Originality: 10/10

Spelling and Grammar: 9.7/10

Character Development: 10/10

Overall Quality: 10/10

Opinion:

So far, I'm really enjoying it. I feel that it is pretty original, although it does seem like all other action mangas at first. I feel that you really took it and made it your own with different personalities in your characters and actions in each scene.

I enjoyed how you developed your characters through their actions, thoughts, words, and even their tone of voice (which surprised me)!

I enjoy how you always remembered to mention Raia's expressions, for example:

Since her personality is aloof-like, when you mention her expression, we are reminded that it matches her personality, rather than her always changing personality. I feel that this was a great way to express her personality well.

I also enjoyed how you mentioned about their tones of voice. For example:

Here, we see Raiden's personality through his tone of voice, and we are reminded of Raia's through hers. I really enjoyed how you added that in.

Now on to the spelling and grammar. I enjoyed how you used a wide variety of vocabulary (even some that I had to look for online, lol). However, I did notice some mistakes with the grammar.

For example:

The first sentence in this paragraph is in need of something. One thing I could think of is that it is in need of a subordinate conjunction. What is that?

Subordinate conjunctions are different from fanboys, or coordinate conjunctions, such as and, or, nor, etc. Subordinate conjunctions, unlike fanboys which create compound sentences, create complex sentences.

Here are examples of fanboys:

I went to the store, and I bought milk.

Here's an example of subordinate conjunctions:

When I go to the store, I buy milk.

There is a big difference between the two, but they both come in handy when they are needed.

For example, that sentence. Here's a way to turn it from a comma splice (two complete sentences separated with a comma) to a complex sentence:

"Raia remains mute while she heals him as her other hand is clenched on the ground."

That is one way, but if you don't want "while" and "as," two subordinate conjunctions, in the same sentence, then I would recommend changing it like this:

"Raia remains mute and heals him while her other hand is clenched on the ground."

Or

Another one with ridding of the "is":

"Raia remains mute while she heals him with her hand clenching the ground."

However, these are just my recommendations to make it a bit more clearer.

Subordinate conjunctions are pretty hard, and I'm still trying to get the hang of them. (And I looked it up. It is alright to use multiple conjunctions in a sentence for it causes a sense of verbose, which is like a continuous scene. Apparently, it is used commonly in literature.)

And for this sentence:

What is the best conjunction for this?

For me, personally, I would say a fanboy. However, if the author thinks otherwise, that is alright!

Just remember that comma splices are a problem that all of us face along with run-on sentences, so don't be afraid, and let us all tackle it on together!

I feel that this story is very interesting, and I can't wait for more! 10/10 for me!!

Read the story by earlfangs