I had never been to a funeral and from what Amanda explained to me, this ceremony was the Wolf way of saying goodbye. With a few adjustments because the entire camp was here. Humans and most of them didn't know about the choices they would have to make if they choose to become a shifter. A wolf shifter. The campers were told this fire was to celebrate my aunt's life, which was true but it was also the Wolf way of showing the spirit its way back home. I wasn't convinced on the latter but who was I to pick apart a lifetime ceremony.

Everyone surrounded the fire, soft murmurs drowned out the crackle of the 5-foot fire. There was no excitement in anyone's faces. Only respect and sorrow for my aunt and for those who knew her. Even the ridiculous rumours seemed to stop. Thank the heavens my uncle did not hear any of those. He didn't need anything else to deal with right now.

C.J. was at my side where he had been all day and Grayson stood on the other. It was the first time I saw him since I left him on the beach. I know I should not still be mad at him, especially at a time like this but I couldn't help not to be upset with him. I know I was not his first girlfriend, well didn't know but I assumed very strongly that I wasn't. You didn't see me getting my panties in a bunch over who he dated before me.

I kept my arms crossed under my boobs for two reasons: one, so I wouldn't have to hold his hand and the second, it gave me the false sense of security. The tighter I held myself together the less chance of falling apart. That's what I kept on telling myself anyways.

Uncle Adam cleared his throat and silence fell among us all. "First, I would like to thank all of you for showing your respect to an amazing women. Myself and the others that knew Grace appreciate it greatly. As you all know this gathering is to celebrate her life not to mourn her death and to give our final goodbyes at the end.

"How this works, for most of you that do not know, is the ones that knew her will each share one of their happiest memories with the rest of us. Once that is done those people will then say their goodbyes. After all that is done we celebrate with enjoying the rest of the night in laughter and showing love for one another."

That earned some giggles and even some of the adults were fighting back smiles. One of the traditions that were normally done would not be tonight. As I had been told shifters are very comfortable being naked. So during the ceremony they all would be naked or in their wolf form. That was one that I was grateful that I did not have to witness. And the celebration after they did indeed showed their love with each other. Did I say how much I am grateful that I do not see that version?

Raising his hand everyone quieted down. "I don't really have any stories to tell about Grace. I had just had the pleasure of meeting her very recently, but what I had seen was an amazing person. Her heart was probably the biggest I have ever seen in anyone. The love she had to offer and give was astonishing. And from the stories I have heard about her I wish I would have had the opportunity to get to know her better." Uncle Adam said.

It was a lie, he did know her but the decision to keep up the facade was made for my safety and others. So the things that should have been said, wanted to be said, could not be said. Once the camp was done there would be another ceremony if Uncle John wanted one where everyone who knew and loved Aunt Grace could participate. I had drifted off a bit, my own memories circling when Uncle Adam seemed to have called out my name more than once.

I really didn't want to do this. I was keeping it together so far but talking about my aunt out loud was a different story. I still wasn't completely convinced that my Uncle John still didn't blame me in some way. Looking at Uncle Adam he nodded for me to go on and then glancing at Uncle John, he was staring into the fire. The light of the flames enhanced the lifeless look in his eyes and the dark circles underneath. His face was taut, not with anger but sorrow.

I had gone over and over what I was going to say but my mind went blank. I did not want to do this. I must have been silent too long because Uncle John turned slowly meeting my eyes. His eyes said it all, they pleaded with me to say something, pleaded with me to share with him how she touched my heart. Or maybe it was just my imagination, but it worked.

Taking a deep breath, straightening my shoulders I gazed into the dancing flames. Easier to stare into that than at anyone else. C.J. placed his arm around my waist giving me support to go on. The tension and anger I felt coming from Grayson was easy to ignore for once.

