Originality: 9/10

Spelling and Grammar: 9.9/10

Character Development: 10/10

Overall Quality: 10/10

Opinion:

This story is very similar to Mischievous Kiss. I don't know if you made it an English version, but I like how you adapted it.

Although in the manga or anime or drama adaptation we got to see mostly a third point of view perspective of the main girl, Kotoko in the manga, and Lana in this story, we got a first-person view into her feelings. I feel that it gives greater character development, and we can sympathize with Lana.

This is my biased opinion, so please don't take it to heart, but I didn't like Irie-kun in the manga. But I really like what you did with Declan in the second chapter. Just the reply, "No," made me laugh and cringe at the same time (lol). I thought you did that part well, delving into his character with just one word.

The grammar and spelling were good, but I did notice one error that could be fixed. I noticed a comma splice. What is that? It is when you combine two complete sentences with each other using a comma, like this:

How can I fix it? One is you can put a period such as: "Yes, I wanted to cry. I really wanted to cry."

Or you could use a semi-colon: "Yes, I wanted to cry; I really wanted to cry."

This isn't too bad of a mistake, so I didn't mark too much off. And don't worry. I also make all kinds of mistakes too. That is why we need a proofreader, which I don't have (cry).

I really loved the details and different expressions you used in this story. It gave it a big "Oomph" that it needed.

All in all, really good! 👍

Check out the story by ily_ari_grande