!!!Trigger warning for Suicide and anger at the suicide victim as well as child abuse, and family dysfunction!!!

This is a headcanon of mine for what happened to Ben, so please don't be mean. I know it's not canon but it's my headcanon and I just started watching the shows.

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The kids of the Umbrella Academy had been referred to by number for the first six years of their lives.

On their sixth birthday, as a gift, they were allowed to pick their own first name.

One picked Luther.

Two picked Diego.

Three picked Allison.

Four picked Klaus.

Five declined.

Six picked Ben.

Seven picked Vanya.

Eight picked Peachy.

Ten picked Rori.

Eleven picked Phoenix and Nine?

Nine picked Hannah. 

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Before Hannah became Hannah, she was Nine. And Nine was a late bloomer.

A late bloomer who's power wasn't discovered until she was Five.

Turns out, she could scream super loud. Like, deafeningly... glass shatteringly  loud.

Which poor Seven discovered when she had accidently knocked her down the stairs.

Who would have thought?

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They were all trained hard throughout their childhood.

Well, everyone except Vanya because Vanya was ordinary.

Which basically meant there their father treated her worse than he did everyone else.

Which Hannah never really thought was fair.

But now? Now that everyone except for Vanya was getting matching tattoos on their wrists? She thought that it was even more unfair.

Though only Phoniex, Peachy, and Rori seemed to agree with her.

And only Phoniex was willing to fight with her against their father on the matter.

Something they both paid dearly for in training the next day.

It was then Hannah started to hate her father.

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"Okay! Time for bed now, kids. Come along now."

Hannah didn't budge as her siblings followed their mother's instructions. Only Allison and Phoenix stayed behind with her.

Hannah glared their father down, debating on whether or not screaming until he went deaf would be worth it or not.

Phoenix just stayed behind her, gripping her shirt. Not saying anything but Hannah could feel her glaring at him as well over her shoulder.

They only moved when Allison did.

And only because they didn't want to cause any trouble for their poor mother.

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Five disappeared when they were 13.

And it was the beginning of the end for their family.

None of them knew how to cope and their father couldn't care less. So someone else had to pick up the slack and help Pongo and their mother along.

So that's what Hannah did.

She stayed up for hours on empty running around and checking on the others.

She stopped eating and sleeping so she'd have more time to.

And at one point, she even stopped talking.

Peachy, Rori, and Phoenix were the only ones who noticed.

It took months for her to fix the others to the best of her ability and months for them to even notice that she was still broken.

It took even longer for them to fix it. 

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!!!Trigger warning for Suicide and anger at the suicide victim!!!

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Reginald was away when it happened. Away when a loud bang went off and away when Hannah slowly walked down the stairs. Covered in blood that wasn't hers.

She didn't move away from the stairs when she hit the bottom. And almost no one noticed.

Phoenix sat up, noticing that the footsteps had stopped and turned around to see why the newcomer hadn't sat down yet.

Her eyes widened ever so slightly when she noticed the state Hannah was in.

"Nine, are you alright?"

She hoped that the blood wasn't Hannah's... but she also hoped it wasn't Ben's.

But deep down, Phoenix knew who the blood belonged to. Because there was only one true option.

Ben had been bleeding when he used his powers lately and he'd been quieter. He had even talked about Five and hoping to see him again soon.

And Hannah had been sent to get him. And now she had returned empty handed and covered in blood.

Hannah didn't respond. Staring at the ground blankly.

Which finally drew the others' attention. Because at 16, it was nearly impossible to shut Number 9 up. Something their father complained about often.

And the only time she ever did shut up when something was wrong and considering that Hannah was covered in blood...

The tension in the air was thick as Grace ran passed her and up the stairs. And for a moment, no one spoke.

Diego was the first to break the silence.

"Who's blood is that?"

Again, the brunette said nothing.

