Sometimes remembering hurts too much.

                        ~ Jess Rothenberg~

                                  Mia

There was a song I heard in a small cafe in London the day I flew from Rome. I can still remember it. A man was singing about how he spent almost two decades in prison for being an accomplice of a crime that was never supposed to happen. It was an accident, he sings. He regrets a life of defiance, but the saddest part of this song is when he sings of a teenage-hood he would never get back, the memories he will never have of his first love, the walks on the beach and the rides on his motorbike with the wind on her hair. It was a sad song, one that brought me to the day I thought my life as I knew it would end when I was nineteen. But lucky for me, a stranger helped me escape. I still have nightmares, but almost always, they end with the voice of the stranger shouting for me to run.

"I can't leave you behind," I shout back.

"Yes, you can" He shouts again. His thighs are bleeding profusely. He was seated on a tree truck rummaging through his bag for something; then I saw him pull up a bottle of alcohol which he opened and poured it all over his leg. I knew he was in pain by how he clenched his teeth together.

"Please tell me what I can do." I pleaded while I hovered over him. The smell of alcohol did not conceal his cologne. He smelled nice, and I knew I would never forget it.

"Go!" He repeated.

"I can't just leave you bleeding like this, you can lean on me, and we could escape together."

He chuckled, then looked at me, his eyes intense with something I didn't understand.

"If they catch you, you won't last a year. Your naivety, your innocence, and your kindness will tear you apart. These men inhabit a world that knows no kindness; innocence is something some of them never had. You need to run and hide." It was the way he said it that made me realize that he meant it. He was okay with me, leaving him behind.

"Trust me, if they catch me, the least they can do is torture me."

"How do you know they won't kill you?"

"They can beat me to the verge of death, but won't kill me."

"How sure are you?" I asked again. My whole body shook, even my voice.

"You don't need to know that." He said with a finality that stopped me from asking any other questing. I blinked away, looking around where we were, him still seated on a tree trunk while I still stood. To be honest, I wanted to sit too, but I held myself back.

"You will need this." I turned my face to find him handing me an envelope. "There is enough money there to take care of you for a long time." I hesitated to take it, my face confused. Why would a stranger help me?

"Why are you helping me?"

"I don't know. ...Call me your fairy godmother" He laughed then, one of those laughs that are devoid of humor. Somehow, even in such a situation, I wanted to see him laugh, a genuine laugh because I was sure if he did, the sound would be beautiful.

I hesitated again, and this made him angry. "Little girl, you have two choices, accept my help or go back to Stefano. I will give you five seconds to make your choice" Under any other circumstances, this would have made me scoff, but then again, I couldn't imagine anyone scoffing at this man, nor was I in a position to decline his help. I held out my hand as fast as I could.

As soon as I did, he placed it on my palm. It was a big envelope which I knew contained more than money. "There are passports inside," he said nonchalantly.

"Passports?" It was more of a statement than a question. Now I was more than confused; I was curious as well.

I pulled out one of the passports, my face was on it, but the name was foreign.

"There are two passports and two tickets. Each passport has a different name. Your first flight is to Rome, stay in the country for about three days then fly to London and from there you will need to take care of yourself. Can you do that?" The man spoke like he was speaking of an inconsequential thing. This was my life. I was flying to countries I knew nothing about, and he expected me just to nod and agree, and that is what I did. What other choice did I have?

"Yes," I said, staring at the passports and the tickets.

"Don't stay in big hotels, stay in hostels or bed and breakfast. Don't make friends in Rome, but don't stand out either. Don't make it obvious that you're hiding. This is very important. Do you understand that?"

I nodded again. I felt like I had lived a century. I was tired and afraid of the unknown. I looked at him, his thighs, which was now tightly tied in a piece of his shirt. This man who had saved me, I knew I might never see him again, but I also knew I would always remember him.

"Now run?"

"I will, but can you tell me your name?" I asked in a small voice, almost like a whisper.

He shook his head. Somehow, I knew he wouldn't tell me, but I felt like I needed to ask.

"What about the scar on your face, is it real?" Now he smiled, a small smile, a lovely one that reached his eyes, even in the dark I could see the humor in them and then he shook his head again.

"How did you know?"

"I am a sucker for details" I looked at him one more time before I made a small wave and said goodbye.

"Don't look back, run like you're running for your life because that is exactly what you're doing. Don't worry about me; I have survived much worse than this"

With that, I run and run and run until I couldn't. I was walking in darkness through this godforsaken land that looked like the devil frequently walked through just to take a breath of fresh air, and if he did, I didn't want to come face to face with him.

The first sign of life I saw was a marked road, which meant I might hitch a ride, but then I remembered that was one of the things he forbade. I wasn't even supposed to walk through this road until I got to the city. Any car driving through might be Stefano's guys looking for me, so I dashed back to the woods and tried to stop thinking about him, but not before I made a small prayer.

God, I know we've had our differences, I know I haven't loved you enough, and if we are both honest, you haven't loved me enough either. But I will ask this small favor, in return, I will do one for you someday. Please, please, keep him alive and safe, and if possible, let me meet him again in the future. And if I do meet him in the future, it will be a sign that I owe you one.