One of Them By: FantasyGirl809
Description: "That I will always and forever will protect you." Silvia has been raised by her mom since she was 10. Or so she thought. There were new students in the school. The group called themselves The Magic Wizards. Silvia was home alone when The Magic Wizards take Silvia away. Silvia finds out that she was one of them and her mother is actually a powerful witch. Silvia goes on a journey, to lock up her "mom" forever. She goes in a realm that she has never dreamed of. She finds her true self, magic powers, and her own family. And a prophecy has been fulfilled.
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(A/N: Book 2's review will be published at a later date, and note to the author, please check your pm so we can sort some things out :) )

I just want to preface this review by mentioning that I'm not an avid reader of magic, and I have a disliking of surrealistic magical worlds (Yes, like Harry Potter) so with that being said, I tried to have an open mind while reviewing this story (A strongly magical one) so wether or not I succeeded, we'll see. Also, because of this, I'm not exactly informed on how magical books are commonly written, so some of the critiques I may be talking about may sound nit picky or unnecessary, I wouldn't know, so please feel free to let me know!

I was interested to see how this author would do creating a new magical realm, and how they would create their own unique elements throughout. The prologue has an intriguing beginning, making a good hook to this already action-packed book. The mystery of the 8-legged creature mentioned and the creepiness of its description makes you wonder where such an evil thing could've come from, and why it is so intent on attacking Silvia. The enchanted woods become something of a mystery as well, the question of its danger lingering in the air as Silvia travels to its heart. The forbidden vortex at the heart answers this question when it's realized to be a gate into the human world, a well written aspect I enjoyed to read about. I absolutely loved the prophecy-type beginning, making me eager for Silvia's 16th birthday. Of course there's a little bump in the grand scheme of things when the evil witch takes Silvia's memory, playing into the idea of becoming Silvia's fake mother in the human world. The author does subtly play in some remnants of Silvia's memory that shines through, foreshadowing that she might gain back more of her memory if not all of it later on in the story. I adored the transition into the human world, how the author really makes it seem as if the magical world doesn't exist.

I just want to touch on something real quick that was nagging at me throughout the story. Magic, even though it is a noun, is awkward when used alone. An example from the story was in the prologue it says, "Magic came out and hit the creature." I suggest instead of saying "Magic" by itself add some detail, such as "A streak of gold similar to lightning shot out from his staff as it collided against the creature in a sound of zipping electricity." It just flows smoother and adds a more magical feel to the scene. I also have a similar note about spells. In the prologue it says "The witch made a forgetting spell and casted it out to Silvia. Silvia became asleep, falling to the ground. Etc." I think the overall casting of that spell is kind of anticlimactic I guess? If it was more like "The witch rose her scepter, chanting a familiar spell and casted it out to Silvia. The spell quickly overtook her senses, overpowering her with its strength as it made its way into her memories, completely erasing them. Silvia's eyes fluttered shut as she faded away, passing out, crashing to the rough dirt." It just makes the whole scene more dramatic, after all her memories are gone (with those remnants of course) Moving into my next topic: descriptions. Starting with characters, at first when the fairy that helped the witch came into the story, I didn't realize she was evil and was a bit confused. Something that can easily fix that is just bringing her in a tad differently by saying something like "A cloud of black smoke rose from the ground as a fairy, clad in midnight blue, flies above the smoke, her dark wings behind her in all of their evil glory." And ta da evil fairy, an easy and quick fix. Along with this all of the overall characters (except Jay) are lacking in physical description which isn't a bad thing necessarily, it just gives your story more structure if you subtly include things like "Her honey brown eyes shown brightly." Or "He worriedly ran his hands through his messy black hair." With that I want to touch on facials as well. When writing a facial, it adds so much more flair if you avoid writing "She groaned." over and over again and occasionally write something like "She rolled her eyes and groaned, now is not the time she wanted to deal with a troll." Also make sure you have the facial and dialogue in the right order. It wouldn't go "'Fine.' She groaned." It would go "She groaned. 'Fine.'" It just flows more smoothly. If this is hard to figure out I recommend just thinking what you would do in that situation. Would you groan before speaking? Would you roll your eyes, speak, then sigh? How would you act. Another thing is action scenes. Action scenes are a hard aspect of writing, trust me I know. A tip I have is make sure to never stop a fight, keep it moving. The only times when it's really necessary to stop a fight is if it's a casual fight, adding in dialogue between the action creates a casual environment, or if the fight is interrupted by flashbacks throughout the fight. These two pauses can be twisted into different things as well, such as "He threw his fist in a punch but she grabbed his wrist, twisting it behind his back, ready to break it. 'Where is she?' She sneered through clenched teeth." That's an example of dialogue that's not in a casual environment. Now connecting this into the story, when fighting with magic and flying elements you have even more outlets available. Some examples being one doesn't just simply dodge magic that flies at the speed of light. "The witch shot a streak of fire at him from her scepter, aiming at his heart. He jumps out of the way, the fire barely grazing his shoulder. He quickly recovers, pointing his staff at the witch, summoning electricity as it shoots towards the witch, hitting her in the stomach." Now if we're talking hand to hand combat, it's important again to make it flow constantly, so make sure not to start every sentence with Jay punched. The witch swung. Etc. Instead, do something like, "He lunged at the witch, grabbing at her scepter. She quickly rips it away from his grasp and throws it out of reach, grabbing his arm and pulling it behind his back, pushing him to the dirt. His nose takes the brunt of the fall and it starts to bleed. He quickly spits and uses his head to knock it back and hit the witch, dazing her enough to release himself from her grip and jump up, kicking the back of the witch's knees and pushing her forward, holding his foot roughly against her neck." And ta da smooth and decently detailed action scene. With that I want to move into my next point, I do notice at some points the story feels a bit rushed. Don't feel that you have to go from one scene to the next or your story will get boring! Extend your scenes, make greater connections between your characters, have more in depth conversations and dialogue. There's absolutely nothing wrong with having an entire chapter take place in a cozy coffee shop where two characters truly connect and find their true selves. Now if you continue to write constant scene switches, I suggest working on transitions some more. Just little things like "They headed to the car and listened to the radio full blast as they made their way to the mall." Just add that connector between scenes instead of just adding the usual "--()--"
separators that can take away from the charm of the story if used too often.