Vanya, Peachy, and Allison stared at the brunette in shock, wondering who the blood belonged to. And what caused Grace to run like that.

Luther and Rori looked sick as Klaus spotted something or someone in the corner.

The ravenette stepped back, shaking his head. "No.. no, he.. you.. you didn't—"

Seeing Klaus's reaction was the thing that finally caused the pieces to come together in Phoenix's mind.

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes before speaking up "He started to fear himself and his powers, and killed himself didn't he?"

Hannah nodded as Klaus fell to his knees, both of them choking up.

Phoenix was the only one seemingly not surprised, ever since he'd started bleeding when he used his powers she had hoped this wouldn't happen. She'd even tried to figure out why he was starting to bleed to begin with. But hadn't been able to figure it out.

"I.. I tried to stop him. I don't even know where he got that gun from, I swear"

Phoenix did.

"The office. He must have got it from Father's office. He had a hand gun in there and he never locks the door"

Peachy was crying.

Allison was crying.

Everyone but Phoenix was crying.

Phoenix, on the other hand, merely felt numb and horrified that her worries had turned out to be true.

A part of her also felt angry.

Angry at their father for forcing Ben to use his powers to kill.

Angry at their father for not being there for them more.

Angry at herself for not saying anything.

But most of all she was angry at Ben for taking the easy way out and doing it in front of Hannah.

Especially since he knew how she'd take it.

They couldn't get Hannah to say anything more after that. 

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Klaus left not long after Ben died.

Vanya left a year later.

And then Allison.

When they were 19, things hit a breaking point.

Hannah had been a shell of her former self for 3 years at that point. Speaking only when spoken to. Barely eating and sleeping when they didn't have training or a mission.

Peachy was miserable, Phoenix was angry, and Rori was just tired.

And all of them were worried about Hannah. They knew if they didn't do something soon that they'd never get the old Hannah back.

So Peachy and Rori left to find an apartment for the four of them, leaving Phoenix to break the bad news to Luther and get their stuff ready.

And Phoenix, being Phoenix, was very blunt and straightforward about it. Though she did have the decency to wait until dinner, after their father's medication had knocked him out.

"The others and I are leaving and you should come with us"

Luther choked on his drink "what?!"

The younger girl rolled her eyes "You know I don't like repeating myself, Luth and I know that you heard me."

"You can't leave!"

"We can and are. With or without you" Phoenix responded shortly, narrowing her eyes at him as she sipped on her juice.

"Why?! Is it really that hard to stay and be a hero?!"

Phoenix's cup started to melt in her hand.

Her blood boiled.

And she lost it.

"Why?! WHY?! Are you really that fucking dense?!"

Luther jerked back, as if he'd been slapped. He opened his mouth to say something but the tiny red head didn't give him the chance.

"Father is fucking awful. He treats us like puppets and lackeys. He didn't even give us a break when Ben died or when Five disappeared. He hasn't gotten us grief counciling and still gives us inhuman punishments as if we were monsters. Hannah is slowly killing herself and he doesn't give a shit! Hell, he doesn't even call us by our chosen names. Just by the dumb number ones he gave us!"

Luther sunk down in his chair, wincing.

"So yeah. We're leaving cause believe or not, I actually care about my siblings and am not gonna stay in a place that is actively killing one of them. So either come with us or shut the fuck up and deal with it"

The blonde held his tongue, causing Phoenix to sigh as she stood up—causing her chair to fall back.

"Yeah, that's what I thought you'd do. But it was worth a try anyway"

Just then, their mother came down with Hannah and their things. Gently leading her by the arm as the brunette just stared off.

Phoenix went over to help and stiffened when their mother hugged them, rubbing their backs.

"Stay safe girls."

Hannah said nothing as usual.

So Phoenix had to once again speak for both of them.

She smiled softly at her, pulling away and taking Hannah's hand and their bags. "We will mom. We will"

And they left.

It was the last time any of them would see one another for a very long time.