Of Swans and Ravens
pixelmum

94/100

I enjoyed reading your story very much. I see you've invested a lot of time and effort in it. Chapter length is adequate, the pacing is superb, and you balance all the elements of the narrative perfectly. As regards the cover, maybe add a bit of colour and a swan/raven combination, not just the wings. Just a suggestion.

Your grammar is always on point. I just spotted a repeated "the" in chapter 1. Your use of language is perfect and not heavy to read at all. The blurb is really good, with all the basic ingredients and leaving me intrigued!

I wondered how you would mix a historical storyline with lesbian characters, but the result is truly believable and bewitching. The plot looks like a loose rewriting of Cinderella, but it's much more than that actually. Maybe some readers/judges could complain about a mild info-dumping in the middle of chapter 1, but I love facts and hard-core world-building, so... not gonna complain there. I enjoyed her stepmother's ill-treatment – it felt so real, hitting hard where it hurts most! A riveting read from the very start! To be honest, I'd suggest you send a query letter and the first chapters to a publishing house immediately.

Mésalliance
writer_vidhya

76/100

I like the title. It's unique and has got a nice ring to it. But I think that there are too many words on the cover (maybe cut out the mention of the series, or make the size smaller and place it either at the top or the bottom).

The use of language could need a bit of polishing. For example: in chapter 1, you mention twenty-one years of "survival" when the narrative voice has just mentioned she's always been pampered and lives in a well-off environment. The word "survival" sounds quite odd there. Another example: rage can't be satiated (appetite or thirst do, but not rage). In chapter 2, the use of the verb "birth" is unnatural... and it works the other way around. Birth means giving birth, not being born (for example: "My grandmother birthed all five of her babies without medical intervention" vs what you need in your dialogue: "Why was I born here?" instead of "Why did I birth here?", which is what your character says to complain).

As far as grammar is concerned, I found many mistakes, for example: "I don't find the wall crucial than my words" is not grammatically correct (is a word missing there?). Chapter 1 and the rest keep mixing past and present tenses, for example, in the 3rd paragraph of chapter 1. "*In class", not "at the class", among others. Also in terms of punctuation: "Good morning*, boss*." He maintained his fake smile at his grumpy boss. [Action verbs (maintain, walk, run, smile, etc.) don't allow a comma at the end of the dialogue part, only speech verbs do (say, whisper, frown, yell, etc.)].

The characterisation is predictable and no twists seem to appear (not in the chapters I've read at least). As far as the plot is concerned, it's the same story retold. I'm sorry to say this, but I've read the same kind of story a zillion times for the last year and a half here, on Wattpad. If you want your story to be something out of this world, I recommend adding a twist in the story as soon as chapter 1. Something that breaks the mold.

I would suggest not to use the word "mess" in every single chapter title. The aim of having chapter titles is precisely to make them stand out from the rest and make each chapter special. I guess it's like a game, but I don't see the relevance of "mess" in each and every one of them. The pacing was one of the elements I liked best, keeping the reader's interest and guiding them through the story.

The Lioness who Roared
conquestofthesomnium

80/100

I love the cover and the concept! If I may make some suggestions, I will list them right now. I suggest adding striking, colourful details in the narrative to make it more vivid. An example: if the main character's family is rich, I feel proof about it lacking in the text, like actual examples of brands of stuff they have got or materials used (gold, diamonds, a limo instead of a car, etc.). If you add these, it will give a much more clear picture of her life and the characters.

As far as grammar is concerned, I found many issues. You accidentally mix the present and the past tense of some verbs in the blurb and in the text of the narrative voice of the chapters I have read. The names of seasons don't get capitalised (for example: *spring, in chapter 1). Numbers below 100 need to be spelled out in letters as well, like the ages you mention in chapter 1. In chapter 2, you say "left with none but evil", in which "none" should be "*nothing". And the sentence after that makes little sense. There are many other examples of poor language use and grammar in all the chapters I have read, like "I hope Priene will be your expectations.", in which "be" should be "*meet". You can't "bend" your head (you do so with your neck, for example). I'd suggest editing the text deeply or seeking help from a native speaker, if possible.

There are many examples of surrealism in the text, like using silver bullets (silver is quite expensive; usually bullets are made of much cheaper materials), or using Spanish or Italian expressions/words (without any translation provided) even though they are in Greece in chapter 2, right?

Not much happens in chapter 1. It's a plain routine and depicts her nervousness about the upcoming trip. I'd suggest inserting an ingredient that spurs some doubts in the reader, something that might foreshadow something dramatic or tragic coming in the next few chapters.

I enjoyed reading these first chapters, though! Your writing style is rather direct, and I like that. I admire the main character's will to stay in a place she loves to fight for. It's admirable!