"As most of you know I have been in the foster care system for a long time. I was lucky enough to have amazing Rent-a-rents'...um I mean foster parents. Grace and John took me in this past year, they did everything foster parents do and more." Ok this was harder than I thought. Taking another deep breath I continued, "At first no matter how much I pushed and kept them at a distance Grace never gave up. Asking me everyday after school how my day was. Never pushing me to talk but was always there ready for me to open up. My biggest regret is that it took me too long to give in." The first tear slid down my face as I thought of all the regrets I had and there was no way of correcting them now.

C.J. pulled me in tighter up against his side giving me the strength to go on. "I can't remember what happened this one day but I wasn't really in the mood to talk to anyone. I just wanted to sit in my room and listen to music but Grace seemed to be able to read my moods before I walked into a room. Coming home ready to sneak off to my room, I saw that she had gone shopping and on the table was all the makings for homemade pizza. No matter what mood I was in I could never say no to that." I laughed thinking about all the times I came home and the dough was rising on the counter. We always prepared everything together while listening to my music and dancing around the kitchen. Every single time it helped. My bad mood vanished and we all sat in the living room watching a movie while eat.

Shaking myself I came back to reality. "Anyways after the pizza was in the oven Grace turned to me and said, "No matter what, you are family. I love you." The tears were coming faster now. "That house was the first house that felt like a home and she was the first person that I have ever wanted to call mom..." I really tried holding in the sob but I couldn't. This was supposed to be a celebration but to me it was a reminder of what I would never have again.

I was in Uncle John's arms before I knew it. His soft reassuring words did not help but made me cry harder. All I wanted to do was scream. "She thought of you as her daughter and I know with my whole heart she would have been honoured to be your mom," he whispered. Those words should have made it hurt more but they made it hurt a little less. She did love me, not that I had any doubt but it was still nice to be told. Pulling myself together I pulled out of my uncle's arms, making a big enough scene already, so the ceremony could continue.

Uncle John did a lot better job keeping it together than I did. He stayed at my side, my tiny hand in his larger one as he shared the story how he met my aunt. I have heard the story once before. I really did try to pay attention but I couldn't. Every time I did I started to cry again, so I held his hand showing my support while he also gave me his and let my mind go blank.

Time seemed to pass fairly quickly. There were a few others that spoke on behalf of my aunt and when they were done Uncle Adam walked around with a very pretty wood carved box. My eyes were still swimming with tears so I really couldn't make out the detail on the shoe box size carved wooden box. I think it was a wolf howling at the moon with others surrounding him. Inside the box was dirt that each of us who spoke took a handful.

"With this earth, bark, pine, and wildflowers that feed us, give us life, our freedom, and our security of home we share this with you. We show you eternal life. We show you the way home. We give you our love to take and hold with you. We say not goodbye but until our paths meet again," Uncle Adam said. "Until we meet again, Grace Sarah Andrews-Edison." He threw the handful of dirt into the fire.

Each person that spoke said their goodbyes than threw their dirt into the fire. C.J. nudged my arm telling me it was my turn. Taking a step closer the fire, I kept my voice down so only I could hear myself, well and the others that I knew would be able to hear me with their wolf hearing. "Goodbye Aunt Grace. You would have been a great mom. My mom...I am so sorry." I threw the dirt and made my stiff legs take a step back into C.J.'s arms. I so wanted to run, to run and just cry by myself but I couldn't. First of all, Uncle John needed to say his goodbye and the second, this was supposed to be a celebration not a selfish time for how I felt.

After Uncle John said his goodbyes we had a minute of silence, and just like the tearful goodbyes never happened the upbeat music filled the air, marshmallows were cooking on sticks, and drinks were being passed around while everyone giggled, chatted, and danced around. I knew this was going to happen and understood the "why's" to it all but I just couldn't take part in any of it. I was having problems just keeping my anger in check. I wanted to scream at them all to stop. This was not a joyous occasion.

"Hunter they all need this. I need this," Uncle John said from behind me making me jump. Damn wolf sense could feel everything. Now after a year of living with them I understood how Grace knew my mood sometimes before even I did.

The guilt knife just twisted deeper into my gut. "I'm sorry," I said full of shame. I did understand but it still wasn't easy for me.