I've always been tempted to ask people what they first noticed when they saw me. Whether it's a close friend or a complete stranger, I've always been curious as to what their answer would be. 

Would it be my distinct asian features? My midnight hair? My tan skin? My slightly-unkempt brows? My small height?

Though I guess it would be hard to pinpoint the first thing they notice since their eyes are always flitting from one place to the next. Nonetheless, there must be something that initially draws the eyes.

Maybe they don't notice body features at all - maybe they see the jeans I happened to sport that day, or the nice blouse I donned. Perhaps their gaze was captured by logo on my t-shirt. 

Either way, I know one thing - what they see is NOT me. 

Sure, they may see my physical appearance - hell, they might even stereotype me to be a 'typical asian'. 

Okay, so maybe I do study a little too much and always have my nose stuck in a textbook. I guess they would be right in that aspect. It doesn't help that all my peers know me as the 'quiet asian that sits in the back of the room and takes down all the notes'. It doesn't help that a lot of them come to me for help when they're stuck on a problem knowing that I'll do anything to solve it - even if I haven't been taught that subject. 

Another thing I'm certain of - what they definitely DON'T see. 

I actually asked my friends a question a while back - "What do you think I do after school?" 

For the most part, I got two answers:

1. You go to work. 

           Okay, so I -might- have been working 35+ hours a week during the school year last year, and I -might- have taken every shift that was offered to me. But does that necessarily mean I want to repeat that year of hell? Fuck no. 

2. You study. 

           This one is way off. I'm a teenager - I don't know any teenager that just wants to go home and STUDY all afternoon and night only to wake up in the morning to learn more. I mean, of course I do all my homework and prepare for any exams, but that doesn't mean I'm some sort of robot whose sole purpose is to learn everything and anything. 

And they all assume that I'm not in shape or I'm not fit because I'm not on a sports team. But I work out everyday, whether that's in the gym or at home, and I love going outside and playing a little ultimate frisbee or even a bit of two-hand-touch football. Hell, I can catch and throw those things pretty well in my opinion too. So why is it that I'm always picked last in gym class? 

Nobody seems to realize that there's SO much more to me than underneath what I show at school and that I'm not just someone who goes home to study. Do they see the writer who has completed several books? Do they see the artist who has a basement full of drawings taped up on the wall? Do they see the fan girl who will spend hours watching Supernatural? 

That must be one of my biggest pet peeve's - assuming you know someone's life when you don't. Sure, you may see what they're like on the outside and hear what they say, but what about what they DON'T say? I've certainly never mentioned to anyone my rigorous exercise-addiction nor how I spend a few hours a week cooking my own meals for school. 

I'm so sick of hearing people shit on one another when they don't know the full story and don't bother to learn it. I'm so sick of 'fake friends' and people who pretend to like others just so that it wouldn't be awkward if they have mutual friends. 

If someone doesn't like me, PLEASE tell me straight up because it'll make it better for both you and me. Do you break a few hearts and hurt a few feelings? Of course. But is it gonna hurt a hella lot more when I find out you've been stabbing me in the back for the past few months? Fuck yeah. It's not only going to hurt me, but I'm one of those people who tends to seek revenge. 

And it's not pretty. 

** keep in mind there's a very DISTINCT LINE between tolerating someone and absolutely loathing them. if you tolerate them, they you don't give a flying fuck what they do. but if you loathe them, then you might find yourself complaining about them A LOT and feel the need to rant about them to others [also known as backstabbing]. if you tolerate me, i don't give a fuck if you don't say anything. if you loathe me, let me know before it's too late.