Originality: 9/10

Spelling and Grammar: 9/10

Character development: 10/10

Overall Quality: 10/10

Opinion:

I like the story so far. I really enjoyed how your writing was very sequenced (like it was a smooth sequence).

Although it is about a girl moving back to her hometown which is a plot a lot of authors use, I really enjoyed how you used it. You really made me enjoy the characters so far, helping them develop through their actions and their interactions with each other. I also like how descriptive you were. It helped me imagine the setting and the area.

I also liked the vocabulary you used and the use of sentence structures. It wasn't just all long sentences or short. You used a good variety.

However, I did notice some issues with the grammar.

One example is this:

When using quotations, you don't need to put another period outside. Usually it would look like this: "Marissa."

Another one I noticed was this:

For the first one, you could write it like this: "I missed my adorable little sister, too."

These are minor issues, so don't worry! I also make a ton of mistakes like that in my stories too. Sometimes it is good to get some help from others. As a friend of mine mentioned, "We can always find other's mistakes quickly, but our own, not so much."

One last thing I wanted to point out was this:

The "Marissa nods, expression unreadable" is a somewhat grammatically correct sentence, but it sounds a bit unnatural. A better way to write it may be, "Marissa nods, expressing an unreadable face," or something similar. (Edit: I just realized a better sentence than my last one: "Marissa nods with an unreadable expression." That one might be better!)

Either than some grammatical mistakes, I really enjoyed it so far and can't wait to read more!

Read the story by heartofemotion