The Promotion
_xxAMxx

88/100

I feel sorry for your main character: Calum isn't what she expected or wanted out of a relationship. Creating this feeling in the reader creates a good connection. I love the fact that the vacancy/chance at getting a promotion is right in chapter 1 when she's down and frustrated. It gives hope to the readers! A suggestion for the cover: maybe a more colourful dress for the woman. She would stand out more clearly since the man's suit is in the same colour.

As far as grammar is concerned, I found some mistakes. I found a full stop missing at the end of a sentence in the blurb. In chapter 1, you're missing a full stop at the end of a paragraph. Action verbs (maintain, walk, run, smile, etc.) don't allow a comma at the end of the dialogue part, only speech verbs do (say, whisper, frown, yell, etc.), except for exclamation marks and question marks, of course. That's why you also need a lowercase initial letter for any words after that in the narrative bit. Examples from chapter 1: "Huh? Out? Where? What for?" *she replies... or "You do realise it's Monday*. *We just had the weekend*," *she says whilst laughing. (You were also missing a full stop mid-sentence here). In some other parts of the story, you do it well.

The guy in chapters 2 (and 5) is hilarious and hot! Even though he is a stranger, he is charming and nice. She needed to open up to someone, and his ears were there, ready to let it all in. I'm guessing he's the boss and she can't recognise him because she has never seen him, right? I love that kind of role in fiction.

I also like how you depict her relationship with Calum: it's pretty much the definition of toxic, really. I love the way your use of language flows (it feels like a TV series or a film). The pacing keeps the readers on their toes, and I love it.

Hazel Darling Lives a Lie
In_Her_Own_World-06

88/100

The cover is attractive. I love her facial expression. It fits the book and the main character really well! A suggestion: I would add some specific details about her in the blurb, for example, something about her mother or some of her friends when it comes to lies. Some physical details about her / her friends would also be nice in the chapters. I really enjoyed her cynicism and the characterisation of her mother. I feel you've invested quite some time in them. I would suggest limiting the use of "..." in chapter 2 for instance, but it's your call, obviously. In chapter 2, I spotted a mistake: "you suddenly think your (*you're) part of the family". However, your use of language and grammar is really good.

Only one little section caused a bit of confusion in me. That mystery guy needs a bit of an introduction in chapter 2. I see Hazel doesn't know his name, but a simple mental comment like "Oh, dear! It's that boy from before. Ugh! What is this dickhead doing in my home after what he's said to me before?" would be nice to get; otherwise, the text and their interaction look a bit confusing. I enjoyed the concept of the plot, all about lying and keeping up appearances. It feels 100% relatable to the readers and their lives.

Mom Genes
homespunhippogryph

84 / 100

"Mom Genes" is an enjoyable book that focuses on the struggles of Eva in discovering herself and not conforming to the pressures placed on her. Right from the start, the author was able to grasp the attention of readers which many authors lack. The first five chapters were rather engaging even with some confusing aspects which had already been addressed in the comment section. The characters had their different personalities and they stood out a lot. At first, the title wasn't really making sense, but reading the blurb again after chapter two made it very understandable. It is truly great how the author used this book to address issues going on in society. A new cover would give you a better advantage in awards because the current one doesn't do justice to this masterpiece. On a side note, your book would do better in the Chick Lit genre and your interaction with the readers is quite commendable. Nice book.

All the Feels
hchladybug1218

UNPUBLISHED

Love you Zindagi
kayanair

57 / 100

"Love you, Zindagi" is a book that focuses on the friendship between four ladies and the struggles that they face. When translated, the title "Love you, Life" doesn't really sound nice and maybe a title change would do you well. The blurb has errors in them which disrupt the overall disposition. Abbreviations should be avoided in writing except on rare occasions like texting. Your book is one with potential but certain things are deterring it; some of which are spelling, punctuation and general errors, and even incorrectly worded sentences. If one starts singling out the errors, the review would be longer than intended so a kind suggestion would be to get a major refurbishment. Interesting book though; you know how to leave a reader wanting more.

Confetti Rain
Power_Puff_Princess

88 / 100

"Confetti Rain" is a heart-warming story centered around the two main characters, Rosemarie and Callum on their journey of finding themselves again. Rosemarie's passion for swimming is made evident through your writing and so is every character's feeling. Your writing style is unique; beautiful and easy to understand which makes a reader more invested in your book.

The first impression was that the blurb didn't really flow nicely because of repetitions and lots of circumstances thrown into just two paragraphs. The upside of it, however, is that it showed that you had a lot to tell, which was somewhat justified in the course of reading. Also, the cover is rather plain and missing an author's name while the title is not understandable. Do explain.

A very original story that needs to be recognized.

Peregrinate
sarada3003

69 / 100

The title "Peregrinate" is something you don't see very often; indeed a great title choice. The idea behind the cover is genius but sadly, it was executed rather poorly. As for your blurb, there was a nice feel to it but paragraphing would help a lot, especially in making it neater.

