The only right answer has always been running. It's a reason I am so good at basketball is that I've been running away all the time. I guess I have some of those personality characteristics from my dad after all.

So I ran downstairs, hoping no one would be downstairs but I heard voices. Fuck, I can't talk to Mrs. Shumate. Not now. I left Anna in her room all alone and she is probably crying right now. "Ag?" It was Brandon. He smiled at me. "Hey, what's up Ag? You don't look so good and you have some wet patches around your eye area. Maybe some sunscreen or a new skincare routine? Anna says if you have watery areas you should clean them and look after them very well." I knelt down to Brandon and smiled. Fake or not, he deserves to get everything he will ever want in life. He was such an innocent and pure child that it hurt me.

"No Brandon, I am okay. Those are actual tears because I messed up with your sister. I am sorry, so so sorry that I can't be who she needs. I can't be the perfect wife." He looked at me skeptically. "You like her, right? So why not just try to get involved in a romantic relationship. You know Anna always says if you really want it, do it because life won't wait for you to be ready. You need to do it because that certain amount of time you are happy is much more meaningful than wondering and overthinking if someday somehow some light will brighten you."

More tears came rolling down my cheek. "Sometimes it is very difficult to know if it makes you actually happy or if you just try to satisfy the person you want to love with everything in your heart." I heard more steps coming our way. Mia, Lizzie, and Lena. Fuck. "Ag, wtf you made Anna cry her heart out. Why can't you just tell her how you feel?" This hurt. I didn't know Mia was this cruel after knowing all of my life. Then suddenly Lizzie came to me and guided me towards the chairs. I sat down and looked at Lizzie. 

"Why am I such a fuck-up, Liz? Why can't I just commit to someone? Why is this so hard?" I cried more and more. "Look sis, being this afraid has nothing to do with your ability to love. You just never met someone who told you that loving yourself often helps you love your partner more. You need to forgive yourself Ag, after so many years, forgive yourself that dad jumped. Forgive yourself that none of that was and still is your fault."

I heard the door opening and mum came inside. "Oh baby, it's okay to cry." She came rushing to me and cuddled me. She stroked my hair like old times when I was scared. "Ag, you are such an amazing almost woman now. I am so proud of you but like your sister said. You need to forgive yourself and love yourself in order to love others. I am sure Anna is willing to wait for you until you can give her the love you never gave yourself." I nodded and looked at her.

"Thank you, Liz and Mum. I think I need to take care of something." I stood up, being a little dizzy, and looked at Lena. "Whatever happened in that room. You both are just as scared as the other person. Talk to Anna. It's Anna, she will understand and do anything for you."

With this confidence, I went upstairs and knocked on the door of Annas' room where I heard sobs and a song playing. It was the best song ever. "Drivers license." "Who is ittt?" You could hear her holding in her sobs which broke my heart. "It's me, boon. Can I come in?" Then I had the best idea. I said exactly the words from that TikTok sound where they say "Please let me in and so on." I heard Anna giggling. "Just come in Ag, I know it's you." I opened the door. "How could you possibly think it's me?" We both giggled and enjoyed the moment while it lasted.

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Day of publishing: 1st of February 2021

Words: 712 words