Đọc truyện Borderline - chapter fifteen.

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chapter fifteen.

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So I'm sick???

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"I need you to leave", he said, and pushed something solid and little into my hand he was holding, not breaking eye contact with me, even as he lightly shoved me away, making me drop my arms against my sides heavily, and I was keenly aware of how his eyes held a kind of edge that cut right through my senses, and it stung.
Stung at the sound of his words and the meaning implied behind them and his prompt decision that maybe hadn't been prompt at all and was actually thought over all this time, and this incident was a trigger to that action and I had to face it now. But I didn't want to, never wanted to. So I had to brush it off, like always.

"N-No." My lips felt chapped and thin and weak and the desert in my throat had gotten drier and I cleared my throat, said "No, I won't. I will never. So s-stop trying to make me...stop telling me to leave when you know I won't, not in the way you want t..."

"Lance", he interrupted, his voice placid but his face the opposite. I could immediately see how his irises narrowed once again, and how every feature of his turned sharper. His fists clenched. "I'm asking you calmly now. Leave, before you'll really trigger me and I'll do something I'll regret." The fire cracked violently, and I wanted to tell it to shut up, to shut up for just a moment so i could hear my own thoughts but instead I yelled,

"NO, for the thousand time, NO! Just get that through your thick skull! I. won't. LEAVE!" It would be a miracle if I didn't break down and cry, right now, right in front of him, turn into a weeping mess and never get my point across, never making him understand. But would I prevail over him even if I didn't cry? Would he actually take his time to try and understand? "Because you know what will happen then? We will be separated enough for you to not being able to bear it anymore and you will come back, you will come back again and we'll make up again and promise to find a way to be able to secretly visit each other and then something like this will happen again and you will yell at me to leave again and then we're back at zero. It will turn into a never ending cycle of complications and I don't want that! So quit telling me to leave because I won't! Won't ever!"

I watched as his expression changed from different kinds of exasperation, how he muttered something under his breath in a rumbling tone, turning his head to the side and growling, showing up two very white and sharp fangs. He swore, and I know I had hit right in his heart, picked on the truth he wanted so bad to put kibosh on. I had managed to say just the right thing, and this was my little victory, but whether he would admit to it or not, that was another cup of tea.

"I know that's true...", he eventually said, and his voice was low and gravelly when he spoke, and he looked up at me with those catlike eyes from under his bangs and his chest heaved as if he was running while speaking. "I have a weak will, you know that. I say things I don't want to happen and it's only after that I realize that I can't stand it anymore and I'm always too weak to keep myself away from you and that's why we always end up like this..." He threw out his arms, as if to gesticulate around in the cave, to the little space between us. "...in this endless cycle of complications who neither of us wants but my wills are too poor to stop it." Now he looked up completely at me, determination in his stare. "That's why I need you to facilitate this for us. I need you to leave, because I wouldn't be able to live with myself if anything happened to you, would never forgive myself if anything happened to you."

My heart squeezed itself, and my chest tightened in a way that made my breath hollow, like my lungs had shrunken and couldn't carry all the oxygen properly anymore. I knew that it was unwise of me to let his words get to me, to affect me in any way possible, but could you blame me? I was just that patsy. No, not patsy, just that open for affection, and would take any I could get, taking it directly to my heart.

"So w-what..." I stuttered out, my voice brittle when I spoke. "You can get hurt but I can't? Do you think I will just willingly let that happen to you? We're both in this, and we should both be in equal risk. And besides, you should know that my will to stay is stronger this time. I won't facilitate anything for you, only try and make you come to your senses. A little milestone shouldn't have to tear us apart this quickly, not when we have just about started to work so hard to dodge all the problems reality has to offer us." It was hard to speak, when you both had a desert in your throat and a storm in your chest, waves of emotions rippling over the surface, on the brim of overflowing. "I won't let you give up this easily, won't let you just throw it all away and quit..."

