Bello Amigos, how are you all? I know everyone is fine. Well, we queen bees apologise you for not being so active. But for now lets not waste time and continue with the review.

Title:

Well this is a skeptical title, which clearly tells the readers what the story is all about. But one thing which is bothering me is you added the couple names along with the title, Second Chance- A shivika and Gaurika Os.

I think this was not at all needed, it would be good if you remove it. Because title shouldn't have the protagonists' name alomg it, though you could use it in the description.

Description:

Well we can't say it as decription, its just the character introduction. And as its just a one shot and is no where linked with the story track I think the introduction for the characters was not at all needed. And also puting the characters' introduction made the description very long which made it look not so pleasent.

The description should be short, brief and intriguing. It should give a brief hint about the story and not the whole summary.

For example-

'Love, sounds so pretty. Right? But it brings along a bunch of tasks and challenges. Falling in love for the first time is a whole new feeling in itself. But it is also true that first love is not always our true love. What happens when your love for your siblings, force you to take a life changing decision. And that decision means sacrificing your love.'

Am not saying to write it as it is but you could try.

Concept:

Something good, ussually its difficult to find such concepts. I suppose this was for some one shot competetion, if am not wrong. The concept clarity was not at all gopd as the execution was not proper.

Executuon:

As I already said that the concept was good but the execution is not. This is one such concept where you could write so much. Limitless ideas, you could have written a story too, but as you had decided to go for a one shot then you must make it a bit long. This was too short, the incidents were not explained in detail.

It was abrupt, there were no emotions. It was as of you are narrating the summary of the actual story. No scene was described, no emotions were portrayed. The concept is so beautiful but you couldn't execute it in a right way.

Taking an example when Anika and Om decided to get married to Shivaay and Gauri respectively, you didn't show any emotions. You could have shown an emotional heartbreak of both for loosing their first love.

Then you also didn't show how Anika falls for Shivaay and Om falls for Gauri. It was a one shot but then also you could have shown a few incidents showing them falling for their partners.

Dialogue Delivery:

It was Ok, not so good or captivating. Most of the dialogues were in hindi and the grip over language was very poor. You could have put some efforts and fond some shayaris as your most of the dialogues were in hindi. And also your character Om from the show is a shayar and poet.

Or you could have used some proverbs or quotes to make it even more better. Amd not to forget there were not much dialogues, it was all narration.

And the way you presented the dialogues was also not appealing. It is a story and not a script. Look for some dialogue stories, and try improving your dialogie delivery.

Errors:

The biggest error which I found while reading it was there was no punctuation.The way it had started, the same way it ended. There was no break, no stop. Also it was very short as I mentioned it before. The word limit was very less and not suitable , for being categorised under one shot category.

Overall:

I did not had a very great time reading it. It was okay, it would be good if the writer edits it and makes it a bit better by following the above suggestions. After the editting if done in a right way this will be a very good oneshot for readers to read and cherish it. So all the best to the writer.

aabha04

Am very sorry if I sounded rude or you didn't like it. But this was the honest review from my side.