School. 

A, A+, B, A-, C, C-, D, F

F

F

Simple letters. Simple symbols. Yet they are everything. They. Are. Everything.

"Just try your best and you'll be fine!" 

"Don't worry, you tried your hardest!" 

"It's the effort that counts!" 

But is it? 

Effort won't get me into college. Effort won't give me a steady job. Effort won't secure me a home for my future family. 

You know what will? 

Success. Money. Intelligence and confidence, feigned or not. 

Because that is how you get places, that's what gets you noticed in this generation of talents.

It's not enough to just be smart anymore. It's not enough to just be good at sports. 

You have to be the smartest. Work the hardest. Play the best and be the best. 

Community service. 

Clubs. 

I have to do them all, and win them all. Become the leader, the role model, whatever you want to call it. 

It's all they've ever told me; it's all I've ever known.

But now... 

Now I'm crashing. Breaking. Drowning in my own pool of sweat and tears. 

Eight hours a night dwindles down to seven. Then six. Then five, four, three, two...

And soon, I don't even remember what sleep is. What it felt like. All I know it as of now, is the time I could have spent studying. Should have spent studying.

But all this effort, all this time, does it get me anywhere? 

No. My grades continue to drop, my health becomes neglected, and soon I feel too weak to keep eating. My life is a routine, step by step, day by day, they all blur into one and the same. 

It's killing me, I know it. But I don't dare to stop. 

Because my entire life hinges on these last few years, the performance I put on, the grand finale of this horrible play.

It's what ensures my success, my wealth, my happiness. 

And I need that security. I just need to know I'll be okay; that I'll make it through this cruel world. 

But right now... I'm not okay. 

Inside I'm dying, every night spent crying, and what do I get out of it? 

Mediocre grades and an even more miserable existence. 

Is it worth it? 

What do I do? 

Clearly what I'm trying isn't working... so now I have to choose. 

One path - I continue on. I accept my fate. I resign myself to the life of misery, slaving myself away to appease the hopes of others, of the mindset society has set up for us. 

Another path - I end it all. Permanently. No more worries, no more tears, no more anguish. Just.. no more, please. 

The last path - A glimmer of light at the end of this dark tunnel. No more circles encasing my eyes, or rivulets flowing down my cheeks, maybe even... happiness? Is it possible? Is it too late to turn it all around? But at what cost? 

At what gains? Will I really be okay in the end? 

Three is the number of choices that appear, but I think the right choice is pretty. Damn. Clear. 

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so erm... yeah, this happened last night XD it's a half-poetic thingie because i was freaking out about the fact i had tests in nearly every subject today and i couldn't study because being sick is a bitch. nonetheless i owned up to my faults and took all my tests, because -even in my stress induced haze- i was right. why should i care? they're just letters, and i shouldn't let one or two grades kill myself. cause if i kill myself now slaving over perfecting them, then there is no future; at least not one that i'll be happy in. i think i need to just learn to forget and move on because that's what life's all about