Overall I loved Jay's general character, his care for Silvia shown so well throughout the story, especially how protective he is of her. I thought it was adorable how he got the gifts for Silvia, and of course I absolutely ship them as a couple. Really in general his character has very good development throughout the story. There is also a mystery brewing with his unknown past with the witch, what plans he ruined 9 times before. Milla is another character I really liked, and I thought she was a more motherly character, something I enjoyed to read that brought a nice heartwarming aspect to the story. Regarding Silvia's character, I thought it was interesting how Silvia is known to have great power, and how Jay and the 3 girls almost respect her. Again, I really loved the transition into a normal human world, and liked Olivia and Silvia's friendship, how it seemed so human, them talking about something as normal as math. Another thing with this is how Dr. Evans is basically the biggest "threat" in the human world, no trace of witches or 8-legged creatures.

Just another thing that kind of nagged me is I'm kind of confused because in the description it says they're wizards but the fact they have wings (and some other details in the story) hint that they're actually fairies...I don't mind if I never figure it out but please, make sure to keep to your characters and their general personas and well, species the same throughout and make sure to avoid contradicting your writing. Now with all of this said, as I general reader I was kind of hoping that Jay would kidnap Silvia. That's not really a criticism but what I will say is it doesn't make the best sense, with Silvia's memory being erased, just think, if four strangers (one hot but that's not the point) are awfully protective of you (which is weird, I mean isn't it?) and yes you become friends but one just straight up breaks into your room? I'm sorry but you don't just go along with that, especially when your mom forbade you to see the guy. I mean, yes it's sad but just think, if your mom told you not to see the guy and the guy breaks into your room, wouldn't you at least tell him like "My mom said I can't see you anymore..." and I just want to point out that since Silvia did believe the witch was truly her mom, wouldn't you question wether the weird stranger that broke into your room two seconds ago was telling you the truth when he accused your own mother of basically being a psychopath? I mean, no one in their right mind would go as willingly as Silvia did. Hence why I wish she was kidnapped. All of that was more my reader side and not reviewer side so sorry if I did sound a bit harsh in that part >.< Anyways, my last note is just to say that you are creating an amazing, magical realm. I mean, how cool is that? All I want to say is describe it! Tell the reader a story filled with magic and witches and princesses and fairies. Make your story as magical as it can be, explore what you are truly capable of as the author, don't restrict yourself! Write freely and see where your imagination takes you, worry about editing later, just enjoy yourself as you write your own unique story.

Going back to Jay, I loved how even though Silvia's memory was taken, they still manage to care for each other and their relationship really grows as the story progresses. I did find it intriguing how Nilia is actually pining for Jay and how a little bit of hatred may be brewing against Silvia because of their relationship. Moving into Noli's character I liked how the author brought some uniqueness by having Nokia play the flute and lure birds almost like controlling them. The imagery in chapter 7 was greatly appreciated as well, and I loved how the wings really embody the personalities of the girls.

As I said in the beginning, magical and surrealistic stories really aren't my thing, so please tell me if I was being unnecessary in my critiques so I can strengthen my reviews! With that being said, I think this book may have changed my mind about magical books. Of course the magic staff and magical creatures may be a bit much for me, but I think after this I'll have a more open mind from this point on, and I thank the author for that. Really this book was well written, with barely no grammatical errors. I just want to end this review by saying if you are a fan of the magical, please do venture into the world of Silvia and her fight against the witch in FantasyGirl809 's One of Them.