In, out, in, out.

Cool beige metal rested on my palm, my fingers gripping the edge tightly. I stared into the darkened space, my books and binders lying haphazardly in a pile on the bottom.

You can do this, everything will be alright.

The locker closed, silver lock clicking into place. I turned around, my face half-hidden behind my hair. In, out, in, out, just breathe. My feet moved themselves automatically, my body weaving through the crowd.

My eyes widened.

I miss talking to you.

The girl with the curly dark hair passed me without so much as a glance, laughing and talking with her new best friend.

I took a deep breath, my steps faltering.

"Hi Alisa!"

My eyes darted to the side, a junior giving me a wave and a smile. Her sweatshirt donned the words Cross Country.

Hello - one word, two syllables. Just say it!

I averted my eyes, my head ducking low as I scurried away. The cafeteria was booming with chatter as I entered, accompanied by the crumple of paper and the clattering of trays.

I didn't look up as I sat down in my usual spot - already filled with the usual people.

"Hey Alisa, what's up?" he sat down next to me - someone who I talked to regularly.

I'm not okay. "Tired, as usual," I responded, a smile lifting my lips. It never reached my eyes. Help me.

"Me too." He launched into a story of what he had been up to this past weekend. I listened, nodding and laughing at the appropriate times. I even interjected a couple times, offering short opinions that left their meanings up for interpretation. He didn't notice what I was actually trying to say.

The bell rang. Chairs scraped against tiled floors, and people flooded the halls.

I was the last to leave the table, the rest of them long gone. 

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just a short excerpt i wrote for my writer's workshop class - for some reason, i just feel like this sums up the way i've been feeling the past few months, so i thought: why not post it on the internet for everyone to see? xD