Originality: 10/10

Spelling and Grammar: 8.8/10

Character Development: 10/10

Overall Quality: 9/10

Opinion:

The plot is really good, and I enjoyed how you made it your own. The characters were well developed as you explained their actions and the way they talked.

However, the one problem I had with the story was the spelling and grammar.

First, let's start with the spelling:

This was one mistake I noticed that you made constantly. This is usually supposed to be two separate words: "of course."

Another word I noticed was this:

I would recommend changing it to "skims."

Now for the grammar.

In the third sentence, I noticed you made a comma splice error. This is when you connect two complete sentences with a comma. What does this do? It creates a mistake.

How can you save it from the horrible comma splice? The beautiful and magical "and."

Here's how you can fix the sentence:

Boss has been at my throat, and I think I might get fired if I don't make it before the deadline.

I have seen a few of these types of mistakes so I would recommend reviewing your book to correct them or have someone else proofread your work.

Another error I saw was this:

When writing with quotations, the comma and punctuation usually stay within the parentheses.

For example:

"I'll go to the store," I said to mom.

I said, "I'll go to the store."

I also noticed when reading, you did something similar to this:

"I'll go to the store!", I yelled at mom.

Although the punctuation is in the parentheses, there is no need for the comma.

Instead, fix it to this:

"I'll go to the store!" I yelled at mom.

It is hard learning how to use parenthesis, so don't worry. It takes time to get the hang of using them.

Next, I noticed a ton of run-on sentences in your story. For example:

This is just one, but can you see the run-on?

I'll help fix the sentence to show where it is:

"Nothing, anyway, good luck. I'm a bit busy, so see you around."

Here we can see that there are three complete sentences that can be saved using these:

1. Periods, or any other punctuation.

2. Comma and "and"; ", and"; or any other coordinating conjunction.

3. A semicolon (;)

I would recommend having a proofreader check for your mistakes on run-ons.

Lastly is the miscellaneous grammar mistakes, which means that they don't really have a separate category just that I will explain how you can fix them.

First:

Here, it is common to capitalize "I" when it is referring to yourself. Since I only found this one mistake, there won't be that many points taken off for it. Just to remember to maybe go back and fix it!

Next:

Here is the second run-on sentence I found, which I underlined in red. I would like you to see how you can fix it yourself from the three points I discussed earlier. Hint: the complete sentences are combined with an "and."

So now, for the "its."

In this situation, you wrote:

"Its kind of hot today."

However, this is the wrong kind of "its."

Since you are trying to say, "It is hot today," you want to use, "it's."

Although it has a parenthesis, and parenthesis is usually used for possession, it is a contraction, meaning it is "it's" rather than "it is."

Since I only saw one mistake like this, you didn't get many points off for that error.

Those were all the errors I saw for now, and I recommend you proofread or get a proofreader to find where they are and fix them.

One app I recommend on using for spelling and some grammar check is Grammarly. However, it has been glitchy for me lately, and I want to kill it. It is a pretty good keyboard, but sometimes it recommends you to change something that they feel is more grammatically correct. When it recommends you to change something that will change the meaning of your sentence, I would just ignore the correction. That's what I do anyway.

Thank you so much for the patience, and I wanted to say that your plot is really interesting so far!

Read the story by RoyalPurple123