious then how come you never mentioned it?"

"You both seemed so intense around each other, I didn't dare suggest anything. You can be quite vicious, Amelia."

My little viper, Jon had sometimes called her in jest, though not devoid of affection. He'd always admired the way in which she stood up for herself, even when he was on the recieving end of her wrath.

If anybody catcalled Amelia Sambora on the street they'd be sure to never do it again. Jon had witnessed her spit her venom at many a men that'd taken their shot, even when Jon held her hand. She had an ability so silence people like no other, more specifically men.

"Do you love him?" Spankie shuffled so she was forward facing Amelia.

How could she answer that? It was a question that'd kept her awake for months and she still had no solution to it.

"I do love him," she started slowly, "One doesn't stop loving someone like him, not when the greater years of my life were spent at his side. But the way I love him has changed, I buried all my romantic attachments long ago. Now I have a deep platonic affection for him."

Last night she'd told Jon she loved him no more than a sister loved her brother. It was cold and no doubt cruel, but in truth it wasn't entirely wrong. Amelia's love for him was no longer lust-filled like it used to be, rather she felt protective over him now. Especially as she witnessed him sell his body and soul to touring.

But she'd be lying if she said she didn't have the occasional urge to break all conventionality and lean forward to kiss him. Sometimes as he spoke he grew so concentrated, he'd lick his lips to wet them after talking so much, he always looked so kissable!

For a male he had such oddly beautiful lips. A delicate Cupid's bow arched to perfection, and his lower lip had such an even plump to it, not to mention the sweet pink color than fluctuated with the temperature.

Oh she was like a teenage girl around him, mentally of course. She supposed her love for him was hardly sisterly at all, of course it wasn't, the pair had been almost married. She couldn't fool even Spankie.

"You, my friend, are still head over heels for him. At least admit you want to fuck him."

"Spankie, we did not fuck. Haven't you learned anything from Jon's songs? He's a romantic, he only makes love. He's a Romeo, in fact when we spoke of having children he told me that's what he wanted to name our hypothetical son."

"Romeo?" She sputtered. "Don't you dare call my possible nephew Romeo. You can't do it to the poor kid!"

"First of all, I'm not having a baby, nevermind with Jon. Secondly, after studying Romeo and Juliet so extensively in school I can promise no son of mine is becoming it's namesake."

Romeo Montague was an idiot anyway. A fickle, foolish idiot.

Spankie was smiling at her, beaming actually. "Oh, Amelia," she hugged the girl tightly, "Tell me you'll speak with him? Promise me you won't deny yourself this, I know you care about him."

Amelia took a deep breath. At what point did her stubbornness actively harm her? This was surely it, right?

She should've told Spankie all of this sooner, she was realizing all she'd really needed was for somebody to give her a gentle nudge in the right direction.

"I'll talk with him," she felt a smile creep across her face, "But no promises."

So that was that. In five short minutes, Amelia had discarded all the work she'd put in during the past few years to move on. She'd made the decision, with a little help, that she was going to give him a chance to explain his plans for going forward if he indeed wanted a relationship with her.

Amelia didn't speak with him that day, she was far too exhausted both mentally and physically, not to mention she feared her excitement was clouding her judgement. She woke up much clearer the next day, ready and rearing to single Jon out for a quiet conversation.

Only she didn't see him at all that day. She'd forgotten it was travelling day, she received a knock on her door at ten o'clock sharp telling her to prepare to leave. Travelling was always hectic with so many people, she only ever caught glimpses of Jon on the plane and buses, usually he was surrounded with members of the crew. Each time he caught her eye he gave her a stale smile, his lips turning thin.

It made her heart sink a little deeper each time, she hadn't realized how much his little smile and awkward waves had meant to her. She couldn't imagine how it must've felt for him all these months. Sure, they got along fine, but any time he tried to allude to the past in any capacity she shrunk inwards for days on end. She never gave him affectionate smiles, nor little jolly waves.

She had to correct all that she'd done wrong in the past few months, and sooner rather than later.

†††

Hellooo 👋👋 hope you're all still here after the long ass almost-month long wait (very sorry). 😭 I got sick and completely overrun with school work.

Buuut I'm so excited to write next chapter, so no promises but I'm sure it'll be up pretty soon!

I also feel bad about publishing one because the wait's been so long and this one is just meh, but it had to happen. Sorry for the lack of Jon-Amelia interaction, I promise I'm about to make up for it 😋

Let me know your thoughts as always! Hope you enjoyed 💗