As said for the blurb, you should paragraph your writing too; the passages get too long at times. Commas should be placed at the end of dialogues except when an action is performed after and you should never forget to punctuate. The pace of the book was rather slow and you tend to tell a lot more than showing. Descriptions go a long way in writing too - your descriptions were rather random and they didn't flow well. For example, in the first chapter, instead of saying "Fences. Lots of Trees. The air was fresh too", you can describe how the wind blew against the trees which were surrounded by fences (could be that the trees belonged to a house).

The concept of your book is somewhat original, but the book itself needs editing.

Cheetah Girl
prfct-ariana

63 / 100

I really loved the idea of the plot in this book and you had some great plot twists in there. The characters were all great with backstories and real personalities that made them come to life. It reminded me a lot of a new teen version of the jungle book. As for some constructive criticism- the dialogue queues aren't quite right throughout the book but that can easily be fixed. Another issue I found is there is not much of Aria dealing with her emotions. She goes through a lot and there's not much showing her grief or how certain events might traumatise her, which in my opinion would add a lot of depth to the story. Overall this is a well-written story with a very interesting plot!

Campari and Sherbet
brahimmmah

89 / 100

Started off with a bang right away with the plot right in the first couple of chapters, I like that you went straight to the point. The suspense really kept me interested and omg the hot little romance! There's literally not much to critique, I loved this but probably going a little deeper into some of the deeper topics to make it more realistic.

Behind Closed Doors
TwinklingFireflies

84 / 100

The premise of the book kept me hooked and I really loved your writing style. The main characters are interesting with real flaws and real personalities. I loved all the teen drama and then when things got real, I didn't want to stop reading. I feel like there could have been more reasons as to why things happened but in general, it was planned out really well. Great job!

Coming to You
Aarya_25

79 / 100

I love the premise of the arranged marriage and all the complications and tensions you created. The characters and their relationships felt so realistic and the incorporation of the titles in each chapter was really well done. I couldn't read the entire book as there wasn't enough time but from what I read, it was a great start to an interesting book. The dialogue feels slightly choppy but other than that, amazing job!

Hidden Love
Bhargavi6781

78 / 100

I genuinely enjoyed reading this book, the description hooked me in immediately and the characters went above expectation. With real flaws and motives, the characters drive the plot along with a cute romance.

Some constructive criticism would be paragraph spacing in a lot of dialogue lines that would make it easier to read and some of the writing was just a bit cringy. Overall the authenticity of this story was amazing and I thoroughly enjoyed judging this book!

Freeing Faith
bxjade95

85 / 100

The overall idea and message of the book definitely shined throughout the chapters but some sentences were hard to read due to unnecessary words and/or information added in them. During some scenes, readers were told what the main character should be feeling in a random situation and then shown it, which was also unnecessary. During conversations between two characters, the dialogue/action tags were incorrect; for example, to have the doctor say something but the action tag be the main character's instead of the doctor's was confusing. Fixing these areas should greatly improve this book.

Fragmented Lies
MiniMoxx

98 / 100

This book is a pure roller-coaster! There were small mistakes and little information that repeated itself but it didn't ruin the effect too much. The characters and their reactions were very realistic and matched their personalities. The plot building and pacing, absolutely perfect. Everything blended in such an amazing way that made me love this hooking book.

Before it's too Late
EastCoastPinay

86 / 100

This book was well written despite the random tense changes. The characters were hard to connect with because the readers were automatically thrown into the issue without a sense of how the characters were before it. The only way readers had an idea of how the characters were before was only due to being told rather than being shown. The issue and how it was handled was very hooking and made readers want to jump into the book to help the main character. Doing a quick edit to find and fix the tense changes as well as adding a little before disaster strikes to have readers more invested in the characters will turn this into a great book.

His Inconvenient Bride
akiimarvelous

89 / 100

Overall, the book was well thought out but it was hard to get through most chapters due to information being repeated and/or dumped onto the reader, over-explanation of things that didn't need it, and it told the reader what the main character went through/felt in a scene rather than showing it. Other than that, the character dynamics, how words that not everyone knows were explained, the overall pacing, and the idea of it was perfect. Changes to certain things will definitely strengthen this beautiful book.

The Flower on the Riverbank
l_a_ruel

90 / 100

This book was very heartwarming! I absolutely love how everything is described perfectly to create a movie in my head. There were issues with dialogue punctuation, the story description, and the pacing. For the dialogue, the writer tended to put a period instead of a comma for tags; if the sentence contained an exclamation point or question mark, they would put the tag in lowercase instead of uppercase. The story description was jumpy and dumped information onto the reader instead of enticing them, it was more similar to a synopsis rather than a summary/blurb. Lastly, by the fifth chapter, I could not identify what the plot was, there was no hint of an issue in sight compared to what the description had said. Adjusting the description and pacing should ensure readers' interest as well as quickly fixing the dialogue/action tags.

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FIRST POSITION
Fragmented Lies by MiniMoxx

SECOND POSITION 
Of Swans and Ravens by pixelmum

THIRD POSITION
The Flower on the Riverbank by l_a_ruel

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