DISCLAIMER: I am not a professional editor, nor will I claim to be, and I will be apologize now if I miss any error.

Author: Lucho1912
Book: Melodies of the Wind

Side note: I loved the quote in the epigraph.

Chapter One:

Change "breathe" to breath.

In this sentence there are quite a few commas to the point of where it's slightly overdone. Try taking away the comma after Gregory's name.

Just a suggestion-if it is the case of writing style, then disregard: in the last few words of the quote, instead say "that was the case with Gregory."

"...we don't want to bother our visit..." Instead of 'visit' say 'visitor'.

"...and spoke with a tad of a smile..." Instead, say "...and spoke with a tad smile..."

Instead of "leaned on", say "leaned in".

Chapter Two:

Instead of saying "talked", say "spoke".

I'm not one hundred percent sure what was trying to be said here, but maybe try "His face was placid and certain"? If that's what was trying to be said, at least

Remember to italicize the parts that are being chanted.

"...pull *off* a conversation."

Take away the comma after "stars".

Chapter Three:

Instead of saying where say were.

"Gregory helped her to stand up..."

Chapter Four:

Instead of the single kid, say kids.

The use of medicine is slightly repetitive.

"For it *was the two children that were the ones who sung*."

Chapter Five:

Instead of the first you, say your. I wasn't sure if this was the way the character spoke, but I put this in anyway.

GRADES:

Plot: 45/50 points
Originality: 25/30 points
Spelling/Errors: 18/20 points
Overall: 88 points

Your story was very good. It has a great use of language, and the wording was beautiful. One thing I'd have to say to change in the future is just for you to simply remember to not overuse commas or similes/metaphors. Also, you did very good at characterisation and descriptions!

~miranda47312