Originality: 10/10

Spelling and Grammar: 10/10

Character Development: 10/10

Overall Quality: 10/10

Opinion:

I'll be discussing about the first chapter here:

I enjoyed this story very much. It felt different than most stories for me. Rather than having an angsty teen that just hated life, we have an angsty teen that was the son of a religious man. I really enjoy how you explained his side of view and how he coped with his dad. I thought that was awesome.

I enjoyed the character development in the prologue (I think it was) and the chapter about Steven. I like the way how you explained their actions and their dialogue between certain people, for example Steven and his dad.

The grammar and spelling were great, and I found no issues. :)

Now, I shall get on with my rant. This isn't a rant about you, author, but rather about the other reviewers that I saw in the comments.

Lets start with this one:

I saw one reviewer complain about you using the word "said." They mentioned that it was an overused word that all authors butchered. I do agree with that. HOWEVER, what I didn't agree with was that you used it sparingly and they had an issue with it. I feel that using the word "said" sometimes is alright.

A good way to avoid using words such as "said" and other commonly used ones is by explaining what the characters are doing! Here's a bad example:

Marylin noticed Trevor staring at her with his luscious ocean blue eyes. Her heart started beating as if someone were stabbing her over and over again.

"Why are you here?" Marylin said.

"I wanted to see you!" Trevor answered.

"What?" Marylin asked.

"Yes." He said.

They kissed.

This is a very bad example. We don't get to understand their feelings. Here's a better example:

(My app isn't working so just reimagine the scene here)

"Why are you here?" Tears fell down Marylin's face as she wondered why he wasn't with Amanda.

"I wanted to see you!" He answered in a stong tone, knowing he made a mistake.

"What?" Her eyes widened as she noticed Trevor walking up to her and pulling her close to him.

"Yes." He cupped her face and laid his lips upon hers, sending his warmth throughout her body.

You get the gist. Anyway, you noticed I used "answered" which is another commonly used term, but I also added action and emotion that gave it more feeling, which is exactly what you did what you had "said Mr. Slate."

I also wanted to mention I enjoyed how you also described the other scenes such as:

And

I thought you did an excellent job when explaining their actions.

The last rant I have is the italics. The reviewer also complained about you using the italics in the beginning of the paragraph such as this:

I thought it was explained clearly that Steven was sending a message to his dad. So, I didn't have any problem. However, I would personally put quotations around it so then it seems like he wrote it or something. I also use bold rather than italics to show the difference between thoughts and text messages, but that's just my suggestion.

Also I saw that they told you to make the request italicized here:

Usually italics are used for emphasizing a word and then quotations are used for sarcasm. I have no complaint for this one because I assumed that it was a sarcastic "request," but it is usually up to what the author is thinking. I just am letting you know which means which.

All in all, excellent story! And sorry for the long review this time, normally it's short, but I really wanted to rant about those points. I also apologize again for the long wait, and thank you for your patience. (;v;)b

Read the story by BlueJay325