Originality: 10/10

Spelling and Grammar: 9.5/10

Character Development: 10/10

Overall Quality: 10/10

Opinion:

It was great; As expected from a story that caught my interest before being asked to review it (lol).

Anyway, onto the reviewing.

It was very original. I've never seen any other story so far similar to it, and that makes me enjoy it even more. Usually, stories with suspense attract me. And this was very suspenseful (especially that one scene with the banging door).

I really enjoyed how you developed Bella's personality, for it is seen through her perspective. Every action of hers that you described helped us to get to know more and more about her. However, personally, I have a bias for Ash. This one line hit me hard:

I fell in love with his character after that. ❤

Now for the spelling and grammar, I saw the author's note at the end that you were English. Since I'm American, I'll just be judging my American standards, since I don't know what they teach in Europe.

So for the first thing: comma splices and run-ons. I know that although when we speak it sounds like we pause with just commas, that isn't the case with writing. For example:

The dialogue here is a bit off. Since both statements "It's fine" and "I'll walk" can be complete sentences on their own, it is best to end them with periods or semi-colons. For example, here's a fixed sentence:

"It's fine. I'll walk. Thanks anyway."

Or

"It's fine; I'll walk. Thanks anyway."

The first two was a run-on sentence and the second part was a comma splice.

Another part I noticed was this:

The middle sentence is also a run-on with the use of "and." What can help fix this one? The special helper comma! By adding a comma in front of the "and," it can help fix the run-on sentence become a compound sentence! Super-duper helpful!

Example:

"I can still hear my Mom laughing to herself, and I can't help but join in."

This works but also, if you still have trouble, you can always go back to the period or semi-colon method. Those work too.

Now I did want to point out this sentence I also saw in the book. It was a bit confusing for me:

It might be better to add an "and" after the comma and before "I feel." I think that might make the sentence clearer, but that is just my opinion because the sentence before the comma could be complete and so could the one after the comma.

Again, these are just suggestions from an American point of view, and I don't know how they do it in Europe. And also, if it is similar, don't worry! We all make mistakes when it comes to writing. Like I said in a previous review, it is always easy to point out other's mistakes rather than your own.

So this leaves to the overall quality being 10/10 for me!

Hope this review helps, and thank you so much for your patience!!

Check out the story by aleshawrites_

P.S. Can't wait to read more!!