Originality: 9/10

Spelling and Grammar: 8.3/10

Character Development: 10/10

Overall Quality: 8.5/10

Opinion:

It is a very intense story so far. Personally, I don't usually read those types, but it was good to read that type of drama again.

So far, I have seen similar stories where these types of intense scenarios happen to them, but I enjoyed how you made it your own. We were able to see through Morgan's perspective and how she deals with the situation she is in.

I also wanted to emphasize on this point:

When you are writing an intense or creepy story, the best thing to add to it is by using short sentences. This adds to the suspense and helps the reader feel that they are in the moment, which the author did an excellent job of.

Although the character development is good, one thing that bugged me was the grammar.

Here's an example:

When you are writing quotations, make sure there is no space before or after them. Also, when writing a dialogue, make sure that you put punctuations inside the parentheses. Don't forget to capitalize the first letter in the beginning. Here's a fixed version of the last dialogue:

"Heh...loser," is what she says before she leaves.

Here's an example with a period:

"Awww. I wanted to do [it] one more time." Jessica whines and the others simply [laugh].

I would suggest reading other novels, such as The Great Gatsby and The Scarlett Letter, or any other books that are older or newer so that you could observe how to write dialogues.

Another grammatical error I read was this:

The first sentence is a run-on. This is when you continue a sentence with two complete clauses without a comma.

Here's one way you can fix it:

My head is pulled back with a jerk, and I cough out water from my mouth. They all laughed around me.

(Don't mind the bold, but it's just something I would suggest changing to make it a bit more clearer. However, you can change it however you'd like or keep it. It's up to you. 😊)

So by having a comma + and, it helps save you from a run-on! Cool, right?

Now onto the next grammar:

For this point, a contraction is needed.

What is a contraction?

For example, cannot becomes can't.

It is like a shortened form of the long word.

Which contraction do you need for that circled word? Break + is.

What is the combination of those two? Break's.

Sometimes it is hard to tell whether to use that kind of contraction or not, but one way that helps is by saying the full sentence in your head without the contraction. You can think to yourself:

Is it "Break almost over" or "Break is almost over?"

By doing that, you can figure out whether to use the contraction or not.

That was all. As I recommended to the last author, I would use Grammarly. Grammarly does a somewhat decent job when it comes to both spelling and grammar help. I'm not sponsored by them, so I can say, sometimes, though, don't rely on it. They recommended some weird grammar, and they glitch a lot. So I just recommend it if you need some help.

Anyway, the story was amazing so far, and can't wait for more!

Read the story by Areeba019