A

UTHOR: @Taedreamer02 

REVIEWER: Lirusen

Your cover, I would suggest, needs improvement - perhaps a different picture of Jin where his body doesn't take up the entirety of the cover? (Maybe he could be on the side, for example.) The title shouldn't be tiny in the top right corner, either; it should be a little larger so that it, as well as the picture, will capture a reader's attention. 

The summary is good, concise, along with an excerpt of the story to let me know what I'm in for. 

Your descriptions are good (great opening sentence!), and help me visualise quite well what is going on, but there are many grammar mistakes, often within speech. 

 A recurring mistake I saw was that unless it was a question, there would be no punctuation at the end of a dialogue. For example, you wrote: 

 " Get it together" you hiss to yourself. 

After 'together', there should be a comma, as there is a dialogue tag following afterwards ('you hissed' -- other examples of dialogue tags include 'he said', 'I yelled', and so on). If there's an action tag afterwards, for example 

 "Hi" I waved. 

There would have to put a full stop after 'Hi'. 

I would encourage you to put the main character's direct thoughts in italics (e.g. 'What the hell!' would be italicised). 

When I began reading the story, there was an awful lot of Y/N admiring Jin's appearance, and overall being quite horny, which made it difficult for me to find anything but lust between them. The scene after the, uh, mature part, where they joke around and talk to each other is pretty chill and something I quite liked, because I found it sweet. Perhaps the sexual tension could build from that scene rather than right from the beginning? (Only a suggestion and my own opinion.) 

Considering there really wasn't much of a plot in this story, it's pretty difficult for me to assess plot and character development - all that really happens is that they go on a date. However, it does make for a nice short read for an ARMY.