I fell silent as soon as he flew towards me, closing that little space between us to grip my wrist, and I braced myself, waiting for some kind of impact, some kind of outbreak, but instead he just held it up there, up in front of his face, his teeth glistening in the light the fire was shedding.

"Lance, for God's sake!" he bellowed, and the smell of smoke hit my senses again. But I doubted it was from the fire he had put up in the cave; his eyes held a spark greater than any inferno possible, and I gulped. "None of that matters. What's the reason for me to not quit if it means you getting in trouble? To hell with being strong and not giving up! It means nothing to me if it puts your life at stake! It means nothing to me because I l...!" He cut himself mid sentence, the grip he had on my wrist hardening, but it didn't hurt, not like it was supposed to. He panted, like he was still running, and the smell of the smoke grew stronger, grew fierce, until it was the only thing I could smell, and it made my nose twitch.

"Keith", I whispered, my throat suddenly empty, my vocal chords frail, like they had been overused and I barely had a voice left to exploit. I hoped he could hear me still. "What...what is it you have been wanting to say... the thing...you were about to tell me on the call before you were cut off..." I paused, seeing how Keith's face twisted in frustration, turned away from me. "And...that time when we texted, and I fell asleep just as you were about to confess something... but you clearly deleted it afterwards. What...What was it you were going to say? Right now, too..."

I was ready for him to drop my arm, to shove me away again, screaming at me to leave, to follow fate's rules, but he did none of that, only clutching my wrist harder, muttering:

"It doesn't matter. It won't change the situation." I waited for him to say something more, to give me a more definite answer, but I shouldn't have expected more from him, considering how vague he always tended to be.

"What it t-that supposed to mean...?" I hated how my words always managed to crack in the middle, even when I felt so sure that they wouldn't.
And of course, Keith didn't answer my question, of course...

Instead he did something else, something that silenced everything inside me in a heartbeat, or even quicker than that. He unhurriedly pulled my wrist the last few inches towards his face, and I blinked, my palm suddenly cupping his cheek as he leaned his face into it, closing his eyes. My blood ran cold, but not from dread, more because my body didn't know how to operate anymore, and it didn't know how to keep my functions running properly anymore. The sound of the fire was only a distant crepitation in my ears at this point, and I watched as Keith nuzzled his nose into the lower part of my palm, inhaling softly through his nose, eyes still closed. My skin crackled, like the flame had somehow managed to reach my body and was now slithering all the way from my toes up to my face, painting it a bright red, and I was grateful that he couldn't see it. I could only stare as he respired in again, letting the air out right after, and it hit me in the smallest, but warmest puff against my skin, making my lips part for no reason at all.

"God", he whispered against my hand, the warmth making my skin prickle. "I'm going to miss you..."

Then he pulled his face away from my hand, opened his eyes, and the fire on my body made my skin bubble like heated water, made my irritation grow, rise high above us in a way that made it completely out of reach for me, increased my chance of having control over it. So I lost it, let my mouth open in this baffling moment to express my frustration when I were to actually just freak out over this whole situation.

"Oh my quiznack, Keith, I can't with you anymore! Like I said... I'm not quiznacking going any-quiznacking-where..."

"Check your device", he said, stepping away from me, releasing his hold on my wrist, letting my arm fall limp against my side. He glanced down at my hand, at the device I was totally forgetting I was holding in the first place. Then he looked up at me again, any hint of emotion suddenly completely concealed on his face. His voice was dark when he spoke again. "Might be in a pickle if you don't."

My lips was still separated, and my words hung unsaid in my mouth, but I did as I was told, like on pure instinct, lifting my hand to see that blinking white signal, and my finger absentmindedly pressed the button to open it, immediately pulling up a hologram of too many distressed messages from a very distressed Hunk, which read:

Device coded #5403 (Hank)

Hey, Lance, buddy, what happened?

Device coded #5403 (Hank)

Contacted you at varga 1845

Device coded #5403 (Hank)

Lance this isn't funny why aren't you answering???

Device coded #5403 (Hank)

Should I start to get worried? Okay say no more I'm getting worried