feelin a little emotional, so i wrote this lil thing 

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My heart throbbed in my chest.

I couldn't stop the steady thump-thump as it grew ever faster the longer I stared into those blue, blue eyes. The eyes that always seemed to sparkle and shine.

But now, as the waves rolled through her ocean eyes, the water threatened to spill over.

She bit her lip – the bright red a stark contrast against her pale complexion. The complexion that seemed to bloom with color with every passing second.

"I... I don't understand," she whispered, voice hardly heard over the rustling of leaves in the breeze. A few managed to break free from their branch's grasp, fluttering around us in their orange-gold glory. The cold nipped at my nose, and I shoved my hands deeper into the pockets of my jeans.

My eyes began to burn. I knew what had to be said. I knew it was better this way.

But when I opened my mouth, the words got stuck in my throat. They stubbornly clung to my vocal cords, holding on with all their might. I had to cough, somewhat violently, to dislodge them. It left my throat feeling raw.

"I don't love you. I never did."

And suddenly the ocean was a river, dragged by gravity across the smooth expanse of her cheek, before falling off the edge and dripping down to the green fringes of grass.

"How... how can you say that to me? After all that we've been through? After I've stood by your side?" She brought a mittened hand up to her mouth – a vain attempt to muffle the sobs that tore their way out.

It took everything in me not to crumble. I had to remind myself that I had to stay strong – that I was doing this for her.

My shoulders rose and fell stiffly. "That doesn't matter now. It's in the past."

Slap.

I could feel my entire face turn as her hand made contact with my cheek, the skin left tingling. Slowly, I brought my hand up to cup the stinging cheek, my eyes wide as I looked at her.

And for the first time that afternoon, I saw her. I saw past the disheveled black hair, past the reddened cheeks, past the stormy blue eyes.

I saw someone who was broken. Someone so disjointed that they were held together with scotch tape and string.

And I saw myself. Cutting that last line. Again.

No. I can't do this. Not to her.

"Cynthia—" I started, my hand reaching towards her.

She didn't even hesitate. She turned and ran. But no longer held together, I could see her pieces falling to the ground. I could see them nestling themselves amongst the grass, where some passerby would probably step on her.

She was long gone before I was able to move.

I walked towards the first piece. I would just stitch her back together like I always did – I would encounter her sooner or later and I could return her pieces then. Everything would be alright, at least for the time being.

I bent down, reaching towards the remnant. But when I tried to pick it up, it slipped through my fingers.

My heart stuttered.

Frantically, I made a swipe at it again. This time, as soon as my skin came in contact, it disintegrated into dust.

I looked around. My head swung side to side, looking for the glimmers amongst the green.

They had disappeared.

A choked cry fell from my lips, and I couldn't stop the burn as tears slid from my eyes.

No.

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I never did see her again. Nobody did.

But it didn't matter anyway. Because the cancer ate away at me until I disappeared too.